Community And Celebration: Jewish Wedding Traditions Explained

Jewish weddings are steeped in tradition and ritual, and one of the most important aspects is the involvement of the community. From the signing of the ketubah (marriage contract) to the lively hora dance, Jewish weddings are a celebration of not just the union of two people but also the coming together of family, friends, and the wider Jewish community. The wedding ceremony itself is a serious religious event, and guests play a crucial role in bringing joy and festivities to the couple on their special day.

To celebrate the union of the couple

Jewish weddings are a time to celebrate the union of a couple and honour their journey through life. The wedding ceremony follows Jewish laws and traditions, with common features including the signing of a ketubah (a marriage contract), a chuppah or huppah (wedding canopy), the groom giving the bride a ring, and the breaking of a glass.

The Jewish wedding process has two distinct stages: kiddushin (betrothal) and nissuin (marriage). The first stage is when the couple officially become bound to each other, and the woman becomes prohibited to all other men. The second stage is when the couple is permitted to be together and start their life as a married couple.

The ketubah, or marriage contract, outlines the groom's responsibilities to the bride and is signed by the couple and two witnesses before the ceremony. It dictates the conditions the groom will provide in the marriage, the bride's rights and protections, and the framework should the couple choose to divorce.

The chuppah, or wedding canopy, symbolises the new home being built by the couple as they become a family. It typically has four corners and a covered roof, and can be decorated with flowers. In some ceremonies, the four posts of the chuppah are held up by friends or family members, symbolising the support for the couple and the life they are building together.

During the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom exchange vows and rings. In the Ashkenazi tradition, the bride traditionally circles around her groom three or seven times under the chuppah. This is said to create a magical wall of protection and symbolize the bride creating a new family circle. The ring is typically a plain wedding band made of solid gold, silver or platinum with no stones or gems. The ring is considered a symbol of the wholeness and purity achieved through marriage and is a hope for an unbroken union.

After the vows and ring exchange, the ceremony concludes with the groom breaking a glass, which symbolises the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and represents that even in times of joy, there is still pain in the world.

Following the ceremony, the couple spends at least eight minutes in yichud (seclusion) to reflect on their new relationship and enjoy some private time to bond and rejoice. They also share their first meal together as a married couple during this time.

To witness the signing of the ketubah (marriage contract)

The ketubah is a Jewish marriage contract or document that outlines the groom's obligations to the bride. These obligations include food, clothing, and marital relations. The ketubah is signed by the groom and two witnesses before the wedding ceremony. The witnesses are usually not closely related to the couple, but family and friends are present for the signing.

The ketubah is often a beautifully illuminated manuscript that is framed and displayed in the couple's home. During the wedding ceremony, the signed ketubah is traditionally read aloud, usually in its original Aramaic or sometimes in translation. This reading separates the two basic parts of the wedding. Non-Orthodox Jewish couples may opt for a bilingual ketubah or a shortened version to be read out.

The ketubah signing is an important part of the wedding ceremony and can even be the main event of the kabbalat panim (the time for greeting the couple before the ceremony). It is customary to invite a large community of family and friends to witness the signing of the ketubah, as this document has the standing of a legally binding agreement. The witnesses to the ketubah are usually not closely related to the couple, but their presence, along with the wider community, adds to the solemnity and significance of the occasion.

The invitation to witness the signing of the ketubah is a special honour and is often included as a request in the wedding invitation. The wording of Jewish wedding invitations can vary, but the invitation to witness the signing of the ketubah is a common and important element. Here are some examples of wording for this invitation:

"Join us in witnessing the union of [bride and groom's names]."

"We [groom and bride names] invite you to witness our union and join us in smashing the glass at our wedding ceremony on [date and time]."

"From the bottom of our hearts, we invite you to witness and bless our Jewish wedding on [month and day of the year]."

Witnessing the signing of the ketubah is a meaningful way for the community to show their support and blessings for the couple as they embark on their married life together. It is a sacred moment that blends Jewish laws and traditions with the couple's personal commitment to each other.

To observe the veiling of the bride

The veiling of the bride is a significant ritual in a Jewish wedding ceremony. This custom is known as badeken in Yiddish and is performed by the groom, who covers the bride's face with a veil. The veiling ritual is followed by a prayer for the bride, based on the words spoken to Rebecca in Genesis 24:60.

There are several reasons for the veiling ceremony. One reason is that it reminds the Jewish people of how Jacob was tricked by Laban into marrying Leah, as her face was covered by her veil. Another reason is that the groom recognises that he is marrying the bride for her inner beauty, which will never fade, rather than her external beauty, which will fade with time. Additionally, if the couple has chosen to spend time apart leading up to the wedding day, the veiling ceremony is the first time they have seen each other.

The veiling of the bride is a private moment and often a moving part of the wedding. It is one of the final steps before the wedding ceremony begins.

To participate in the Jewish custom of 'Aufruf'

The term "Aufruf" is a Yiddish word that means "calling up". It is a Jewish custom where the groom is called up to the Torah in the synagogue on the Shabbat before his wedding. In Reform, Reconstructionist, and Conservative synagogues, the bride and groom are usually called to the Torah together. This custom is practised in the Ashkenazic Jewish community, but it can also be held on a Monday or Thursday. In Sephardic and Mizrachi traditions, it is called "Shabbat Hatan", and it is held on the Shabbat after the wedding, with the newlyweds and their families in attendance.

The Aufruf ceremony involves the groom, and sometimes the bride, reciting blessings before and after the Torah reading. The rabbi then offers a Misheberakh blessing for the couple. Following this, the congregation sings a congratulatory song, and the women throw candy, raisins, or nuts at the groom, symbolising sweetness, fruitfulness, and goodness. The family of the groom then invites the congregation to a festive Kiddush, a blessing over wine, followed by a light meal.

The Aufruf is often a community event, with friends and family in attendance, and it can sometimes extend over the entire weekend. Guests are expected to dress modestly and follow the synagogue's customs, such as sitting separately for men and women. The Aufruf is a joyous occasion that brings people together to celebrate the upcoming wedding and wish the couple well.

The custom of Aufruf is a beautiful way to include the Jewish community in the wedding celebrations and seek their blessings. It adds a spiritual dimension to the wedding festivities and reinforces the couple's connection to their faith and community.

To share in the joy of the couple

Jewish weddings are a time to join together and celebrate the couple's love story. The wedding ceremony follows Jewish laws and traditions, but every Jewish wedding differs slightly depending on the couple's religious and cultural background, as well as their personalities.

The wedding invitation is an important aspect of the Jewish wedding tradition. The invitation reflects the celebration of marriage and the participation of the guests. The Jewish wedding invitation may be a two-sided text, with the left side in Hebrew and the right side in English. The wording on the invitation often invites guests to "share in the joy of" the couple. This is because, in Judaism, weddings are considered a time to join together and celebrate.

The wedding ceremony is a serious religious event, while the wedding feast is considered a fun, lively celebration for the couple. It is expected and required for the guests to bring joy and festivities to the couple on their wedding day. The wedding ceremony ends with the breaking of a glass, which symbolises that even in times of great joy, there is still pain in the world. This is followed by shouting "Mazel Tov", which means "good luck" or "congratulations".

The wedding celebration includes the hora, a circle dance where guests dance in front of the seated couple and entertain them. The couple is then seated on chairs and lifted into the air while holding a handkerchief or cloth napkin. This is a way for the guests to celebrate the newlyweds and bring them joy.

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