Wedding Invitation Etiquette: When To Include Parents' Names

Wedding invitation wording can be a tricky business. The traditional way of structuring an invitation is to mention the bride's parents first, followed by the groom's, with the assumption that the bride's family is paying for the wedding. However, this is not always the case, and there are now many ways to word an invitation to reflect the financial contributions of both families. For example, if both sets of parents are contributing equally, you can include them both in the upper portion of the invitation. If the couple is hosting and paying for the wedding themselves, they can send the invitation directly from themselves, or include both sets of parents.

Including both sets of parents

When it comes to wedding invitations, the rules of etiquette are not that complicated. The primary tenet is much simpler and more straightforward than you may think. The most important rule is to create a beautiful wedding invitation that represents you, your love, and the big day while also communicating the vital details of the wedding.

If you want to include both sets of parents on your wedding invitations, there are a few ways to do so. Here are some examples:

• "Together with their parents, [Couple's names] request the pleasure of your company..."
• "Dr. [Father's name] and [Mother's name] [Couple's names] and Mr. [Father's name] and [Mother's name] [Couple's names] invite you to the wedding of their children [Couple's names] [Date] [Time] [Location]"
• "Mr. and Mrs. [Parents' names] request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter [Bride's name] to [Groom's name] [Date] [Time] [Location]"

When including both sets of parents, it is important to list them in a consistent order on the invitation. Traditionally, the bride's parents are listed first, followed by the groom's parents. If one or both of the couples' parents are divorced, you can include all of the parents' names, keeping each parent on a separate line. If you are including a stepparent, keep their name on the same line as their partner.

It is also important to note that if one of the parents of the couple is deceased, you will need to rearrange the wording as they cannot serve as a host. Here is an example:

"[Bride's name], daughter of Mr. [Father's name] and the late [Mother's name] and [Groom's name], son of Mr. and [Parents' names] request the honor of your presence at their wedding [Date] [Time] [Location]"

Honouring a deceased parent

Wedding Invitations

If you want to include the name of a deceased parent on your wedding invitations, you'll need to rearrange the traditional wording as someone who has passed away cannot serve as a host. For example:

"Julia French, daughter of Mr. Adam French and the late Iris French, and Austin Mahoney, son of Mr. Camden and Elizabeth Mahoney, request the honour of your presence at their wedding on the fifth of May, two thousand seventeen, at one o'clock in the afternoon at The Reagan Library, Simi Valley, California. Dinner and dancing to follow. Black-tie required."

Ceremony

Including a physical memorial or a nod to your parent through words or songs during the ceremony are popular ways to honour them. Here are some ideas:

• Ask the celebrant/officiant to say a few words or share a special memory.
• Reserve a seat at the ceremony with a photo of them, a special sign, or a bouquet similar to the bridal party's.
• Include them in your order of service with a message, poem, quote, or religious passage, along with their photo.
• Light a remembrance candle, either before the ceremony or at a scheduled time during the proceedings.
• Dedicate a special wedding reading or poem to them.

Reception

At the reception, you can create a special space or display to honour your deceased parent. Here are some suggestions:

• Set up a memory table with framed photos, sentimental objects, and keepsakes.
• Get a piece of art made for the occasion, such as a hand-illustrated or digitally finished portrait of you and your parent.
• Create a photo backdrop or memory tree with multiple images of your loved one.
• Play their favourite song, especially if they loved to dance.
• Incorporate their favourite drink, such as by offering it as a signature cocktail with a special sign.
• Honour them in the wedding speeches or toasts with a few thoughtful words or a meaningful quote.
• Give a special toast and raise a glass to them, perhaps with an engraved message.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to acknowledge a deceased parent on your wedding day. Do what feels right and appropriate, whether it's a public tribute or a subtle, private acknowledgment.

Addressing divorced parents

If you're wondering how to address divorced parents on your wedding invitations, there are a few options to consider. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this delicate situation:

