A Wedding Without The Best Man: Navigating Absence

It's not uncommon for a groom to be unsure about who to choose as their best man, or even to opt for no best man at all. The best man is usually a close friend or family member, but not everyone has someone who fits the bill. If you're struggling to find a best man for your wedding, there are a few things you can do. You could ask a female friend or family member to take on the role, or you could have multiple best men who share the responsibilities. Alternatively, you could forgo the tradition of having a best man altogether and instead have a group of groomsmen or even your dog by your side!

Choosing a new best man

• Consider your closest friends and family members: Think about your closest friends, siblings, cousins, or other relatives who you trust and feel comfortable with. The best man is typically the groom's closest friend or family member, but it can be anyone the couple feels comfortable with.
• Evaluate their availability and willingness: Before making your choice, ensure that your potential best man is available and willing to take on the responsibilities. Discuss the duties and expectations with them to ensure they are committed to the role.
• Assess their organisational skills: The best man often plays a crucial role in planning the stag do, choosing the groomsmen's attire, and coordinating the wedding day logistics. Look for someone who is organised, reliable, and able to handle these tasks effectively.
• Consider their public speaking skills: The best man's speech is a traditional and important part of the wedding reception. If you know someone who is comfortable with public speaking and can deliver a heartfelt and entertaining speech, they may be a good choice for the role.
• Don't be afraid to think outside the box: If you don't have a close male friend or family member who fits the role, consider asking a female friend or family member to be your "best woman." Alternatively, you could have multiple best men or choose a younger family member, like a nephew, to be your best man.
• Communicate your expectations: Once you've selected your new best man, be sure to communicate your expectations clearly. Discuss the duties they will be responsible for and provide them with a timeline of tasks to help them stay organised.
• Delegate tasks: If there are multiple groomsmen or ushers, consider delegating specific tasks to each person. This will ensure that the responsibilities are shared and that your new best man doesn't feel overwhelmed.

Keeping the same best man, but changing their duties

If your best man can't attend your wedding, you could consider keeping the same best man but changing their duties. Here are some suggestions on how to do this:

Reassign Duties

If your best man is unable to perform certain tasks, consider reassigning those duties to other members of the wedding party or close friends or family. For example, you could ask another groomsman to hold the rings, help the groom get ready, or greet guests. Alternatively, you could ask a parent, sibling, or close friend to step in and assist with these tasks.

Virtual Participation

If your best man is unable to attend in person, you could explore ways for them to participate virtually. With technology like Skype or Facetime, your best man can still be involved in the wedding remotely. They can watch the ceremony and reception, give a speech, and even virtually "escort" the maid of honour out of the ceremony.

Honourary Title

Even if your best man can't attend, you can still honour them with the title. Include them in the program and explain their absence, perhaps even sharing a photo of them or a personal message. This way, they remain a special part of your wedding day, even if they can't be there physically.

Adjust Responsibilities

If your best man is unable to perform all the traditional duties, you can adjust their responsibilities to suit their availability and comfort level. For example, if they are nervous about public speaking, they could give a reading during the ceremony instead of a full speech. Or, if they are available for only part of the day, they could be in charge of keeping the groom calm and organised in the morning, and then pass on the duties to someone else for the reception.

Plan Ahead

If you know in advance that your best man might not be able to attend, you can plan accordingly. For example, you could ask another groomsman to take on some of the responsibilities, especially those that require advance planning, like organising the stag party or choosing the suits. This way, you ensure that all the necessary tasks are covered, even if your best man is unavailable.

Remember, the most important thing is to communicate openly with your best man and be flexible. By reassigning duties, utilising technology, and adjusting responsibilities, you can still include them in your special day, even if their physical presence is not possible.

Planning the bachelor party

Planning a bachelor party can be a daunting task, but with some preparation and organisation, it can be a fun and memorable experience for all involved. Here are some instructive tips to help you plan an enjoyable bachelor party:

Talk to the Groom:

It is important to have a conversation with the groom and understand his preferences, dos and don'ts, and any specific activities he may want to avoid. While a surprise party might be tempting, it is advisable to at least inform the groom about the basic details, such as timing, location, and type of activities. This will make planning easier and ensure the groom's enjoyment.

Finalise the Guest List:

Involve the groom in deciding who to invite. In addition to the groomsmen, consider including other close friends or family members the groom would like to celebrate with. It is important to get the groom's approval for the guest list and ensure that all invitees are also invited to the wedding.

Discuss the Budget:

Understanding the budget is crucial. Send out a Google form or conduct an informal group text to gauge everyone's budget constraints and their willingness to spend on travel or activities. Remember that the groom's expenses are typically covered by the bachelor party group, so factor that into the overall cost.

Pick a Theme or Party Style:

Determine the type of party that aligns with the groom's and the group's interests. Are they adventurous and seeking an action-packed weekend trip, or would they prefer a more relaxed evening at a local bar? This decision will influence the party location and activities.

