Wedding Invite Etiquette: Formal Names Not Required

Wedding invitation etiquette can be a minefield, and it can be tricky to know how to address invites, especially when you don't know the full names of those invited. The general rule is to use full names and titles for formal invitations, but what do you do if you don't know the name of a spouse or partner? In this case, it's best to ask the person you do know for their partner's name, but if that's not possible, there are a few options. You could write Mr and Mrs [person's name] or [person's name] and guest, or, if children are also invited, [person's name] and family.

Outer envelope: Formality

The outer envelope is the most formal layer of a wedding invitation and should be addressed using formal etiquette. Here are some tips and guidelines to ensure your outer envelopes are correctly and formally addressed:

• Full Names: Use your guests' full names, including their personal titles (Mr., Mrs., Miss, Mx., Ms., Dr.). This is the foolproof option and works for couples of all genders, whether they share a surname or not. It also applies to unmarried individuals. For example, "Mr. Michael Rodriguez" or "Ms. Eliza Porter".
• Gender-neutral Honours: Be mindful of gender-neutral preferences and use "Mx." when appropriate. For example, "Mx. Sam Li".
• Professional Titles: If your guest has a professional title, such as "Doctor", "Judge", or "Colonel", traditional etiquette suggests spelling out the full title. For example, "Doctor Eliza Porter and Mr. James Porter". However, abbreviations are acceptable if you prefer a more modern look or need to save space. For example, "Dr. Eliza Porter and Mr. James Porter".
• Married Couples: Traditionally, formal addresses to married couples include the titles of each person, the husband's first name, and their shared last name. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. James Porter". However, a more modern approach is to include both guests' first names with their titles. For example, "Mr. James Porter and Mrs. Eliza Porter".
• Couples with Different Last Names: When addressing couples with different surnames, follow the same format as for couples with the same last name, simply listing each person's title and full name. For example, "Mr. James Porter and Mrs. Eliza Reed".
• Unmarried Couples: For unmarried couples living together, include both names on separate lines. List the person you are closest with first, or go in alphabetical order. For example, "Mr. Aaron Triguiero" and "Mr. Gabriel Reyes".
• Children: If you are inviting children under 18, their names should be listed on the inner envelope, not the outer envelope. For girls under 18, you can use "Miss" if desired. Boys do not need a title until they are 16; then they can be addressed as "Mr.".
• Address Format: Use full street names ("Street" instead of "St.") and include the full address on the outer envelope.
• Ask: If you are unsure of a guest's preferences or titles, don't hesitate to ask. Your guests will likely appreciate your effort to get it right.

Inner envelope: Informality

The inner envelope is more informal, so you have the option to leave out one or two elements of the formal name format of the outer envelope. For example, if you feel comfortable using personal titles with last names, go for it. If you're going for a casual vibe and would prefer to use only first names, that's also fine.

If you're inviting a single person, you can use their first name on the inner envelope. For example, if the outer envelope is addressed to "Ms. Ali Johnson", the inner envelope can simply be addressed to "Ms. Johnson".

If your guest has a plus-one, you can write their first name and "and Guest" on the inner envelope. For instance, if the outer envelope is addressed to "Mx. Sam Li", the inner envelope could be addressed to "Sam Li and Guest".

When addressing a married couple with the same last name, you can use their first names and titles on the inner envelope. For example, if the outer envelope is addressed to "Mr. and Mrs. James Porter", the inner envelope could be addressed to "Mr. James and Mrs. Eliza Porter".

If your guest has a professional title, such as "Doctor" or "Colonel", and you're using abbreviations on the outer envelope, you can spell out the title on the inner envelope for a more traditional touch. For instance, if the outer envelope is addressed to "Dr. Eliza Porter and Mr. James Porter", the inner envelope could be addressed to "Doctor Eliza Porter and Mr. James Porter".

Remember, the inner envelope is more flexible and casual, so feel free to use the names and titles that you think fit the vibe of your wedding and your relationship with the invitees.

Married vs unmarried couples

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, the rules are slightly different for married and unmarried couples.

