Deborah Chan
Writing your own wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it's a great way to personalize your ceremony and celebrate what makes your relationship unique. Whether you're an aspiring poet or have left it to the last minute, your vows should be heartfelt and true to you and your partner. They should also be a suitable length and tone for your ceremony and guests. So, where do you start? Well, you could begin by reflecting on shared moments, expressing your love sincerely, and adding personal touches. You could also consider including romantic promises, funny anecdotes, or even quotes from your favourite books or films. Remember, there is no right way to write your vows, so take breaks, give yourself grace, and let your personality shine through.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Personal touches | "I vow to always let you have the last fry and to never steal your side of the bed unless it's too cold on my side." |
| Sentimentality | "I am yours forever and always. I choose you and am honored you have chosen me." |
| Humour | "I vow to always be honest with you and share my heart and mind openly." |
| Inside jokes | "I vow to support you in all of your dreams, even when they seem impossible." |
| Sweet memories | "I knew for a fact that I was going to marry you...She fell flat on her face, chipped her two front teeth...and I just remember thinking that this girl has literally fallen for me." |
| Quotes | "I promise to help, cherish, work, create, and explore this life with you." |
| Promises | "I promise to support you through every challenge and be your biggest cheerleader." |
| Honesty | "I promise to be your partner in all things, your biggest fan and your honest critic." |
| Gratitude | "Thank you for knowing that I've fought everyone that tried to put me in a dress since I could walk and allowing me to express myself the way I see fit." |
| Romance | "I will always honor the love we share and keep it sacred for all the years to come." |
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What You'll Learn
How to make your vows personal
Writing your wedding vows is a beautiful way to personalize your ceremony and celebrate what makes your relationship unique. Here are some tips to help you create vows that are meaningful and truly personal:
Start Early and Take Breaks
Give yourself plenty of time to craft your vows. Starting early allows you to find inspiration, reflect on your relationship, and avoid last-minute stress. Take breaks and give yourself grace. Don't overthink it; let your thoughts flow naturally and then refine them.
Reflect on Shared Moments
Think about the experiences you've shared and how your partner has impacted your life. Consider the moment you knew you wanted to marry this person or how your lives have intertwined to bring you to this point. Reflect on the unique bond you share and let it guide your words.
Express Sincere Love
Speak from the heart and don't be afraid to be sentimental. If the message feels true to you, don't worry about coming across as corny. Share your feelings honestly and sincerely. Your vows are a public proclamation of your love, so let your personality shine through.
Add Personal Touches
Include inside jokes, sweet moments, or memories that hold a special place in your relationship. Incorporate quotes or references from your favourite books, movies, or songs that capture your love story. Add a touch of humour to make your vows more relatable and enjoyable for both your partner and your guests.
Keep it Concise
While it's tempting to include every detail of your love story, try to keep your vows concise. Focus on 2-3 meaningful observations about your partner and choose one quote or reference. Select a few highlights that capture the essence of your relationship.
Sync Up with Your Partner
While the final vows should be a surprise, it's a good idea to communicate with your partner about the style, tone, and length of your vows. Discuss whether you want to include traditional elements, romantic promises, or lighthearted humour. This ensures that your vows complement each other and create a cohesive ceremony.
Remember, your wedding vows are a lifelong promise to your partner. Make them personal, heartfelt, and a true reflection of your unique bond.
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Adding humour to your vows
Wedding vows are deeply personal, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. However, if you want to add a touch of humour to your vows, here are some tips and examples to consider:
Know your audience
While you might be tempted to include inside jokes or references that only you and your partner understand, remember that your vows are also a public proclamation to your family and friends. Choose humour that will resonate with your guests and avoid anything that might be considered insensitive or inappropriate.
Keep it lighthearted
Funny vows are a great way to express your commitment and love in a lighthearted manner. They can showcase the fun dynamics of your relationship and provide a moment of levity during an emotional ceremony. For example, you could promise to always let your partner have the last blueberry pancake or make them breakfast in bed if you forget your wedding anniversary.
Be specific
Instead of making generic promises, try to be more specific and unique. For instance, instead of saying you both love watching movies, mention how much you enjoy watching "Mean Girls" together for the 800th time. Adding specific details will make your vows more amusing and memorable.
Include pop culture references
Incorporating quotes or references from movies, TV shows, books, or songs can add a touch of humour and modernity to your vows. For instance, you could adapt a famous movie line, such as "You complete me" from "Jerry Maguire," to say, "Just like Jerry Maguire, you had me at 'hello,' and yes, you complete me—and my Netflix watch list."
Make it relatable
Share quirky moments and fun anecdotes that reflect the joyful, lighthearted aspects of your relationship. For example, you could reminisce about a funny memory or inside joke that showcases your unique connection. Your vows should be a true reflection of your relationship, including the laughter and humour that you share.
