Bridesmaids Stealing The Show: Outshining The Bride

Bridesmaids are an integral part of the wedding ceremony in many cultures. They are usually the bride's close friends or relatives, and their main role is to support the bride on her special day. However, in some cases, bridesmaids may try to upstage the bride, whether intentionally or unintentionally, by looking better than her. This can be stressful and irritating for the bride, who is already dealing with the pressure of planning her wedding. While it is generally accepted that the bride will be the centre of attention, a bridesmaid who tries to outshine her can create an uncomfortable dynamic within the bridal party. In such situations, honest communication and setting clear expectations are crucial to resolving any tensions and ensuring that the bride feels supported and celebrated.

Bridesmaids' duties and costs

Being a bridesmaid comes with a long list of responsibilities and costs. Here is a breakdown of the duties and expenses typically expected of bridesmaids:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Shop for bridesmaid attire: Bridesmaids are usually expected to purchase their own outfits, including dresses, shoes, and jewellery. They may also need to pay for hair and makeup services.
• Plan and pay for the bridal shower: Bridesmaids often share the responsibility of planning and hosting the bridal shower with the maid of honour. This includes financial contributions and organising activities, decorations, and refreshments.
• Help plan and pay for the bachelorette party: While the maid of honour typically takes the lead, bridesmaids should lend a hand with travel plans, accommodations, activities, and sharing the costs to cover the bride.
• Attend pre-wedding events: Bridesmaids are expected to attend all pre-wedding activities, such as engagement parties, couples' showers, and wedding DIY sessions.
• Book travel and accommodations: Bridesmaids should arrange their transportation and stay for the wedding weekend. It is advisable to book early to ensure convenience and avoid last-minute hassles.
• Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner: It is essential for bridesmaids to be present at the ceremony rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner to familiarise themselves with the ceremony proceedings and offer support to the bride.
• Provide emotional support: As close friends or family, bridesmaids play a crucial role in offering emotional support to the bride throughout the planning process. They should regularly check in with the bride, provide a listening ear, and help manage any wedding-related stress.
• Assist with wedding planning tasks: Bridesmaids may be called upon to help with smaller wedding planning tasks, such as stuffing envelopes, organising RSVPs, DIY projects, or accompanying the bride to appointments.
• Buy a wedding gift: Bridesmaids, like any other wedding guest, are expected to purchase a gift for the couple from their wedding registry and have it delivered before the wedding. However, in the case of a destination wedding, their presence may be considered a sufficient gift.

Wedding Day Duties:

• Get ready with the bride: Bridesmaids should arrive on time at the designated location, bringing all their necessary gear. They assist the bride in getting ready, keeping her calm and relaxed, answering calls and texts, ensuring she eats and stays hydrated, and helping her into her dress and with her shoes, jewellery, and veil.
• Provide getting-ready snacks: If no other arrangements are made, bridesmaids should take the initiative to provide snacks and drinks for the bride, her mother, and the beauty stylists.
• Support the bride and maid of honour: Bridesmaids act as the bride's and maid of honour's support crew throughout the day. They may also serve as a point of contact for guests and vendors, assisting with directions, facilitating guest book signings, and coordinating with the photographer or wedding planner.
• Participate in the ceremony: Bridesmaids need to be punctual and respectful during the ceremony, following the rehearsed plan for processing down the aisle and fulfilling any assigned roles. They may also be asked to make a toast or witness the signing of the register.
• Be photo-ready: Bridesmaids should be prepared to stick around after the ceremony for group photographs, which may cut into cocktail hour.
• Be model guests: During the reception, bridesmaids should socialise with guests, enjoy the food and drinks, participate in guest activities like signing the guest book or photo booth, listen to speeches, and dance.
• Maintain a stress-free send-off: At the end of the reception, bridesmaids help the maid of honour or wedding coordinators by assembling items that need to be transported, ensuring guests depart safely, distributing tip envelopes to vendors, and organising the couple's overnight bags.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Attend the farewell party: If the couple hosts a farewell party or post-wedding brunch, bridesmaids are expected to attend and be punctual.
• Organise leftover items: Bridesmaids may be tasked with returning hired clothing or accessories, dry cleaning dresses, taking down decorations, collecting wedding gifts and cards, and organising leftover food or floral arrangements.
• Settle outstanding payments: It is important to promptly settle any remaining expenses shared among the bridesmaids to avoid inconveniencing others.

