Rhiannon Hendricks
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between partners during their wedding ceremony. They are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. The specific vows chosen often depend on the couple's religion, culture, and personal preferences. Some couples opt to write their own vows, while others prefer to rely on traditional scripts. Traditional vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church, with roots in the Sarum rite of medieval England. The oldest vows can be found in the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549. The standard wedding vows vary across different cultures and religions, with examples including the Hindu saptapadi or seven steps vows, Jewish vows recited during the ring exchange, and the traditional Christian vows of to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Recited promises | I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honour you all the days of my life. |
| Monologue-style vows | I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth. |
| Ring exchange | The ring symbolizes the unbroken circle of love. |
| Faith-based vows | In Christian weddings, the vow "according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth" is said. In Jewish weddings, the vow "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel" is recited. In Hindu weddings, the vow "Seven Steps" or "saptapadi" is exchanged. |
| Self-written vows | Couples may choose to write their own vows, incorporating humour, movie lines, or book quotes. |
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What You'll Learn
The history of wedding vows
Wedding vows are the promises that two people make to each other during their wedding ceremony. They are a declaration of lifelong commitment to one's spouse, witnessed by friends, family, and, for religious people, God.
The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church in England. The first mention of marriage vows was in a prayer book written in 1549, which inspired the traditional phrases many couples share today. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum manual, which was the medieval manual of the diocese of Salisbury. The wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries derive ultimately from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The first part of the vows of the Sarum rite is given in Latin and is instructed to be said by the priest "in linguam maternam", or in the "mother tongue" of those present. In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take the following form:
> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawfully wedded [husband/wife], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
In the United Kingdom, since the Marriage Act of 1753, the state recognizes marriages conducted by the Society of Friends (Quakers), Jews, and the Church of England. The declarations made in Quaker marriage were first set down in a London Yearly Meeting minute in 1675:
> Man: Friends, in the fear of the Lord, and before this assembly, I take my friend AB to be my wife, promising, through divine assistance, to be unto her a loving and faithful husband, until it shall please the Lord by death to separate us.
The 1928 revised form of Matrimony was widely adopted, though the form of 1662 was also commonly used. The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, are:
> Groom: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
>
> Bride: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
On September 12, 1922, the Episcopal Church voted to remove the word "obey" from the bride's section of wedding vows.
In a secular ceremony, officiants usually ask the couple to share their vows and then complete the declaration of intent. The declaration of intent is for both partners to state that they are entering the marriage of their own free will and want to be each other's spouse.
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Wedding vows in different religions
Wedding vows are often exchanged during ceremonies to unite the couple as husband and wife. While some couples opt to write their own vows, many choose to recite traditional vows or use them as a template for personalisation. Traditional vows are usually determined by the religion that underlies the marriage ceremony, though interfaith and non-denominational ceremonies also have their own traditions. Here are some examples of wedding vows in different religions:
Jewish Wedding Vows
In traditional Jewish weddings, vows are recited only when the ring is given or exchanged. The groom says: "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel". The groom then places the ring on the bride's finger. In a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) and places the ring on the groom's finger. The phrase, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine", is often recited in Hebrew as well.
Traditional Reform Jewish Wedding Vows: "Do you, [name], take [name] to be your wife/husband, promising to cherish and protect her/him, whether in good fortune or in adversity, and to seek together with her/him a life hallowed by the faith of Israel?".
Traditional Conservative Jewish Wedding Vows: "Do you, [name], take [name] to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband, to love, to honour and to cherish?".
Muslim Wedding Vows
Muslim wedding ceremonies (nikah) do not involve traditional marriage vows. Instead, the Imam, the head of the Mosque, talks about the meaning of marriage and the couple's responsibilities to Allah and to each other, reading directly from the Quran. The couple then formally consents to the marriage, with the groom pledging his faithfulness and honesty, and the bride promising to be faithful and fulfil her responsibilities as a wife.
Buddhist Wedding Vows
Buddhist wedding vows are not required to be spoken aloud. Whether exchanged silently or out loud, they express the couple's desire to work together toward achieving enlightenment. An example of traditional Buddhist wedding vows is: "Today we dedicate ourselves completely to each other, in body, speech, and mind".
Hindu Wedding Vows
In Hindu weddings, couples recite a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. This list of promises is recited as the couple walks around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire.
Russian Wedding Vows
In Russian wedding ceremonies, the bride and groom take turns reciting the following vows: "I, [name], take you, [name], as my wedded wife/husband and I promise you love, honour, and respect; to be faithful to you, and not to forsake you until death do us part. So help me God, one in the Holy Trinity, and all the Saints".
Quaker Wedding Vows
In Quaker weddings, the ceremony is held during a worship meeting with no intermediary present, as it is believed that only God can join two people in marriage. The couple, along with family and friends, worship in silence before reciting their standard marriage vows. Both the bride and groom rise, holding hands, and declare: "In the presence of God and these our friends, I take thee to be my husband/wife, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband/wife so long as we both shall live".
