Bridesmaids: To Have Or Not To Have At Destination Weddings

Planning a destination wedding comes with a unique set of considerations, and one of the most significant questions is whether to include bridesmaids. While it is ultimately a personal preference, there are several factors to contemplate when making this decision.

One key aspect is the financial burden on the bridal party. Destination weddings can be costly for attendees, and adding the responsibilities of a bridesmaid may pose a challenge for some. It is essential to be mindful of your guests' financial situations and be prepared to offer support or make adjustments if needed.

Another factor is the potential for last-minute changes or cancellations. With destination weddings, there is always a chance that members of the bridal party may need to back out due to unforeseen circumstances or travel hurdles. This uncertainty can create stress and leave you scrambling for alternatives.

Additionally, the dynamics of a destination wedding may differ from those of a traditional wedding. The bridal party's role may be more relaxed or focused on enjoying the destination and celebrating with the couple. This shift in expectations can influence your decision about including bridesmaids.

Ultimately, the choice to have bridesmaids at your destination wedding is a personal one. It is important to consider your own preferences, the dynamics of your bridal party, and the potential financial and logistical implications. By weighing these factors, you can make an informed decision that aligns with your vision for your special day.

Asking your bridal party to pay for their own expenses

Be Transparent About Expectations

Before asking your bridal party to commit, be upfront about the expected financial obligations. Let them know about the destination wedding plans, including the location, duration, and any additional events or activities. Discuss the potential costs, such as travel, accommodations, and bridal party attire. It is important that everyone understands the financial commitment involved.

Offer Alternatives and Flexibility

When choosing attire for your bridal party, consider their budgets. Opt for affordable options or a mismatched look within a specific color palette, allowing them to choose brands and price ranges that suit their financial situation. If you have your heart set on expensive outfits, consider subsidizing the cost or offering to cover a portion as a gesture of appreciation. Remember, it's important to be mindful of their financial constraints.

Communicate About Bachelorette Parties and Showers

Bachelorette parties and bridal showers can be a significant expense for the bridal party. If you're planning a destination bachelorette party, consider the financial impact on your bridal party and opt for budget-friendly options if possible. Communicate your expectations clearly, and if you're comfortable, let them know that you're happy to cover your portion of the trip. Remember that it's not expected of the bridal party to cover the bride's expenses for these events.

Provide Options for Hair and Makeup

Professional hair and makeup services can add to the bridal party's expenses. If you're requiring certain beauty looks, it is considerate to cover the costs for your bridal party. However, if you're open to flexibility, you can make these services optional and allow them to choose whether or not they want to incur this expense. Just ensure that those who opt out still have a dedicated space to get ready and feel included.

Discuss Transportation and Accommodation

Transportation and accommodation costs can quickly add up for your bridal party. If possible, negotiate special rates with the designated wedding hotel or contribute a certain percentage toward their bookings. Communicate any transportation plans and costs clearly, so they can budget accordingly. It is also a thoughtful gesture to cover their transportation to and from events on the wedding day.

Show Your Appreciation

Remember to express your gratitude for your bridal party's presence and support. Consider giving them thank-you gifts as tokens of appreciation for their hard work and financial contributions. Be thoughtful and generous when choosing these presents to show your sincere appreciation for their role in making your wedding dreams come true.

The role of a Maid of Honour

Before the Wedding

The Maid of Honour should:

• Initiate a conversation with the bride to discuss how best to support her during the wedding planning process.
• Connect with the bridal party via email or text so everyone can get to know each other.
• Check in with the bridal party to see how much each bridesmaid can afford before planning the bachelorette party or bridal shower.
• Attend wedding dress shopping appointments and provide an honest opinion.
• Stay on top of important tasks, like ordering the bridesmaid dresses early, and keeping track of the bride's fittings.
• Absorb as much wedding information as possible and act as a point of contact for the bridal party, the bride's family and guests.
• Mediate any conflicts among the bridal party and assign tasks for pre-wedding events.
• Plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party, keeping the bride's preferences and the bridal party's budgets in mind.
• Keep track of gifts received at the bridal shower so the bride can easily write thank-you notes later.
• Prepare a wedding survival kit with essentials like Advil, Band-Aids, hair ties, safety pins, etc.
• Lend a hand with any DIY projects, like addressing invitations or making centerpieces or favours.
• Prepare a speech for the reception.
• Help with the reception playlist.
• Offer to pack for the bride's honeymoon or run any other last-minute errands.

