A Groomsman's Guide: Best Man's Duties And Responsibilities

Being the best man at a wedding is a great honour, but it's also a big responsibility. The best man is the groom's right-hand man, tasked with supporting and assisting the groom in any way possible before and during the wedding. This includes helping the groom with wedding planning, choosing and coordinating outfits for the groomsmen, and organising the bachelor party. On the day of the wedding, the best man is in charge of making sure the groom is ready and has everything he needs, as well as holding onto the wedding rings and signing the marriage certificate as a witness. The best man also has the important role of delivering a speech during the reception, toasting the newlyweds and sharing funny and heartfelt stories about the groom.

Planning the bachelor party

Planning and Preparation

First, create a checklist of everything you need to do. Planning should begin at least three to six months before the bachelor party to ensure you can secure all the necessary bookings and reservations. Choose a date for the party, preferably one to three months before the wedding to allow for travel and recovery time.

Next, establish a budget by finding out how much each attendee is willing to contribute. As the best man, you will be in charge of most expenses, but the groom should not contribute.

Location and Activities

Decide on a location that fits within your budget and is convenient for all guests to get to. Consider the number of guests and the types of activities you want to do. For example, if you want to go white-water rafting, you'll need to be somewhere with rivers. If you want to spend time at the beach, choose a coastal location.

Plan two to three group outings that align with the groom's interests. This could be anything from chartering a boat to attending a sporting event or going bowling. If the groom enjoys drinking, you could visit a local whiskey distillery or go on a bar crawl.

Guest List and Invitations

Create a guest list with the groom, inviting his closest friends and family members. Clear the guest list with the groom before sending out invitations, and ensure that everyone who attends the bachelor party is also invited to the wedding.

You can spread the word via a group chat, sharing the date, location, and itinerary. Move the discussion to email when it's time to book hotels and flights.

Food and Accommodation

Work out your food options, bearing in mind your destination and activities. If you're staying in a hotel, it's a good idea to book rooms in advance. Decide whether you will be sharing rooms or if each person will get their own room, and what time each guest will be arriving.

Payment

Although the best man is in charge of most expenses, you should not be expected to pay for the entire bachelor party. The cost should be split evenly among all attendees, except the groom. Simplify finances by putting everything on your credit card and then asking attendees to reimburse you via cash or money transfer apps.

The Party

On the day, ensure there is plenty of downtime scheduled between activities. This often becomes the most memorable part of the bachelor party, as it gives the groom and his friends time to bond and create lasting memories.

If you're going out for meals, make restaurant reservations in advance and ensure the restaurant can split the check to avoid one person getting stuck with the bill.

The "Grown Ass Man" Rule

Finally, implement the "Grown Ass Man" rule. This means that each attendee is responsible for their own behaviour and wellbeing. This takes the pressure off you as the best man, politely stating that you will not be babysitting anyone. Make sure to communicate this rule clearly to the group a day or two beforehand.

Buying a wedding gift

As the best man, you'll be expected to give the groom a gift, or organise a group gift from all the groomsmen. This is in addition to any costs you incur as part of your best man duties, such as your tux rental, travel and accommodation, and the bachelor party.

There's no need to go overboard when it comes to spending. It's not a good idea to rush into a last-minute gift decision, but you also don't want to spend more than you can afford. A gift in the region of $75-$150 is a good choice—it's not too much, but not too little either.

You could buy something from the couple's wedding registry, give cash, or get something more creative or sentimental. Here are some ideas:

• Crystal whiskey glasses
• A cigar set
• Personalised cufflinks
• A cooler that doubles as a stool
• A personalised beer mug
• A money clip with the best man's initials
• A whiskey glass with the best man's name, role at the wedding, and the wedding date
• Tickets to his favourite sports team
• Tickets to a local pub crawl
• A cocktail box subscription
• Socks with the wedding date, the role each guy is playing, and their initials printed on them
• Men's accessories, such as ties, wallets, and belts
• Cufflinks and watches, engraved with the best man's initials or name
• Spirits and wine
• Drinking utensils, such as whiskey glasses or personalised beer tap handles
• Pocket tools, such as pocket knives, multi-tools, and fishing lures
• Gadgets and tools for the aspiring chef and BBQ connoisseur, such as grills, aprons, and smokers
• Licensed merchandise or memorabilia, such as signed posters, t-shirts, or caps

Being the groom's right-hand man

In the lead-up to the wedding, the best man should be the groom's go-to person and confidante, offering support and guidance. This may include helping the groom with shopping for his wedding wardrobe and coordinating the outfits of the groomsmen. The best man should also be ready to assist with other wedding planning tasks, such as choosing the venue or selecting vendors, while avoiding taking over the planning process.

