Junior Rasmussen
Wedding vows are promises made by a couple during their wedding ceremony. They can be written by the couple themselves or chosen from traditional, pre-written versions. The vows can be as unique as the couple wishes, ranging from a short paragraph to an original song. They can include romantic stories, funny anecdotes, or inspiring narratives about overcoming challenges. The key is to be heartfelt and honest, reflecting the couple's relationship and intentions for the future. Some couples choose to exchange private vows before the ceremony or include more sensitive details in a letter to their fiancé. The length of the vows can vary, but experts recommend keeping them concise and memorable, typically lasting one to five minutes.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Length | 1-5 minutes |
| Content | Anything that reflects your relationship and captures your intentions for the future |
| Structure | Address your partner, recap your love story, communicate traits you admire, describe what you appreciate about your relationship, list specific promises, and close with how you envision your future together |
| Tone | Humorous, romantic, modern, traditional, religious |
| Delivery | Recited from memory, read from a vow booklet, or exchanged privately |
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What You'll Learn
Wedding vow length and structure
Wedding vows are typically one to two minutes long, but they can range from a short paragraph to an original song. Wedding vow writer Katelyn Peterson recommends a basic structure for vows:
> "Address your partner and briefly recap your love story, communicate traits that you admire about your partner, describe what you appreciate about your relationship, list three to six specific promises, and close with how you envision your future together."
She suggests that the total time for vows should be between two and five minutes, emphasising that "brevity is best". It is important to keep in mind that vows should be meaningful and authentic, reflecting the unique bond between the couple.
When it comes to the structure of wedding vows, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Couples can choose to write their own vows or use traditional ones. Personalised vows can include anything that reflects the relationship and future intentions, such as sentimental tales, funny stories, or even inside jokes. Some couples may also opt for a private vow exchange before the ceremony.
To get started, couples can brainstorm ideas by answering questions such as where they first met, what they initially thought of each other, and what makes their relationship special. It is also beneficial to take breaks and not rush the process, as writing vows can be both exciting and challenging.
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Using humour and stories
Wedding vows are a couple's promises to each other, made in front of their loved ones. They are usually made during the wedding ceremony, right before the exchange of rings. While traditional wedding vows follow a set structure, self-written vows can take any format and include any content the couple chooses.
Humour and stories can be a great way to personalise your wedding vows and reflect the playful, joyful, and lighthearted aspects of your relationship. They can help break the ice and set a warm, inclusive tone for your celebration. Here are some tips and examples to help you craft funny and story-filled wedding vows:
Tips for Using Humour and Stories:
- Keep it Uplifting: Inject humour and stories that celebrate your loved one. Avoid anything that might be embarrassing or sensitive.
- Know Your Audience: Ensure your humour is appropriate for your guests. While inside jokes are great, they might exclude some guests. Opt for more unique qualities and quirks that are specific and amusing, such as a shared love for a particular movie.
- Be Yourself: Let your personality shine through. If you're a funny person, your vows are a great opportunity to showcase your wit.
- Keep it Balanced: Humour should be paired with sentiment. You can make your guests laugh while still creating a heartfelt moment.
Examples of Humorous and Story-Filled Vows:
- "I vow to always steal the covers, just to have an excuse to pull you closer. Even in the summer, when it's way too hot, I'll still sneak some covers and blame it on the dog."
- "I promise to laugh at all your jokes, even if I've heard them a hundred times. After all, some of them are your signature jokes."
- "I promise to always be your spider killer, no matter the time of day (or night). I'll grab a shoe and be ready for battle."
- "I promise to love you in sickness and in health, and even when you refuse to watch another episode of Below Deck with me."
- "I promise to make you a bacon sandwich when you’re hungover."
- "I vow to always keep my love for you as fresh as our wedding cake. Even long after our wedding day, I’ll continue to find new ways to show my love."
- "I want your worst—give me your bad hair days, your long commutes, your burnt coffee, lost keys, splashed shoes, annoying coworkers, lost receipts, broken copiers. Give me your everyday and I will give you my love to make it alright."
- "I promise to continue to defend you every time my parents tell me you're weird."
- "I, [Name], take you, [Partner's Name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
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Religious vows
Religious wedding vows are declarations of lifelong commitment to each other, made in the presence of God and loved ones. They are usually spoken during a ceremony in a registered religious building, such as a church.
The format of religious wedding vows can vary depending on the religion and the couple's preferences. Some religions have set vows that must be recited verbatim, while others allow for customisation or the inclusion of additional personal vows.
For example, in the United States, Catholic wedding vows often take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
Similarly, Episcopal wedding vows are taken from the Episcopal Church's Book of Common Prayer:
> [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honour and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live? In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/ till death do us part.
