Lyla Dejesus
Wedding vows are a very personal affair, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Some women prefer to stick to traditional vows, while others prefer to write their own. For those who opt to write their own vows, it's important to agree on the type, style, and length with their partner. Wedding vows can include a narrative of the relationship, the couple's promises for the future, or a combination of both. They can be simple, romantic, or modern, and can include religious elements. Ultimately, the content of wedding vows is a reflection of the couple's unique relationship and values.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Honesty | I promise to be your honest, faithful, and loving wife for the rest of my days |
| Support | I promise to support your dreams for the rest of our lives |
| Trust | I promise to trust you with my credit card |
| Respect | I promise to respect you for the amazing woman you are |
| Acknowledging challenges | You know I started writing this months ago, but goodness how they have changed in the past 12 days. What a week we have had. The first of many hard decisions we will have to make together, the first of many challenges we will face. |
| Acknowledging each other's quirks | I promise to try not to get mad when you leave your towel on the bedroom floor or make me lock the cars and house 5 times before bed |
| Friendship | You are my best friend |
| Acknowledging the past | You've lived on a construction site since the first day we bought our house and have taken it in good spirits |
| Acknowledging the future | Together we can accomplish the life we dream of, because we are a team |
| Romance | You are the person that keeps me singing, smiling, and laughing |
| Gratitude | Thank you for standing by me and sticking with me through thick and thin |
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What You'll Learn
Promises of a shared future
A wedding is a celebration of the love and commitment between two people, and the vows are a crucial part of this. They are a promise of a shared future, a declaration of devotion, and a testament to the strength of the relationship.
"I promise to never take you for granted and to love and cherish every single day that I have with you. Together we will walk into the future side by side as partners, lovers, best friends, and as husband and wife. Together we can accomplish the life we dream of, because we are a team."
"I give you this ring as a sign of my love that's forever, eternal, and never-ending, like the circle in this ring. My darling, it's with pride and joy that I take you for my wife/husband. Together, we can weather any storm, no matter the season of our lives."
"I promise to always put you first, even during football season. I promise to never keep score, even when I'm clearly winning. You're the French fries to my chocolate shake."
"I vow to love you always, when life is sunny and when it is grey. I promise to respect you for the amazing woman you are and to support your dreams for the rest of our lives. I promise to try not to get mad when you leave your towel on the bedroom floor or make me lock the cars and the house five times before bed."
"I, [Name], offer you myself in marriage. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful wife/a faithful and helpful husband."
Additionally, here are some more examples of wedding vows that include "promises of a shared future":
- "You truly saw me. You understand me, accept me, in a way no one else has, in a way that I believe no one else can. You are my best friend…"
- "With you, I know I will never have to do anything on my own."
- "Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now, there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be a companion to the other."
- "I mean I had braces for nearly 5 years as a grown man and you stayed by my side. [...] Our goals and visions for the future aligned early when we both realized that we wanted similar things in life."
- Including allusions to hard times can make your vows more relatable and honest. For example, "What a week we have had. The first of many hard decisions we will have to make together, the first of many challenges we will face."
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Acknowledging past challenges
Wedding planning can be challenging, and these challenges can be a great opportunity to reflect on how you tackle conflict as a couple. This can be a great source of inspiration for your vows. For instance, you could mention how your partner has been there for you during a particularly difficult time, or how you have supported each other through a shared struggle.
It is important to acknowledge that relationships are not always easy and that you have weathered storms together. This can make your vows more relatable and honest. For example, you could mention a specific incident that tested your relationship but ultimately brought you closer together. This could be a powerful way to demonstrate your commitment to one another and your ability to overcome challenges as a team.
You could also mention how your partner has supported your personal growth and pursuits. For example, you could thank them for encouraging you to pursue your hobbies and dreams, or for standing by you during a significant life event, such as a move abroad or a career change. This can showcase your partner's selflessness and their commitment to helping you become the best version of yourself.
Additionally, it can be meaningful to reflect on how your relationship has grown and strengthened over time. You could mention the milestones you have achieved together, such as the number of years you have been together, the distance you have travelled, or the number of homes you have shared. This can demonstrate your dedication to one another and your ability to overcome the challenges that come with long-term relationships.