On the wedding day itself, the best man is responsible for ensuring the groom is ready and has everything he needs, including any necessary items for the honeymoon. The best man should also help the groom manage any pre-wedding nerves and make sure he arrives at the wedding venue on time and sober.

Throughout the day, the best man acts as the groom's personal aide and adviser, helping him get ready, delivering letters or gifts to the bride, and ensuring the groom eats, drinks, and stays relaxed. The best man may also be responsible for holding the groom's phone, calming his nerves, and assisting with any last-minute details or issues that arise.

The best man is also in charge of coordinating the groomsmen and ensuring they know their tasks, where to position themselves, and providing them with any necessary information. This includes reminding them to turn off their phones during the ceremony and conducting a final wardrobe check to ensure they look their best.

In summary, the best man plays a crucial role as the groom's right-hand man, providing support, assistance, and companionship before and during the wedding, ensuring that the groom's experience is as stress-free and enjoyable as possible.

Giving a best man speech

The best man speech is typically given during the reception, following the father of the bride and/or groom's speech and the maid of honour's speech. It is the best man's job to kick off the toasting.

When preparing your speech, it's a good idea to practice beforehand and run it by the groom the night before the wedding. This ensures the speech is well-thought-out, fun, and not offensive. Keep it sincere and natural, and try to have some fun with it. Share your best thoughts and memories of the groom, and let the bride and others know how awesome he is. The key is to find the right balance between laughter and sincerity.

Additionally, as the best man, you may also be expected to read out telegrams from well-wishers who couldn't attend the ceremony.

Coordinating the groomsmen

As the best man, you'll be responsible for coordinating the groomsmen, which includes overseeing their duties and ensuring they are fulfilled. Here are some detailed instructions to help you effectively manage the groomsmen:

Before the Wedding:

• Communicate and Delegate: Start by communicating the expectations and responsibilities to the groomsmen. Delegate specific tasks to each groomsman based on their strengths and interests. For example, one groomsman might be great at public speaking and can be in charge of planning the bachelor party, while another might be a fashion enthusiast who can ensure the suits are fitted and ready for the big day.
• Schedule Rehearsal Time: Organise a time for the groomsmen to rehearse their duties, especially if they have specific roles during the ceremony. Go over the timeline of the wedding day, ensuring they know when and where they need to be for the ceremony and reception.
• Facilitate Suit Fittings: Work with the groomsmen to schedule suit fittings, ensuring that everyone's attire is appropriate and consistent. Remind them of the importance of looking sharp and encourage them to provide their measurements accurately and promptly.
• Keep Them Informed: Share important updates and changes with the groomsmen as the wedding day approaches. Create a group chat or email thread to facilitate easy communication and ensure everyone is on the same page.

On the Wedding Day:

• Lead the Groomsmen: Be the point of contact for the groomsmen on the wedding day. Ensure they arrive on time, are dressed appropriately, and have everything they need, such as boutonnieres, cufflinks, or any other accessories.
• Manage Their Duties: Oversee the groomsmen's responsibilities during the ceremony and reception. Make sure they are escorting the bridesmaids, participating in any planned activities, and fulfilling their assigned tasks.
• Troubleshoot: Be prepared to troubleshoot any issues that may arise with the groomsmen. Whether it's calming pre-wedding jitters, helping with last-minute adjustments, or addressing any unforeseen problems, your role is to keep the groomsmen organised and relaxed.
• Enjoy the Moment: While managing your responsibilities, don't forget to enjoy the wedding yourself! Participate in the celebrations, create memorable moments with the groomsmen, and support the groom as he embarks on this new chapter of his life.

Remember, effective coordination involves clear communication, timely reminders, and a well-organised approach. By delegating tasks, staying organised, and keeping the lines of communication open, you'll ensure that the groomsmen are on track and the wedding day runs smoothly.

Frequently asked questions