Wedding Invitation Etiquette: The Complete Guide For Hosts

Wedding invitation etiquette is a nuanced and sometimes confusing topic, but it's an important one to get right as it's your guests' first glimpse into your big day. The invitations should include the full names of the couple getting married, the hosts (if different), and the place and time of the ceremony. It's also important to give your guests enough time to plan, so send invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding, with an RSVP request of two to three weeks prior. Be sure to include all the necessary information, such as the bride and groom's names, the wedding date and time, the ceremony and reception locations, and the attire.

When to send wedding invitations

When it comes to wedding invitation timing, there are a few key points to consider. Firstly, save-the-date cards are typically sent out six to eight months before the wedding, but can be mailed up to a year in advance if you've finalised the details. This is especially important for destination weddings, giving your guests plenty of time to plan their travel arrangements.

Then, the wedding invitations themselves are usually sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding. This gives guests enough time to clear their schedules and finalise any travel plans. It's also common courtesy to include an RSVP date, which is typically due two to three weeks before the wedding. This allows the couple to provide a final headcount to the caterer and finalise their seating chart.

If you're having a destination wedding or celebrating over a holiday weekend, it's advisable to send out invitations three months in advance, giving guests ample time to make the necessary arrangements.

What to include in the invitations

When it comes to wedding invitations, you want to make sure you include all the necessary information while keeping things concise and clear. Here are some key things to include:

The Basics

• Names of the couple: Traditionally, the bride's name goes first, followed by the groom's name. However, for same-sex couples, you can list the names alphabetically by last name or based on what looks best with the invitation design.
• Names of the hosts: If the couple's parents are hosting, include their full names, with middle names for very formal weddings. For divorced parents, include the mother's name first, followed by the father's name on a separate line. If both sets of parents are hosting, list the bride's parents' names first, followed by the groom's.
• Date and time: The date and time should be written out in full, with the day of the week and month capitalised. For example, "Saturday, the fifteenth of September, two thousand twenty-four, at half after four in the afternoon."
• Venue: List the venue name and city, state (spelled out for formal weddings) on separate lines. If the reception is at the same location, you can simply say, "Reception to follow." If it's at a different venue, include it on a separate line or a reception card.

Additional Details

• Attire: While this is optional, it can be helpful for guests to know the expected dress code. If your wedding is black-tie, it's important to include this. Otherwise, guests will infer the attire based on the invitation's formality.
• RSVP details: Include an RSVP card with a reply-by date, typically two to four weeks before the wedding. Keep the wording consistent with the invitation. For example, "The favour of a reply" matches "The honour of your presence." For less formal invitations, "Kindly reply by" is more suitable.
• Guest names: On the RSVP card, include a line for guests to write their names and checkboxes for accepting or declining. For formal weddings, use the "M" line for guests to write their names and appropriate titles (Mr., Mrs., Miss, Ms.). For less formal events, "Name(s)" is more appropriate.
• Other events: If your wedding has multiple events during the weekend, include an activity card listing all the festivities open to guests in chronological order. Alternatively, put this information on your wedding website.
• Additional information: You can include an information card with directions, transportation info, lodging suggestions, etc. Avoid including registry details on the invitation itself; instead, put this information on your wedding website.

How to address the envelopes

When addressing the envelopes for your wedding invitations, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure you follow the proper etiquette. Here are some detailed instructions to help you with this task:

• Use full names: When addressing your guests, it is considered proper etiquette to use their full names, including titles, first names, middle names (optional), and last names. Avoid using nicknames or initials.
• Married couples: For heterosexual couples with the same last name, address them as "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's first and last name. For same-sex couples, either name can come first. If the couple has different last names or one person has a hyphenated last name, write their names on the same line with the woman's name first.
• Unmarried couples: For unmarried couples living at the same address, list both people's names on one line, with the person you are closest to first.
• Single guests: For single female guests over 18, use "Ms." For those under 18, use "Miss." For single male guests over 18, use "Mr." If a single guest has been offered a plus one, indicate this only on the inner envelope using "and guest" language.
• Professionals with distinguished titles: For doctors, spell out "Doctor" on the outer envelope and abbreviate it as "Dr." on the inner envelope. For military personnel, judges, and other professionals, use their appropriate titles, such as "Captain" or "The Honorable."
• Families with children: When inviting an entire family, list only the family name or the parents' names on the outer envelope. On the inner envelope, include the names of all invited family members, using "Miss" for female children under 18.
• Handwriting and labels: Always handwrite the addresses on the envelopes. Do not use address labels, even for a large number of guests.
• Timing: Send your invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding, or three months ahead of time for a destination wedding.

