Wedding Invite Etiquette: To Name Or Not To Name?

Wedding invitations are traditionally delivered by hand, with the outer envelope containing the recipient's name, address, return address, and postage. The inner envelope is less formal and includes the name of the invitee. While this tradition is no longer necessary, many couples opt for this format. When addressing the envelopes, it is essential to consider the relationship status, honorific titles, and whether a plus-one is included. For instance, a married couple with the same last name would be addressed as Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren on the outer envelope and Mr. and Mrs. Warren on the inner envelope. On the other hand, an unmarried couple would be addressed as Mr. Stanley Kim and Ms. Amanda Rhee on the outer envelope and Mr. Kim and Ms. Rhee on the inner envelope. It is also important to use the correct titles and spell out names in full, although abbreviating titles has become more acceptable.

Married couples with the same last name

When addressing wedding invitations to married couples with the same last name, there are a few different options to consider, depending on your preference and the couple's sensitivity to traditional gender norms. Here are some examples to help you format the invitations appropriately:

Formal Addressing:

For heterosexual couples, the traditional format is to use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For example:

• Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren"
• Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

However, this format may not sit well with modern women who prefer to have their names included instead of being "lumped in" with their husbands. In such cases, you can address the invitation as follows:

• Outer envelope: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren"
• Inner envelope: "Mr. Warren and Mrs. Warren" or "Thomas and Michelle"

Informal Addressing:

If you prefer a more modern and casual approach, you can choose to forgo titles and use first and last names only. This option provides flexibility and avoids potential discomfort associated with traditional gender norms. Here's an example:

• Outer envelope: "Thomas Warren and Michelle Warren"
• Inner envelope: "Thomas and Michelle"

Addressing Married Couples with Children:

When inviting a married couple with the same last name and their children, the format changes slightly. Here's an example:

• Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Brian Freeman"
• Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Freeman" (followed by their children's names)

Addressing a Married Couple with a Hyphenated Name:

If the wife has chosen to hyphenate her maiden name with her husband's last name, you can address them as follows:

• Outer envelope: "Mr. Brian Freeman and Mrs. Valerie Freeman-Warren"
• Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Freeman-Warren"

Remember, when addressing wedding invitations, it's essential to consider the preferences and sensitivities of the recipients. The examples provided above offer a guide, but you can adapt them to fit the specific circumstances and relationships you have with the invited couples.

Married couples with different last names

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations to married couples with different last names, there are a few etiquette rules to keep in mind to ensure your guests feel welcomed and respected. Here are some detailed guidelines to help you navigate this:

Outer Envelope Etiquette:

The outer envelope is the larger envelope that contains the recipient's information, street address, return address, and postage. Traditionally, this envelope is more formal and includes the recipient's full name and title. When addressing a married couple with different last names, write their names on the same line with the woman's name first. Here's an example:

"Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

If the combined names are too long to fit on one line, it is acceptable to list their names separately, still keeping the woman's name first. Here's how it could look:

"Ms. Maria Stevens, Mr. David Estevez"

Inner Envelope Etiquette:

The inner envelope is smaller and contains less information, usually only the name of the person or people being invited. This envelope is more informal, giving you the option to use titles and last names or just first names. For a married couple with different last names, you can mirror the outer envelope format, or simply use their first names. Here are some examples:

"Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez" or "Maria and David"

Other Considerations:

When addressing envelopes, it is essential to use your guests' preferred names and titles. If you are unsure about their preferences, it is best to ask them directly. Additionally, consider the level of formality you want to convey. While traditional etiquette calls for full names and titles, modern invitations may use first and last names or even just first names, especially for more casual weddings.

Examples for Different Levels of Formality:

Formal:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Ms. Stevens and Mr. Estevez"

Semi-formal:

Outer envelope: "Ms. Maria Stevens and Mr. David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Maria and David"

Casual:

Outer envelope: "Maria Stevens and David Estevez"

Inner envelope: "Maria and David"

Remember, the most important aspect of addressing wedding invitations is to make your guests feel welcomed and respected. Choose a format that aligns with the tone of your wedding and be mindful of your guests' preferences.

Unmarried couples

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations to unmarried couples, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to include both guests' full names – first and last – on the invitation, even if you have never met the other partner. It is considered good etiquette to put in the effort to learn their name before sending out the invitation.

