Kids At Weddings: To Invite Or Not?

Whether or not to invite children to a wedding is a divisive topic. Some believe that children add a certain magic to the atmosphere, while others feel that they can be distracting and rowdy. It's important to consider the impact that children may have on your wedding, whether positive or negative, and decide what is best for you and your partner. If you choose to have a child-free wedding, it's essential to communicate this clearly and directly to your guests to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Communicating your decision

Deciding to have a child-free wedding can be a tricky situation to navigate, and you may face some backlash from guests who are parents. However, it is your wedding, and you are entitled to invite whoever you want. Here are some ways to communicate your decision to your guests:

Addressing the Invitations

Be very careful with how you address your invitations. Avoid writing 'The Smith Family', as this implies that children are also invited. Instead, address the invitation to the adults specifically, for example, 'Mr and Mrs Smith'. You could also use an inner envelope and write the first names of the adults you're inviting, e.g., 'To Paul and Barbara Smith'.

Add a Note or Reception Card

You can include a small card with your invitation to inform guests that the wedding will be adults-only. Here are some examples of wording:

• "Regrettably, we are unable to extend our invitation to children, due to space and budget constraints. Thank you for your understanding."
• "Although we love your little ones, unfortunately, our venue is unable to accommodate guests under the age of 16."
• "We politely request that all attendees be over the age of 18."
• "We politely request that there be no children under the age of 18 at the reception."
• "We respectfully advise this is an adult-only event."

Be Specific on the Reply Card

Usually, wedding reply cards have a blank space for guests to write their names. To make it clear that kids aren't invited, you can fill this in ahead of time. Write their exact names on the reply card next to a checkbox or include a line that states the number of guests invited, e.g., "_ out of _ guests can attend."

Add Information to Your Wedding Website

If you have a wedding website, create a page explaining that the wedding will be child-free. You could include this information in an FAQ section. For example:

> Q: Can I bring my children?

> A: Unfortunately, we're unable to accommodate guests under the age of 18 (aside from our flower girls). We appreciate your understanding.

Spread the Word

Ask your wedding party, close friends, and family members to help spread the no-kids rule via word of mouth. Coach them on what to say when guests ask if children are invited. For example:

> It's nothing personal, but the couple is having an adult-only wedding. They're sorry about it, but there just isn't enough space at the venue.

Follow Up with a Phone Call

If you receive an RSVP or hear through word of mouth that some guests are planning to bring their children, give them a call and politely explain that children aren't invited. You can blame it on space or budget restrictions if you want to avoid potential awkwardness.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you are allowed to be clear about what you want for your big day. Stand your ground, but also try to be sensitive and tactful in your communication.

Addressing invitations

The way you address your invitations can be an effective way to indicate whether children are invited to your wedding. Traditionally, this is done by including the names of those invited on the invitation. If your invitation has both an outer and inner envelope, the parents' names should be on the outer envelope, and the names of any children invited should be written beneath the parents' names on the inner envelope. If you are only using an outer envelope, the names of any children invited should be included on that envelope.

If a child is over the age of 18, they should receive a separate invitation, even if they are still living at home. It is generally considered impolite to address an envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Family" as the wording can be vague. However, some people consider this phrasing acceptable as long as the names of those invited are written on the inner envelope.

If you are inviting an entire family, it is recommended that you write "The [Last Name] Family" on the outer envelope and list each family member's name on the inner envelope. If you are having a black-tie event, it is recommended to include honorifics as well.

If you are making a compromise and only inviting specific children, you should be aware that some guests may not take the news well, especially those who cannot bring their children. It is important to tread carefully and explain that you have a guest limit.

In addition to addressing the invitations, it is a good idea to include an adults-only announcement on your wedding website or wedding invitation. You can also add a line on your response/RSVP card indicating the number of seats reserved for your guests or personalise each response card with the guest names printed on them.

Inviting some children, but not others

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding can be a tricky task, and it's understandable that you might want to invite some but not others. It is generally considered okay to invite a select number of children to your wedding, especially since you're footing the bill. However, it's important to be consistent and clear with your rules to avoid confusion and hurt feelings. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

Be Clear and Consistent:

Establish a clear rule and stick to it. For example, you could invite only immediate family members' children or set an age limit. This way, you avoid the appearance of favouritism and make it easier for guests to understand your decision.

Address Invitations Properly:

When addressing invitations, be explicit about who is invited. Include the names of the invited guests on the outer envelope, and if there is an inner envelope, list the names of those invited, including any children. If you're only inviting adults, address the envelope to the adult(s) only.

Communicate Directly:

After sending your invitations, consider calling guests with children to clarify whether your wedding is child-friendly or not. This personal touch can help avoid misunderstandings and show that you are considerate of their needs.

Offer Alternative Arrangements:

If you have decided not to invite certain children, you could suggest alternative arrangements for their care during the wedding. Providing information about local babysitting services or childcare options can be a thoughtful gesture for guests with children.

Consider a Separate Kids' Area:

If you do invite children, think about creating a separate kids' area or room at the venue. This can provide entertainment and activities for the kids while allowing adults to enjoy the reception. Include kid-friendly décor, such as colouring books and crayons, and consider hiring a babysitter to supervise.