How to indicate the dress code

When it comes to indicating the dress code on your wedding invitations, there are a few different approaches you can take. Here are some instructive and detailed guidelines to help you:

Be Clear and Concise:

It is important to include the dress code on your wedding invitations to give your guests a clear understanding of what to wear. Be straightforward and avoid any vague or confusing language. For example, state "Black Tie," "Cocktail Attire," or "Dress Casual" directly on the invitation. This will ensure your guests know what is expected of them.

Provide Additional Details:

If you have specific requirements or themes for your wedding attire, include those details as well. For example, if you're having a beach wedding, indicate "Beach Casual" so guests know they can wear more relaxed outfits. If you want a more formal affair, specify "Black-Tie Optional." These extra details will help your guests feel more confident in their attire choices.

Use the Invitation Design as a Hint:

If you'd prefer not to explicitly state the dress code, you can use the design of your invitations to give a subtle hint. For instance, a traditional invitation with letterpress and calligraphy suggests a formal event, while an invitation with playful fonts and bright colours indicates a more casual style. Your guests can then infer the expected dress code from the overall aesthetic of the invitation.

Include a Separate Details Card:

Another option is to include a separate details card along with your invitation. This card can provide additional information such as the dress code, venue details, and any other relevant information. This approach allows you to give a more detailed explanation of the dress code without cluttering your main invitation.

Direct Guests to Your Wedding Website:

If you have a wedding website, you can use it as a platform to communicate the dress code in a more informal manner. This gives you the flexibility to go into more detail and provide examples or inspiration for your guests. It also allows guests to easily refer back to the information as needed.

Consider the Formality of Your Invitation:

Remember that if you don't explicitly include a dress code, your guests will likely infer the expected attire based on the formality of your invitation. A formal and elegant invitation suggests a more formal dress code, while a simpler and more casual invitation indicates a relaxed dress code. Keep this in mind when designing your invitations to ensure your desired message is conveyed.

Remember to choose an approach that aligns with the tone and style of your wedding. You can also combine these strategies to effectively communicate the dress code to your guests.

How to handle plus-ones

Handling plus-ones can be a tricky part of wedding planning, but there are some general rules of etiquette to follow. Here is a guide on how to navigate this aspect of your guest list:

Who Gets a Plus-One?

Firstly, it is important to note that you do not have to give every guest a plus-one. If your guests are not married or in a serious relationship, it is perfectly acceptable to extend a solo invite. However, there are certain guests who should receive a plus-one:

• Members of the couple's immediate family.
• Wedding party members.
• Outlier guests who won't know many other attendees.
• Couples who are engaged, live together, or are in a serious or long-term relationship.
• Single guests who are part of the bridal party.

If you are struggling to keep your guest list at a reasonable length, create an 'A' list of those who should receive a plus-one, and a 'B' list of guests it would be nice to include if possible.

How to Notify Guests

There are a few ways to let guests know they can bring a plus-one. The traditional method is to use an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope addresses the recipient, and the inner envelope lists the names of those invited, such as children or plus-ones. For modern invitations, be sure to address all invitees clearly and upfront. If the couple is invited, list both guests by their full names. If a single guest is allowed a plus-one, write their name and then "and guest".

Seating Arrangements

When planning your seating arrangements, be mindful of solo guests. Avoid seating them between couples, as this can be awkward. Instead, place them between outgoing and friendly couples with similar personalities to create a more communal feel.

Be Prepared for Questions

Guests who do not receive a plus-one may still reach out to ask about bringing a guest. In this case, enquire further about the requested addition, as their relationship status may have changed. If you do not have the space, it is okay to reply with a kind but firm explanation, such as: "We'd love to include everyone, but unfortunately, our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We hope to see you there!". It is best to communicate this over the phone or in person rather than via email.

Plus-One Etiquette for Guests

Plus-one etiquette also applies to guests. Guests should not sneak in a name substitution or bring an uninvited guest. If the original guest is no longer attending, politely ask the couple if you can bring someone else. If you are uncertain whether your guest will be able to attend, do not RSVP for them, as this could lead to unnecessary costs for the couple. If you do bring a guest, your gift should reflect that, although you shouldn't ask them to pitch in. Finally, find time to introduce your date to the newlyweds as a polite gesture.

Frequently asked questions