In contrast, a traditional Jewish ceremony does not include spoken wedding vows. Instead, the key moments include the ring exchange and the Seven Blessings (Sheva B'rachot), which represent the marriage contract. However, modern Jewish couples may choose to include self-penned vows in their ceremony.
When deciding on the format of religious wedding vows, it is important to consider the specific requirements and traditions of the religion, as well as any legal requirements for the marriage to be valid. Additionally, couples may want to incorporate personal touches, such as references to family traditions, poetry, or extracts from religious texts.
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Personalising traditional vows
Personalising traditional wedding vows is a great way to make the ceremony more intimate and meaningful. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, you can add your own spin to your promises to make them more personal. Here are some tips and examples to help you get started:
Tips for Personalising Traditional Vows:
- Include a sentimental tale about how you met or a funny story that highlights your partner's quirks.
- Inject humour and stories that are uplifting and positive. Avoid anything that might be embarrassing or sensitive.
- Make sure to mention "I love you" at some point in your vows.
- Add personal touches that reflect your unique bond as a couple.
- Keep your vows concise and memorable. Avoid writing a lengthy dissertation on your love story.
- If you're having a religious wedding, speak to your officiant about adding personal touches to the traditional vows.
Examples of Personalised Traditional Vows:
"I, [Name], take you, [Partner's Name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
"I promise to laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen and learn from you and speak to you with encouragement."
"I vow to always let you have the last fry and to never steal your side of the bed unless it's too cold on my side."
"Just like a team of explorers, we'll navigate life's uncharted territories, savouring the highs and learning from the lows. Together, we'll climb mountains, cross valleys, and navigate the unknown. With you, every adventure is sweeter."
"I promise to be your partner in all things, your biggest fan, and your honest critic. I vow to support your dreams and goals, to create a home filled with love and laughter, and to be your confidant and companion throughout our journey together."
"Gabriel, about 10 years ago, he walked into a choir practice room that I was in, plucking very poorly at the piano. You asked me if there was anything you could pray about. I said no, but if I would have known you would take the next six years to ask me on a date, I might have asked you to pray on that. Little did I know that on your own, you were praying to God to make me your wife."
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Writing your own vows
Writing your own wedding vows is a wonderful way to personalise your ceremony and make it more meaningful, intimate, and compelling. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, your self-written promises can take on any format and include any content you see fit. Here are some tips to help you create your own unique wedding vows:
Reflect on Your Relationship
Take some time to reflect on your relationship and think about what makes it special. Consider the memorable moments you have shared together, both good and bad. Think about how your partner has impacted your life and what they mean to you. Be sure to include both the romantic and funny moments that showcase your partner's quirks and the depth of your love.
Express Your Love and Appreciation
Sincerely express your love for your partner and appreciate all the qualities that make them who they are. Speak about the traits you admire, the moments that made your love grow stronger, and how they have supported and inspired you. Be open and heartfelt in your expression of love, as this will create an emotional and intimate atmosphere during the vow exchange.
Make Personal Promises
In addition to expressing your love, wedding vows are also about making promises to your partner. These promises can be as unique as your relationship and can include anything from grand gestures to everyday acts of love. Consider what commitments you want to make, such as promising to support their dreams, creating a loving home, or simply always letting them have the last fry. These promises will serve as a foundation for your married life together.
Keep it Concise and Memorable
While it's important to express your feelings, try to keep your vows concise and memorable. Vows that are too long may lose their impact and can be challenging to deliver on your wedding day due to nerves and emotions. Aim for a length of two to five minutes, and remember that brevity often makes vows more powerful and easier to recall.
Practice and Prepare
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to memorise your vows perfectly. Instead, write them down in a vow booklet, so you can refer to them during the ceremony. Practice reading your vows aloud and making eye contact with your partner to create a more intimate moment. You can also consider exchanging private vows before the ceremony if you prefer a more intimate setting.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to writing wedding vows. Feel free to customise and adapt these tips to suit your unique relationship and personal style. The most important thing is to speak from the heart and create vows that truly reflect the bond you share with your partner.
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Frequently asked questions
There is no set format for wedding vows. While traditional wedding vows tend to follow a specific structure, self-written vows can take on any format and include any content you see fit.
Wedding vows should be kept concise and memorable. They typically last about one to two minutes, but they can take twice as long on the day itself due to nerves and excitement.
Wedding vows are promises that you intend to keep as you continue into marriage. They can include anything that reflects your relationship and captures your intentions for the future. You can include a sentimental tale about how you met, a funny story, or an allusion to hard times.
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