Be Prepared for Different Reactions:

Keep in mind that some guests may be upset or confused by your decision to invite some children and not others. It's important to be understanding of their perspective and communicate your wishes clearly and respectfully.

Remember, it's your special day, and you can make the choices that feel right for you and your partner. By being thoughtful and clear in your communication, you can navigate this potentially tricky situation with grace and ease.

Duties for children besides flower girl or ring bearer

Children can be included in a wedding in many ways besides being a flower girl or ring bearer. Here are some ideas for duties that children can perform at a wedding:

Usher or Junior Groomsman

If you have older children in your family, such as those in their pre-teen years, they can walk down the aisle as ushers or junior groomsmen. This is a great way to include them in the wedding procession and make them feel special.

Hand Out Programs or Bubbles

Children can be given the responsibility of handing out programs to guests before the ceremony or blowing bubbles during the processional or recessional. This involves them in the wedding without requiring them to walk down the aisle.

Wagon Rider or Puller

If you have very young children who are not yet steady on their feet, they can still be included in the wedding by riding in a wagon pulled by an older child or teenager. This is an adorable way to include the youngest members of your family in your special day.

Sign Carrier

A child can carry a sign announcing the arrival of the bride or bride and groom. This is a popular alternative to the traditional ring bearer role and can be a fun way to include a child in the wedding procession.

Pet Escort

If you want to include your pet in your wedding, a child can be the one to walk your dog down the aisle. This is a unique and memorable way to involve both your furry friend and a young member of your family in your celebration.

Train Carrier

For a school-age child, they can help carry the bride's train during the ceremony. This is a darling idea that makes the child feel important and helpful during the wedding.

Junior Bridesmaid or Groomsman

Older children, such as those aged 10 or above, can be included as junior bridesmaids or groomsmen. They can wear matching outfits and participate in the wedding procession and other bridal party activities.

Reader

Older children can also be given the important role of doing a reading during the ceremony. This is a way to include them in a more subdued but still meaningful way.

Page

Boys aged 6-8 can be "Pages" and help hand out programs before the ceremony. This is a way to include them in the wedding without requiring them to walk down the aisle.

Ladies in Waiting

Middle school-aged girls can be "Ladies in Waiting" and help the maid of honor with the bride's veil and train. This is a fun way to involve them in the bridal party preparations and make them feel like they have an important role.

Parade Participant

If you are having a non-traditional wedding, you can include children in a parade with signage and possibly bible verses or quotes. This is a unique way to involve multiple children and make them feel like an integral part of your celebration.

Remember, it is essential to consider the age and personality of each child when assigning duties. Some children may be shy or nervous, while others may be more comfortable and eager to participate. It is also a good idea to include the children in the wedding rehearsal to help them feel prepared and comfortable with their duties on the big day.

Childcare and entertainment

If you're inviting children to your wedding, it's a good idea to plan some entertainment to keep them happy and their parents relaxed. Here are some tips for childcare and entertainment to ensure your wedding is fun for all ages.

Childcare

If your budget allows, consider hiring a professional babysitter or childcare provider to supervise the children's activities. This ensures that kids are well looked after, giving parents peace of mind to enjoy the celebrations. If you have many young children attending, you could set up a dedicated children's creche with a qualified nanny. Alternatively, you could hire a professional, Garda-vetted childcare service to supervise and entertain the children.

Entertainment

There are numerous ways to entertain children at weddings, from simple, low-cost options to more extravagant choices. Here are some ideas to suit different budgets:

• Outdoor lawn games: If your venue has outdoor space, provide old-school games like hopscotch, lawn bowling, Twister, outdoor Jenga, and Connect Four. Simple kites, skipping ropes, and hula hoops are also great options.
• Indoor games: For indoor entertainment or rainy days, set up board games and jigsaws. Retro favourites like Guess Who, Monopoly, Operation, or Hungry Hippos are ideal.
• Arts and crafts: Kids love to get creative, so provide a dedicated area with crayons, craft supplies, stickers, pipe cleaners, and playdough. They can make wedding-themed crafts like decorating cakes, designing wedding dresses, or making cards for the happy couple.
• Kids' table: If you have several children of a similar age attending, create a kids' table with games and entertainment. You could hire a babysitter to supervise this area.
• Scavenger hunts: Create a scavenger hunt or I Spy list for the kids to explore and interact with the wedding environment.
• Professional entertainment: If your budget allows, hire professional children's entertainers like magicians, clowns, balloon modellers, caricature artists, fortune tellers, storytellers, or impersonators.
• Movie area: Set up a quiet area with comfy cushions and bean bags, and play children's movies. This is ideal for children with sensory issues who might find crowds overwhelming.
• Game room: For active kids, create a game room with ping-pong, air hockey, Nerf balls, basketball, Twister, Hula-Hoops, jump ropes, and outdoor games like three-legged races.
• Dance time: While adults are listening to speeches, let the kids have their own dance party with kid-approved pop music.
• Photo booth: Stock a photo booth with dress-up items and props like funny hats, tutus, feather boas, and moustaches on a stick.
• Goody bags: Prepare personalised goody bags with age-appropriate treats like snacks, juice cartons, mini puzzles, toys, crayons, and colouring books.

By providing a range of activities and supervision, you can ensure that children are entertained and that their parents can also relax and enjoy your special day.

Frequently asked questions