The Art Of Wedding Guest Lists: Who To Invite?

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and deciding who to invite is one of the earliest and hardest parts of the process. The number of guests you invite will impact your venue selection, wedding style, and, most importantly, your budget. The average wedding guest list size in the U.S. is 117 guests, but your target number may vary.

To start, create a list of everyone you'd consider inviting, including immediate family, close friends, colleagues, schoolmates, and distant relatives. Then, separate your top-tier guests, the non-negotiables who you couldn't imagine getting married without. Next, work out how many guests you can realistically afford, as each guest means additional costs for food, drinks, and more.

Traditionally, both sets of parents get a say in the guest list, especially if they are contributing financially. It's recommended to divide the guest list into three parts: one-third for the bride's family, one-third for the groom's, and the rest for the couple. However, this rule of thirds isn't always feasible, and guest lists often develop naturally.

When it comes to plus-ones, it's generally considered polite to invite spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners. For other types of relationships, you can set a cutoff, such as only inviting couples who have been dating for over a year.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you don't have to invite anyone you don't want to. It's essential to surround yourself with people who bring you joy and support your relationship.

Who to invite

When it comes to deciding who to invite to your wedding, it's a good idea to put your friends and family members into groups based on your relationships with them. Think of it like concentric "circles of trust", with your inner circle being those closest to you, and as you move outward, you get to people who are less essential to the guest list.

Immediate family

This includes your and your partner's parents, siblings, and grandparents. Your siblings' spouses and children should also be included in this group. If you have stepparents, step-siblings or half-siblings, they are included here, too.

Wedding party members

Your wedding party, including the maid of honour, best man, bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers, ushers, and others, should be at the top of your guest list.

Close family

This includes aunts, uncles, and first cousins. Depending on the number of relatives, your relationship with them and the desired size of your wedding, you may invite all of these relatives or just some of them.

Close friends

Your closest friends and chosen family are also on the must-invite list. These loved ones may be included in your wedding party. Try to keep your list of friends down by considering those you still keep in touch with regularly.

School friends

Whether from high school or college, your school friends can be a joyful and nostalgic addition to your guest list.

Family friends

These are people who are friends with your parents but who you may not know well. If your parents are contributing financially to your wedding, they may want to add these people to the guest list.

Distant family and friends

Here, you can consider more distant family members, friends you would love to include but haven't seen in a while, work colleagues and family members'/friends' children.

Acquaintances

This outer circle includes people like social media contacts, former colleagues, neighbours you don't know well, etc. Unless you're having a huge, no-holds-barred wedding, these people generally don't make the guest list.

Plus-ones

The great plus-one debate is always a tricky subject, but in short, anyone who is in a serious relationship (engaged, married, living together, dating for over a year) should be invited with a plus-one, whether you know the partner well or not. If you want to allow all of your single guests to bring a date and can afford it, go for it—but this is not required.

Children

People have very mixed opinions on inviting kids to weddings. Some think they bring a sense of fun to the day, while others think they are loud and distracting. Whatever you decide, we recommend making a rule and sticking to it—no exceptions. And yes, you are allowed to only invite children who are in the wedding party and not others.

Who not to invite

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is a big task, and it's important to know who not to invite, too. Here are some tips on who not to include on your guest list:

People You've Lost Touch With

You may have fond memories of certain people, like childhood neighbours or college friends, but if you've lost touch with them, they don't need to be invited. Wedding planner Chanda Daniels suggests asking yourself: "Would I take this person out for a $300-plus meal?". Wedding planner Jove Meyer adds that it's okay if you haven't spoken to or been in touch with someone in a long time, even if you were invited to their wedding.

Plus Ones You Don't Know

You don't have to offer plus ones to everyone. Wedding planner Nalini Raman suggests setting a clear criterion, such as only offering plus ones to those in long-term relationships or those you've met. However, if a guest is travelling from out of town and doesn't know anyone else, a plus one may put them at ease.

People Who Invited You to Their Wedding

Just because you attended someone's wedding doesn't mean you have to invite them to yours, especially if your relationship has faded since. Wedding planner Laetitia "LT" Townson recommends only inviting those who you're still close with. If you are inviting mutual friends, inform them of your decision so they don't talk about your wedding in front of those who weren't included.

Coworkers Who Aren't Friends

You don't have to invite coworkers whom you only see at work. However, if you have coworkers whom you consider friends and hang out with outside of work, feel free to include them.

