Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Including Parents' Names Gracefully

Wedding invitation wording can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to including parents' names. The traditional format involves the bride's parents hosting and paying for the wedding, with their names at the top of the invitation. However, modern couples often opt for more inclusive language, such as together with their families, to acknowledge both sides. This approach is especially relevant when multiple parties contribute financially or there are complex family dynamics at play. Ultimately, the decision rests with the couple, and open communication with parents is key to managing expectations and avoiding hurt feelings.

Traditional wedding invitation etiquette

When it comes to traditional wedding invitation etiquette, the general rule is that the bride's parents are the hosts of the wedding and are named at the top of the invitation. This is true even for very formal affairs. However, including the names of both sets of parents as hosts is a gracious option, regardless of who is financially contributing to the wedding.

Married:

"Mr. and Mrs. Charles Schwab request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter to Groom's name, son of Groom's parents' names."

Divorced:

"Mrs. Mary Johnson and Mr. Charles Schwab request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter to Groom's name, son of Groom's parents' names."

Remarried:

"Mrs. Mary Johnson and Mr. and Mrs. Charles Schwab request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter to Groom's name, son of Groom's parents' names."

Widowed:

"Mrs. Mary Schwab and the late Mr. Charles Schwab request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter to Groom's name, son of Groom's parents' names."

If the groom's parents are also contributing financially to the wedding or have prominent names in society or your town, they should be included after the groom's name.

If you wish to include both sets of parents but want to avoid the formality and length of the above examples, you could use the phrase "Together with their parents" followed by the bride and groom's names.

If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, or collaboratively with their parents, the following wording can be used: "Together with their parents, Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company..."

In traditional weddings, the bride's parents usually pay for the wedding and are thus considered the hosts. However, it is becoming more common for couples to pay for their own weddings or to have financial contributions from both sides of the family. In these cases, it is still possible to include parents' names on the invitations as a way of honouring them.

Remember, the most important rule is to create a wedding invitation that represents you, your partner, and the big day—while also clearly communicating the vital details of the wedding.

Honouring parents without implying they are hosting

Honouring your parents on your wedding invitations without implying that they are hosting can be done in a few ways. Firstly, it is important to note that the names on the wedding invitations indicate who is "hosting" the wedding, which is an honorary duty and not necessarily indicative of who is paying for the wedding. If you want to include your parents' names without implying that they are hosting, you can use phrases such as "together with their families" or "along with their parents". This acknowledges and respects both sides of the family while making it clear that the couple is hosting.

Another option is to include a separate line for each set of parents, such as:

> request the honour of your presence

> at the wedding of their daughter

>

> Mr. and Mrs. Fiance's Mom

>

> Mr. and Mrs. Fiance's Dad

>

> at 4 o'clock in the afternoon

While this may be a longer option, it honours your parents and gives them a place of honour.

If you are paying for the wedding yourself and want to make that clear, you can use wording such as:

> "Together with their families, Bride and Groom invite you to their wedding..."

This option still includes your parents but makes it clear that the couple is hosting and paying for the wedding.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to communicate with your family about their expectations and find a solution that works for everyone. It is also a good idea to have a conversation upfront so that no one is hurt or surprised when they receive their invitation.

Including parents' names without being too formal

Including parents' names on wedding invitations can be a tricky situation, especially if you're trying to avoid being too formal. Here are some tips and examples to help you navigate this situation:

Honouring Parents Without Formality:

• One way to include parents without excessive formality is to use the phrase "together with their families". This option is perfect if you want to acknowledge both sides of the family without getting into specific names. It also works well if you have complex family dynamics or want to avoid hurt feelings.
• Another option is to use a phrase such as "daughter of [parents' names]" or "son of [parents' names]". This approach still honours your parents but with a more modern and informal tone.
• If you want to include a deceased parent, you can rearrange the wording. For example: " [Your name], daughter of [parent's name] and the late [parent's name], and [partner's name], son of [parent's names], request the honour of your presence..."
• If you have divorced parents and want to include step-parents, you can keep each parent on a separate line. For example: "Dr. [parent's name] and [step-parent's name] and Mr. [parent's name] and [parent's name] invite you to the wedding of their children..."
• You can also choose to include parents' names in a more subtle way, such as on a separate rehearsal dinner insert or by simply mentioning them in your wedding speech, where you can personally thank them for their contribution.

