The Art Of Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Initials And More

Wedding invitations are a chance to showcase your personal style and set the tone for your special day. While there are no hard and fast rules, certain traditions and etiquette are worth considering when deciding on the wording and whose name goes first. Traditionally, the bride's name is listed first, followed by the groom's full name, as the bride's parents typically host and finance the wedding. However, modern couples often have more freedom, especially if they are hosting and financing the wedding themselves, and may choose to prioritise aesthetics, such as how names fit with the invitation design or monogram. Same-sex couples may opt for alphabetical order or choose the order based on what sounds best, free from traditional constraints. Ultimately, the key is to choose what feels right and reflects your style and relationship.

Whose name goes first?

There is no definitive rule about whose name goes first on a wedding invitation. It is a personal choice and depends on several factors, including tradition, hosting, and aesthetics. Here are some considerations to help you decide:

Tradition and Etiquette

In Western cultures, particularly in the United States, it is customary for the bride's name to appear first, followed by the groom's full name. This tradition stems from historical practices where the bride's family played a more significant role in the marriage, often hosting and financing the wedding. However, modern couples are increasingly moving away from this convention, opting for more egalitarian and personal choices.

Hosting and Financing

If the wedding is hosted and financed by the bride's parents, it is customary to list the bride's name first as a way of acknowledging their role. On the other hand, if the wedding is hosted and financed by the groom's parents or if the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, it is not uncommon to see the groom's name listed first.

Same-Sex Couples

For same-sex couples, there is no traditional order to follow, and they have the freedom to choose the order that best represents their relationship and personal preferences. Some options include listing names in alphabetical order, by age, or simply by how the couple is commonly referred to.

Aesthetic Considerations

Some couples choose the order of names based on how harmonious the combination sounds. They consider the lyrical quality and rhythm of the names together, creating an invitation that is inviting and personal.

Equality and Partnership

Some couples, especially those in same-sex or gender-diverse relationships, choose a format that highlights their equal partnership. This could involve alternating the order of names in different wedding communications or creating a blended last name.

Personal Preference

Ultimately, the choice of whose name goes first can be deeply personal. Couples may select an order that holds special meaning in their relationship, such as the order they met or the partner who proposed first.

The host line

> Mr. and Mrs. [Father's first name] [Bride's surname] request the honour of your presence...

This is followed by the bride's first and middle names and the groom's full name. The bride's parents are usually the hosts and financiers of the wedding, which is why this format is used.

However, it has become more common to name both sets of parents as hosts, especially as weddings have become more expensive, and both sets of parents often contribute financially. In this case, the host line could be:

> [Bride's parents' names] and [Groom's parents' names] request the honour of your presence...

If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, the host line can be omitted. However, if the couple is hosting with both sets of parents, the host line could be:

> Together with their families, [Bride's name] and [Groom's name] request the pleasure of your company...

For same-sex couples, the traditional rule of the woman's name first does not apply. The names can be listed in alphabetical order or simply in the order that sounds best. For example:

> Together with their families, [Name] and [Name] request the honour of your presence...

The request to attend

"The pleasure of your company is requested at the wedding of..."

"The honour/honor of your presence is requested at the wedding of..." (the British spelling of "honour" indicates the ceremony will be held in a church or another house of worship).

"Would love for you to join the celebration of our union."

"Join us for the wedding of..."

"Invite you to celebrate with them."

"At the marriage of their children."

"Your presence is requested at the nuptials of..."

"Please join us as we celebrate our union."

The wording of the request to attend can be formal or casual, depending on the style of the wedding. For a formal wedding, the request to attend may use more traditional language and spelling out the date and time in full. For a casual wedding, the language can be more conversational, and numerals can be used for the date and time.

In addition to the request to attend, a wedding invitation should also include the host line, the names of the couple, the date and time, the location, and reception details. The dress code can also be included, usually in the lower corner or bottom centre of the invite.

The date and time

When it comes to wedding invitations, there are no hard and fast rules. However, there are some traditions and conventions that you may want to follow to ensure your invitations are clear and elegant.

Traditionally, the date and time of the wedding are written out in full, with no numerals or shorthand. For example, "Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four at half after four". This style is best suited to formal weddings. For a more casual affair, it is perfectly acceptable to use numerals and shorthand, such as "Saturday, Aug 17, 2024, at 4:30 pm". Be sure to include the year to avoid any confusion, and consider adding an end time or a requested arrival time to help your guests plan their day.

The location

The full address of the venue should be included, along with the city and state. If your wedding is taking place abroad, be sure to include the country as well. If omitting the street address would cause confusion or if the wedding is taking place at the host's home, include this information too.

If there is enough room on the invitation, you can also include parking information and other relevant details about the venue. For example, if the ceremony is being held in a specific room, you may want to include the room number.

If the ceremony and reception are held in the same location, you can simply write "Reception to follow", "Followed by dinner and dancing", or something similar.

If the reception is held at a different location, clearly state the name and address of the venue, along with parking options and the reception time. If there is not enough room on the invitation, this information can be included on a separate card tucked in with the main invitation.

• "at [venue name and address]"
• "at [venue name], [address]"
• "at [address], [city], [state]"
• "at [venue name and address]. Reception to follow at [reception venue name and address]"
• "at [venue name and address]. Dinner and dancing to follow"

Frequently asked questions