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Wedding vows are promises exchanged between a couple during their wedding ceremony. They are usually recited during a special moment in the ceremony, and often symbolise the point at which a couple officially becomes one. Vows can be traditional, religious, or personalised. Traditional vows are often favoured for their familiarity, while personalised vows allow a couple to celebrate what makes their relationship unique. Religious vows are determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, and can include ring exchanges. This article will explore the different types of vows and provide examples of what is said during wedding ceremonies.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Promises | To love, cherish, support, inspire, respect, honour, comfort, encourage, trust, be faithful, be obedient, be truthful, be helpful |
| Reciprocity | "I take you to be my husband/wife/partner, and you take me to be your wife/husband/partner" |
| Commitment | "I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow", I commit myself to be faithful, I will love you all the days of my life, I will never leave your side, I will stand beside you, I will share with you all of life's adversities and joys, I will be your biggest supporter, I will listen with understanding, I will not take this kind of love for granted |
| Spirituality | "In the name of God", In the presence of God, Before God and everyone present here, In accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, To honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire |
| Eternity | "Until death do us part", I will love you forever, Our souls are made for each other, I will love you always, For as long as we both shall live, I will love you all the days of my life |
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What You'll Learn
Promises of love, faithfulness, and devotion
Wedding vows are a public proclamation of love, faithfulness, and devotion. They are a promise to support, encourage, and care for one another through all life's challenges and joys.
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my husband/wife, my partner and friend. To join my life with yours, to share with you all that is to be, to laugh with you in joy, to comfort you in sorrow, to grow with you in love. I will honour you and be faithful to you, all the days of my life. This is my vow."
"I promise to be your lover, companion, and friend, your ally in conflict, your partner in peace, and your biggest supporter. I will be your comfort in disappointment, your accomplice in mischief, and your strength in times of need. I will listen with understanding and trust you completely, all the days of my life."
"I will love you on the days when you laugh and your smile shines in your eyes, but I vow to love you just as much when it doesn't. I will love you on the days where you are full of light, but I vow to love you just as much through the darkness. I will love you through your peace, but I vow to love you just as much through the pain, hurt, and healing. I vow to love you as you are in all stages of our life."
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband]. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love and honour you all the days of my life."
"I thought I knew everything before I met you, then I met you and I realised I didn't know anything—not until we fell in love. You are my person, my inspiration, my love, and my everything. I cannot wait to spend a lifetime loving you."
The Meaning of Wedding Vows
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Reciprocity and equality
Wedding vows are a public proclamation of love and commitment, often exchanged during a ceremony in the presence of family and friends. They can be traditional or personalised, with the latter allowing couples to celebrate what makes their relationship unique.
Traditional wedding vows have been a popular choice for couples, with their timeless and enduring quality. These vows are often determined by the religion underpinning the marriage ceremony, such as Hindu, Jewish, Christian, or Muslim traditions. While the wording may vary, traditional vows typically symbolise the moment when a couple officially becomes one.
For instance, in Christian traditions, vows may include phrases such as "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death." This vow exemplifies reciprocity and equality by expressing a mutual commitment to support and love each other through life's challenges and joys.
Similarly, in Muslim traditions, the couple may pledge "in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet... to be for you an obedient and faithful [wife/husband/partner]." This vow reflects equality and mutual devotion to God and each other.
Personalised wedding vows offer couples the opportunity to craft their own promises, ensuring reciprocity and equality in their unique way. For example, a couple may choose to emphasise their commitment to mutual growth, support, and companionship:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, my partner and friend. To join my life with yours, to share with you all that is to be, to laugh with you in joy, to comfort you in sorrow, to grow with you in love. I will honour you and be faithful to you, all the days of my life. I vow to love you, encourage you, trust you, and respect you. I accept you as you are, and I offer myself in return."
Another couple may focus on their shared adventures and mutual support:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, my partner and friend. I promise to be your lover, companion, and friend, your ally in conflict, your partner in peace, and your biggest supporter. I will be your comfort in disappointment, your accomplice in mischief, and your strength in times of need. I will listen with understanding and trust you completely, all the days of my life."
Personalised vows allow couples to tailor their promises to reflect their unique relationship dynamics, ensuring that reciprocity and equality are expressed in a way that resonates with them.
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Religious references
Wedding vows are promises made by each partner during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms, though Eastern Christians do not include vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church.
