Rhiannon Hendricks
Wedding vows are the promises two people make to each other during a wedding ceremony. There are a few different ways to say your vows. You can write and read your own, repeat after the officiant, or simply say I do in response to the officiant's questions. Some couples choose to use traditional vows, while others prefer to write their own, allowing them to create promises that resonate with them and provide a deeper look at their love story. In some cases, couples may opt for a hybrid approach, combining traditional and personalised vows. Ultimately, the decision on whether to use the same vows or create unique ones is a personal choice that depends on the couple's preferences and the type of wedding ceremony they are having.
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What You'll Learn
Writing your own vows
Writing your own wedding vows gives you the opportunity to create promises that are meaningful to you and your partner, and to express your love and hopes for the future. Here are some tips and ideas to help you craft your own unique wedding vows:
Brainstorm and Consult
Before putting pen to paper, it's a good idea to consult your partner so that you're both on the same page. Discuss and agree on the length of your vows, when you'll recite them, who will speak first, the tone, and how personal you want to make them. Then, start brainstorming ideas by jotting down your thoughts and feelings about your partner and your relationship. You can include sentimental tales, funny stories, or inside jokes that highlight your partner's quirks.
Structure and Content
While there's no one-size-fits-all approach to writing wedding vows, there are some common elements you may want to include. You can start by declaring your love and appreciation for your partner, then make promises that reflect your unique bond. This could include traditional elements such as "to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health," or more personalised commitments such as "I promise to laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow" or "I vow to always let you have the last fry."
Style and Delivery
Consider the style and delivery of your vows. Do you want them to be literary and eloquent, or more lighthearted and humorous? You may want to include religious elements or references to your shared faith. Practice reading your vows aloud, and consider the aesthetics of the medium you'll be reading from. You may want to print a fresh copy or write them in a vow booklet.
Timing and Revision
Give yourself enough time to write and revise your vows. It's a good idea to have a final copy at least three weeks before the wedding. Don't be afraid to take breaks and come back to your vows with fresh eyes. You can also ask a trusted friend or family member to review your vows and provide feedback. Remember, the most important thing is to write vows that truly reflect your relationship and capture your intentions for the future.
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Religious vows
Religious wedding vows are a way for couples to incorporate their faith or culture into their wedding ceremony. The specific vows that are used will depend on the couple's religion and the type of ceremony they are having.
Episcopal Wedding Vows
Episcopal wedding vows are taken from the Episcopal Church's Book of Common Prayer. The Episcopal Church is known for its inclusive support of the LGBTQ+ community. Episcopalian wedding vows are as follows:
> " [Name], wilt thou have this woman/man to be thy wedded wife/husband to live together after God's ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love her/him? Comfort her/him, honour and keep her/him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others keep thee only unto her/him as long as you both shall live? In the name of God, I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death/till death do us part."
Jewish Wedding Vows
In traditional Jewish ceremonies, there is no spoken exchange of wedding vows. Instead, the key moments of the marriage union are the ring exchange and the Seven Blessings (Sheva B'rachot). During a Jewish wedding, the couple may say the following words as they exchange rings:
> "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel."
Buddhist Wedding Vows
Buddhist weddings offer couples the option of speaking their vows aloud or reading them silently to one another. While some Buddhist weddings are officiated by a monk, others are led by a friend or officiant. Buddhist ceremonies do not traditionally include a ring exchange, but some couples choose to adopt this tradition. In the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, the couple answers the first set of vows read by the officiant together:
> "Do you pledge to help each other to develop your hearts and minds, cultivating compassion, generosity, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration, and wisdom as you age and undergo the various ups and downs of life and to transform them into the path of love, compassion, joy..."
Pagan Wedding Vows
Pagan wedding vows do not contain references to God, unlike many religious wedding vows. Instead, they may contain references to entities like Mother Earth or Father Sky. Pagan wedding vows may include the following:
> "I promise to love thee wholly and completely without restraint, in sickness and in health, in plenty and in poverty, in life and beyond, where we shall meet, remember, and love again. I shall not seek to change thee in any way. I shall respect thee, thy beliefs, thy people, and thy ways as I respect myself."
Interfaith Wedding Vows
Interfaith ceremonies are designed by the couple and their officiant to accommodate any type or number of religions. Each couple can decide on the text accompanying the ring exchange. An example of interfaith wedding vows is:
> " [Name], I now take you to be my wedded [wife/husband/partner], to live together after God's ordinance in the holy relationship of marriage. I promise to love and comfort you, honour and keep you, and forsaking all others, I will be yours alone as long as we both shall live."