Finally, it can be powerful to acknowledge any personal challenges your partner has helped you overcome. For example, you could thank them for seeing you through a difficult period of personal growth or for accepting you during a time when you were struggling to accept yourself. This can showcase your partner's unwavering support and their ability to provide a sense of stability and acceptance.
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Appreciation and gratitude
Expressing Gratitude for Your Partner
Begin by thanking your partner for their presence in your life and for the love and joy they bring to your heart. You can acknowledge their impact on your life and express your appreciation for their unique qualities. For instance, you could say something like: "You are the most generous, caring, loving, and selfless person I know. Having you by my side through life's challenges and adventures has made me the luckiest person alive." This sets a heartfelt tone for the rest of your vows.
Recognising Their Support and Acceptance
If your partner has stood by you through thick and thin, be sure to acknowledge this in your vows. You can express gratitude for their unwavering support, acceptance, and belief in you. For example: "Thank you for seeing me, truly seeing me, and accepting me as no one else has. You believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself, and for that, I am forever grateful." This showcases the depth of your connection and the strength of your bond.
Celebrating Your Unique Journey
Include a tribute to your shared experiences and the journey that brought you to this moment. You can mention specific memories, funny anecdotes, or challenges you've overcome together. For instance: "I remember the first time I saw you; your warm and inviting eyes and magnetic smile immediately captivated me. From that moment on, I knew our story would be extraordinary. I'm grateful for every step that led us here." This adds a personal touch to your vows and celebrates your unique history.
Appreciating Their Love and Commitment
Express your appreciation for your partner's love, commitment, and the future you will build together. You can vow to cherish and honour their love, and to face the future as a team. For example: "I am grateful for your love, which has brought light and laughter into my life. As we walk into the future side by side, I promise to love, honour, and cherish you every single day. Together, we will create the life we dream of." This reinforces the idea of a shared journey and a mutual commitment to each other.
Gratitude for Their Uniqueness
Take the time to appreciate the little things that make your partner who they are. This could be their sense of humour, their patience, their ability to make you feel safe, or any other unique qualities that make your relationship special. For instance: "I appreciate your patience, your ability to make me laugh, and the way you always know when I need a hug. These little things mean the world to me, and I am grateful every day for the joy you bring into my life." This showcases your attention to detail and your appreciation for their individuality.
Remember, these are just examples to spark inspiration. The most important thing is to speak from the heart and tailor your vows to reflect your unique relationship. By incorporating appreciation and gratitude, your wedding vows will be heartfelt and memorable.
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Humour and inside jokes
Wedding vows can be a beautiful, emotional, and nerve-wracking experience. Adding humour and inside jokes can ease the tension and create a warm atmosphere, offering a glimpse into the dynamics of your relationship. It can also showcase your personality and make your ceremony stand out. However, it is important to strike a balance between humour and sincerity, ensuring your guests walk away with fond memories and a deeper understanding of your commitment. Here are some tips and examples to incorporate humour and inside jokes into your wedding vows:
Know Your Audience:
Consider who will be in attendance at your wedding. Your audience may include guests from diverse backgrounds and age groups. While inside jokes can work if most guests know you well, broader humour is generally safer for a diverse audience. Avoid jokes that could be considered offensive or controversial, and be mindful of cultural differences. For multi-cultural weddings, ensure your jokes are appropriate and well-received across different cultural contexts.
Draw from Shared Experiences:
The best wedding vow jokes are often the most personal ones. Draw from your shared experiences, inside jokes, or quirks unique to your relationship. This makes the jokes funnier and more meaningful. For example, if your partner is terrified of spiders, you could vow to always protect them from spiders. Or, if you love watching movies together, mention a specific movie you both enjoy, like "I can't wait to watch Mean Girls with you for the 800th time."
Include Sweet and Relatable Jokes:
While inside jokes can be fun, sweet jokes that are relatable to your guests can create a more inclusive atmosphere. For example, "I promise to always check with you before binging a new Netflix show." Or, "Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend every night of the week."
