Wedding Invite Etiquette: Couple's Name Order

When it comes to wedding invites, there are many traditions and rules of etiquette to consider. One of the most common questions asked about wedding invitation wording is whether the bride or groom's name should come first. While there is no definitive right or wrong answer, the bride's name typically comes first on wedding invitations, save-the-dates, and other formal stationery. This tradition stems from the custom of the bride's parents hosting and financing the wedding. However, modern couples have more freedom to follow their preferences, especially if they are hosting the wedding themselves or if it is a same-sex marriage.

Same-sex couples can choose alphabetical order or what sounds best

For same-sex couples, the traditional way of ordering names on a wedding invitation is not needed and often not wanted. As a result, same-sex couples can choose to order their names alphabetically or go with what sounds the best. Alphabetical order provides a neutral way to write the invitation, removing any potential arguments about whose name should come first. It also makes the invitation easy to read and provides a clear structure.

However, some couples may prefer to go with what sounds best. This could be influenced by how the couple is usually referred to, or what sounds better aesthetically. For example, some couples may choose an order based on how their initials sit, particularly if they are using a monogram design. Ordering names based on what sounds best can also apply to married same-sex couples with the same last name. For example, "The Messrs. Dan and John Smith" or "The Mesdames Amanda and Jane Williams".

Ultimately, the choice of name order for same-sex couples is a personal one. Couples can consider what they are usually known as, and whether one order sounds better than the other. The key is not to overthink it and go with what sounds and looks good on the invitation.

The bride's name comes first in more formal, traditional invitations

When it comes to wedding invitations, the bride's name typically comes first, followed by the groom's full name. This tradition stems from the custom of the bride's parents hosting and financing the wedding. As such, the invitation would traditionally begin with: "Mr. and Mrs. [Bride's Father's Name] request the honour of your presence...".

Following this, the bride's first and middle names are used, omitting her surname as it is inferred from her parents' names. The groom's full name, including his last name, is then written. This format is considered a formal and traditional approach, though some may view it as an outdated custom.

For instance, a wedding invitation following this structure may read: "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith cordially invite you to the marriage of their daughter, [Bride's first and middle name], to [Groom's full name]...".

While this tradition is commonly followed, it is not a strict rule. Couples today often have more freedom to follow their preferences, especially if they are hosting the wedding themselves or sharing the expenses with both sets of parents. In such cases, a more modern approach is to use collaborative wording, such as: "Together with their families, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company...".

Even in this contemporary variation, the bride's name often comes first, influenced by past traditions and the social convention of allowing the lady to go first. Ultimately, the decision on whose name appears first can be based on what sounds and looks best on the invitation, aligning with the couple's preferences and their comfort level.

The groom's name can come first if the couple is hosting

When it comes to wedding invitation wording, there are many nuances to consider. Traditionally, the bride's name is listed first, followed by the groom's full name. This is because weddings were typically hosted and paid for by the bride's family. However, modern weddings often depart from this tradition, especially when the couple is hosting the wedding themselves.

If the couple is hosting the wedding, they have the flexibility to choose the order of their names on the invitation. While some couples may still prefer to follow the traditional order, others may opt to list the groom's name first or use only their first and last names. This decision ultimately comes down to personal preference and what sounds and looks best on the invitation.

When the couple is hosting, the invitation can begin with a statement like "The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of [Groom's Name] to [Bride's Name]." This phrasing emphasises the couple's names without specifically mentioning the hosts, which is appropriate when the couple is hosting.

It is worth noting that the invitation's tone and formality should align with the event itself. For example, if the wedding is a black-tie affair, more formal wording is usually expected. On the other hand, a casual wedding may call for more informal and playful phrasing.

Additionally, it is essential to consider family traditions and expectations. Including a line like "Together with their families" acknowledges the support of both families, even if they are not the primary hosts. This phrase is often used to avoid offending family members who have contributed financially or otherwise to the wedding.

The bride's name comes first before the wedding

The bride's name typically comes first on a wedding invitation, and this tradition stems from the custom of the bride's parents hosting and financing the wedding. The first line of the invitation is usually dedicated to the hosts, followed by the bride's first and middle names and the groom's full name. For example:

> Mr. and Mrs. John Smith cordially invite you to the marriage of their daughter, [Bride's name], to [Groom's name]...

While this custom is considered unnecessarily old-fashioned by some, others still prefer to adhere to it. However, modern couples have more freedom to follow their preferences, especially if they are hosting the wedding themselves or sharing the expenses with both sets of parents. In such cases, a collaborative wording can be used:

> Together with their families, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company...

Even in this modern variation, the bride's name often comes first, influenced by past traditions and the social norm of giving precedence to ladies. Nevertheless, it is not a rigid rule, and if the wedding is hosted solely by the couple, it is not uncommon to see the groom's name first, indicating that he is the primary financier or head of the family-to-be.

For same-sex couples, there are no set traditions, allowing more flexibility in choosing the name order. Some common approaches include alphabetical order or simply using the order that sounds best to the couple.

The key consideration is to ensure that the invitation reflects the couple's style and relationship dynamics. It is also essential to discuss ideas with everyone involved to avoid misunderstandings and ensure that everyone feels valued and included in this significant event.

The groom's name comes first after the wedding

While it is traditional for the bride's name to come first on a wedding invitation, this is not set in stone. The groom's name can come first, particularly if his family is hosting and paying for the wedding.

After the wedding, it is customary for the groom's name to precede his wife's on thank-you cards and address labels. This is because, traditionally, the man is considered the head of the household. This is also why you will see "Mr. and Mrs." after a couple marries.

Some couples choose to stick with this protocol and decide per item depending on whether the actual vows have been said. For example, welcome bags at the hotel before the wedding might have the bride's name first, while favors at the wedding might put the groom's name first.

Same-Sex Weddings

For same-sex weddings, there are a few options. One is to use alphabetical order, which provides a nice structure and helps define the order of the names. The other is to go with personal preference. If the couple is usually known as "Tina and Cathy" to friends and family, it might feel odd to switch the order just for the invites.

It's Your Special Day

Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide whose name comes first. It is their special day, and they can choose to do things in whatever way makes them feel most comfortable. Tradition and alphabetical order can be used if the couple can't agree, but otherwise, the choice is theirs!

Frequently asked questions