The Brotherly Bond: Best Man Secured?

The role of best man is an important one, and it's only natural for grooms to want their brothers to fill this position. However, it's not always necessary to choose a brother as your best man, and there are several factors to consider when making this decision. Ultimately, the choice of best man is a personal one, and it's essential to select someone who will make the groom feel comfortable and supported on their big day.

The groom can choose whoever he wants as his best man

Ultimately, the groom can choose whoever he wants as his best man. It's his day, so it's his decision. The best man should be someone who will make the groom feel comfortable and ease any anxieties. They should also be reliable enough to help with everything from suit rental and stag do planning to looking after wedding gifts and making sure elderly relatives are taken care of. This may be the groom's brother, or it may not be. There is no hard etiquette.

If the groom is close with his brother, he will probably already know who the groom will choose, so he won't be put out if he isn't chosen. If the groom thinks his brother will be disappointed about not being asked to be best man, it's best to set expectations early and be upfront. The groom doesn't need to apologise or make a big announcement, but it's a good idea to have another role for the brother, such as a groomsman or usher.

There are many other ways to include the groom's brother in the wedding if he isn't the best man. He could be a driver, speech-giver, ring-bearer, or officiant. If the brother has special skills, the groom could put his talents to use—for example, a brother who is a graphic designer could make the wedding stationery.

If the groom has multiple brothers, he could even have them all as best men. There are no rules, so it's up to the couple to decide what will work best for them.

The groom's brother can still be involved in the wedding

Ultimately, it is the groom's decision to choose his best man, and he should not feel obligated to choose his brother. However, if the groom is close with his brother and thinks he may be disappointed, it is best to set expectations early and be upfront. The groom can always mention that he has chosen someone else to be his best man, and it is a good idea to have another role for the brother. Here are some ways to involve the groom's brother in the wedding:

Groomsman

The groom can still include his brother in the wedding party by having him serve as a groomsman. He can even give his brother the prime spot immediately next to the best man.

Usher

The groom's brother can act as an usher, greeting guests, and helping them find their seats. This role is especially useful for guiding grandparents or older relatives to their seats.

Escort

If the wedding includes grandparents in the processional, the groom can ask his brother to walk them down the aisle. The brother can hold the grandmother's arm, with the grandfather following closely behind.

Reading

The groom can ask his brother to give a reading during the ceremony, such as a Bible verse, a poem, or lines from a favourite song. If the brother is particularly sentimental, he can choose a reading that best represents their relationship.

Ring Bearer

Although this role often goes to younger children, the groom can make it fun by asking his brother to serve as an adult ring bearer. The brother can also escort a younger ring bearer who might not be confident on their own.

Surprises

The groom can include his brother in any surprises he has planned for the wedding. Brothers can be great confidants and helpers in planning and executing surprises for the reception.

Driver

If the groom's brother has a nice car, he can offer to drive the groom from one location to another on the wedding day.

Speech-Giver

The groom's brother can share fun stories from their childhood in a speech.

Officiant

If the groom's brother is a great public speaker, he can be the non-legal celebrant at the wedding.

Baker/Crafter/Designer

If the groom's brother has any special skills, such as baking or graphic design, the groom can put those talents to use for the wedding.

Handyman

The groom can put his brother to work as a general helper, setting up the venue, making collections, or hanging decorations.

The groom doesn't have to include his brother if they're not close

Ultimately, the groom does not have to include his brother in the wedding party if they are not close. It is the couple's decision to choose their wedding party based on who they are closest to. If the groom is not close with his brother, it is likely that the brother will not be expecting to be the best man. In this case, the groom can simply ask another friend to be the best man without needing to apologise or make a big announcement.

However, if the groom thinks his brother will be disappointed or if it will cause drama in the family, it is best to set expectations early and be upfront. The groom can explain that he has asked someone else to be the best man, but still offer his brother another role in the wedding. This can be a way to include the brother without causing any hurt feelings. Some alternative roles for the brother could be:

• Groomsman: The brother can still be included in the wedding party, even if the groom wants to ask a friend to be the best man.
• Usher: The brother can greet and help guests find their seats, especially useful for older relatives.
• Driver: If the brother has a nice car, he can offer to drive the couple from A to B on their wedding day.
• Speech-giver: The brother can give a speech and share fun stories from the groom's childhood.
• Readings or music: The brother can do a reading or play music during the ceremony.
• Ring-bearer: The brother can be in charge of the rings, as long as he is reliable!
• Baker/Crafter/Designer: If the brother has any special skills, such as baking or graphic design, he can put them to use for the wedding.

By offering the brother an alternative role, the groom can still include him in the wedding without causing any hurt feelings. It is important to remember that the wedding is about the couple and they should ultimately choose the wedding party based on who they are closest to.

The groom's brother could be a groomsman instead

The groom's brother does not have to be the best man. However, if you want to include the groom's brother in the wedding, there are several other roles he can play. One option is to make him a groomsman. This way, he can still be included in the wedding party and participate in the festivities, even if the groom would prefer to ask a close friend to be the best man.

If the groom has multiple brothers, they can all be groomsmen, or one can be the best man and the others groomsmen. If the groom is particularly close to his brother, he can give him the prime spot immediately next to the best man. This way, the brother can still feel involved and valued without necessarily being the best man.

There are also other ways to include the groom's brother in the wedding. He could be an usher, greeting guests and helping them find their seats, which can be especially helpful for older relatives. The brother could also escort grandparents down the aisle, either holding the grandmother's arm while the grandfather follows, or walking with them both.

Another option is to ask the brother to give a reading during the ceremony. This could be a Bible verse, a poem, or even lines from the groom's favourite song. If the brother is a good public speaker, he could even be the officiant, although this role would be non-legal. The brother could also be the ring bearer, contributing to the ceremony in a fun and light-hearted way.

The groom should consider his brother's feelings

While the groom is not obligated to choose his brother as the best man, it is important to consider the brother's feelings. If the groom has multiple brothers, it can be challenging to choose one as the best man without playing favourites. In such cases, it is possible to have multiple best men or to include the other brothers in the wedding party as groomsmen.

If the groom is not particularly close with his brother, the brother may not be expecting to be chosen as the best man and may not mind if someone else is chosen. However, if the groom and his brother are close, it is essential to handle the situation carefully to avoid causing hurt feelings or family drama. Being upfront and setting expectations early can help manage the brother's expectations. It is also a good idea to offer the brother another role in the wedding, such as groomsman, usher, driver, speech-giver, or ring bearer.

Including the brother in other aspects of the wedding, such as surprises or planning, can also show that the groom values their relationship. Ultimately, the groom should choose someone he feels comfortable with and who can support and ease any anxieties surrounding the wedding. While the brother may be a good fit for this role, it is not a requirement, and the groom should not feel pressured to choose him solely because of their familial relationship.

If the groom chooses someone else as the best man, it is essential to communicate this decision sensitively and considerately to the brother. The groom should also be prepared to offer alternative ways for the brother to be involved in the wedding and celebrate this special occasion together.

Frequently asked questions