The Best Man's Guide: Duties And More

Being the best man at a wedding is a huge honour and a big responsibility. The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to person throughout the whole engagement and wedding process. The role is usually given to a close friend or relative of the groom, and it involves a variety of tasks and duties.

The best man is often responsible for planning the bachelor party and helping to choose and organise the groomsmen's attire. He also has a number of important duties on the wedding day itself, such as holding the wedding rings, signing the marriage license, giving a speech, and making sure the groom and groomsmen are where they need to be at the right times.

The best man is also expected to provide emotional support to the groom and act as a leader and point of contact for the groomsmen. In short, the best man plays a crucial role in ensuring that the wedding runs smoothly and that the groom's wishes are fulfilled.

Planning the bachelor party

The point of a stag party is to raise money for the wedding, so the best man should work with the groomsmen on ways to spread the word. During the party, the best man should make sure that everything goes smoothly and that nobody drives drunk.

The bachelor party is usually held one to two months before the wedding. The best man should send out invitations about a month in advance and confirm attire details with all the groomsmen.

In addition to planning the bachelor party, the best man might also be expected to organize other pre-wedding events, such as a groomsmen breakfast or a golf outing.

Organising the groom's schedule

Before the Wedding

As the best man, you will be the groom's right-hand man and confidante throughout the wedding planning process. You can offer to help with various tasks, such as booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules. Here are some specific ways you can support the groom:

• Help choose the suits: Assist the groom in rounding up the ushers and other important wedding party members to go suit shopping. Discuss style ideas with the couple and decide whether the suits will be bought or hired.
• Arrange to meet the ushers: Get to know the other ushers and groomsmen, and ensure everyone is clear on their roles and responsibilities. You can make this a fun occasion by inviting the couple and the wedding party, ordering food and drinks, and using it as a chance to bond.
• Liaise with the Maid of Honour: Although not an official duty, communicating with the Maid of Honour can be helpful. You can coordinate and plan to have items like large umbrellas on hand in case of bad weather or organise special gifts for the couple.
• Support with planning admin: Offer to help with logistical details like managing RSVPs, booking vendors, and coordinating schedules. This will alleviate some of the stress for the groom and ensure a smoother planning process.
• Attend pre-wedding events: While you may not be involved in planning events like the engagement party, rehearsal, or rehearsal dinner, your presence and support at these events are important. The ceremony rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, in particular, are key moments for you to ensure that the groomsmen understand their roles and responsibilities for the big day.

On the Wedding Day

On the wedding day itself, your role as the best man becomes even more crucial. Here are some ways you can help keep the groom and the entire wedding party on schedule:

• Help the groom get ready: On the morning of the wedding, be hands-on and assist the groom with any last-minute tasks.
• Organise the ushers: On the wedding day, take delivery of any buttonholes and distribute them to the groomsmen and ushers. Keep an eye on the clock to ensure everyone is ready and on time.
• Keep the rings safe: One of your most important duties is to be the ring bearer and keep the wedding rings safe until the ceremony. Even if you are not the official ring bearer, you may still be asked to hold the rings.
• Greet the guests with the groom: Ensure that the groom arrives at the venue at least 20 minutes before the ceremony begins. Stand by his side, greet the arriving guests, and create a warm and inviting atmosphere.
• Stand at the altar with the groom: Before the ceremony starts, take your place next to the groom at the altar. If you are the ring bearer, have the rings ready for when the couple exchanges them.
• Escort the Maid of Honour: After the ceremony, it is traditional for the best man to escort the Maid of Honour out of the room ahead of the newlyweds' exit.

After the Wedding

Even after the wedding celebrations, your role as the best man continues. Here are some tasks you may be expected to assist with:

• Return and clean suits: Help round up and return any hired items, such as suits, and ensure they are cleaned and returned on time.
• Take care of wedding gifts: If the couple goes on their honeymoon immediately, you may be asked to safely store and manage the wedding gifts and cards.

Remember, effective coordination and communication are key to successfully organising the groom's schedule. Stay organised, delegate tasks when needed, and maintain a calm and positive demeanour throughout the process.

