Trimming Your Wedding Guest List: A Practical Guide

Planning a wedding guest list can be a stressful task, especially if you're on a budget. One of the most challenging aspects is deciding who to cut from the list. The first step is to be realistic about your guest numbers and choose a number that's within your venue's capacity. Next, create a personal VIP list of immediate family and best friends that you couldn't imagine marrying without. Then, consider your relationship with each person on the list and decide who you are truly close to and want to invite. You can also limit or eliminate plus-ones and children to reduce the number. Finally, don't be afraid to set boundaries and stick to them, such as not inviting extended family members or colleagues.

Categorise guests and cut from the bottom

Categorising guests is a great way to cut down your wedding list. It's a good idea to start by setting a total guest count, then dividing it between you, your parents, and your future in-laws. Lizzie Post, president of the Emily Post Institute, suggests splitting it in one of two ways:

• Give equal thirds to you, your groom, your parents, and your in-laws.
• Keep 50% as a couple and assign 25% to each set of parents. If there are multiple sets of parents on either side, each side gets 25% in total.

If you're paying for the wedding, you may want to increase your stake, and that's okay.

From there, you can divide your lists into categories: immediate family, close relatives, extended relatives, close friends, family friends, coworkers, acquaintances, children, and so on. Then rank those categories in order of importance and start cutting from the bottom.

For example, if you need to trim your list, understanding where the bulk of your guests are coming from can help. If you have a lot of extended relatives on your list, you might decide to cut from that category first.

You can also consider only inviting people who are known to both you and your fiancé. A wedding day is not the time for introductions—couples divide their time and need to find ways to stay present as it is.

Another way to cut down your list is to limit or eliminate the "plus one" option. This is one of the easiest ways to cut a guest list almost in half. Either make plus ones exclusive for the wedding party and immediate family or make a general "no plus ones" rule for everyone.

Finally, you can also consider having an adults-only wedding. This is a quick way to minimise your guest list and will likely be appreciated by parents in your crew who are looking forward to a kid-free night.

Only invite people known to both the couple

One of the most challenging parts of wedding planning is deciding on the guest list. Wedding planners suggest that the couple should only invite people who are known to both of them. This is their day, and they should be surrounded by people they love and who love them back.

To make this task easier, wedding planners Chanda Daniels and Jove Meyer suggest that each partner creates a document titled "I Am So Excited to Have These People at Our Wedding." They should write down the names of people they are excited to invite without overthinking it. Once they have their individual lists, they can compare notes and talk about it. This way, they will both feel good about who is on the list and who is not.

Wedding planner Cherelle Joseph agrees that the couple should be realistic about their guest numbers to avoid stress later on. They should choose a number larger than their venue's capacity and be mindful of their budget. Wedding planner Assumpta Vitcu adds that the couple should not feel obligated to invite people just because they were invited to their weddings. If the couple has lost touch with certain people, they should not feel bad about not inviting them.

Wedding planner Jamie Chang recommends asking yourself a few important questions before cutting someone from your guest list. She says, "You want to ask yourself how close you are to that person, how well you know them, how well they know you and your partner, and whether or not you're inviting them because you think you should or because you want to." She adds that the final guest list should include people who are truly close to the couple, important to them, and whose relationships will stand the test of time.

To make the task of deciding on the guest list easier, the couple can also categorise their guests into two to three lists in order of priority. The A-List should include the VIPs, the people who are most important to the couple and who they would notice if they weren't there. The B-List can include people the couple would love to come, but they would also be fine if they declined. The C-List can be an extension of the B-List, including people the couple hasn't seen in a while.

Limit or eliminate plus ones

When it comes to cutting down a wedding invitation list, limiting or eliminating plus ones is a common strategy. Here are some tips to help you navigate this tricky situation:

Be Selective with Plus Ones

If you don't want to eliminate plus ones altogether, you can be selective about who receives them. Consider giving priority to guests who have been in long-term or serious relationships. Those in newer or more casual relationships may be more understanding if only one half of the couple is invited, especially if you don't have a close relationship with their partner. This approach can help reduce the number of plus ones without causing too much disappointment.