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Same vows, different words
Wedding vows are the promises two people make to each other during a wedding ceremony. There are several ways to go about saying your vows, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. The type of vows you choose will depend on your personal preferences, the tone you want to set, and the level of personalisation you desire. Here are some common approaches:
"I do" vows
The "I do" approach is ideal for couples who want to keep their vows short and sweet. With this style, the officiant asks a series of questions, and the couple responds with a simple "I do" or "I will". This option allows for some personalisation while keeping the public declaration brief. It is also a good choice for couples who may feel nervous about speaking at length in front of an audience.
"Repeat after me" vows
The "repeat after me" style is another popular option. In this case, the officiant feeds the couple their lines, allowing them to look into each other's eyes and focus on the moment rather than reading from a page. This style can be fully customised or selected from pre-existing options. It is a good middle ground for couples who want a balance between personalisation and simplicity.
Writing your own vows
Writing your own vows gives you the opportunity to create unique promises that resonate with your relationship and capture your intentions for the future. You can include sentimental or funny stories, infusing your ceremony with romance, emotion, and personality. However, writing your own vows can be a daunting task, and it's important to consult with your partner to ensure you are on the same page regarding length, tone, and content. This option may not be feasible for religious ceremonies with stricter scripts and structures.
Traditional vows
Traditional vows vary across religions and denominations. For example, Catholic wedding vows commonly include the phrase "I, [name], take you, [partner's name], for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." Hindu weddings often include the ritual of Saptadi, or Seven Steps, during which the couple makes promises to each other. Muslim ceremonies typically do not include vows, while Eastern Orthodox traditions forgo spoken vows in favour of symbolic rituals.
Ultimately, the choice of whether to use the same vows or personalise them is up to the couple. The important thing is to discuss your expectations and preferences with your partner and, if applicable, your officiant, to ensure that your vows reflect your relationship and intentions.
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I do vows
There are three ways for couples to say their wedding vows: write and read their own, repeat after the officiant, or simply say "I do". Couples who opt for the "I do" vows might prefer to keep things simple, or they may wish to write their own vows but recite them privately before the ceremony.
If you're looking for inspiration for "I do" vows, here are some examples:
"I do, [partner's name], take you to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. I promise to love and cherish you."
"I do, [partner's name], take you to be my [wife/husband]. I promise to support and care for you, to love and respect you, and to be faithful to you, for as long as we both shall live."
"I do, [partner's name], choose you as my [wife/husband]. I promise to be your partner in life, to love and support you through all of life's challenges and triumphs. I will respect and honour you, and our love, for all the days of my life."
"I do, [partner's name], take you as my [wife/husband], my beloved friend and partner. I promise to support and encourage you, to share my life with you, and to love you with all my heart."
Remember, these are just examples, and you can personalise your "I do" vows to reflect your relationship and intentions. You can include anecdotes, inside jokes, or anything else that makes your vows unique to you and your partner.
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Repeat after me vows
Wedding vows are a way to express your love and commitment to your partner. They are the promises that couples make to each other, expressing their vision for their shared future. There are three ways to say your vows: write and read your own, repeat after the officiant, or simply say "I do". Repeat-after-me vows are a popular choice for couples who want to recite the same promises to each other and focus on the moment rather than reading from a page.
Repeat-after-me vows can be traditional or modern, depending on the wording chosen. Here is an example of traditional vows:
Officiant to Bride: "I, [Bride's name], take you, [Groom's name], to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, I promise to love and cherish you."
Bride repeats the vow back to the Groom.
The officiant may then continue with a passage about the nature of love:
"The word of God tells us what love is like and what love does: Love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous. Love does not brag and is not arrogant. It does not act unbecomingly. It does not seek its own, it is not provoked, and it does not take into account a wrong suffered. It does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth, for love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things, but above all, love never fails."
The couple may then exchange rings, with the officiant prompting the Groom:
"With this ring, I seal my promise, to be your faithful and loving husband/wife, as God is my witness."
The Groom then repeats this vow and places the ring on the Bride's finger.
Couples may also choose to combine "repeat after me" vows with personalised written vows, allowing them to enjoy the structure and tradition of the former, along with the uniqueness and intimacy of the latter. It is recommended that couples consult each other about their expectations and come to a consensus about the length of their vows, the tone, and how personal they intend to make them.
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Frequently asked questions
No, you don't have to use the same vows. You can choose to write your own vows, repeat after the officiant, or simply say "I do". You can also do a mix of these styles.
Writing your own vows gives you the opportunity to create promises that are meaningful to you and your partner. You can include anything that reflects your relationship and your intentions for the future. It's a great way to make your wedding ceremony more intimate and compelling.
Before writing your vows, consult your partner so you're both on the same page. Discuss the length, when you'll recite them, who will speak first, the tone, and how personal you want to make them. Start by jotting down your thoughts about your partner and your relationship, then highlight your favourite items to include in the final copy.
