Last-Minute Best Man Back-Up Plans: What To Do?

It can be disappointing when the best man backs out at the last minute, but it's important to remember that speech-giving isn't for everyone. There are many reasons why someone might cancel plans or commitments at the last minute, and it's essential to respect their decision. In this situation, it's crucial to stay calm and find a solution. For example, you could ask another groomsman or a close friend or family member to step in as the best man. Alternatively, you could forgo the traditional best man speech altogether and find other ways for the best man to participate in the wedding, such as giving a reading during the ceremony or carrying the wedding rings. It's also important to communicate with the best man to understand their reasons and see if there's anything you can do to address their concerns.

Ask the groom's father to step in

Asking the groom's father to step in as best man can be a great solution when the original best man backs out at the last minute. Here are some tips to consider if you find yourself in this situation:

Firstly, it is important to have a honest and open conversation with the groom's father. Explain the situation and ask if he would be willing to take on the role of best man. It is crucial to ensure that he feels honoured and excited about the opportunity, rather than obligated or burdened.

If the groom's father agrees to step in, involve him in the wedding planning process as much as possible. This includes ensuring he is included in all the important meetings, events, and celebrations leading up to the wedding. It is also a thoughtful gesture to offer any support or assistance he may need, especially if he is feeling nervous or unsure about his new responsibilities.

To make the groom's father feel truly valued and appreciated, consider giving him a special gift or token of your appreciation. This could be something meaningful and related to the wedding, such as a personalised best man mug or a bottle of his favourite drink.

On the wedding day itself, ensure that the groom's father feels comfortable and confident in his role. Provide him with a clear outline of his duties and responsibilities, and offer any necessary guidance or support. It is also a thoughtful touch to include a special mention or introduction of the groom's father during the wedding ceremony or reception, acknowledging his important role.

Lastly, don't forget to capture plenty of memories with the groom's father on the big day! Include him in the wedding photos, especially those with the groom, to commemorate this special moment and the unique bond they share.

Nominate an understudy

Nominating an understudy to step in as best man is a great way to ensure the show goes on, even when the original best man has to back out at the last minute. Here are some tips to help you navigate this challenging situation:

First and foremost, it's important to choose someone who is reliable and trustworthy. This person should be honoured to take on the responsibility and be committed to fulfilling the duties of the best man. It's also a good idea to select someone who has a close relationship with the groom, such as a sibling, cousin, or close friend. This way, the groom can feel confident that his chosen stand-in has his best interests at heart.

Once you've selected your understudy, be sure to communicate the change to the rest of the wedding party and other key players, such as the maid of honour and the couple's families. It's important that everyone is on the same page to avoid any confusion or last-minute surprises.

To make the transition smoother, provide your understudy with a clear list of duties and responsibilities. These may include traditional best man duties such as giving a speech, organising the groom's bachelor party, and supporting the groom on the wedding day. It's also a good idea to give them a timeline of when certain tasks need to be completed, such as organising the bachelor party or writing the speech.

In some cases, the original best man may have already completed some of the duties, such as planning the bachelor party. In this case, the understudy can offer to take on other tasks to support the couple, such as helping with wedding day logistics or being the point of contact for vendors. The understudy can also offer emotional support to the groom, especially if the original best man's departure has caused any stress or disappointment.

Finally, it's important to be understanding and flexible. The understudy may have their own ideas about how to fulfil the role, and they may want to put their personal touch on certain duties, such as the best man's speech. As long as the groom is comfortable with any deviations from tradition, allowing the understudy to add their own flair can help them feel more comfortable and confident in their new role. Remember to express your gratitude for their willingness to step in and support the couple on their special day.

Nix the best man speech

So, the best man has backed out of the speech at the last minute—now what? First, it's important to remember that public speaking isn't for everyone. The best man likely has a good reason for cancelling, whether it's a fear of public speaking or the knowledge that they express themselves better through other means.

Recognise that speech-giving isn't for everyone

Offer the best man the option to embrace their strengths. If they're not comfortable with public speaking, perhaps they could give a reading during the ceremony, be the person to carry the wedding rings, or support the bride or groom behind the scenes.

Don't be afraid to buck tradition

Allow the best man to communicate their celebratory message in an alternative format. They could speak at the rehearsal dinner when there's a smaller crowd, or they could lead a dance during the reception.

Let someone else step up

If there's another groomsman, a sibling, cousin, or close friend who's eager to give a speech, let them step up to the plate.

Nix toasts altogether

If the couple isn't too fussed about toasts, they can keep them to a minimum or scrap them entirely. This is more common at modern weddings with younger crowds, where the focus is on maximising dancing time.

Remember, there are plenty of alternatives to speeches at a wedding, and the best man will likely be happy to honour the couple in another way.

Ask the best man to perform a reading

Asking the best man to perform a reading is a great alternative to a wedding speech if they are uncomfortable with public speaking or large crowds. It is a way for them to still actively participate in the wedding and honour the couple in their own way.

If the best man is not up for giving a speech, there are several other ways he can be involved in the wedding. He could give a reading during the ceremony, be the person to carry the wedding rings, or simply support the groom behind the scenes leading up to the wedding and on the day of. He could also be one of the witnesses as the couple signs their marriage license.

If the best man is uncomfortable with public speaking, there may be another groomsman or sibling who would be willing to give a speech instead. The couple could also choose to nix toasts altogether, especially if they have a younger crowd or would prefer to maximise dancing time.

It is important to recognise that speech-giving isn't for everyone and to offer alternative ways for the best man to contribute to the wedding. The couple should have a heart-to-heart chat with the best man to let him know it's okay if he doesn't want to give a speech and to discuss other ways he can be involved.

Find a new groomsman

If your best man backs out at the last minute, you may need to find a new groomsman. Here are some tips to help you through this challenging situation:

Don't panic and act quickly: Take a deep breath and don't panic. You may feel stressed and disappointed, but it's important to act quickly and find a solution. Start by reaching out to your close friends or family members who could step in as a replacement. It's better to choose someone who is already part of the wedding party or someone who is very close to you. Like this couple, who asked a friend who was originally going to do their video to step in as a groomsman.

Consider the father of the groom: If the father of the groom is not already part of the wedding party, consider asking him to be your new groomsman. This couple asked the father of the groom to be the best man, and he was honoured to do so. This can be a great honour for him and a way to include him more closely in your special day. It will also ensure that he sits at the head table with the rest of the wedding party.

Look within your bridal party: Another option is to ask one of the groomsmen to take on the role of the best man. This can be someone who is already quite close to the groom and would be honoured to step up. Alternatively, you could ask one of the bridesmaids' partners to join the groom's side, ensuring that the numbers stay balanced.

Reach out to close friends: If you have a close friend who is not already part of the wedding party, consider asking them to join as a groomsman. They may be delighted to be included, and it could be a chance to strengthen your friendship. Ensure they understand the responsibilities and are willing to take on the role, including any financial commitments, such as the cost of a tuxedo.

Be flexible with traditions: Remember that you can be flexible with wedding traditions. If you don't have time to find a replacement groomsman, you can still have a wonderful wedding. Consider having the maid of honour give a speech or including other special people in your ceremony. You could also ask a close friend or family member to perform a reading or be part of a special ritual during the ceremony.

Finding a new groomsman at the last minute can be challenging, but it's important to stay calm and remember that your wedding day will be special regardless of this setback. Focus on the positive and work with your close friends and family to find a solution that feels right for you and your partner.

Frequently asked questions