Lyla Dejesus
Touring wedding venues is an important step in planning a wedding. It can be overwhelming for couples to decide how many venues to visit in a day, and who to bring along. Some couples prefer to tour venues alone, while others bring their mothers or other family members. There are various factors to consider when deciding who to bring on venue tours, such as the number of venues, the distance between them, and the dynamics of the relationship with the mother. It is recommended to have a general idea of the guest list, budget, and preferred season before touring venues, as these factors influence venue selection.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Number of venues toured in a day | 2-8 |
| Who to bring | Mom, fiancé, friends, in-laws, bridesmaids, father, father-in-law, photographer |
| When to bring mom | First tour, final tour, follow-up tour, second tour |
| Reasons to bring mom | Paying for the wedding, hosting the reception, meeting future in-laws |
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What You'll Learn
Involving your mother in the wedding planning process
Deciding on her involvement
Start by considering your relationship with your mother and the level of involvement you would like her to have in the planning process. If you have a close and positive relationship, you may want her to be a part of every step, from venue tours to dress fittings. On the other hand, if your relationship is strained or you prefer to maintain some independence, you can choose to involve her in specific aspects that align with her interests and strengths. Remember, there are no rules, and you can customise her level of involvement based on your comfort and preferences.
Touring wedding venues
When it comes to touring wedding venues, some couples prefer to go on initial tours alone and narrow down their options before bringing their mothers along for a final review. This approach can help you focus on your own priorities without the pressure of multiple opinions. Once you have a shortlist, inviting your mother to join can be a wonderful way to include her in the process. It is also an opportunity for her to meet the other mother, if they haven't already, and for them to share this experience together.
Managing expectations
Involving your mother in the planning process means navigating her opinions and expectations. Be clear about your vision and communicate your decisions assertively. If your mother has strong opinions that differ from yours, it's important to set boundaries and respectfully address any conflicts that may arise. Remember, it's your wedding, and while her input is valuable, the final decision rests with you and your partner.
Practical considerations
Involving your mother can be especially helpful when it comes to practical considerations. If your mother is contributing financially to the wedding, it is considerate to include her in the decision-making process, especially when choosing a venue or finalising the guest list. Her input can also be valuable when deciding on a season or a specific date, as she may offer insights that could alleviate potential conflicts or logistical challenges.
Dealing with a difficult mother
If you have a difficult relationship with your mother, it's important to set clear boundaries and manage your expectations. Communicate your needs and wishes clearly, and don't be afraid to enlist the help of your bridal party or wedding coordinator to create some distance if needed. While it's important to involve her, your priority should be to create a positive and stress-free planning experience for yourself.
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Considering the financial aspects of the wedding
When it comes to touring wedding venues, some couples opt to go alone, while others bring their mothers or family members. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, and the decision depends on various factors, including financial considerations.
The financial aspects of a wedding are crucial to address early in the planning process. Here are some detailed instructions and considerations to help you navigate the financial side of your wedding:
Determine Your Wedding Budget:
Start by setting a realistic wedding budget that aligns with your financial situation. Discuss what you're comfortable spending with your partner and any contributing family members. Be mindful of the average wedding costs in your region and the potential impact of the economy on your budget.
Allocate Funds and Create a Breakdown:
Use online resources and wedding budget calculators to allocate funds effectively. Consider the various expenses, including the venue, catering, attire, photography, and decorations. Create a percentage pie chart or a spreadsheet to visualize your budget breakdown and allocate funds accordingly.
Compare Costs and Save:
Research and compare costs for different venues, vendors, and services. This will help you identify the best value options and avoid overspending. Create a timeline for savings, determine when payments are due, and set aside money accordingly.
Discuss Financial Contributions:
Traditionally, the bride's family has been expected to cover most of the wedding expenses. However, modern couples often choose to pay for their weddings independently, especially if they are financially stable. Discuss financial contributions openly with your families and decide on an arrangement that suits everyone's comfort and ability to contribute.
Manage Guest List Expenses:
Your guest list can significantly impact your budget. Create a purposeful guest list with people who genuinely support you as a couple. Consider the size of your wedding party, as larger weddings tend to be more expensive. If you're aiming for a more intimate gathering, be thoughtful about who makes the cut.
Consider Wedding Insurance:
While it may seem unnecessary, wedding insurance can provide peace of mind and protect your financial investment. It covers non-refundable deposits and payments, making the planning process less stressful.
Be Mindful of Destination Wedding Costs:
If you're planning a destination wedding, factor in additional costs like travel arrangements, passport fees, and currency exchange rates. These expenses can quickly add up, so budget accordingly.
Remember, the financial aspects of your wedding are essential, but they shouldn't overshadow the joy of your special day. With careful planning, realistic budgeting, and open communication, you can create a memorable celebration that suits your financial situation.
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Touring multiple venues in one day
- Consider your budget and guest list: Before touring venues, discuss your wedding budget and what you're comfortable spending. Also, create a rough guest list to ensure the venues you're touring can accommodate your expected number of guests.
- Have a season in mind: Most venues book 12-24 months in advance, and a specific date may not be available. Instead, focus on the season you prefer and be flexible with potential dates.
- Limit the number of tours: While it may be tempting to pack in as many tours as possible, it's best to avoid overwhelm. Consider visiting 2-5 venues in a day, depending on their proximity to each other and your energy levels.