Fitness and appearance

It is not uncommon for brides to want to look their best on their wedding day, and this may involve fitness routines and beauty treatments. Bridesmaids are also expected to look their best, and this can sometimes lead to competition between the bride and her bridesmaids over appearance.

Fitness Routines

It is not unusual for brides and bridesmaids to engage in fitness routines to look their best for the wedding. However, it is important to be mindful of the intensity of such routines and to respect the bride's role as the centre of attention. While it is fine for bridesmaids to want to look great, they should avoid making the bride feel threatened or stressed by their fitness goals and achievements.

Dieting and Eating Disorders

Some bridesmaids may take extreme measures to lose weight, such as excessive exercise or skipping meals, which can be unhealthy and trigger eating disorders. It is important for bridesmaids to be mindful of their language and actions, as their comments about their own bodies and dieting can be triggering or upsetting for the bride and other members of the bridal party.

Beauty Treatments

Bridesmaids may also want to consider the types of beauty treatments they discuss with the bride. While it is common for bridesmaids to share their fitness and beauty routines with the bride, excessive focus on appearance can add unnecessary stress to the bride's already busy schedule.

Choosing Bridesmaids Based on Appearance

It is worth noting that choosing a bridesmaid based on their appearance can contribute to a competitive dynamic. While it is understandable to want a "pretty" bridesmaid, prioritising physical attractiveness over other qualities can create an unhealthy environment and affect the bride's self-esteem.

The Bride's Role as the Centre of Attention

Ultimately, it is important to remember that the bride is the centre of attention on her wedding day. While bridesmaids should strive to look their best, they should avoid upstaging the bride or making her feel insecure. This can be achieved by respecting the bride's role, being mindful of their language, and focusing on supporting the bride emotionally and practically.

Dresses and fabrics

When it comes to dresses and fabrics, there are a few things to consider to ensure your bridesmaids look good without outshining the bride. Firstly, it's important to maintain a similar level of formality across the board. If the bride is wearing a very formal gown, the bridesmaids' dresses should also be formal, even if they are not made from the same fabric. While the bridesmaids don't have to wear the same fabric as the bride, it can help to create a cohesive look. For instance, if the bride is wearing charmeuse, the bridesmaids could wear chiffon, which is lighter and more casual but still has a similar feel.

Another option is to have the bridesmaids wear dresses in the same colour family as the bride but with different styles or fabrics. This can create a unique and memorable look while still keeping the bridal party coordinated. For example, if the bride is wearing a light blue dress, the bridesmaids could wear different shades of blue, such as slate or marine, in various fabrics like satin or chiffon.

It's also worth noting that different dress styles suit different people, so allowing bridesmaids to choose their own styles within a certain colour or fabric family can help ensure everyone feels comfortable and confident. Additionally, giving bridesmaids some direction, such as creating an inspiration board or providing sample photos, can help ensure they pick dresses that align with the bride's vision.

Ultimately, the key is to strike a balance between individuality and cohesion. The bridesmaids should complement the bride without overshadowing her, and the overall look should be well-coordinated without being too "matchy-matchy".

Hair and makeup

When it comes to hair and makeup, there are a few things to consider if you want your bridesmaids to look their best. Here are some tips to ensure your bridal party is glowing on your big day:

Choosing a Hair and Makeup Style:

First, take into account the wedding theme and location. If it's a formal event with full-length dresses, opt for more structured and elegant hairstyles and makeup looks, perhaps with bolder lip colours. For outdoor weddings, especially on hot days, consider updos to keep your bridesmaids comfortable. Beach weddings usually call for simple and natural hair and makeup styles.

Colour themes, flowers, and accessories should also be considered to create a cohesive look. You can match lip colours to signature bouquet blooms, or style hair to complement statement earrings or headpieces. The neckline of the dresses is another factor; for example, a low curled hairstyle might not work with a high neckline or detailed bodice.

Think about the time of day for the wedding and photo session. Lighter, fresher looks are better for morning ceremonies, while slightly heavier makeup, especially for the eyes, is more suitable for afternoon and evening events.

