Toasting Tradition: Should Grooms Honor Bridesmaids?

Wedding toasts are an important aspect of wedding speeches, providing an opportunity to distil the speaker's message into a short phrase that guests can engage with and endorse. While there is no set order for wedding speeches, the traditional order goes: father of the bride, groom, best man, and other toasts. The father of the bride typically toasts the couple, the groom toasts his bride and the bridesmaids, and the best man toasts the happy couple. However, the groom is not restricted to toasting the bridesmaids and can get creative with his speech ending.

Should the groom toast the bridesmaids?

Wedding speech etiquette has evolved over the years, with more people taking to the mic and joining in. While there are no set rules, there is a knack for ordering the speeches in the most effective way.

Traditionally, the father of the bride kicks off the wedding speeches, followed by the groom, the best man, and then any other toasts. The groom's speech is the most important, as he has the most 'to-dos'. It is important that the heart of the speech isn't lost in a long list of thank yous. He should make everyone in the room feel special, and his new wife feel brilliant.

The groom should start by thanking the father of the bride for his kind words, then thank both sets of parents, the guests for attending, and the wedding party, including the bridesmaids. The groom should also hand out any gifts during his speech.

Traditionally, the groom toasts his bride, and the best man toasts the bridesmaids. However, this tradition is being questioned, as the best man's speech is dedicated to the groom and his bride, so it makes more sense for him to toast the couple. The groom can still thank and compliment the bridesmaids without toasting them.

If the groom does choose to toast the bridesmaids, he could say something like:

> "I'd like to echo what Gary said there and thank Mel, Violet, Cathy and Leah for not only helping my wife prepare for today but also making such a huge effort and looking so magnificent. Not that any effort was needed, mind. Unlike myself, who had to spend hours grooming, plucking, waxing and scrubbing to bring myself up to the standard of your average dole queue."

However, if he would prefer not to mention their appearance, he could say:

> "And as for the bridesmaids, well, ladies, you've been a wonderful help to Amanda, and I know that if the brutally patriarchal wedding customs allowed it, she'd thank you herself. But they don't, so thank you from me instead."

Who should the best man toast?

The best man's speech is the grand finale of the wedding speeches, and it is traditionally expected to be a witty and humorous description of the groom. It should also include a thoughtful acknowledgement of the groom, beyond the usual wedding clichés.

The best man should also remember to compliment the groom's choice of partner and make it seem like he knows them well. It is also customary for the best man to echo the groom's toast in thanking the bridesmaids.

Finally, the best man should lead a toast to the happy couple. However, some etiquette books suggest that the best man should not toast the bride and groom as this is usually done by the father of the bride. In reality, however, the best man usually toasts the newlyweds.

What to say when toasting the bridesmaids

While there is no set rule that the groom must give a speech or a toast to the bridesmaids, it is a tradition that the groom thanks and toasts the bridesmaids. If you are the groom and you are considering toasting the bridesmaids, here are some ideas on what you could say.

• "Thank you to my beautiful bride, and to the bridesmaids, who all look so wonderful today. I know that [Bride] and I wouldn't be standing here today without your love and support, and we are both so grateful to have you in our lives. You have been there for us through thick and thin, and we truly appreciate all that you have done. Cheers to you!"
• "To my amazing bride and her incredible bridesmaids, thank you all for being here today and for all of your support leading up to this special day. [Bride] and her bridesmaids have been friends for many years, and their bond is a true testament to the power of female friendship. To the bridesmaids, thank you for always being there for my wife and for welcoming me into the fold. We love and appreciate you all."
• "I want to take a moment to thank my new wife's bridesmaids. Ladies, you have been by [Bride] 's side throughout the wedding planning process, and I know she couldn't have done it without you. Your love, support, and friendship mean the world to her, and I am so grateful to have you all as part of our wedding. Cheers to the bridesmaids!"
• "To my wonderful wife and her brilliant bridesmaids, thank you all for your hard work and dedication in the lead-up to this wedding. I know that planning a wedding can be a lot of work, and I am so appreciative of all of your efforts. My wife and her bridesmaids have been friends since childhood, and their bond is a true testament to the power of friendship. Thank you all for being here today and for your ongoing love and support. Cheers to the bridesmaids!"
• "I want to take a moment to thank my new wife and her bridesmaids. My wife and her bridesmaids are all strong, intelligent, and compassionate women, and I feel so honoured to be surrounded by such amazing female role models. Thank you all for your love, support, and friendship, not only today but throughout the entire wedding planning process. Cheers to the bridesmaids!"

What to avoid when toasting the bridesmaids

While there are no set rules for wedding speeches, there are a few things to avoid when toasting the bridesmaids as the groom.

Firstly, it is best to avoid a long list of individual thank yous. While it is important to thank the bridesmaids, this can be done in a general way, without naming each one. This will help to keep your speech concise and engaging. It is also advisable to avoid mentioning the appearance of the bridesmaids, especially in a way that could be perceived as lecherous or inappropriate. Keep your comments classy and focus on their support and friendship with the bride.

Secondly, avoid giving out gifts during your speech. This can interrupt the flow and make your speech feel stilted. Instead, consider presenting gifts personally later in the day. Similarly, avoid spending too much time thanking the venue or caterers. A quick mention will suffice; you don't want your speech to become too long or lose the attention of your guests.

Finally, avoid making your toast too complicated or lengthy. Keep it simple, heartfelt and memorable. A short, repeatable phrase will be more effective and encourage your guests to join in.

Who else can the groom toast?

While the groom is expected to toast the bridesmaids, there are other people he can toast during his speech.

The groom's speech is often the one with the most 'to-dos', but it's important to keep the heart of the speech in mind. It should be about making everyone in the room feel special and his wife feel brilliant.

• The couple: The groom can respond on behalf of his wife and toast the couple. This is a traditional element of the groom's speech, where he thanks the guests for their attendance and gifts. He also thanks both sets of parents and acknowledges key members of the wedding party.
• The bride: The groom can give a toast to his bride, dedicating the speech to her and explaining how happy he is to be marrying her. This is his chance to shout about how fabulous she is.
• The hosts: Guests can also toast their hosts for their wonderful hospitality. The groom can return this gesture by toasting the hosts, usually the couple's parents, if they are hosting.
• Absent friends: Toasting absent friends is a traditional element of wedding toasts. The father of the bride often initiates this toast, but the groom can also include this in his speech.
• The parents: The groom can thank and toast both sets of parents—his parents for their lifetime of care and support, and his in-laws for raising his bride.

The groom's speech should be kept concise, aiming for around 7-10 minutes, and should focus on the people closest to the couple. While it is important to thank the wedding party, the focus should be on making the bride feel special and celebrating the couple's happiness.

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