On the Wedding Day

The Maid of Honour should:

• Drop off any reception items, like toasting flutes, the couple's registry book, seating cards or wedding favours, at the ceremony or reception venue.
• Keep the bridal suite tidy and ensure the bridesmaids remove their belongings after getting ready.
• Provide emotional support and help keep the bride calm and excited.
• Make sure the bride remembers to eat and drink throughout the day.
• Assist the mother of the bride with her hair, makeup, water, snacks and champagne.
• Keep an eye out for the bride's partner if they're not seeing each other before the ceremony and facilitate the exchange of gifts.
• Help the bride get dressed and ensure everything she needs, from undergarments to shoes to jewellery, is laid out in advance.
• Provide assistance to the bride in the restroom, which might include some tricky manoeuvring with the dress and veil.
• Lend a hand with the bride's hair and makeup, if she doesn't have a stylist.
• Keep the wedding rings safe.
• Hold the bride's bouquet during the ceremony and give it back to her when she walks up the aisle.
• Keep the bride hydrated throughout the day.
• Dance with the bride at the reception.

After the Wedding

The Maid of Honour should:

• Attend the couple's farewell party.
• Ensure wedding cards and gifts are delivered to the couple.
• Take care of any remaining bridal party admin, like coordinating outstanding expenses.

How to ask your bridal party to be part of a destination wedding

Planning a destination wedding is exciting, but it can be stressful to pop the question to your bridal party. Here are some tips on how to ask your bridal party to be part of a destination wedding:

Give Them a Heads-Up

It's a good idea to give your bridal party a heads-up, especially if they'll be travelling far to join in on the fun. If you have a long engagement period, wait until 8-12 months before the wedding. This will ensure that you're still close to the people you want to invite and give them enough time to plan. For shorter engagement periods, 5-8 months' notice is ideal.

Iron Out the Details First

Before asking your bridal party, it's helpful to have a solid plan and be prepared for any response. Discuss your decisions with your partner first and decide if you want the wedding party to match on each side. It's also a good idea to know the specific details of your wedding, such as colours, themes, and venue. This will make it easier for your bridal party to plan any pre-wedding events and feel confident about what they're signing up for.

Ask Them Directly

When it comes to popping the question to your bridal party, skip the theatrics and keep it real. Reach out to them in a way that feels natural, whether it's a heartfelt conversation or a fun gathering. Be genuine and honest, and don't stress about grand gestures. Your friends will appreciate your sincerity and the chance to be part of your special day.

Get Creative

If you want to add a little extra fun to your ask, here are some creative ideas:

• Plan a one-on-one dinner proposal at a fancy restaurant or a local eatery.
• Host a fun gathering with all your loved ones and ask them all at the same time. Create individual invitations or gift bags and pop the question before popping a bottle of champagne!
• Invite your friend to a shared activity, such as axe throwing, rock climbing, or an art class, and ask them during this memorable experience.
• For long-distance friends or family, set up a video call and let them know how much you want them by your side on your big day.
• Send them a tasty treat, such as pizza, an edible flower arrangement, or a box of their favourite desserts, along with a heartfelt message.

Provide a Follow-Up Conversation

After the initial excitement, it's natural for your bridal party to have some stress or apprehension. Meet with each person early on to discuss your wedding vision, their role, and any responsibilities. Getting everyone on the same page will help as you move towards your big day.

The pros and cons of hosting a wedding weekend

Pros

• More time spent with friends and family: You can extend that "best day ever" feeling and spend more quality time with all of your guests.
• Your guests don't have to worry about planning: Having a weekend-long event with scheduled activities gives your guests something to do and a chance to meet new people.
• Creating an immersive guest experience: You can get creative with the structure and flow of the event and make it more personalised.
• Sharing what you're passionate about as a couple: You can organise events that reflect your interests as a couple, such as a cookout, a wine tasting, or a cornhole tournament.
• Cost-effective: Thursday weddings can be more affordable than Saturday weddings, and guests may also save on travel costs.
• More availability: During peak wedding season, venues and vendors may have more availability on Thursdays and Sundays.
• Intimate atmosphere: Thursday and Sunday weddings can create a more relaxed and intimate atmosphere.