Holding the wedding rings

In the lead-up to the wedding, the best man should ensure he has a safe place to store the rings, such as an inner jacket pocket, and triple-check that the pocket doesn't have a hole in it! If the ring bearer is carrying the rings down the aisle on a pillow, the best man will fasten the rings to the pillow as he lines up for the processional and the ring bearer will pass the rings back to him for safekeeping until the officiant requests them.

On the day of the wedding, the best man's role is to support the groom in every way possible. This includes reminding him to breathe, helping him to button his shirt, and making sure he looks his best. The best man should also check that the groomsmen are appropriately dressed and on time.

The best man's role during the ceremony is both symbolic and practical. Holding the rings conveys the trust and responsibility instilled in him by the bride and groom. There may also be specific ceremonial roles for the best man, such as delivering a reading, lighting a candle, or taking part in other customs that hold deep significance for the couple.

The best man should also be prepared for any eventuality. He should have a backup plan, especially for tasks like protecting the rings, and always have an emergency kit on hand.

Being a witness to the marriage

The best man is also often responsible for holding the wedding rings during the ceremony, so it is important that he keeps them safe and in a secure place until the couple is ready to exchange them.

Additionally, the best man may be asked to hold the couple's personal items, such as their phones, wallets, and vows, and ensure that the groom eats and drinks enough throughout the day.

The best man is also usually expected to pose for pictures, whether the couple takes wedding party portraits before or after the ceremony.

Giving a best man speech

The best man's speech is one of the most important duties of the best man. It is a chance to honour the groom and impart their shared history. The speech should be well-crafted, offering sincere well-wishes to the newlyweds and including lighthearted anecdotes about the groom. It is also an opportunity to add a personal touch to the occasion. Here are some tips to help you deliver a memorable and effective best man speech:

Preparation

Start preparing your speech well in advance. The sooner you begin, the more time you will have to write, edit and practise your speech. Begin by gathering your thoughts and ideas. Think about the groom's personality, your relationship with him, and any funny or heartwarming anecdotes you can share. Consider what message you want to convey and how you want the audience to feel.

Structure

A typical structure for a best man's speech is to begin with an introduction, followed by a few stories or jokes, and ending with a toast to the newlyweds. Here is a more detailed breakdown:

• Introduction: Introduce yourself and your relationship to the groom. You can also thank the couple for having you as the best man and express your happiness for them.
• Stories/Jokes: Share a few stories or jokes that are lighthearted and appropriate for the audience. Avoid overly embarrassing or risqué stories, especially if there are older relatives present. Run your speech by a trusted person to ensure it is suitable for all guests.
• Toast: Conclude your speech by offering a sincere toast to the newlyweds. Wish them happiness, love, and all the best for their future together.

Delivery

Practise your speech beforehand to ensure a confident and clear delivery. Speak slowly and pause for laughter in the appropriate places. Mention everyone who needs to be mentioned, including the couple's families, the bridesmaids, and the maid of honour. If there are any messages to be read out, do this at the same time as your speech.

Timing

Be mindful of the timing of your speech. Traditionally, the best man's speech comes after the father of the bride and/or groom's speech and before the maid of honour's speech. However, the order may vary depending on the wedding's customs and traditions. Aim to keep your speech relatively short, lasting around 5-7 minutes.

Tone

It is important to strike the right tone in your speech. It should be heartfelt, cheerful, and respectful. Avoid offensive jokes or stories that may cause discomfort. Remember that your speech is a celebration of the groom and your friendship, so focus on celebrating their happiness and your friendship.

Rehearsal

Practise your speech in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend to refine your delivery. Pay attention to your body language, eye contact, and pace. Rehearsing will help you feel more comfortable and confident when delivering your speech on the wedding day.

Technicalities

On the day of the wedding, ensure you have a copy of your speech with you, either printed or on your device. Check the microphone and sound system beforehand to avoid any technical difficulties. Have a glass of water nearby in case you need to wet your throat during your speech.

Backup Plan

It is always a good idea to have a backup plan in case of any unforeseen circumstances. Have a printed copy of your speech in case your device fails, and be prepared to adjust your speech if any last-minute changes occur.

Enjoy Yourself

Lastly, remember to enjoy the moment and savour the honour of being the best man. Your speech is a celebration of the groom and your friendship, so embrace the joy and happiness of the occasion.

By following these tips, you will be well on your way to delivering a memorable and effective best man speech that honours the groom and adds a special touch to the wedding day.

Frequently asked questions