- Prepare in advance: Wear clothes that match your wedding colours to visualise the venue's match with your theme. Bring a notebook to jot down answers to your questions, observations, and pros and cons of each venue. You can also bring folders to organise any papers or brochures you receive.
- Space out your appointments: Allow ample time between appointments, such as an hour and a half to two hours, to avoid feeling rushed. This buffer time can also be used to grab a coffee or relax between tours.
- Narrow down your options: After touring multiple venues, it's helpful to meet with your partner and close family to discuss your top choices. You can then plan follow-up visits to these venues, potentially involving more family members or friends.
Remember, there are no rules about who should join you on venue tours. Some couples prefer to tour venues alone or with their partner first, narrowing down their options before inviting parents or in-laws to join them on subsequent visits. This approach can help minimise conflicting opinions and pressure during the initial decision-making process. Ultimately, trust your instincts and involve the people whose opinions matter most to you.
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The pros and cons of each venue
When it comes to touring wedding venues, there are several things to consider. Firstly, it is essential to determine your budget and guest list before visiting venues, as these factors will influence the suitability of different locations. Secondly, it is advisable to start searching for venues early, at least a year in advance, and to book appointments before touring to ensure availability. Additionally, it is recommended to visit no more than five venues in a weekend, to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Now, here is a sample list of pros and cons for each venue, to help you make an informed decision:
Venue 1:
Pros:
- Spacious on-site lodging for the wedding party and guests.
- All-weather reception space to accommodate different seasons.
- No hidden fees and clear pricing structure.
- Offers all-inclusive packages with on-site caterers and florists, reducing planning stress.
Cons:
- Located an hour away from where most of the family lives, which may be inconvenient for some guests.
- Limited date availability due to high demand, requiring flexibility from the couple.
Venue 2:
Pros:
- Stunning outdoor spaces for ceremonies, including a lake and native grass fields.
- Flexible with dates and can accommodate specific weekend requests.
- Provides a charming event space and breathtaking scenery for photographs.
Cons:
- Does not offer all-inclusive packages, requiring separate vendor bookings.
- May have a dress code that needs to be considered for the wedding attire and theme.
Venue 3:
Pros:
- Offers a unique setting with a raised stage and a gorgeous wall of windows for indoor ceremonies.
- Accommodates smaller, intimate weddings and larger celebrations.
- Provides clear and transparent pricing with no hidden fees.
Cons:
- Located in a different city, making it less convenient for multiple visits.
- Does not offer on-site accommodation, requiring off-site arrangements for guests.
Remember, these are just examples, and you can tailor the pros and cons based on your specific needs, preferences, and experiences during the venue tours.
It is also worth noting that while it is common to bring mothers or family members along for venue tours, some couples prefer to go alone or with just their fiancé to avoid conflicting opinions. Ultimately, the decision to include others in the venue tour is a personal one, and there is no right or wrong approach.
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Whether to involve in-laws in the decision
There are many factors to consider when deciding whether to involve in-laws in the decision-making process for your wedding venue. Here are some points to consider:
Financial contribution: If your in-laws are contributing financially to the wedding, it may be appropriate to include them in the venue decision. This acknowledges their investment and allows them to have a say in how their money is being spent.
Practical considerations: Including in-laws in the initial venue tours can be helpful if they have expertise or knowledge that could benefit the planning process. For example, if your mother-in-law has a keen eye for detail or your father-in-law has construction knowledge, their input could be valuable.
Family dynamics: The nature of your relationship with your in-laws should also be considered. If you have a close, positive relationship, involving them from the beginning could make them feel valued and included. On the other hand, if your relationship is strained or challenging, you may prefer to limit their involvement to avoid potential conflicts or hurt feelings.
Personal preference: Ultimately, the decision to involve in-laws should align with your personal preference and comfort level. Some couples prefer to keep the initial venue tours intimate, involving only the bride and groom, and then invite in-laws for a follow-up tour once they've narrowed down their options. This approach allows the couple to make their own initial impressions and decisions without the potential pressure or influence of family members.
Communication: Open and honest communication is key. If you decide to involve your in-laws, clearly communicate your vision, preferences, and expectations. This will help manage their expectations and ensure that their input aligns with your desires.
Involving in-laws in the decision-making process can be beneficial, but it's important to set clear boundaries and manage expectations to ensure that your wedding vision remains at the heart of the planning process.
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Frequently asked questions
There are no rules about who should join you on your wedding venue tours. Some people bring their moms, while others prefer to go alone or with their partner. You may want to consider bringing your mom if she is paying for the wedding or hosting the reception. It may also be helpful to bring her along if you are touring multiple venues, as she can give her opinion without pressuring you. However, if you think that having your mom there will cause conflict or stress, it might be best to go without her and bring her to a follow-up tour once you have narrowed down your options.
Touring wedding venues can be exhausting, and it is easy to become overwhelmed with information. Most people seem to tour between two and five venues in a day. It is recommended to schedule venues that are close to each other and to give yourself enough time between appointments so you don't feel rushed.
It is a good idea to bring something to take notes with, such as a notebook or folder, so that you can write down the answers to your questions and make notes about the venue. You may also want to wear clothes that match your wedding colours to help you visualize the venue on your special day.
There are no bad questions to ask when touring a wedding venue. Some important things to consider include the venue's capacity, your budget, the season of your wedding, and the logistics of the day, such as whether there is a separate reception venue and how long it will take your guests to get there. You should also ask about things like parking, ADA-compliant facilities, and alcohol restrictions.