The religious vows used in the UK were first written in the Book of Common Prayer in 1549, though they were around earlier in the Sarum Rite in Medieval England. The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, are:
> Groom: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
> Bride: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
The groom then places the ring on the bride's finger and says:
> With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.
In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
The priest will then say:
> You have declared your consent before the Church. May the Lord in his goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with his blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Amen.
In the Episcopal Church, wedding vows are taken from the Book of Common Prayer. They are as follows:
> [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honor and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live?
> In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/ till death do us part.
In a traditional Jewish ceremony, there are no spoken wedding vows. Instead, the ring exchange and seven blessings (Sheva B'rachot) represent the marriage contract. However, modern couples may choose to include self-penned vows in their nuptials.
At Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. They make these promises as they walk around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire.
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Commitment in adversity
Wedding vows are a public proclamation of love and commitment to one's partner. They are a promise to support, love, and care for one another through all life's challenges and joys. This exchange of vows is a symbolic moment when a couple officially becomes one.
When it comes to "Commitment in Adversity," wedding vows often include phrases such as "for better, for worse," "in sickness and in health," and "for richer, for poorer." These phrases acknowledge that marriage is a journey that will have its fair share of difficulties and uncertainties. By including these phrases, the couple pledges to stand by each other through all of life's trials and tribulations.
For example, a vow may state: "I promise to be your ally in conflict, your partner in peace, and your biggest supporter. I will be your strength in times of need and will support you through sickness and health, for richer or poorer." Here, the couple acknowledges that there will be challenging times, such as illness or financial difficulties, and they vow to face these adversities together, offering strength and support to one another.
Another example of a vow focusing on commitment in adversity is: "I will love you on the days when you laugh and your smile shines in your eyes, but I vow to love you just as much when it doesn't. I will love you through your peace, but I vow to love you just as much through the pain, hurt, and healing." Here, the individual pledges to love and support their partner through both the good and bad times, recognizing that adversity will bring out their unwavering commitment.
Some couples may also include religious elements in their vows, such as the traditional Christian vow: "In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow." Here, the couple seeks divine guidance and blessing as they navigate life's challenges together.
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Joy and celebration
Wedding vows are a declaration of a couple's love and commitment to each other, often exchanged during a ceremony in front of family and friends. They are a time-honoured tradition and a public proclamation of a couple's intention to unite as one.
While the tone and content of wedding vows can vary, joy and celebration are common themes that are woven throughout. For example, many traditional vows include phrases such as "for better, for worse", "for richer, for poorer", and "in sickness and in health", acknowledging the potential challenges of married life while also celebrating the joy and strength of the union.
Some couples choose to include more personalised vows, expressing their unique love story and what they find joy in about their partner. For instance, one person may vow to be their partner's "favourite comedian" or to "laugh with you in joy and comfort you in sorrow". These types of vows bring a sense of levity and joy to the ceremony and can make the celebration more intimate and meaningful.
The exchange of rings, which often follows the recitation of vows, is another symbol of joy and celebration. The ring represents an unbroken circle of love, and the act of placing it on the partner's finger is a tangible expression of the promises being made. In some cultures, such as Hindu weddings, couples walk around a ring of fire to honour the god of fire, further emphasising the sacredness and joy of the union.
The very act of writing and reciting personalised vows can be a joyful experience for the couple. It gives them an opportunity to reflect on their relationship, savour the excitement of their engagement, and create a unique ceremony that celebrates their love. While it can be a daunting task, many couples find that the process of writing their vows brings them closer together and allows them to express their feelings in a profound and meaningful way.
In conclusion, while wedding vows encompass a range of emotions and commitments, joy and celebration are integral elements. Whether through traditional or personalised vows, the exchange of rings, or the process of writing the vows themselves, the happiness and delight of the occasion shine through, setting the tone for the couple's married life together.
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Frequently asked questions
Traditional wedding vows are determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions. For example, in a Christian ceremony, the vows may be: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until parted by death. This is my solemn vow."
Non-traditional wedding vows are a great way to personalize your ceremony and celebrate what makes your relationship unique. Here is an example: "I thought I knew everything before I met you, then I met you and I realized I didn't know anything—not until we fell in love."
Here are some tips for writing your own wedding vows:
- Keep it concise and meaningful.
- Include personal commitments and marriage vows.
- Choose a quote from a poem, movie, or philosopher.
- Practice beforehand to get comfortable with your words.
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