Choose a Date and Location:

Select a date and location that works for the groom and the majority of the crew. Popular bachelor party cities include Miami, Las Vegas, Austin, Chicago, and Scottsdale. Consider the group's preferred activities when choosing a location, and try to find a date that falls about two months before the wedding.

Book Travel and Accommodations:

With your guest list and party style finalised, proceed to book travel arrangements and accommodations, such as flights and rental homes. Ensure you have everyone's confirmation before booking to avoid any financial burdens on a smaller group.

Finalise Activities:

Reserve any remaining activities that require booking, such as restaurant reservations or event tickets. Popular activities include golf outings, pool days, comedy shows, or brewery tours. Be sure to include some downtime in the itinerary as well.

Confirm Attendees and Share the Itinerary:

A few weeks before the party, check in with the group to confirm attendance and finalise the guest count. Create a detailed timeline of activities, including important information such as hotel name, address, arrival times, and contact info. This is especially helpful for multi-day bachelor parties.

Packing and Setup:

Start planning what you need to pack or set aside for the party, including any decorations or party swag like T-shirts or koozies. As the host, plan to arrive earlier than the guests to handle any last-minute preparations or setup.

Travel and Celebrate:

It's time to enjoy the bachelor party! As the host, you may want to enlist the help of another groomsman to assist with any logistics or party management.

Regroup and Thank the Group:

After the party, send a quick thank-you note to express your appreciation for their time and celebration, especially if travel was involved. This is also a good time to follow up on any outstanding expenses or payments.

Finding someone to be by your side on the wedding day

If your best man can't be at your wedding, there are several options for finding someone to be by your side on the big day. Here are some suggestions:

• Ask a family member: A sibling, parent, cousin, uncle, or grandparent could step in as your best man. They can help with the duties and provide support and guidance on your wedding day.
• Choose a close friend: If you have a friend who you feel comfortable with and who is reliable and supportive, consider asking them to be your best man. They can assist with the responsibilities and offer emotional backing.
• Opt for multiple best men: You could have two or more special people share the title of best man. Just ensure that responsibilities are clearly divided between them.
• Include a best woman, bridesman, or bridesmate: The best man doesn't have to be a man! You can ask a female friend or family member to take on the role and be part of your wedding party.
• Delegate tasks to groomsmen: If you have groomsmen, they can help with some of the best man duties, such as planning the bachelor party, giving a speech, or coordinating the wedding attire.
• Seek support from your wedding planner: Your wedding planner can assist with various duties, such as exchanging wedding gifts, holding the rings, and ensuring you have your favourite drink.
• Involve your father: Your dad can be by your side on your wedding day. He can provide emotional support and help with some of the best man responsibilities.
• Ask a friend to check in with you: Another option is to assign a friend to periodically check on you throughout the day and see if you need anything. They can provide support and assistance as needed.
• Hire a company for the bachelor party: If you don't have a best man to plan your bachelor party, consider hiring a company to organise it for you. Alternatively, you can plan it yourself if you have the time and it's not too much hassle.

Remember, it's your wedding, so you can set your own rules and create a wedding party that feels authentic to you. Don't be afraid to think outside the box and adapt wedding traditions to fit your needs and preferences.

Deciding on who will give the best man speech

So, your best man can't make it to your wedding. What now? Well, there are a few options to consider when deciding on who will give the best man speech. Here are some suggestions to help you choose an alternative:

Ask a close friend or family member

If you have a close friend or family member who is a confident speaker and knows you well, they could be a great choice to give the best man speech. Consider someone who is supportive, reliable, and can handle the responsibilities associated with the role. It could be a sibling, parent, cousin, or even your future father-in-law. This person will need to be comfortable speaking in front of a large group and be able to deliver a speech that is both heartfelt and funny.

Choose a groomsman to step up

If you have groomsmen, you can ask one of them to take on the role of best man and give the speech. This option may be especially suitable if one of the groomsmen is already planning to give a speech or is particularly close to you. It's a good idea to choose someone who is comfortable with public speaking and can deliver a speech that will add colour to your big day.

Have the maid of honour or a bridesmaid give a speech

In modern weddings, gender roles are becoming more flexible. If you don't feel limited by tradition, you could ask your partner if their maid of honour or one of the bridesmaids would be willing to give a speech. This option can work well if the person knows both of you well and can deliver a speech that celebrates your relationship.

Ask the best man to record a video speech

If you're set on having your chosen best man give the speech, even though they can't be there in person, consider asking them to record a video speech. They can send it to you ahead of time, and you can play it during the reception. This way, they can still be a part of your special day and share their well wishes with all the guests.

Skip the best man speech altogether

If you're not attached to the idea of having a traditional best man speech, you can always skip it altogether. You could use that time for something else, like hitting the dance floor or enjoying more time with your guests. Alternatively, you could ask a parent or another close friend to give a speech instead.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can set your own rules. Choose an option that feels authentic to you and don't be afraid to adapt wedding traditions to fit your needs.

Frequently asked questions