Bridesmaids' Dresses: Picking Together Or Individually?

Deciding what your bridesmaids will wear on your wedding day is one of the most exciting parts of wedding planning. Traditionally, bridesmaids wear the same dress or outfit in the chosen wedding colour, but many couples are now letting their bridesmaids choose dresses that reflect their individual styles. If you're unsure about whether to let your bridesmaids pick their own dresses, here are some pros and cons to consider.

Bridesmaids' comfort and confidence

Involve Them in the Dress Selection Process

Letting your bridesmaids have a say in choosing their dresses can boost their confidence and reduce stress for you. They will appreciate having a dress they feel comfortable in and flatters their body type. It also relieves you of the responsibility of making everyone happy with your choice. To avoid a mismatched situation, provide clear guidelines such as colour, length, material, and formality.

Consider Their Budget

Money is often a significant concern for bridal parties. Be considerate of your bridesmaids' financial situations and try not to choose expensive dresses. You may also suggest rental options or give them a specific colour and let them pick their own style off the rack.

Plan a Group Shopping Trip

Dress shopping can be more fun and efficient when done together. It can be a great bonding experience for your bridesmaids, especially if they don't know each other well. However, some people may not enjoy shopping, so give them the option to opt-out and shop on their own.

Be Available for Assistance

Your bridesmaids may need your help during the dress selection process. Be available to offer assistance, opinions, store recommendations, and any other support they require. Remember, they want to please you, so be sure to care about their choices and provide feedback.

Don't Dictate Footwear and Accessories

Insisting on specific shoes or jewellery can be an additional expense and may not be comfortable for everyone. Most bridesmaids will already have a pair of reusable black or metallic shoes. Letting them choose their own accessories also encourages them to express their unique personality.

Think About the Venue and Weather

The wedding venue and weather will impact your bridesmaids' comfort. For example, if you're having a beach wedding, opt for breathable dresses and comfortable shoes. In cooler temperatures, provide wraps or cover-ups. On uneven terrain, suggest block heels, wedges, or flats for added stability.

The bride's budget

Planning a wedding can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to budgeting. Here are some tips for the bride's budget, specifically concerning bridesmaids' dresses and related expenses.

Be Transparent About Budgets

It's important to be open and honest about what you, as the bride, can afford to contribute towards the bridesmaids' dresses and any related expenses. Discuss the budget with your bridesmaids from the outset, and be mindful that they are also likely to be incurring other costs related to your wedding, such as travel, accommodation, and gifts.

Research and Plan Ahead

Before discussing options with your bridesmaids, do some research into styles, brands, and prices. This will give you a good idea of what is available and help you to set a realistic budget. It's also a good idea to start these conversations early on—at least seven to eight months before the wedding—to give your bridesmaids plenty of time to order their dresses and have any alterations made.

Consider Mismatched Dresses

Allowing your bridesmaids to choose their own dresses can help them feel comfortable and confident, and it can also take some of the financial pressure off you as the bride. If you go down this route, be clear about any guidelines you have, such as colour, length, and style. You could also suggest a few vendors or set a price range to help your bridesmaids find something suitable.

Accessories and Alterations

Don't forget to factor in the cost of accessories, such as shoes, jewellery, and shapewear, as well as any alterations that may be needed to the dresses. These additional costs can quickly add up, so be sure to discuss them with your bridesmaids upfront.

Offer to Contribute

If the dress you want your bridesmaids to wear, or any related expenses, are outside of your bridesmaids' budgets, consider offering to pay the difference or contribute in some other way. For example, you could offer to cover the cost of alterations, accessories, or hair and makeup services.

Remember, it's important to keep the lines of communication open and be mindful of your bridesmaids' financial situations. With careful planning and consideration, you can find options that work for everyone's budget.

The bridesmaids' budget

The Bridesmaids Budget

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour, but it can also be a major financial commitment. The average cost to be a bridesmaid is around $1600, and that's not including the time and effort spent on planning and attending events. So, what are the main costs that a bridesmaid should budget for?

The Dress

The bridesmaid's dress is one of the biggest expenses and can range from $100 to upwards of $800. Traditionally, bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own dresses and accessories, although some brides may choose to pay for, or subsidise, the cost of the dresses if they are particularly expensive. It's important to be honest about what you can afford and, if you're the bride, to consider the financial situation of your bridesmaids when choosing dresses.

The Bridal Shower

The bridal shower is usually hosted and paid for by the maid of honour or a family member of the bride. However, bridesmaids are often expected to contribute to the costs of food, decor and activities. It is also customary to bring a gift for the bride, which can be a financial strain if you've already contributed a lot to the party.

The Bachelorette Party

Bridesmaids typically plan and pay for the bachelorette party, including their own costs for travel, accommodation, food, drink and entertainment. This can be very expensive, especially if the party is a weekend getaway. It's important to discuss budgets with the other bridesmaids and decide on something that everyone is comfortable with.

Wedding Day Hair and Makeup

Whether or not bridesmaids are expected to pay for professional hair and makeup depends on the couple's budget. If the bride insists on a certain look, it is customary for her to foot the bill.

Wedding Day Essentials

Bridesmaids are also responsible for their own wedding day essentials, such as toiletries, medicine and a change of clothes.

