Etiquette Guide: Gifts And Wedding Invites

Wedding gifts are a traditional way to help newlyweds set up their new life together. However, times have changed, and many couples now live together before marriage and may not need household items. This has led to a shift in gift preferences, with couples now often requesting money or contributions to a honeymoon or house fund instead. Navigating the wording on wedding invitations to reflect these wishes can be tricky, but it's important to be clear to avoid confusion. This article will explore the best ways to communicate gift preferences to wedding guests.

How to politely ask for gifts

It can be tricky to know how to politely ask for gifts on your wedding invitations. Here are some tips and examples to help you out:

Emphasise Their Presence is the Most Important

The key to politely asking for gifts is to make it clear to your guests that their presence at your wedding is the most important thing. You can say something like:

> "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, if you wish to honour us with a gift, we have registered with [store name]..."

Or:

> "All we really want for our wedding day is for you to be there to celebrate with us. But if you'd like to give us a gift, we have a gift list at [store name]."

Provide Information on Your Gift Registry

If you have a gift registry, it's a good idea to include this information in your invitations. This helps direct your guests to something you actually want or need, and stops them from going rogue! You could say:

> "We've built a dream wedding gift list that will set us up for our new home together. Please don't feel obliged, but if you'd like to help us on our journey, please find our gift list details below."

> "Please don't feel obliged to purchase a gift, we're just happy we can share our special day with our nearest and dearest. But if you would like to, we've made our dream gift list with [store name]."

Ask for Money Instead of Physical Gifts

If you'd prefer to receive money instead of physical gifts, it's best to personalise this request so guests know what they're contributing towards. For example, you could ask for money towards your honeymoon:

> "We're hoping to create once-in-a-lifetime memories on our honeymoon and it would mean the world if you could help us make this a reality. There's no pressure to contribute, but if you'd like to, you can find our honeymoon fund at..."

Or, if you already have a home together, you could ask for money towards home improvements:

> "We would prefer your presence rather than your presents! However, if you insist, money towards revamping our home would be greatly appreciated."

Provide Alternative Options

If you don't want to ask for physical gifts or money, you could suggest guests make a donation to a charitable fund instead. You could say:

> "We don't want to receive gifts, but if you'd like to make a donation to our favourite charity, that would be very kind."

Or, you could suggest guests contribute to a specific cause that's important to you:

> "In lieu of gifts, please consider making a donation to [charity name]."

How to ask for money instead of gifts

Asking for money as a wedding gift can be tricky, but it's becoming more and more common, especially as many couples live together before getting married and already have household items. Here are some tips and examples to help you navigate this situation gracefully.

Be Clear and Direct

It's important to be clear and direct when asking for money instead of gifts. Let your guests know that their presence at your wedding is the most important gift of all. You can say something like, "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, if you wish to honour us with a gift, we would be grateful for a contribution to our honeymoon fund." This approach ensures that guests know their attendance is the priority while also providing them with an option to contribute if they wish.

Provide Specific Information

If you have a specific fund or registry set up for your honeymoon, new home, or other plans, be sure to include those details in your invitation. You can say something like, "We are hoping to create once-in-a-lifetime memories on our honeymoon, and it would mean the world if you could help us make this a reality. Please find our honeymoon fund details below." By providing specific information, your guests will know exactly how their contributions will be used.

Include a Separate Card

While it's important to include gift information in your invitation, it's best to avoid putting it directly on the invitation itself. Instead, include a separate card with your invitation suite that provides details about your wishes. This can be a discreet way to communicate your preferences without taking away from the main invitation.

Emphasise Their Presence

Throughout your communication, emphasise that the presence of your guests is the most important aspect of your wedding. You can say things like, "We are so thrilled to share our special day with our nearest and dearest. We don't want you to feel any obligation, but if you wish to contribute, we would be grateful for a gift of money to help us on our journey together." This approach ensures that your guests feel valued and appreciated.

Offer Alternative Options

In addition to asking for money, you can offer alternative options for guests who prefer to give a physical gift. You can mention that you have a small registry with a select few items you truly need or want. For example, "We are truly blessed to have everything we need, but if you would like to give a gift, we would be grateful for a contribution to our honeymoon fund or a surprise us with something from our registry." This approach provides guests with options that align with their preferences.

Be Mindful of Wording

When asking for money instead of gifts, it's essential to choose your words carefully. Avoid demanding or expecting monetary contributions. Instead, use phrases like "if you wish," "if you'd like," or "should you wish to honour us." For example, "We are so touched that you will be celebrating this special day with us. Should you wish to honour us with a gift, we kindly request a contribution to our future plans." This approach respects your guests' choices while still communicating your preferences.

How to ask for no gifts

When it comes to your wedding, you may have everything you need already or simply not want any gifts. Whatever the reason, it's perfectly acceptable to ask for no gifts on your wedding day. Here are some ways to communicate this to your guests:

Use Your Wedding Invitations

Although some etiquette experts advise against it, you can use your wedding invitations to politely mention that you don't want gifts. Here are some ways to word it:

• Your presence is your present. Please, no gifts.
• We're excited for your presence, not presents. Please, no gifts.
• Your presence is truly enough, no gifts please.
• We would prefer your presence rather than your presents!
• We want your presence, not presents.