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The meaning behind traditional vows
Traditional wedding vows have been around for centuries and are often rooted in religion and culture. They are exchanged during the wedding ceremony, symbolizing the moment when a couple officially becomes one. While the specific wording may vary, the core principles of love, commitment, partnership, companionship, kindness, honesty, and patience remain constant.
In Western cultures, traditional wedding vows often include phrases such as "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." This phraseology signifies the couple's commitment to each other through life's ups and downs and their promise to stay together until death. The phrase "to have and to hold" is a legal term referring to property rights, but in the context of wedding vows, it signifies belonging together.
In Christian traditions, the vows may include "to love and cherish," or the groom may promise to "love, cherish, and worship," while the bride vows to "love, cherish, and obey." These vows are often made "according to God's holy ordinance," adding a spiritual dimension to the promises.
In Jewish weddings, the exchange of rings is a key moment, and the vows are typically recited during this ritual. The groom may say, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel," followed by the bride reciting the same words with gender changes. The phrase "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine" is also often included in Jewish wedding vows.
Hindu weddings include a unique tradition called saptapadi or the Seven Steps. The couple walks around a ring of fire, honouring Agni, the Hindu god of fire, and recites a set of seven vows, each representing a different aspect of their future life together, such as health, wealth, knowledge, and companionship.
While traditional wedding vows provide a familiar framework, some couples choose to write their own vows to incorporate personal touches, humour, or references to their shared interests. Ultimately, whether traditional or modern, wedding vows are a meaningful expression of a couple's love and commitment, setting the tone for their life together.
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Writing your own vows
Writing your own wedding vows can be an exciting and meaningful way to express your love and commitment to your partner. Here are some tips and ideas to help you create personal and heartfelt vows:
Brainstorm and Collect Ideas:
Start by gathering your thoughts, feelings, and ideas. You can do this through unstructured brainstorming, writing down anything that comes to mind, including favourite lines from books or movies, memorable moments from your relationship, inside jokes, or even just phrases you've heard at other weddings. Give yourself time to collect your thoughts and intentions before refining them into structured vows.
Include Promises and Commitments:
The core of your vows is the promises you make to your partner. These can be traditional, such as "to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health," or more personalised, such as promising to always support your partner's dreams and goals or to create a home filled with love and laughter.
Add a Personal Touch:
Include specific references to your relationship, such as how you met, a particular moment when you realised you were in love, or something unique that your partner does that brings you joy. You can also add humour, inside jokes, or phrases that only the two of you understand. Just be mindful to avoid anything that might be embarrassing or sensitive.
Voice Admiration and Love:
Don't forget to express your love and admiration for your partner. Tell them how they have supported, inspired, or honoured you. Be sincere and don't be afraid to get a little sentimental. After all, this is a celebration of your love and commitment to each other.
Agree on Length and Tone:
Discuss with your partner the length and tone of your vows. You might want to agree on a similar length and tone to ensure your vows complement each other. It can also be helpful to share your vows with someone you trust to get feedback and ensure they match in style and substance.
Take Your Time:
Writing meaningful vows takes time. Don't expect to write them in one sitting. Take breaks and revisit your vows with fresh eyes. You might want to start writing well in advance of your wedding to give yourself ample time to craft and refine your words.
Remember, the most important thing is to create vows that reflect your unique relationship and the bond you share with your partner. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, so feel free to customise and add personal touches to make your vows truly yours.
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The structure of wedding vows
Western Christian Wedding Vows
The structure of traditional wedding vows for Western Christian weddings usually includes the following elements:
- "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, [to love and to cherish], till death do us part [according to God's holy ordinance]."
- The groom may also add, "With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost."
Jewish Wedding Vows
In Jewish ceremonies, vows are traditionally recited only during the ring exchange. The groom says, "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel," and places the ring on the bride's finger. If it is a double-ring ceremony, the bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) and places the ring on the groom's finger.
Hindu Wedding Vows
Hindu weddings include the exchange of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. This involves a list of seven promises recited as the couple walks around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire.
Muslim Wedding Vows
Muslim wedding ceremonies, or nikkah, traditionally do not include vows. Instead, the imam, or cleric, provides a short sermon and marital blessing before the newlyweds offer their consent.
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Frequently asked questions
Standard wedding vows for Christian weddings include:
- "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
- "With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost."
In Jewish weddings, vows are only recited during the ring exchange. The groom says:
- "Harey at mekuddeshet li B'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe V'israel," which translates to "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel."
If it is a double-ring ceremony, the bride will then recite the same vow, changing the gender references.
In Hindu weddings, the exchange of vows is known as the saptapadi, or the seven steps. The couple walks around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire, and recite seven vows, including:
- "Let us take the first step to provide for our household a nourishing and pure diet, avoiding those foods injurious to healthy living."
- "Let us take the fourth step to acquire knowledge, happiness, and harmony by mutual love and trust."