Married Couples

If a couple is married, their names should be written on the same line. If they have the same last name, the outer envelope can be addressed as "Mr. and Mrs. [First name] [Last name]". If the couple is same-sex, either name can go first. If the couple has different last names, the woman's name is typically written first, followed by the man's name.

For the inner envelope, you can use their first names or refer to them as "Mr." and "Mrs." and use their last name.

Unmarried Couples

For unmarried couples living together, both names should be included on the invitation, each on their own line. If the couple does not live together, it is ideal to send separate invitations to each person. However, if you choose to send only one invitation, include the primary guest's name on the outer envelope and the other person's name on the inner envelope.

For the outer envelope, list the person you are closest with first, or go in alphabetical order if you are equally close to both. The inner envelope can include their first names or be more informal, such as "Mr." or "Ms." and their last name.

Gender-neutral honorifics

When addressing wedding invitations, it is important to use the correct titles and pronouns for your guests. This can be tricky when you are unsure of their gender or their preferred honorifics and pronouns. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate gender-neutral honorifics when you don't know the formal name of a wedding invitee:

• The most common gender-neutral honorific is "Mx." (pronounced as "mix"). This title is commonly used by non-binary people and those who do not identify with the gender binary. It was first used in print in the 1970s and has gained wider recognition since then, with inclusion in the Oxford and Merriam-Webster English dictionaries in 2015 and 2016, respectively. "Mx." is a suitable option when you are unsure of an invitee's gender or preferred honorific.
• Other gender-neutral honorifics that have been proposed or used in different cultures include "Ind." (short for Individual), "M" (removing the gender-designating letters from traditional honorifics), "Misc." (short for Miscellaneous), "Mre." (short for Mystery), "Msr." (a combination of "Miss" and "Sir"), "Pr." (short for Person, pronounced "per"), and "Mn.".
• In some languages, gender-neutral honorifics are more commonly used. For example, in Japanese, the honorific "San" is typically used regardless of the gender of the person being addressed. Similarly, in Thai, the courtesy title "Khun" is used informally to address anyone irrespective of their gender.
• If you are unsure about an invitee's preferred honorific, it is best to ask them directly. Share your own pronouns and honorific preference first to create an inclusive and welcoming atmosphere. It is important to respect their choice, even if they prefer a more formal option such as an honorific over a first-name basis.
• When addressing the outer envelope of a wedding invitation, it is generally considered foolproof to write out the recipient's full name, including their personal title. However, if you feel that personal titles may be restrictive and exclusive for your guest list, you can forgo them altogether and use only first and last names.
• The inner envelope of a wedding invitation is more informal, giving you the option to be more flexible. You can use personal titles with last names or opt for a casual vibe by using only first names.
• If you are inviting a family with young children, the outer envelope should include the names of the parents or guardians. Each child's name should be listed on the inner envelope. You can use "Miss" for girls under 18, and boys do not need a title until they are 16, when they can be addressed as "Mr.".
• When addressing a married couple, their names are usually put on the same line. If they have different last names, list the person you are closest with first, or go in alphabetical order.
• For unmarried couples living together, both names should be included on separate lines on the outer envelope. Again, list the person you are closest with first or go alphabetically.

Abbreviations

When it comes to titles, it is acceptable to use "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Miss", "Ms.", "Mx.", and "Dr." in their abbreviated forms. For example, "Mr. James Porter" instead of "Mister James Porter". Similarly, suffixes such as "Jr." and "Sr." can be abbreviated when a more modern look is desired or to save space. For instance, "Mr. James Porter, Jr.".

It is also common to abbreviate street names when writing the address, such as using "St." instead of "Street". However, it is recommended to use full street names to maintain formality.

If you are addressing a married couple with the same last name, you can use the abbreviated form by listing the husband's name, followed by "and", and then the wife's name. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. James Porter" instead of writing out their full names.

For a more informal approach, you can also use nicknames or shortened names when addressing the invitations, especially if you are having a casual wedding.

Frequently asked questions