Include an Insert or a Separate Card

Instead of writing it directly on the invitation, you can include a separate card or insert with your invitation suite that speaks to your decision. You can also add extra details about accommodations or your wedding website. Here are some examples:

• "Thank you so much for your generosity, but we prefer our guests not to bring gifts. We feel blessed enough that you're choosing to spend the day with us."
• "We would love to accept your present, but unfortunately, we don't have room for a lot of wedding gifts. Please give us the wonderful gift of your presence instead."
• "Having lived together for so long, we've amassed everything we could possibly need for our home. As such, we kindly request no boxed gifts."
• We have already got a kettle and toaster, crockery, dinner mats and matching coasters, so we would appreciate money for our honeymoon instead. But most importantly, we request that you come to our wedding as our guest.

Use Your Wedding Website

Your wedding website is another great way to communicate your wishes. Guests will naturally go to your website for registry information, so instead of a registry, you can include a note like:

• Please no gifts, we just want to celebrate with those we love most (that's you!)
• A request from [names]: Gift us only with the honour of your presence!
• Your wishes for a happy life together are the only gifts that we wish to receive. Please, no gifts!

Spread the Word in Person

In addition to written communication, use word-of-mouth to let your guests know. Mention this while socialising with your guests at your engagement party or on the phone with friends and family. You can also recruit your wedding party (bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc.) to help spread the word.

Offer Alternatives

Even if you don't want any physical gifts or cash, some guests will still want to give something. You can offer alternatives such as:

• A donation to your favourite charity or a specific charity close to your heart.
• A contribution to a specific fund (honeymoon, house, adoption, etc.)
• Gift cards or experiences (cooking classes, cabin getaways, etc.)

When to ask for gifts

Asking for gifts can be a tricky business, but rest assured that your wedding guests will want to contribute something to mark the occasion. The most common time to let people know about your gift preferences is when you send out your invitations. This is the most natural way to direct people to your list and avoid receiving rogue items you don't want or need.

However, it is considered impolite to include gift details on the invitation itself. Instead, you can include a separate gift card or add a line or two on your information card. You can also include small notification cards to be discreetly placed within your invitations, advising guests of your wedding list.

If you are asking guests to travel long distances and pay for accommodation, it can feel cheeky to ask for gifts on top of that. But remember, guests want to bring a gift, and it is perfectly acceptable to ask for one in a way that is appreciative of their attendance.

If you are not asking for gifts, it is still important to communicate this clearly to your guests. You can do this by omitting gift details from the invitation or including a simple line such as "Your presence is present enough".

Asking for Gifts

"We've built a dream wedding gift list that will set us up for our new home together. Please don't feel obliged, but if you'd like to help us on our journey, please find our gift list details below."

"Please don't feel obliged to purchase a gift, we're just happy we can share our special day with our nearest and dearest. But if you would like to, we've made our dream gift list with [store name]."

"For us, it's 'presence over presents'. Sharing our day with you is what matters most, but for those who would like to buy us a gift, you can find our registry on [store name or website URL]."

Asking for Money Instead of Gifts

"We're hoping to create once-in-a-lifetime memories on our honeymoon, and it would mean the world if you could help us make this a reality. There is no pressure to contribute, but if you'd like to, you can find our honeymoon fund and activities at [website URL]."

"If you'd like to buy us a gift, we've created a wedding gift list with [store name] in a bid to be more sustainable, only asking for what we truly need. Take a peek here: [personalised URL]."

"Your presence at our wedding is gift enough, but should you wish to buy us something, we'd greatly appreciate a contribution toward [insert cash fund here, and get specific about what it's going toward]."

"We're so lucky to have everything we need to start our life together. But if you wish to give a gift, we would be so grateful if you could help us make memories by contributing to our honeymoon fund."

"The best gift you could give us is your presence at our wedding. However, if you're inclined to give us a gift, we would graciously accept a contribution to our [insert cash fund here]."

Asking for No Gifts

"We're excited for your presence, not presents. Please, no gifts."

"Your presence is truly enough, no gifts please."

"Your presence at our wedding is more important to us than a gift, however, if you would like to help contribute some money towards our honeymoon, this would really make our day."

"We would prefer your presence rather than your presents! However, if you insist, money towards revamping our home would be greatly appreciated."

What information to include about gifts

It is generally considered rude to include gift details on the invitation itself. Instead, include this information on a separate gift card or a line or two on your information card.

If you have a gift registry or honeymoon registry at a particular store or travel agent, you will need to include the details in your invitations for your guests. This includes the store name or street address, website, and any codes or details they need to reference.

> "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, should you wish to honour us with a gift, a list [of gift suggestions] has been registered with [store name]"

> "We've built a dream wedding gift list that will set us up for our new home together. Please don't feel obliged, but if you'd like to help us on our journey, please find our gift list details below."

> "Your presence at our wedding is gift enough, but should you wish to buy us something, we'd greatly appreciate a contribution toward [insert cash fund here, and get specific about what it’s going toward: “buying a home,” “paying for our honeymoon,” etc.]."

If you are not requesting any gifts, you can simply omit gift details from the invitation. Alternatively, you can include a simple line such as "Your presence is present enough" or "We're excited for your presence, not presents. Please, no gifts."

Frequently asked questions