Rhiannon Hendricks
Traditional wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. While they are based on Western Christian norms, they are not universal to marriage, within Christian marriage, or even necessary in most legal jurisdictions. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church in England, with the first mention of marriage vows in a prayer book written in 1549. The vows are often said after the ceremony introduction and any readings, but before the rings are placed on the couple's fingers. While some couples write their own vows, many turn to traditional wedding vows as a way to incorporate their faith or culture into the occasion.
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What You'll Learn
The oldest wedding vows
The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, are as follows:
Groom:
"I, [name], take thee, [partner's name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth."
Bride:
"I, [name], take thee, [partner's name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."
Then, as the groom places the ring on the bride's finger, he says: "With this ring, I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost."
The Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church included the following vow for the wife: "Ich [name] take the [name] to my weddyd housbonde to have and to holden from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us do part."
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form: "I, [name], take you, [partner's name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
While the Bible is not the original source of wedding vows, many couples choose to include verses within their ceremony or speeches, with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 being the most popular: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
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Religion and culture
The wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries are derived from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, there were manuals of the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The compilers of the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
The priest will then say aloud:
> You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen.
In Jewish ceremonies, vows are recited only when the ring is given (or rings are exchanged). The groom says:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
Then the groom places the ring on the bride's finger. If the wedding is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) and places the ring on the groom's finger.
In many religions, the declaration of vows symbolises the moment when a couple officially becomes one, though the wording varies according to the specific religion. Wedding vows are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. They are also not universal within Christian marriage, as Eastern Christians do not have marriage vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies.
Many traditional vows are determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions.
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Variations and customisations
The wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries are derived from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. The first part of the vows of the Sarum rite is given in Latin and is said by the priest "in linguam maternam", or in the "mother tongue" of those present.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
The priest will then say aloud:
> You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen.
In Jewish ceremonies, vows are recited only when the ring is given or exchanged. The groom says:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
If the wedding is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) and places the ring on the groom's finger.
In the Quaker marriage tradition, the vows are:
> Man: Friends, in the fear of the Lord, and before this assembly, I take my friend AB to be my wife, promising, through divine assistance, to be unto her a loving and faithful husband, until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us.
While the Bible is not the original source of wedding vows, many couples choose to include verses within their ceremony or speeches, with this one being the most popular:
> Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Many couples today choose to write their own vows, incorporating humour or drawing inspiration from traditional religious and/or cultural wedding vows.
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The ring exchange
The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to manuals of the medieval church in England. The first mention of marriage vows was in a prayer book written in 1549, which inspired the traditional phrases used by couples today. The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, included the following exchange:
> Groom: With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.
In Jewish ceremonies, vows are only recited during the ring exchange. The groom says:
> Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel.
The groom then places the ring on the bride's finger. If it is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) and places the ring on the groom's finger.
In many religions, the declaration of vows symbolises the moment when a couple officially becomes one, though the wording varies according to the specific religion and culture. The traditional wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries derive from the Sarum rite of medieval England. While some couples choose to write their own vows, many turn to traditional wedding vows as a way to incorporate their faith or culture into the occasion.
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The removal of obey
The traditional wedding vows, as printed in the original Book of Common Prayer, included the word "obey" in the bride's vows. The groom's vows stated:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
While the bride's vows were:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
The word "obey" has often been criticised for its connotations of subservience and has been omitted from many modern wedding vows. On September 12, 1922, the Episcopal Church voted to remove the word "obey" from the bride's section of wedding vows. This decision was made to reflect the evolving nature of gender roles and the desire for mutual respect and equality within marriages.
The removal of the word "obey" from wedding vows is part of a broader shift towards more personalised and inclusive vows. Couples today often choose to write their own vows, incorporating cultural and religious elements that resonate with them. While traditional vows still hold significance for many, customising vows allows couples to express their unique perspectives on love, commitment, and the vision for their future together.
The exchange of vows remains a meaningful and emotional aspect of wedding ceremonies, symbolising the moment when a couple officially becomes one. Whether traditional or modern, these vows serve as a reminder of the promises made and the shared journey ahead.
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