Cons

• More planning and logistics: A wedding weekend involves more planning and coordination, including securing hotel room blocks and sourcing venues for additional events.
• Higher cost: A weekend-long celebration typically requires a larger budget to cover food, beverages, and venue costs.
• Less guest attendance: Some guests may not be able to attend a multi-day event, especially if it requires long-haul travel.
• Less downtime: With a packed schedule of events, you and your guests may have less time to relax and explore independently.
• Childcare concerns: If you choose to have an adults-only event, guests with children may not be able to attend or will need to make alternative childcare arrangements.

How to be a great host

Planning a destination wedding can be stressful, but there are ways to ensure you're a great host. Here are some tips to help you navigate the process:

Hire a Travel Expert and Wedding Planner

A travel expert can organise flights, shuttles, layovers, and backup plans for guests, and they can troubleshoot in real time if any issues arise. A wedding planner, especially one with destination wedding experience, can also help decrease your stress and increase your excitement. They can guide you through the unique challenges of planning a wedding in a different location and keep you informed of all the details.

Host Multiple Events

Destination weddings typically involve more events and activities than a local wedding. In addition to the main event (ceremony and reception), consider hosting a welcome reception, a rehearsal dinner, and a farewell brunch. You can also plan local activities and excursions, such as a guided tour or a cooking class, and offer a range of options to suit different interests and energy levels. It's important to provide plenty of downtime as well, so guests can relax and explore independently.

Be Mindful of Event Invites

While most events are for all guests, the rehearsal dinner is usually more intimate and reserved for the wedding party and immediate family. The welcome reception follows this, so other guests don't feel left out. It's also fine to plan a few activities just for the wedding party, future spouse, or immediate family, but be sure to coordinate these separately rather than including them on the master schedule.

Provide an Exact Timeline of Dates

Communication is key when it comes to travel plans. Let guests know that the first and last days are typically used for independent activities and relaxation, so they can travel without worry. If there are significant time zone changes, recommend that guests arrive a day or two earlier to adjust to the new time zone.

Book an Accessible Location

Choose a location that is easily accessible to reduce travel stress for your guests. Remote destinations that involve multiple connections, long layovers, or limited flight options may deter people from attending or cause delays if issues arise. Be transparent about any travel challenges so guests can make an informed decision about their attendance.

Cover a Few Group Expenses

While you aren't expected to cover all expenses, it is customary for the couple to pay for meals at events like the welcome party, rehearsal dinner, reception, and farewell brunch. For other events and excursions, it's a kind gesture to cover some expenses to show your appreciation. If you can't, be transparent about the costs so guests can make informed budget decisions.

Provide a Welcome Gift

A welcome package or gift is a great way to make your guests feel appreciated. Include a note, local snacks, water bottles, dining suggestions, and important contact numbers. You can also add items like a bottle of wine, craft beer, baked goods, drink vouchers, and ibuprofen.

Stick to an Intimate Guest List

Destination weddings tend to be pricier for guests, so it's generally advisable to keep the guest list small. Start with your closest friends and family, and be prepared for a high acceptance rate as many guests will be eager to experience a new location.

Consider Offering Plus-Ones

Offering a plus-one to guests who don't know anyone else attending is a thoughtful gesture, especially for long-haul travel. This way, they'll have a travel companion and someone to enjoy the events with.

Be Clear With Your Child Policy

If you prefer an adults-only event, it's acceptable to have a no-kid policy, but you must communicate this clearly and early. If guests are only able to travel with their children, consider securing an on-site babysitter for the adults-only components.

Create a Wedding Website

A wedding website is a great way to share important information with your guests. Include details about the destination's weather, culture, itinerary, fashion guide, COVID protocols, and any other useful information. Provide the URL on your save-the-dates, and offer a point of contact for any questions or issues that may arise.

Frequently asked questions