Bridesmaids: Follow The Bride Or Her Own Heart?

Bridesmaids are an important part of the wedding party, and their role is to support the bride. Bridesmaids are usually the bride's closest friends or relatives, and they attend to the bride on the day of the wedding. They also help with planning and attending pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party. On the wedding day, bridesmaids are expected to get ready with the bride, assist with her outfit and veil, and provide practical and emotional support. They also participate in the wedding ceremony by walking down the aisle and standing at the altar with the bride. The role of a bridesmaid is demanding and can be expensive, so it is important to be aware of the responsibilities and duties involved before accepting the role.

Choosing bridesmaids

Start Early and Make a List

Give yourself a few months to decide on your bridesmaids. Start by making a list of meaningful friends and family members you might want to include. Don't forget to consider close male or non-binary friends as well. Add any siblings or siblings-in-law to the list, and don't feel pressured to include people just because of family ties.

Set Your Expectations

Determine how involved you want your bridesmaids to be in the wedding planning process. If you plan to lean heavily on your bridal party for advice and tasks, consider choosing people who have the time and availability to commit. Have honest conversations with potential bridesmaids about their expectations and your own.

Select Your Honour Attendant(s)

Choose your maid of honour first. This person will be your right hand and can help you fill in the rest of your bridal party. If you're struggling to choose between two people, consider selecting both as your honour attendants and dividing the duties according to their strengths and interests.

Evaluate Your Relationships

Look at your relationship with each individual on your list. Consider their dependability, the longevity of your relationship, and how supportive they are. Choose people who will bring good vibes and provide emotional support.

Decide on a Number

The number of bridesmaids you have doesn't matter as long as they are the right people for you. A good rule of thumb is to have four bridesmaids for a wedding with under 60 guests and up to 10 bridesmaids for a wedding with 150+ guests. However, don't feel pressured to fill positions just to even things out with the groom's party.

Propose to Your Bridesmaids

Once you've finalised your choices, it's time to pop the question to your potential bridesmaids. You can make it as simple or extravagant as you like, with a heartfelt note or a special gift. They will be thrilled to be a part of your special day.

Remember, choosing bridesmaids is a personal decision, and you should follow your heart. These tips can help guide you, but ultimately, select the people you feel closest to and who will support you throughout the wedding planning process and on your big day.

Planning pre-wedding events

Engagement Parties:

Engagement parties are usually one of the first pre-wedding events, hosted by family or friends to celebrate the couple's upcoming marriage. While not mandatory, they are a wonderful opportunity to share your joy with loved ones. As a bridesmaid, you can offer to help with the planning, decorations, and greeting guests. It is also customary to send the couple an engagement gift, even if you haven't officially been asked to be a bridesmaid yet.

Bridal Showers:

Bridal showers, also known as wedding showers, are parties that honour the couple with games, food, and gifts. They are often hosted by close friends or family members of the bride or groom. As a bridesmaid, you will likely be involved in planning and paying for the bridal shower, so be prepared to lend a hand to the maid of honour. This may include chipping in financially, helping with decorations, or greeting guests. You will also be expected to bring a gift for the couple.

Bachelorette Parties:

The bachelorette party is another key pre-wedding event for bridesmaids. The maid of honour usually takes the lead in organising this event, but as a bridesmaid, you should be ready to support her and share the costs. The bachelorette party is typically held a few months before the wedding and is an opportunity for the bride to celebrate with her closest friends.

Bridal Brunch/Bridesmaids Luncheon:

The bridal brunch, also known as the bridesmaids luncheon, is usually hosted a few days before the wedding. This event is the bride's opportunity to thank the bridesmaids and other women who have helped with the wedding planning. As a bridesmaid, you can offer to assist with the planning or provide memorable gifts for the bride.

Rehearsal Dinner:

The rehearsal dinner is a gathering for the wedding party and families to get acquainted. While not mandatory, it is a beneficial and enjoyable part of the pre-wedding festivities. As a bridesmaid, you will be expected to attend and may even be asked to give a toast.

