Choosing Your Wedding Guest List: A Guide

Deciding whom to invite to your wedding can be a challenging task. Wedding planner Joyce Scardina Becker suggests dividing potential guests into three categories: yes, maybe, and no. The yes category includes close family and friends, while the “maybe” category includes relatives and acquaintances you rarely see. The couple's budget and venue will play a crucial role in determining the final guest list. It's essential to start early and be respectful and considerate of your guests' feelings. While it's your special day, it's also important to set clear ground rules with parents, who will likely want to have a say in the guest list.

Your closest friends and family

When it comes to your closest friends and family, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to invite the people you truly want to be there, those who bring you joy and who you love. This might include your closest friends, your own children, your siblings, and your closest relatives. If you're particularly close to certain aunts, uncles, or cousins, be sure to include them.

However, it's also important to be mindful of your budget and venue size. If you have a limited capacity, you may need to make some tough choices. Consider creating a list of your must-have guests and another list of those you'd invite if space and budget allow. This way, you can ensure that your closest friends and family are included, while also being mindful of any restrictions.

It's also worth noting that you don't have to invite everyone from a particular group. For example, if you're only close to certain cousins, you don't have to invite all of them. The same goes for friends; invite the ones you're closest to and who will bring you happiness on your special day.

Finally, remember that this is your wedding, so don't feel pressured to invite people you don't want there. If there are people you've lost touch with or who are no longer a part of your life, you're not obligated to invite them. Your wedding is about celebrating your love and the people who are currently closest to you.

Plus ones

Deciding who gets a plus one can be one of the most complicated parts of planning a wedding guest list. There are people who will definitely come with a partner, such as married friends or engaged friends. These guests should all receive invitations with their names on them, even for those with spouses or fiancés that you don't know very well.

As for all your single friends, you'll want to handle those on a case-by-case basis. For example, you might have a friend who has been with the same partner for years, so she would receive a plus one on her invitation. Or maybe you have a friend who is on her third boyfriend of the year. If you cannot accommodate a plus one for her, you can invite just her and let her know that due to your budget and venue size, you're unable to include a guest for her.

When it comes to establishing a guest list, your budget and venue are two important deciding factors on the size. If your budget and venue space allow for more guests, feel free to invite anyone that you think warrants an invite. If there are simply too many people that you cannot remove from the list, consider having an intimate wedding ceremony and reception and hosting a larger party for everyone else at a later time.

If you have no idea who someone is dating, then you don't have to invite a plus one. Plus ones for anyone who does not have a long-term or live-in partner are more discretionary. Most couples approach this on a case-by-case basis: a former coworker who doesn't know your friends and family may warrant a plus one to make them more comfortable; a life-of-the-party groomsman may be perfectly happy to attend solo.

Children

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding can be a tricky area. There are several factors to consider, and it's important to remember that your decision may significantly alter the feel of the day. Here are some things to keep in mind:

Budget and Venue Constraints

The number of guests you can invite will depend on your budget and venue size. If you have a limited budget or a small venue, you may need to reduce the number of children on your guest list. Consider whether you want to allocate a portion of your budget specifically for children and whether your venue is child-friendly. Some venues, such as art museums or cliffside chapels, may not be suitable for young children.

All or Nothing Approach

Most couples take an all-or-nothing approach when it comes to inviting children. This means either inviting all children or none at all. This can help avoid any last-minute mix-ups and ensure that all guests are clear about the expectations. If you choose to invite children, be sure to plan kid-friendly entertainment and activities to keep them engaged and happy during the event.

Exceptions

While an all-or-nothing approach is common, you may want to consider making exceptions for children of immediate family members or guests with newborn or breastfeeding babies. These exceptions can be made on a case-by-case basis, ensuring that specific names on the invitations indicate who is welcome.

Clear Communication

Whether you decide to include children or not, it is essential to communicate your intentions clearly in your invitations. This will help avoid any confusion or misunderstandings. Be transparent about your plans to have a child-free wedding or specify that children are welcome.

Alternative Options

If you are unsure about inviting children to your wedding, you can consider alternative options. One idea is to have an adults-only ceremony followed by an evening reception that includes children. This way, you can include them in part of the celebration while still maintaining a more intimate atmosphere for the ceremony. Another option is to plan a separate event specifically for children, such as a kid-friendly after-party or a daytime activity, allowing the adults to join in the evening.

Planning and Preparation

If you decide to invite children, it is crucial to plan and prepare accordingly. Consider their needs and preferences when choosing the menu, and offer kid-friendly food options. Also, think about the timing of the event, as children may have earlier bedtimes. You can even provide goody bags with small toys, colouring books, or other activities to keep them entertained during the wedding.

Friends and acquaintances

When it comes to friends and acquaintances, there are a few things to consider when deciding whom to invite to your wedding. Firstly, it's important to invite your closest friends—the people you couldn't imagine getting married without. If you're struggling to decide who these might be, ask yourselves, "If we decided we were going to get married tomorrow morning, who would we call first?".

Next, you might want to consider your wider circle of friends. This might include friends you see often, as well as new friends and neighbours. If your budget and venue allow, you could also invite old friends you haven't seen in a while. However, if you haven't spoken to someone in over a year, consider whether you'd like them to take the place of someone closer to you.

Another thing to consider is whether to give your friends plus-ones. It's standard to invite spouses, fiancés, and long-term partners, even if you don't know them very well. For single friends, you can decide on a case-by-case basis. If you can't accommodate a plus-one, you could seat your single friends together so they don't feel awkward.

Finally, if you're worried about offending friends who don't make the cut, remember that people are usually more understanding than you think. If your venue or budget is flexible, you could also consider over-inviting, as about 10% of guests will likely decline. And if you're still struggling, you could always throw a party at a later date to celebrate with those who couldn't be at your wedding.

Parents' guest lists

Wedding planner Joyce Scardina Becker suggests dividing potential guests into three categories: yes, maybe, and no. While your wedding is about you and your partner, it is also a celebration of your families, and it's important to consider your parents' wishes when it comes to the guest list.

The first step is to set clear ground rules with your parents. Discuss and decide on the parameters for who your parents are allowed to invite, and inform them early on so they know who they're allowed to invite. For example, you may decide not to invite people you haven't seen in the past six months, or anyone in the family more than once removed.

You can also allocate a certain number of guests for each set of parents. A popular method is to divide the guest list count into thirds: one-third for your parents, one-third for your partner's parents, and one-third for you and your partner. This rule can be adjusted according to your situation, but it's a good general rule of thumb.

If your parents are paying for the wedding, it's important to include them in the discussion about the guest list, as they may feel more entitled to invite guests if they are contributing financially. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels notes that creating a guest list can be stressful due to the various obligations couples feel they need to meet, such as inviting family members they aren't close to.

When it comes to your parents' guest suggestions, consider each additional guest on a case-by-case basis. If they have been a big part of your life, it might be nice to have them at the wedding. However, if inviting them means that one of your friends won't be able to attend, you may want to reconsider. Remember, the day is about celebrating your commitment and future as a couple, so it's okay to prioritise the guests who have been involved in your life together.

If you're worried about upsetting your parents by saying no to some of their guest choices, you can allocate them a few guests each from the outset. This way, you'll know how many people to expect, and they'll be happy too.

Frequently asked questions