• Separate Lines: List the mother and father's names on separate lines without using "and" between them. The mother's name is typically listed first. For example: "Ms. Sarah Smith Mr. John Smith".
• Remarried Parents: If one or both parents are remarried, include their current spouse's name on the same line. For example: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Jones Mr. John Smith".
• Different Last Names: If the divorced parents have different last names, especially if the mother has reverted to her maiden name, include the bride or groom's last name to prevent confusion. For example: "Ms. Sarah Jones Mr. John Smith".
• Joint Hosting: In the case of divorced parents jointly hosting the wedding, list the mother's name first, followed by the father's name, and then the stepparent's name (if applicable), all on separate lines. For example: "Mrs. Michelle Wright and Mr. John Monroe".
• Honoring Deceased Parents: If one of the parents is deceased, you can still honour them on the invitation. Start with the surviving parent's name or their new married name, followed by the deceased parent's name. For example: "Mrs. Sarah Smith requests the pleasure of your company at the wedding of her daughter, Avery June daughter of the late Mr. John Smith".
• Neutral Language: Use neutral language and avoid terms like "stepparent" or "ex-spouse" on the invitations.
• Consistency: Ensure that you use consistent formatting and titles (Mr., Mrs., Ms.) throughout the invitation for a polished look.
• Etiquette Considerations: Traditional etiquette suggests giving preference to mothers when listing the parents' names. If both parents are contributing financially, consider using "Together with their families" to include all parents without specifying roles.

Here's an example of how the invitation wording might look:

"Ms. Sarah Smith Mr. John Smith

Request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their daughter

Michael Alan Timmons"

Remember to handle this situation with sensitivity and consider having open and honest conversations with your parents about their expectations and comfort levels. Your wedding day is about celebrating your love, and it's important to navigate any family dynamics gracefully.

Including step-parents

Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is essential when involving step-parents in your wedding plans. Discuss your wishes and expectations with your step-parents and biological parents, being mindful of their feelings and respecting their relationships with each other. This conversation will help you understand their comfort levels and determine how they would like to be included.

Invitations and Programs

If your step-parent is contributing financially to the wedding or otherwise "hosting" the ceremony or reception, it is customary to include their name on the invitation and programs. This is a thoughtful way to acknowledge their role in creating your special day. For example, "Sally and Frank Smith, and John and Susan Jones request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter..."

Seating Arrangements

Consider the relationships between your biological parents and step-parents when making seating arrangements for the reception. If your parent's new spouse gets along with your other parent, they can sit together. If not, it is advisable to keep them at separate tables, each with their friends and family to ease any tension.

Involving Them in the Ceremony

There are several ways to include step-parents in your wedding ceremony. They can walk down the aisle with their spouse ahead of the wedding party, escort the bride or groom, or be a part of any other procession that suits your family dynamic.

Special Attire or Accessories

Offer guidance to your step-parents on what to wear to the wedding. Provide them with a colour palette that complements your wedding colour scheme but is distinct from what your bridesmaids, groomsmen, or biological parents are wearing. Consider providing them with boutonnieres or corsages if other family members are wearing them.

Honouring Them with a Toast

If you are close to your step-parent, consider giving them a special role during the reception by allowing them to make a toast. They can say a few words about your relationship or offer a blessing before the meal.

Other Ways to Include Them

In addition to the above suggestions, there are numerous ways to involve step-parents in your wedding day:

• Include them in the planning process and decision-making.
• Assign them tasks, such as assembling favours or creating welcome bags.
• Have them walk you down the aisle, either alone or alongside your biological parent(s).
• Include them in your wedding photos.
• Seat them in the front row during the wedding ceremony, as it is customary for parents to be seated there.
• Thank them with a thoughtful gift, especially if they have been actively involved in planning your big day.

Remember, the most important thing is to be as inclusive as possible and to make decisions that feel right for your unique family situation.

The host of the wedding

The host is usually mentioned first on the invitation and is the person or people who will be doing the inviting. For example:

"Mr. and Mrs. Anderson request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Miley Rose, to Eric Liu, son of Mr. and Mrs. Liu...."

If the bride's parents are divorced, the invitation wording should reflect that. You can separate their names with a line break, like this:

"Mrs. Riley Larson, along with Mr. Jonathan Larson, request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Emily Elizabeth, to Mark Brown, son of Mr. and Mrs. Ronald Brown...."

Alternatively, if your parents have remarried, you can include your step-parents. You can name them individually or refer to them as your biological parents' spouses. For example:

"Mr. and Mrs. Nolan Andrews-Butler, along with Mr. Bruno Walters and his spouse, request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Simone Louise, to Paul Lima, son of Mr. and Mrs. Jose Lima...."

If you want to honour a deceased parent, you can include "the late" after their name. For example:

"Margaret Jane, daughter of Mr. Gianelli and the late Mrs. Gianelli, and Xavier Francis Stephens, son of Mr. and Mrs. Stephens, request the honour of your presence...."

If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, or doing so with their parents, you can use wording such as:

"Together with their parents, Emma and Jax request the pleasure of your company...."

Or:

"Together with their families, BRIDE & GROOM request the pleasure of your company at their wedding."

Frequently asked questions