Strained Family Members

Your wedding is about you and your partner, not a place to stir up old family disagreements or tension.

Exes

Unless you and your partner are both friends with your exes, and your past relationships are water under the bridge, it's best not to invite them.

When to send invites

The timing of your wedding invites is an important aspect of wedding planning. Here is a guide to help you navigate the process:

Create a Timeline:

Firstly, it is essential to establish a timeline for sending out your wedding invitations. The general rule of thumb is to mail invitations around eight to ten weeks before the wedding date. This timeframe allows your guests sufficient time to make necessary arrangements, such as travel and accommodation plans. For destination weddings or weddings requiring extensive travel, consider sending out "save the dates" even earlier, approximately six months in advance, to give your guests a heads-up.

Finalize the Guest List:

Before sending out invitations, finalize your guest list by deciding on the number of guests you can accommodate and want to invite. This number will be influenced by factors such as your budget, venue capacity, and the desired intimacy of your wedding. It is advisable to create a master list of everyone you would consider inviting and then trim it down to fit your requirements.

Consider Sending "Save the Dates":

If you have a long list of guests, especially those who need to travel, sending "save the dates" cards can be a thoughtful gesture. This preliminary notice gives your guests a heads-up to mark their calendars and make the necessary arrangements. "Save the dates" are typically sent out six months to a year in advance.

Send Invitations in Batches:

It is a good idea to send out invitations in batches, especially if you have a large guest list. Send the first batch of invitations to your "A-list" guests, which includes those you definitely want to attend. This group typically comprises close family members, the wedding party, and close friends. The second batch can go out to the "B-list" guests, who are those you would like to invite if you have the space and budget. Sending invitations in this manner helps manage guest numbers and ensures that your closest loved ones secure their spots first.

Stagger Your Invites:

When sending out invitations, it is inevitable that you will receive some "regrets" or last-minute cancellations. To fill these spots, you can consult your original master list and send out invitations to those you would have loved to include initially. Send these invitations as soon as possible to avoid making guests feel like an afterthought.

Handle Last-Minute Guests with Tact:

If you find yourself in the fortunate position of having extra space on your guest list or receiving last-minute cancellations, you may want to invite additional guests. However, it is essential to handle these last-minute invitations with tact. Be honest and explain the situation, whether it's due to COVID restrictions easing or receiving your final guest count. Understand that your invitees might feel slightly slighted, so a personalized approach is best.

Be Mindful of Cultural Dynamics:

It is worth noting that cultural dynamics can play a role in guest list management. For example, in Asian weddings, the desire to please parents can result in inviting distant relatives or friends from childhood. In such cases, a strategy of categorizing guests into "must-haves," "would-love-to-haves," and "nice-to-haves" can be effective, ensuring that parents are satisfied while managing guest numbers effectively.

Consider Virtual Options:

With the rise of hybrid weddings, consider offering virtual attendance options for last-minute invites. This approach ensures that no one misses out on celebrating with you, even if they cannot attend in person.

Keep Track of RSVPs:

Stay organized by keeping track of RSVPs and managing your guest list. This will help you finalize numbers for catering, seating arrangements, and other logistics.

Send Invitations to Out-of-Town Guests Early:

If you have guests travelling from out of town, it is considerate to send their invitations a little earlier, giving them ample time to make travel arrangements.

Be Mindful of Cultural and Religious Holidays:

When choosing your wedding date and sending out invitations, be mindful of cultural and religious holidays to ensure your desired guests are available to attend.

Be Clear About Plus-Ones:

When addressing invitations, be clear about plus-ones to avoid confusion. Indicate "+1" or "and Guest" if friends are welcome to bring a companion. For couples in long-term relationships, it is considerate to invite both partners by name.

Provide Important Details:

Include all relevant details in your invitations, such as date, time, venue, dress code, and RSVP information. You may also want to include accommodation suggestions and transportation options for out-of-town guests.

Be Mindful of Printing and Mailing Times:

If you opt for printed invitations, factor in the time required for printing and mailing. Additionally, consider that guests may take a few days to receive and respond to your invitations.

Consider Digital Alternatives:

In today's digital age, virtual wedding invitations are a viable option. They can be emailed or texted, ensuring a timely delivery. Digital invitations often include an online RSVP option, streamlining the response process.

Remember, the key to successful wedding invitation timing is advance planning, flexibility, and clear communication with your guests.

