The Wedding Conundrum: Over-Inviting, A Necessary Evil?

Planning a wedding is a daunting task, and deciding on the number of guests to invite is one of the most challenging aspects. While some couples prefer a small, intimate wedding, others may opt for a grand celebration with a larger guest list. The decision on the number of invites depends on various factors, including the couple's budget, venue capacity, and their vision for the big day.

Creating a guest list can be stressful due to the obligations couples feel towards inviting certain people, such as extended family members, coworkers, and friends. However, it is essential to remember that a wedding is a personal celebration of love, and only those who bring joy and excitement to the couple's life should be included.

To navigate this tricky situation, couples should consider creating an A-list and a B-list. The A-list comprises individuals the couple can't imagine celebrating without, such as close friends and family. The B-list includes extended family, casual friends, and acquaintances, who can be invited if there are declines from the A-list or if the budget allows.

Additionally, couples should account for plus-ones, especially for guests in long-term relationships or those who might not know anyone else at the wedding. It is also crucial to decide whether children will be invited and communicate this clearly in the invitations.

While there is no one-size-fits-all answer to the question of how many people to invite, creating a budget and sticking to it can help guide the guest list decisions. Couples should also be mindful of the venue's capacity and ensure that their guest list aligns with the space available.

In conclusion, deciding on the number of wedding invitations requires careful consideration of the couple's budget, venue, and personal preferences. By creating a well-thought-out guest list, couples can ensure that their big day is celebrated with the people who matter the most to them.

Budget and venue capacity

The funds you have available for your wedding will directly impact how many guests you can afford to host. The larger the guest list, the more money you'll need to spend on items like catering, invitations, and event rentals. So, start by evaluating your wedding budget, including any financial contributions from family members, to get a general understanding of how that number matches up with the prices of venues you're considering and their guest capacity.

Most venues have headcount minimums and maximums, meaning they need a certain number of guests to host your event, but that number can't exceed their limits for safety or noise reasons. This goes hand-in-hand with your budget. Can you realistically afford to host the number of people you envision?

To get a sense of the right venue capacity for your wedding, try to estimate your guest count to a multiple of 10. This will give you a general sense of the capacity you're looking for. Be sure to tour any venues you're particularly interested in and ask the event planner or site manager about any restrictions and how guest capacity changes with different room setups. A venue may be able to accommodate a certain number of guests for a seated reception, but they may be able to fit additional guests for a cocktail-style reception.

When deciding on your guest list, it's essential to always plan for 100% attendance, especially when figuring out your budget and venue capacity. Never invite more people than you can afford or fit into your space. On average, you can expect 75-85% of guests to attend local weddings, 55% for out-of-town guests, and 35% for destination weddings. However, it's impossible to predict exactly who will and won't attend, so it's best to be prepared for everyone on your guest list to show up.

If you're worried about your budget and venue capacity, consider creating an A-list of guests that you must invite and a B-list of guests you'd like to invite if you have the space and budget. Invite the guests on your A-list first and wait for their RSVPs. Once you find out how many people can't come, invite the same number of people from your B-list. This way, you won't have many unexpected surprises in terms of the number of guests.

Plus-ones

When it comes to plus-ones, there are a few considerations to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to decide on a budget and venue first, as this will dictate how many people you can invite, plus-ones included. The average cost of a wedding in the United States was $19,000 in 2020, and food and drink alone should account for about 40% of your budget. So, if you're working with a budget, you may need to be more selective with your plus-ones.

There are a few rules of thumb when it comes to plus-ones. Anyone in your wedding party, as well as married, engaged, or long-term couples, should be invited with a plus-one. It's also a nice gesture to offer a plus-one to guests who might not know anyone else at the wedding, such as your childhood best friend. If you have the budget, you can offer plus-ones to all unmarried guests, but if you're working with a tighter guest list, you may need to be more selective.

When deciding on plus-ones, it's important to be consistent and set a standard that applies to all guests equally. If you're having an adults-only reception, make sure this is clear on your invitations. The same goes for plus-ones; if you're not offering them to everyone, be clear about who is and isn't invited.

It's also important to remember that plus-ones are invited guests and should be included in your total guest count. If a guest RSVPs yes for themselves and their plus-one, you should plan and budget for both of them to attend. If you're worried about budget constraints, you may want to consider a B-list for plus-ones. Send out your first batch of invitations with plus-ones included, and if you have more declines than expected, you can send out additional invitations without plus-ones to stay within your budget.