In conclusion, adding humour to your wedding vows can be a delightful way to showcase your personality and your deep understanding of your partner. Just remember to keep it tasteful, lighthearted, and true to who you are as a couple.
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Keeping your vows concise
Focus on What Matters Most
Think about the core values, qualities, and experiences that have defined your relationship. What are the most important promises you want to make to your partner? Focus on these key elements and let them guide the structure and content of your vows.
Keep It Short and Sweet
A good rule of thumb is to keep your vows to around 2-3 minutes or less when spoken aloud. This ensures that your message is concise and easily digestible for your partner and your guests. It also helps to maintain the flow and timing of your wedding ceremony.
Personalize, But Avoid Clichés
Make your vows unique to your relationship, but be mindful of overused phrases or ideas. Instead of simply stating, "I promise to love and honour you," consider specific ways in which you intend to do so. For example, "I promise to love and honour you by always supporting your dreams, even when it means moving across the country for your dream job."
Include a Touch of Humour
Adding a lighthearted moment or a playful promise can make your vows more relatable and enjoyable. It shows that your relationship has depth and that you can find joy and laughter in everyday moments. For instance, "I promise to always do the dishes, even when it's my turn to cook."
Opt for Quality Over Quantity
It's not about how many words you use, but rather the sentiment and intention behind them. Choose your words carefully, infusing them with sincerity and authenticity. This will make your vows more meaningful and ensure they resonate with your partner and your guests.
Remember, your wedding vows are a reflection of your unique bond. By keeping them concise, you can deliver a powerful message that celebrates your love and sets the tone for your married life together.
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Sharing your vows before the wedding day
Sharing your wedding vows before the big day can be a tricky decision to make. Wedding vows are meant to be a sweet exchange between you and your partner, but also a public proclamation of your love and commitment to each other in front of your family and friends.
There are many reasons why couples may choose to share their vows privately before the wedding. One of the biggest benefits is that it gives you the freedom to be as emotional, personal, and intimate as you want without worrying about presenting your words in front of an audience. It can also be a good opportunity to ensure that your vows are similar in structure and tone, especially if you want to keep them a surprise for your guests.
On the other hand, some couples prefer to keep their vows a surprise until the wedding day. This can make the moment more authentic and meaningful, and you may still want to keep some elements of your vows a secret from your partner.
If you're unsure, consider giving each other guidelines or themes to follow, such as including one serious, one funny, and one happy thing. You could also include a personal statement, song, or quote in your vows, or exchange them privately before the public portion of the ceremony.
Ultimately, the decision to share your vows before the wedding day is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong answer. Do what feels most comfortable and meaningful for you and your partner.
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Using quotes from media
You can also draw inspiration from children's books or media as they often communicate deep, complex emotions in simple sentences. Old letters, messages, or photos can also be a source of inspiration. Lena, for example, included a love quote from Bell Hooks in her wedding vows.
However, it is important to ensure that your vows are not too long. Ideally, they should be around 250 to 300 words, which will take about two minutes to recite. It is also a good idea to start writing your vows at least three months before the wedding, to give them the attention they deserve.
"I, [Name], take you, [Partner's Name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." "I promise to laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen and learn from you, and speak to you with encouragement." "I vow to always let you have the last fry and to never steal your side of the bed unless it's too cold on my side. I promise to love you even when you're hangry, and to always share my snacks with you."
"I promise to be your partner in all things, your biggest fan and your honest critic. I vow to support your dreams and goals, to create a home filled with love and laughter, and to be your confidant and companion throughout our journey together." "In accordance with our faith and before [deity/religious figure], I pledge my love and commitment to you. I promise to honour and respect our shared values, and to walk beside you in faith, love, and devotion."
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Frequently asked questions
Your wedding vows should reflect the unique bond between you and your partner. They should be heartfelt, sincere, and filled with promises that you intend to keep. You can include personal touches, such as inside jokes, shared memories, and quotes from your favourite books or movies.
Keep your vows concise and meaningful. Focus on 2-3 meaningful observations about your partner, choose 1-2 marriage vows, and include a few highlights from your relationship.
Wedding vows don't always have to be serious. Lighthearted messages filled with humour can make the moment more relatable, personal, and enjoyable. However, it's important to ensure that your humour aligns with your partner's tone and delivery.
Writing your own wedding vows allows you to personalize your ceremony and celebrate what makes your relationship unique. However, traditional vows are classic and timeless. You can also incorporate elements of both by adding personal touches to traditional vows or including a personal statement, song, or quote during other parts of the ceremony.
Give yourself plenty of time to craft your vows. Start by reflecting on your relationship and identifying the unique aspects of your bond. Make a list of the qualities you admire in your partner, the reasons why you love them, and the promises you want to make to them. You can also draw inspiration from sample wedding vows or books on the topic.