Modern Etiquette:

It's important to remember that modern etiquette gives you more flexibility. If you're paying for the wedding yourself, you might choose to leave parents' names off the invitation altogether, especially if you want to emphasise your independence. However, if your parents are contributing financially or you want to honour them, including their names is a thoughtful gesture.

Communication is Key:

Discuss your preferences with your parents and in-laws to ensure everyone is on the same page and no one feels left out. Be transparent about your reasons for including or excluding certain details, as this can help manage expectations and avoid hurt feelings.

Sample Wording:

• "Together with their families, [Bride] and [Groom] invite you to share in their joy as they exchange wedding vows..."
• " [Bride], daughter of [parents' names], and [Groom], son of [parents' names], request the honour of your presence at their wedding..."
• "With their parents, [Bride] and [Groom] joyfully request your presence at their wedding..."
• "The families of [Bride] and [Groom] cordially invite you to celebrate with their children..."

How to list parents' names when they are divorced or deceased

If your parents are divorced, you can list your mother's name first, followed by your father's name on a separate line. For example:

> Mrs. Mary Johnson

>

> Mr. Charles Schwab

If your parents are divorced and have remarried, you can list your mother's name, followed by your stepfather's name, and then your father's name with your stepmother's name:

> Mrs. Mary Johnson and Mr. and Mrs. Charles Schwab

If a parent is deceased, you can still include their name on the invitation. A common way to honour them is to include their name alongside yours. Here's an example:

> Lauren Martinez, daughter of Robert Martinez and the late Marta Martinez

Alternatively, you can use the phrase "the late" before your late parent's name:

> Mrs. Mary Schwab and the late Mr. Charles Schwab

Modern alternatives to listing parents' names

Together with their families

This option is a great way to acknowledge and respect both sides of the family without specifically listing parents' names. It is often used when the couple is paying for the wedding but their parents are still involved or when there is a mix of people contributing financially. This option can also help avoid hurt feelings in difficult family situations.

Honouring parents in other ways

If you decide to leave parents' names off the invitation altogether, you can still find other ways to honour them. Some couples choose to give a speech at the reception, thanking their parents for their support and contribution. This can be a nice way to show appreciation without including their names on the invitation.

Listing only the bride's parents

In traditional weddings, the bride's parents are typically listed on the invitation as they are considered the hosts, especially if they are paying for the wedding. However, in modern times, it is becoming more common to list only the bride's parents as a way to honour them, even if they are not the sole hosts or financial contributors. This option may be suitable if the bride's parents have a strong preference for being included or if it is important to the couple to highlight their role.

Including parents' names without using titles and full names

Instead of following the formal invitation etiquette of using titles and full names, you can choose to include parents' names in a more casual way. For example, you can say "Together with their parents, Bride and Groom invite you..." This approach adds a modern twist while still acknowledging the parents.

Using a separate card or insert for the rehearsal dinner

If the groom's parents are hosting the rehearsal dinner, you can include their names on a separate card or insert specifically for that event. This way, you can honour their contribution without including them on the main wedding invitation.

Honouring cultural traditions

In some cultures, such as Indian weddings, it is customary to include both sets of parents' names on the invitation. If cultural traditions are important to you and your family, you can choose to follow these traditions even if you are paying for the wedding yourself. It is a way to show respect and involve your parents in the celebration.

Ultimately, the decision on whether and how to include parents' names on wedding invitations should be based on your personal preferences and family dynamics. Open and honest discussions with your family can help ensure that everyone's wishes and values are considered.

Frequently asked questions