Finally, don't feel obligated to offer plus-ones just because you feel pressured or out of obligation. Your wedding is about celebrating your love with the people who are most important to you, so only invite those who will bring you joy on your special day.

Children

When it comes to children, there are a few things to consider when deciding whether or not to invite them to your wedding.

Firstly, it's important to decide if you want children at your wedding and, if so, in what capacity. Some couples may adore the idea of having children present, especially if they are family members or children of close friends. In this case, you can choose to include them in the festivities by offering kid-friendly food, activities, and mocktails. On the other hand, if you envision a more adult affair, it's perfectly acceptable to opt for an adults-only celebration.

Secondly, it's crucial to consider the venue and any potential safety concerns. Certain venues may not be suitable for young children, such as art museums, sculpture gardens, or cliffside chapels. In such cases, it is advisable to leave them off the guest list.

Thirdly, be mindful of the potential impact on your budget. Children can add to the overall cost, especially if you choose to provide specific amenities or entertainment for them. If you're working with a limited budget, you may need to prioritize who to include on the guest list, and it might be necessary to politely exclude children.

Finally, it's essential to communicate your decision clearly and consistently. If you decide to have an adults-only wedding, ensure that your invitations specify this, for example, by including a note like "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration." This will help set expectations and avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Ultimately, the decision to invite children to your wedding is a personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. Consider your preferences, venue, budget, and guest list dynamics to make the choice that aligns best with your vision for the big day.

B-list invites

Creating a B-list for your wedding can be a tricky process, but it can be done without causing any guest list faux pas. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Make B-List Decisions Early

If you think you might need to separate your guest list into an A-List and a B-List, decide as soon as possible. This will give you time to figure out who is on each list and make arrangements for invitations and RSVP deadlines.

Organise Intentionally

When creating your B-list, organise it in order of priority. Put those who feel important but didn't quite make the cut at the top, and those who would be nice to include but are not necessary towards the bottom. That way, if a certain number of people from your A-list RSVP "no", you can easily send invitations to the same number of people at the top of your B-list.

Make a Separate List for Family and Close Friends

To avoid any potential hurt feelings, decide on clear criteria for what qualifies someone for the A-List versus the B-List, and apply this consistently. This will decrease the chances of guests comparing when they were invited and figuring out they may have been on the B-List.

Send Invitations Early

If you have a B-List, sending your A-List invitations around 12 weeks in advance will give you plenty of time to see who can't make it before sending your B-List invites. This also gives guests more time to check their calendars and send back their RSVP cards.

Have Two Sets of RSVP Cards

Print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, going out with the A-List invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, going out with the B-List invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around three weeks before the wedding, in line with traditional etiquette.

Mail the B-List Invites at Once

Choose a date as the deadline for adding B-List guests to your "invited" list, and mail all of those invitations on the same day. This will help you keep track of who you've added and ensure that invitations arrive in a timely manner.

Parents' input

As a parent, if your child is getting married, it's important to remember that it is their wedding day and not yours. While it's natural to want to invite all your friends and family to celebrate the occasion, it's essential to respect your child's wishes for their wedding, especially if you are not contributing financially.

If you are contributing financially to the wedding, it's important to be transparent about any expectations you have regarding the guest list. Be honest with your child about who you would like to invite, and try to understand their vision for the wedding. It's their day, so be prepared to compromise and only invite your closest friends and family.

A good way to approach this is to ask your child for a target number of guests that you can invite. This gives you a clear idea of how many people you can include and leaves less room for negotiation. You could also offer to pay for any additional guests you wish to invite.

Remember, this is a big day for your child and their partner, and they may want to keep the wedding small and intimate. Try to respect that and be understanding of their wishes. It's also important to be consistent with any rules they set, such as not inviting children or allowing plus-ones.

If you have a good relationship with your child, they may be happy for you to invite a few of your friends, especially if you explain how much it would mean to you to have them there. Be mindful of their budget and the venue capacity, and don't take advantage by inviting lots of people they don't know.

Finally, try to keep things equal between both sets of parents, and be respectful of each other's choices.

Frequently asked questions