Communicate Clearly

When sending out invitations, it's important to be clear about who is invited. Address the invitations specifically to those who are invited, without assuming they will bring a plus one. You can also add a line to your RSVP cards indicating the number of seats reserved for them. For example, you can write "We have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honour". This helps to set expectations and avoid any confusion or awkwardness.

Consider a Singles Table

If you decide to eliminate plus ones, you might want to consider arranging a singles table. This way, guests who are attending alone won't feel left out or isolated. It also ensures that no one feels like they are the only one without a date. This approach can foster a more communal and inclusive atmosphere at the wedding.

Be Mindful of Guest Dynamics

When creating your seating plan, be mindful of the dynamics between couples and single guests. Avoid seating singles next to couples, as this can create an awkward situation. Instead, try to seat single guests between outgoing and friendly couples they are likely to get along with. This can help create a comfortable and welcoming atmosphere for everyone.

Prepare for Questions

Be prepared for the possibility that guests may reach out to ask about bringing a plus one. It's okay to politely decline and explain that you are having an intimate affair. You can also offer an alternative suggestion, such as hosting a separate, low-cost celebration after the wedding where more people can be invited. This way, you can maintain your guest list limits while still being accommodating.

Don't invite colleagues

Deciding whether or not to invite colleagues to your wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some tips to help you decide whether to include them on your special day:

Save them for the end of your list

Before considering your colleagues, write down your entire guest list, including family and friends. Then, decide on the number of people you want at your wedding and confirm how many spots are left. This will help you determine whether you can include any colleagues and how many.

Determine who is your friend outside of work

Consider inviting colleagues with whom you have a genuine friendship beyond the workplace. Ask yourself whether you socialise with them outside of work, and if you can see yourself being friends with them long-term. If so, inviting them to your wedding will add significance to your big day.

You don't need to invite everyone

Remember, you are not obliged to invite all your colleagues, even if you work closely with them. The decision is entirely yours and should be based on who you have a true connection with. If there's no one from work you feel close to, feel free to take them off the guest list.

Prepare for how to handle their comments

You might worry about how colleagues will react if they don't receive an invitation. Have a default response prepared to avoid stumbling over your words. For example, you could say something like, "I was keeping my guest list small" or "I was only able to invite a certain number of people. However, I'd be happy to celebrate this milestone with everyone in a different way."

Consistency is key

If you do decide to invite colleagues, try to be consistent in your approach. For example, inviting everyone but one or two people on a small team could cause hurt feelings. It's also a good idea to keep wedding talk to a minimum at work to avoid any awkwardness or hurt feelings for those who aren't invited.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to invite colleagues is a personal one, and you should do what feels right for you and your partner.

Be selective about children

Inviting children to your wedding is a tricky topic, and it is often a sensitive issue for guests with children. Being selective about which children make the guest list can help you to significantly cut down your numbers. It is perfectly acceptable to have an adults-only wedding, and this is often the easiest solution. However, if you want to include some children, there are ways to be selective and thoughtful in your approach.

Start by setting some criteria to help you decide. You could invite only the children of your closest family and friends, or those within a certain age range—for instance, only babies or toddlers who will be breast- or bottle-fed and won't require extra food or entertainment. Perhaps you only want to invite children who are already part of your life, such as your nieces and nephews, godchildren, or children of your bridal party. You might also consider the children of guests who are traveling from out of town and may not be able to attend without their kids.

Another option is to set a limit on the number of children you invite. For example, you could decide to invite a maximum of 10 children, and then allocate these spots to the kids you want to attend the most. Be mindful that this approach might cause some tension if other guests with children find out that some kids were invited and theirs were not. In this case, it might be a good idea to spread the word through family and friends that your wedding will be adults-only, so guests know what to expect.

If you do decide to invite some children but not others, be prepared for some pushback from guests. They might not understand your reasoning, and it could cause hurt feelings. The key is to be consistent and firm in your approach. You could also consider offering alternative arrangements for guests with children, such as recommending local babysitters or providing details of a crèche or childcare service at the wedding venue, so guests have the option to bring their children along and still attend your wedding.

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