If the couple lives together, their names should be written on the same line, with the person you are closest to listed first. If you know both partners equally well, alphabetical order is a safe bet.

Contemporary: Ed and Kara

Traditional: Mr Ed Parsons and Ms Kara Porter

If the couple lives separately, it is ideal to send a separate invitation to each person. However, if you choose to send a single invitation, the primary invitee's name should be on the outer envelope, with the other partner's name included on the inner envelope.

When addressing unmarried couples, do not use a conjoining "and" between their names, as this typically signifies marriage. Instead, write their names on separate lines, with the woman's name first, as is customary for social correspondence.

Contemporary: Ms Valerie Warrington and Mr Brian Freeman

Traditional: Ms Valerie Warrington Mr Brian Freeman

If you are having a casual wedding, such as a backyard barbecue, you may choose to use a more informal format, such as using only first names. However, for more formal weddings, it is best to adhere to the traditional guidelines outlined above.

Single invitees

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, it's important to get the recipient's name right, especially when addressing single invitees. Here are some tips to ensure your single guests feel welcomed and celebrated:

Use Appropriate Titles

It is generally recommended to use the guest's preferred title, such as "Mr." for a male guest and "Miss," "Ms.," or "Mrs." for a female guest. For unmarried female guests, "Miss" is acceptable, while "Ms." can be used for both unmarried and married women. If you are unsure of their marital status or prefer to keep it more general, "Ms." is a safe choice.

Include Full Names

For formal invitations, use your guests' full names instead of initials, nicknames, or shortened names, unless they strongly prefer otherwise. Skip middle names and initials unless the guest uses their middle name as part of their preferred name.

Specify "and Guest" for Plus-Ones

If you are allowing a single guest to bring a plus-one, be sure to specify this on the invitation. On the outer envelope, address it to the guest you know, and on the inner envelope, add "and Guest." If you are unable to obtain the plus-one's name, it is acceptable to write "and Guest" after the guest's name.

Be Mindful of Gender-Neutral Language

Be respectful of the pronouns your single guests use. If a guest is non-binary, use "Mx." as a gender-neutral honorific.

Provide Clear Criteria for Plus-Ones

If you are inviting single guests outside of the bridal party, it is considerate to offer them the option to bring a plus-one as well. This avoids any potential hurt feelings and ensures everyone feels included.

Write Guest Names on the Invitation

While it is common to put guest names on the envelope, it is recommended to also include them on the invitation itself. This ensures clarity about who is invited, especially if the envelope gets recycled or if your guests don't notice the names on the envelope.

Consider Handwriting or Printing Guest Names

If you are concerned about your handwriting spoiling the invitation, you can opt to have the guest names printed on the invitation. This can be done by sending a typed list to your stationer, ensuring accuracy and consistency.

In summary, when addressing single invitees on wedding invitations, it is important to use appropriate titles, include full names, specify plus-ones, be mindful of gender-neutral language, provide clear criteria for plus-ones, write guest names on the invitation, and consider handwriting or printing guest names for a neat and tidy appearance.

Families, including children

When addressing wedding invitations to families with children, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to list the names of the parent(s) or guardian(s) on the outer envelope, and the names of the children on the inner envelope. This is because the outer envelope is more formal, while the inner envelope is more informal. Here are some examples:

If you are inviting a family with young children (under 18), you can use the following format:

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham"

Inner envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham, Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly"

Note that girls under 18 can be addressed as "Miss". Boys do not need a title until they are 16, at which point they can be addressed as "Mr.".

If you are inviting a family with children over the age of 18, each child should receive their own invitation, unless they live at home with their parents. In this case, you can follow the same format as above. Here is an example:

Outer envelope: "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson"

Inner envelope: "Alan, Emily, Roger, Chance, Miss Jennifer, and Miss Lily"

If you are using only one envelope, all invited family members should be listed. You can use the words "and Family" or the family name, such as "The Abraham Family". For example:

"Mr. Brian Freeman and Mrs. Valerie Freeman, Anders and Sue, 612 Maple Lane, Fairhope, Alabama 36000"

When addressing wedding invitations, it is important to use the correct titles and formats to ensure that your guests feel welcomed and respected.

Frequently asked questions