Remember, you don't have to choose just one style for all your bridesmaids. You can have mismatched looks, with each bridesmaid styled slightly differently to suit their unique hair type and skin tone.

Preparing for the Big Day:

To ensure stress-free wedding prep, create a timeline for beauty treatments in the lead-up to the wedding. Here are some recommendations:

• Keep skin well-hydrated with a good diet and quality moisturisers and exfoliants. Know your skin type and inform your makeup artist of any allergies.
• Have haircuts, colours, or other treatments done at least 5 days before the wedding to allow for any necessary adjustments.
• Spray tans should be applied 2-3 days before the wedding, and always do a trial run beforehand. Avoid sun exposure to prevent tan lines.
• The night before the wedding, lay out dresses, shoes, accessories, and other essentials to avoid last-minute panic. Wash and dry hair naturally unless advised otherwise by a stylist.
• On the morning of the wedding, follow your normal skincare routine before the hair and makeup artists arrive. Eat a good breakfast, brush your teeth, and stay well-hydrated.

Cost Considerations:

The cost of hair and makeup services for bridesmaids can vary, and it's not always clear who should pay. Here are some options to consider:

• The bride can offer to pay for all hair and makeup costs for the bridal party, especially if she wants control over their look. However, this can be expensive and may require early morning starts for everyone.
• Bridesmaids can pay for their own hair and makeup, giving them freedom to choose their preferred stylists.
• The bride and bridesmaids can split the costs, with the bride covering one service (e.g., hair) and the bridesmaids paying for the other (e.g., makeup).
• The bride can subsidise the costs, asking bridesmaids to contribute a set amount while covering the rest.

Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Communication is key; discuss options and budgets with your bridesmaids early in the planning process to ensure everyone is happy and prepared.

Gifts and expenses

Being a bridesmaid comes with a lot of expenses, from the dress and accessories to travel and accommodation. Here are some tips to help you navigate the financial aspects of being a bridesmaid while staying within your budget:

Budgeting for the Bridesmaid Dress and Accessories:

• Discuss the budget with the bride and other bridesmaids: It's important to have open and honest conversations about finances. Talk to the bride and other bridesmaids about how much everyone is comfortable spending on the dress and accessories.
• Offer price ranges: If you're the bride, consider offering a few price ranges to choose from, such as $100 to $200, $200 to $350, or $350+. This way, you can find an option that works for everyone's budget.
• Mismatched looks: Opting for a mismatched look, where each bridesmaid chooses a dress within a specific colour palette and style, can be a budget-friendly option. This allows everyone to find a dress that fits their budget and body type while still maintaining a cohesive look for the wedding party.
• Pre-owned dresses: Look for pre-owned dresses on sites like eBay or Poshmark. This can be a great way to find designer gowns at a fraction of the original price.
• Renting dresses: Consider renting dresses from sites like Rent the Runway, which offers a range of designer options at more affordable prices.

Other Expenses:

• Hair and makeup: Discuss with the bride whether hair and makeup will be professionally done or if everyone will do their own. If the bride requests professional services, it's considerate for her to cover the cost as a gift to the bridesmaids.
• Travel and accommodation: Traditionally, bridesmaids cover their travel and accommodation costs. However, the bride may offer to split these costs or set up discounted hotel room blocks for the wedding party.
• Bachelorette party: Bridesmaids typically plan and pay for the bachelorette party. If the party is expensive, like a trip to a tropical location, consider chipping in for an evening out rather than the entire trip.
• Bridal shower: The bridal shower is usually hosted and paid for by the maid of honour and bridesmaids. If you're not hosting, you can still contribute to the costs of food, decor, and activities.
• Gifts: While it's not required, it's customary for bridesmaids to give gifts to the couple. You can go in on a group gift with the other bridesmaids or stick with individual gifts. Additionally, if there is a bridal shower, it's considered good etiquette to bring a gift for the couple, especially if it's a gift-giving event.

Remember, it's important to be upfront and honest about your financial situation. If you're unable to afford certain expenses, communicate this early on, and look for alternative ways to contribute, such as offering planning support or day-of tasks.

Frequently asked questions