A Best Man's Guide: Duties And Responsibilities

Being the best man at a wedding is a huge honour, but it's also a big responsibility. The best man is the groom's right-hand man, and it's his job to support the groom and take charge of the groomsmen. The best man's duties begin long before the wedding day and continue until after the celebrations are over.

Before the wedding, the best man is in charge of organising the bachelor party and helping the groom and groomsmen choose their wedding attire. He also has to give a speech at the reception, so it's a good idea to start preparing early. The best man might also be expected to help with other pre-wedding tasks, such as sending out invitations, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules.

On the wedding day, the best man has to make sure the groom and groomsmen are where they need to be, when they need to be there. He also has to hold the wedding rings until it's time for the couple to exchange them. The best man will also be expected to greet guests, sign the marriage certificate as a witness, and get the party started by being the first one on the dance floor.

After the wedding, the best man might be asked to help with returning hired items, suits to the dry cleaners, and making sure wedding gifts are safely stored.

Help choose suits

As the best man, one of your main duties will be to help the groom choose the suits. You will need to assist the groom in rounding up the ushers and other important members of the wedding party to go and try on wedding suits. It is a good idea to discuss ideas with the couple about the style and also decide whether the groomswear is to be bought or hired. Traditionally, the couple pays for the wedding suits or the hire of them, but if it is decided that financial contributions are required, make sure this is discussed openly and upfront. Communicate this with the ushers so that everyone is aware before trying anything on.

You will also need to coordinate with the groomsmen about attire fittings and buying. Confirm the attire details for all groomsmen, whether you are wearing traditional, cocktail party attire, casual outdoor, or semi-formal outdoor. Check in with the groom about any last-minute preparations or potential changes.

In the week before the wedding, go to the wedding rehearsal and dinner. Inform the groomsmen of the wedding day schedule.

On the day before the wedding, double-check all the attire details, and check that everything is clean and ready. Assist the groom with dressing and whatever last-minute preps may come up. Ensure the groomsmen are on time and appropriately dressed.

On the wedding day, help the groom get ready and be as hands-on as possible with whatever last-minute tasks come your way. Organise the ushers, especially if there are any younger page boys or junior ushers who may need help with their outfits or just general looking after.

Plan the bachelor party

Planning the bachelor party is one of the best man's most important duties. It's a chance to celebrate the groom's last days as a single man and should be tailored to the groom's interests.

Firstly, talk to the groom about what kind of bachelor party he wants. Does he want to travel or stay local? Does he want a wild party or something more low-key?

Next, decide on a date and budget. Pick two or three potential dates and ask the groomsmen which they can make. This may be the easiest way to organise a large group without too much back and forth. It's also important to consider everyone's budget. A trip to Vegas might sound fun, but if some of the groomsmen can't afford it, a night or weekend closer to home might be a better option.

Once you have a date and budget, it's time to start planning the fun stuff. What activities will you do? Where will you go? Who will be there? Make sure to invite the people the groom wants to attend and that the plans suit the groom's style, not your own.

Enlist the other groomsmen to help with logistics and recommendations. You don't need to worry about paying for the entire thing—the cost should be split evenly among everyone who attends, except for the groom.

Finally, send out the invitations about a month in advance.

Give a best man speech

So, you've been asked to be the best man at a wedding—congratulations! It's a huge honour, but what does it actually entail?

The best man's speech is one of the most important duties of the best man. Traditionally, the best man is the second-to-last speaker, after the father of the bride and/or groom, and before the maid of honour. It's a big responsibility, but don't panic! Here's a step-by-step guide to help you prepare and deliver a fantastic best man's speech.

Step 1: Plan Ahead

Start by jotting down some ideas and drafting an outline as soon as possible. The earlier you begin, the more time you'll have to refine and practise your speech. Ask the couple about the schedule for the day so you can plan accordingly. Traditionally, speeches take place after the meal, but they may happen before, so be prepared for either eventuality.

Step 2: Know Your Audience

Remember that your speech will be heard by a wide range of people, from the couple's grandparents to their friends, perhaps including young children. While it's fine to be a little cheeky, avoid anything too risqué or offensive. If in doubt, run your speech past a trusted person to check the tone is right.