Welcome Party:

The welcome party is the final event before the wedding and is open to all wedding guests. It is a chance for out-of-town guests to mingle and get to know each other. While attendance is not mandatory, it is a great opportunity to connect with the wedding party and celebrate the upcoming nuptials.

Remember, effective communication is essential in planning these events. Be sure to have honest conversations about expectations and responsibilities, and don't be afraid to speak up if something is beyond your means.

Paying for pre-wedding events

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the engagement party, but they are not obligated to host it. In some cases, a couple may have two engagement parties: one for each family. If so, each family pays for their own event, but the bride's family gets to host the first one.

The bridal shower, bachelorette party, and bridesmaid luncheon are all planned and paid for by the bridesmaids or the maid of honour. The bachelorette party is the one day where the bride should not be expected to spend a dime, but as a result, she has no say in how it goes. The cost of the bride's share is usually divided between the entire wedding party.

The rehearsal dinner is hosted and paid for by the groom's parents and takes place the day before the wedding.

The bride and groom typically handle the fundamental expenses of the wedding, including the wedding attire, rings, and the ceremony itself. They also cover the cost of the reception, including the venue, catering, and the wedding cake.

If there are pre-wedding events like a welcome party or a farewell brunch, the bride and groom usually cover these expenses, although it is also acceptable for guests to chip in for these events.

Choosing bridesmaid attire

If the bride asks for your help, you can chime in respectfully on ideas for the bridesmaids' attire, hair, or makeup. However, it's important to adhere to the bride's vision unless you're asked to wear something you're truly uncomfortable with. In that case, it's fair to bring it up before any decisions are made.

• Order your dress as soon as possible, as it can take three to four months for it to arrive.
• If you want to wear shoes that are more cute than comfortable, be sure to bring Band-Aids or a pair of flats for when blisters start to form or if you want to dance.
• Don't forget to plan your hair and makeup in advance. Screenshot photos of hairdos and makeup looks that you love, and bring them with you on the day of the wedding so that the stylists know what you're aiming for.
• If the bride is paying for your hair and makeup, be sure to communicate this to the stylists to avoid confusion or additional charges.
• Be mindful of the bride's budget. Discuss what expenses she will cover and what you will be responsible for. This may include your dress, hair, makeup, and travel costs.
• If you have concerns about the cost, communicate honestly with the bride or maid of honor from the beginning. It's important to be upfront about your budget constraints and what you can commit to financially.

Remember, the most important thing is to support the bride and ensure she feels cherished and celebrated on her big day.

Supporting the bride

Before the Wedding

Bridesmaids can provide emotional support to the bride during what can be a stressful time. They can also help with practical tasks, such as choosing the bride's attire and flowers, and organising pre-wedding events such as the bridal shower and bachelorette party. It is important to be proactive and positive, offering help early on and throughout the planning process. Bridesmaids should also be mindful of the bride's expectations and communicate honestly about their own abilities and financial means.

During the Wedding

On the day of the wedding, bridesmaids should attend to the bride's needs, providing practical and emotional support. This may include helping the bride get dressed, managing her veil, bouquet, or train, and assisting with bathroom breaks. Bridesmaids also ensure the bride stays hydrated and well-fed throughout the day. They may be asked to greet guests, sign the marriage license as a witness, and hold the groom's wedding ring.

After the Wedding

Even after the wedding, a bridesmaid's duties may not be over. They can help gather personal items and gifts, and participate in post-wedding events such as a next-day brunch. They can also assist the bride with choosing photos for her album and sorting through gifts.

Financial Considerations

Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, and it is important to set budget expectations early on. Bridesmaids may be expected to pay for their own wedding attire, travel, and accommodation, as well as contribute to pre-wedding events. It is customary to give a gift to the couple, either from the registry or something else such as a spa day.

Other Considerations

Bridesmaids should remember that the bride is the star of the show, so it is important to be selfless and flexible. They should also be mindful of the bride's vision for the wedding and respect her wishes, even if they don't always agree. Finally, it is important to get to know the other bridesmaids and work together as a team to support the bride.

Frequently asked questions