Make Light-Hearted Promises:
Instead of making grand, serious promises, include some silly and light-hearted ones that relate to your partner's interests and personality. For example, promising to fix the lightbulb in the bedroom, listen to your spouse talk about their favourite topics, or do taxes together. These types of promises can bring a smile to your partner's face and create a relaxed atmosphere.
Add Self-Deprecating Humour:
If it suits your personality, include some self-deprecating jokes or humorous stories from your relationship. For example, if you met in high school, you could make light of your cringey teenage years. This type of humour can make your guests laugh and also showcase your authenticity.
Remember, the key is to keep your humour appropriate, relatable, and balanced with sincerity and expressions of your love and commitment. By incorporating these tips, you can create wedding vows that are both heartfelt and entertaining, leaving your guests with a memorable experience.
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Religious references
When it comes to religious wedding vows, there are a variety of options for women to choose from, depending on their faith and personal preferences. Here are some examples of religious references that can be incorporated into wedding vows:
Christian Wedding Vows
Christian wedding vows are often based on Western Christian norms and traditions found in the Bible. One traditional set of Christian wedding vows is derived from the Book of Common Prayer, which includes phrases such as:
> I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give/plight thee my troth.
The Book of Common Prayer offers a choice for couples, with options such as "love and cherish" or "love, cherish, and worship" for the groom, and "love, cherish, and obey" for the bride. In 1922, the Episcopal Church voted to remove the word "obey" from the bride's section of the vows, recognising the importance of equality and mutual respect in a marriage.
Another option for Christian wedding vows is the Episcopalian version, which is inclusive of the LGBTQ+ community and affirms modern values while maintaining a religious ceremony:
> [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honour and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live? In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/till death do us part.
Presbyterian wedding vows also emphasise the role of God in the marriage covenant:
> [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wife/husband, and wilt thou pledge thy faith to him/her, in all love and honour, in all duty and service, in all faith and tenderness, to live with her/him, and cherish her/him, according to the ordinance of God, in the holy bond of marriage? I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, and I do promise and covenant, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife, in plenty and want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.
Hindu Wedding Vows
Hindu wedding vows often incorporate traditional rituals and symbolism. One example of a Hindu wedding vow is:
> We shall share the same food, share the strengths, the same tastes. We shall be of one mind, we shall observe the vows together; I shall be the Sama, you the Rigveda; I shall be the upper world, you the earth; I shall be the Sukhilam, you the Holder; Together we shall live and beget children, and other riches. Come thou, Oh, sweet-worded girl.
Islamic Wedding Vows
In Islam, there is no specific required religious ceremony for weddings. The union of a husband and wife is primarily a legal process, often with little or no ceremony. The man and woman both say "qbul" or "qabool", meaning "I accept", to finalise the marriage.
Personalising Religious Vows
It is important to note that religious vows can be personalised to reflect the unique nuances of a couple's relationship and their faith. For example, Marquis, in his vows to Neerellyn, incorporated his faith while also tailoring his words to their relationship:
> I vow to always be your protector and confidante, responsible for making sure your every need is met, every want is reached, and every dream realised. It's said that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from God. From this life we have built to get to this moment, this great moment in our life, looking into your beautiful eyes, I vow to always be your good thing, with love in my heart, always by your side, to my last breath. I love you.
Whether couples choose traditional religious vows or create their own, the inclusion of religious references adds a layer of depth and meaning to the ceremony, honouring their faith as they begin their married life together.
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Frequently asked questions
It's up to you what you include in your vows, but it's a good idea to talk to your partner about what they want to include and the type, style and length of their vows. You might want to include what you love about each other, memorable moments you've shared, and any challenges you've overcome together.
It's important to keep in mind that your vows shouldn't be too long. If they're over two minutes when practising out loud, it's time to edit.
It's up to you, but many people do include humour in their vows. For example, one person vowed to "feign offence every time you rip a big one, even though we both know it's really very funny, because I know how much it makes you laugh".
It's completely up to you whether you write your own vows or use traditional vows. You might want to tweak traditional vows to make them feel more personal.