Step 3: Structure Your Speech

A good best man's speech should have a clear structure. Begin by introducing yourself and explaining how you know the groom. Thank the couple for inviting everyone and welcoming them to the wedding. You can also mention other key people, such as the bride's parents, and thank them for their contributions to the day.

Step 4: Talk About the Groom

This is your chance to share some anecdotes about the groom and celebrate your friendship. You might choose to include a funny story from their past, but avoid anything too embarrassing. It's traditional to wish the couple well and raise a toast to their future happiness.

Step 5: Rehearse and Time Your Speech

Practise your speech as much as possible, especially if you're nervous about public speaking. Rehearse in front of a mirror, or ask a friend or family member to listen and give you feedback. Time your speech as you practise to ensure it's not too long—around 5-7 minutes is ideal.

Step 6: On the Day

Arrive at the wedding with a copy of your speech and a backup—perhaps an extra printed copy or a digital version on your phone. That way, you'll feel confident that you're prepared for anything. When it's your turn to speak, take a moment to gather yourself, then speak slowly and clearly, pausing for laughter if appropriate. Most importantly, enjoy the experience!

Hold the wedding rings

Holding the wedding rings is one of the most important duties of the best man. Here are some tips to ensure you ace this responsibility:

Before the Wedding

It is a good idea to discuss with the couple whether you will be the ring bearer or if this duty will fall on someone else, like a young family member. If there is no official ring bearer, the best man typically takes on this role. In this case, you will need to keep the wedding bands safe until the couple is ready to exchange them.

In the week before the wedding, collect the wedding rings and keep them in a safe place. Check your pockets for holes and consider keeping them in an inner jacket pocket. If you are also in charge of holding the groom's personal items, like his phone or wallet, make sure you have a secure place to store these as well.

During the Wedding

If you are the ring bearer, make sure you have the rings to hand before the ceremony begins. If not, check that the ring bearer has them. During the processional, if the ring bearer is carrying the rings on a pillow, you will fasten the rings to the pillow as you line up. When the ring bearer reaches the end of the aisle, they will pass the rings to you for safekeeping until the officiant requests them for the vow exchange.

After the Wedding

If the couple is leaving for their honeymoon immediately, you may be asked to take the wedding bands and store them in a safe location until the newlyweds return.

Tips

• Keep the rings in a secure place at all times.
• Double-check that your pockets do not have holes.
• If you are also holding the groom's phone, make sure it is on silent.
• If you are in charge of multiple items, consider creating an emergency kit with all the essentials.

Support the groom

Being the best man is an honour and a privilege, but it's also a lot of work. Here are some ways you can support the groom:

Be the Groom's Confidante and Emotional Support

The groom will need to rely on his best man to help him make decisions and solve problems. You need to be a supportive friend throughout the process, even if wedding planning isn't your thing. Provide emotional support when needed and be a shoulder to lean on if the groom gets cold feet.

Help with Wedding Planning and Logistics

You'll be the groom's right-hand man, coordinating the groomsmen and ensuring everyone is well-informed. This includes introducing the groomsmen to each other and to the bridesmaids, and keeping them on schedule. You'll also help the groom with selecting and purchasing or renting formalwear for himself and the groomsmen, and coordinating fittings. You may also be asked to help with other wedding planning tasks, such as booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules.

Organise the Bachelor Party

Planning the bachelor party is one of the best man's most important duties. This involves deciding on a location and activities, inviting the people the groom wants to attend, and ensuring everyone has a great time. It's important to work within the budgets of the groomsmen and to plan something that suits the groom's style, not your own.

Be There on the Wedding Day

On the wedding day, the best man's role is to support the groom in every way possible. This includes helping him get ready, reminding him to breathe (weddings can be stressful!), and making sure he eats and drinks enough throughout the day. You'll also need to keep the wedding rings safe until it's time for the couple to exchange them.

Give a Best Man Speech

The best man is usually expected to give a speech during the reception. This should be a well-crafted, heartfelt speech that focuses on the newlyweds and their love story, and includes lighthearted anecdotes about the groom.

Keep the Reception Moving

The best man should be the first one on the dance floor to get the party started and encourage everyone to join in. He should also mingle with the guests and ensure everyone is having a great time.

Frequently asked questions