The Wedding Gift

Although it can be a strain to afford, traditional wedding etiquette states that bridesmaids are expected to give a gift to the couple. This can be something small from the gift registry or a group gift from all the bridesmaids.

Travel and Accommodation

Bridesmaids usually need to cover their own travel costs to the wedding and accommodation for the night before, although the bride may offer to split these costs.

Pre-Wedding Events

There are often other pre-wedding events that bridesmaids are expected to attend, such as engagement parties, which require great outfits, gifts and sometimes travel. All of these costs can add up, so it's important to be aware of them when planning your budget.

The wedding's theme and location

When it comes to the theme and location of your wedding, there are endless possibilities to choose from. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Theme

• Modern: Think minimalist canvases with clean lines, geometric shapes, and neutral hues. Modern weddings often feature a blank canvas venue, such as an art museum, wine bar, loft, or industrial warehouse.
• Glamorous: Crystal chandeliers, elaborate floral arrangements, silk linens, and gold details are key elements of a glamorous wedding. A swanky ballroom or regal château would be the perfect venue for this theme.
• Rustic: A rustic wedding theme connects your celebration to nature. This could be a farm-to-table garden dinner, a ceremony in a wildflower field, or an intimate exchange of vows in a mountain chalet. Barns, mountain lodges, cattle ranches, and apple orchards are ideal venues for a rustic wedding.
• Romantic: Soft hues, delicate lighting, and plenty of florals (especially roses and peonies) are signature elements of a romantic wedding. An outdoor event, such as a sailcloth tent along the coast or a garden party, would be a perfect fit for this theme.
• Whimsical: A whimsical wedding is full of playful elements, bright colours, and quirky components. This theme can be interpreted in many ways, from a garden soirée to a carnival-like celebration. A greenhouse, backyard, or mansion would be a charming location for a whimsical wedding.
• Bohemian: A bohemian wedding embraces a free-spirited, earthy aesthetic. Think dried florals, pampas grass, eucalyptus, rattan, macramé, and wood. Desert venues are a popular choice for this theme, but it can be adapted to any location.
• Vintage: A vintage wedding celebrates antique décor and a bygone era. Weathered doors, worn-in wooden tables, birdcage veils, and elegant calligraphy are all signature elements. A historic courthouse, garden, or chapel would be a fitting venue for this theme.

Location

• Beach: A beach wedding is a laid-back, breezy affair, usually taking place on a waterfront or coastal location. Linen fabrics, lighthouse motifs, stripes, and seashell accents are popular choices for this theme.
• Garden: A garden wedding is a floral-filled celebration, ideally set among vibrant blossoms and fragrant flowers. Soft fabrics like chiffon and tulle add to the romantic, airy atmosphere. A private estate, botanical garden, or vineyard would be a beautiful location for a garden wedding.
• Classic: A classic wedding is timeless and elegant, usually defined by a traditional overall look and feel. A mansion, vineyard, or ballroom would be an ideal venue to achieve this sophisticated aesthetic.
• Destination: Destination weddings allow couples to venture to new places and enchanting locations, such as exotic islands or coastal destinations.
• Nautical: A nautical wedding celebrates all things seaside, with striped linens, seashell accents, knotted ropes, and brass anchors. A waterfront yacht club, beach resort, or maritime museum would be the perfect setting for this theme.
• Retro: A retro wedding takes inspiration from the 1950s and 1960s, with bold colours, neon signs, and throwback details like Coke bottles. An art gallery, vintage theatre, or restored historic building would be a fun location for this theme.

The bride's level of control

Formality of the Wedding

The formality of the wedding sets the tone for the bridesmaids' attire. For example, a boho-chic beach wedding may call for breezy chiffon dresses, while a black-tie reception in a grand ballroom pairs well with sequined dresses or fully beaded gowns. The bride's wedding dress and the venue should dictate the level of formality, and the bridesmaids' attire should complement this vision.

Comfort and Confidence of Bridesmaids

Allowing bridesmaids some input in choosing their dresses can boost their confidence and ensure they feel comfortable on the big day. Considering their preferences for styles, necklines, and cuts that flatter their figures can help achieve this. Additionally, providing clear guidelines, such as specific colours, lengths, or materials, can give them a starting point without taking away their agency.

Wedding Theme and Colour Scheme

The bride can maintain control by aligning the bridesmaids' attire with the wedding's colour scheme or theme. For instance, asking bridesmaids to choose dresses in either gold or navy blue for a gold-and-navy-themed wedding. This way, the bridesmaids have some freedom, but the overall look remains cohesive and controlled.

Time and Budget Constraints

Time constraints may dictate the level of control the bride has over the bridesmaids' attire. For weddings less than six months away, off-the-rack options or simpler dresses may be more feasible than made-to-order boutique dresses, which typically require three months' lead time. Budget is another factor; the bride can suggest dress options within a range of price points or consider rental options to alleviate financial strain on the bridesmaids.

In conclusion, while the bride traditionally has a say in choosing the bridesmaids' attire, allowing some flexibility can lead to a happier bridal party and a more relaxed planning process. Clear communication, specific guidelines, and consideration for individual preferences and constraints will help the bride maintain control while ensuring her bridesmaids feel confident and comfortable.

Frequently asked questions