How to word invites

The wording of your wedding invites is an exciting part of the planning process and a chance to express your style and the vibe of your wedding. Here are some tips and examples to help you get started.

The Host Line

The opening line of a wedding invitation usually names the host of the event, i.e., the person or people covering the expenses. Traditionally, this was the bride's parents, but nowadays, it could be the groom's parents, the couple, or a combination of all three. If you have step-parents or deceased parents, you can include them with creative wording. Here are some examples:

• "Mr. & Mrs. Flores, Mr. & Mrs. Hill, Mr. & Mrs. Byrne and Mr. & Mrs. Lin request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of Talia Flores & Stephen Byrne."
• "Mr. & Mrs. Jon Flores and Mr. Tom Byrne & the late Mrs. Nancy Byrne request the honor of your company at the marriage of their children Talia Flores & Stephen Byrne."

The Couple's Names

When listing the couple's names, the bride's name typically comes first. The bride's first and middle names are commonly used, while the groom's full name is written. However, this is all up to personal preference. For same-sex couples, there is no traditional rule, so go with what sounds better or alphabetical order.

The Request to Attend

There are many ways to word the request for the pleasure of your guests' company. Here are a few options:

• "The pleasure of your company"
• "At the marriage of their children"
• "Would love for you to join them"
• "Invite you to celebrate with them"
• "Honor of your presence"

The Date and Time

For formal invitations, the date and time are usually written out in full. For casual invites, numerals are fine.

The Location

Write the name and full address of the venue, including the state and zip code. If abroad, include the country. If the ceremony and reception are at the same venue, you can simply write "reception to follow." Otherwise, include the full address of the reception venue on a separate line.

Reception Details and Dress Code

Include the time if the reception is not immediately after the ceremony. The dress code can be included in the lower right corner of the invite or on a separate card.

Post-Ceremony Wording

If you are hosting a celebration after the ceremony, include this information. You can use casual wording such as "Dinner and dancing to follow" or more formal phrasing like "An evening of celebration to follow."

Formal vs. Casual Wording

Formal invitations tend to have script, foil elements, and sparkle, while casual invites feature muted colours, simple typography, and graphics. However, the essential details remain the same. Here are some examples of formal and casual wording:

Formal:

• "The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of Talia Camila Flores and Stephen Anthony Byrne Saturday, the eleventh of June two thousand and twenty-three at twelve o'clock in the afternoon Arctic Club Hotel 700 Third Avenue Seattle, Washington Reception to follow."
• "Mr. and Mrs. John L. Smith request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their son Jack Alexander to Mason Jacob Kim Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four at half after four at [venue name and address] Reception to follow."

Casual:

• "Talia Flores and Stephen Byrne invite you to a celebration of their love and commitment June 11, 2024, 12:00 pm Arctic Club Hotel 700 Third Avenue Seattle, Washington Dinner and dancing to follow."
• "Mr. & Mrs. Flores would love your company at the marriage of their daughter Talia Flores to Stephen Byrne June 11, 2024, 12:00 pm Arctic Club Hotel 700 Third Avenue Seattle, Washington Dinner and dancing to follow."

Plus-ones

When it comes to plus-ones, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it is generally considered good etiquette to invite the long-term partners of your guests. This includes spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners. If a guest is in a long-term relationship but not living with their partner, it is still a nice gesture to extend a plus-one, especially if you have met their partner before.

If your guests are single, there is no requirement to offer them a plus-one, but you may choose to do so if you wish. This is entirely at your discretion and will depend on factors such as your budget and venue capacity. If you are having a destination wedding, it may be a thoughtful gesture to allow single guests to bring a plus-one, as it can be overwhelming for them to travel and stay alone in an unfamiliar place.

In some cases, you may not be able to offer plus-ones to all guests due to budget or space constraints. In this case, it is advisable to set clear criteria for who will receive a plus-one and be consistent in applying these criteria. For example, you could set a cutoff for couples who have been dating for less than a year, or only offer plus-ones to those guests who are unlikely to know anyone else at the wedding.

When inviting guests with a plus-one, it is important to include their partner's name on the invitation if you know it. If you don't know their partner's name, you can simply write "and Guest". This ensures that your guests feel valued and respected, and it also gives them the information they need to plan ahead, such as booking travel or arranging childcare.

Finally, keep in mind that inviting guests with a plus-one will likely increase your costs, as you will need to account for additional meals, chairs, favours, and so on. Therefore, it is crucial to factor this into your budget and venue planning.

Frequently asked questions