Kids At Weddings: To Invite Or Not?

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding can be a tricky topic. Many people believe weddings are adults-only affairs, but others feel that guests with young children should be free to decide whether to bring their kids or find a sitter. One of the main reasons for not inviting children is budget constraints, as well as the potential distraction they can cause. While it may seem rude to specify a no-kids policy on an invitation, it is often appreciated by guests, giving them an excuse to get a sitter and enjoy a night out. However, it's important to be tactful and inform guests through word of mouth or via your wedding website, rather than stating it directly on the invitation.

How to politely decline kids' attendance

It is not rude to decline kids' attendance at your wedding. It is your wedding, and you are free to make this choice. However, it is a sensitive topic, and some parents may not be able to attend as a result. Here are some ways to politely decline children's attendance:

Be Clear and Direct

It is essential to be clear and direct when communicating your wishes. Simply stating "no kids" may not be enough. Be specific about which age groups cannot attend. For example, you could say, "We love your children, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of [insert number] on our wedding day."

Inform Guests as Soon as Possible

Let your guests know about your adults-only wedding as early as possible. This will give parents enough time to make necessary arrangements and book childcare in advance. You can include this information on your wedding website or in the FAQ section of your save-the-date cards.

Address Invitations Properly

When sending out invitations, address them only to the guests you would like to attend. If using formal invitations with inner and outer envelopes, put the guests' names on the inner envelope. If you don't have an inner envelope, be clear on the outer envelope by writing the exact names of the invited guests on the response card.

Be Consistent

It is important to be consistent with your decision. If you allow some children to attend, it may seem like you are hand-picking which children are invited, which could lead to an uncomfortable situation. Make it clear that only children who are part of the wedding party or immediate family will be in attendance.

Offer Alternatives

If your budget allows, consider offering alternatives such as a creche or babysitter for guests with children. This is not necessary, but it is a thoughtful gesture. You could also suggest babysitting options in the area on your wedding website.

Sample Wording

• "We are very sorry, but we are keeping our special day as an adult-only occasion."
• "We will not be able to invite children to our wedding, but we hope you will still be able to attend."
• "Due to venue restrictions, we cannot accommodate children."
• "Our venue does not accommodate guests under 18, so we are unable to invite children."
• "We love your children, but due to budget restrictions, we can only invite guests aged 18 and older."

The pros and cons of a child-free wedding

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding can be a tricky decision. Here are some pros and cons to help you make up your mind:

Pros of a Child-Free Wedding:

• It can help you cut down your guest list and costs. By not inviting children, you may be able to stick to your original venue choice and budget.
• You may be able to create a more relaxed atmosphere for adult guests, who can enjoy a night out without their children.
• It can prevent potential distractions during the ceremony and reception, such as crying babies or disruptive toddlers.
• It can be a convenient excuse for guests with children to get a babysitter and enjoy an evening out.

Cons of a Child-Free Wedding:

• Some guests with children may decline your invitation or leave early if they are unable to find childcare.
• It may be considered rude or offensive to some guests, especially those with young children or those travelling from out of town.
• It can be difficult to decide which children to invite, if any. Inviting only some children may lead to hurt feelings and angry guests.
• You may still have children at your wedding, as some guests might bring their children anyway, assuming that they are invited or unable to find a babysitter.

Ultimately, the decision to have a child-free wedding is a personal one, and you should do what feels right for you and your partner. Be prepared for some pushback, but remember that it is your wedding day, and you have the final say on the guest list.

How to address invitations to adults only

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a personal choice, and it's not considered rude to opt for an adults-only celebration. However, it can be a sensitive issue for guests with children, so it's important to communicate your wishes clearly and tactfully. Here are some tips on how to address invitations to adults only:

Use Only Adult Names on the Invitation:

• When addressing the outer envelope of the invitation, write the names of the adult guests only. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" or "Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Mary Smith". This makes it clear that only the specified adults are invited.
• If you have a more casual relationship with the guests or prefer a less formal approach, you can use their first names only, e.g., "John and Mary Smith".
• For unmarried couples living together, list their names on the same line or separate lines, leading with the person you are closest to or in alphabetical order by last name. For example, "Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller" or "Mr. Ross Geller and Ms. Rachel Green".
• If the couple does not live together, send separate invitations to each guest.

Be Clear About Your Request:

• When sending out "save the dates" or including a wedding website, indicate that the event is adults-only. This gives guests with children enough time to make necessary arrangements.
• Be specific about which age groups are not invited, such as "no children under 18" or "21+ event".
• Avoid mentioning personal feelings about children or calling out specific children by name. Keep the language general and diplomatic to avoid offending anyone.

Spread the Word Through Your Inner Circle:

Ask your immediate family, wedding party members, and close friends to inform other guests that the wedding will be adults-only. This helps to reinforce the message and give guests a heads-up to make childcare arrangements.

Be Prepared for Pushback:

• Even with clear communication, some guests may be upset or confused. Be sensitive to their concerns but remain firm in your decision. It's your wedding day, and you have the right to decide who is invited.
• If budget allows and you want to accommodate upset guests, consider hiring a babysitter to watch their children during the wedding.

Remember, the key is to be direct and clear in your communication while also being thoughtful and considerate of your guests' needs. By addressing the invitations properly and spreading the word through your inner circle, you can effectively convey that your wedding is adults-only.

How to communicate your wishes to guests with children

Deciding whether or not to invite kids to your wedding can be a tricky topic, but it's ultimately up to you. If you want a child-free celebration, there are several ways to communicate your wishes to your guests with children. Here are some tips to help you navigate this sensitive issue:

Be Clear and Direct:

Let your guests know as soon as possible about your adults-only wedding. This will give them time to make necessary arrangements for childcare. Include a note on your wedding website under the FAQ section or create a separate insert for the invitation that clearly and politely states your preference for an adult-only event. You can also address the invitations specifically to those invited, excluding the names of children. For example, "Mr. & Mrs. Peter Smith" instead of "The Smith Family".

Provide Age Specifications:

Be specific about which age groups cannot attend. Simply saying "no kids" may not be enough, as some guests might assume you only want toddlers or young children to be excluded. State whether your request pertains to people under 18 or if you prefer a 21+ affair. This clarity will help guests understand your wishes and make the necessary arrangements.

Inform Close Family Members:

Make sure your immediate family knows about your "no-kids" policy as soon as possible so they can share this information with anyone they've invited. Have open and honest conversations with friends who have kids, giving them ample time to make childcare arrangements.

Stay Firm on Your Decision:

Maintain consistency and avoid making exceptions for certain children or families. Inviting some kids while excluding others can lead to hurt feelings and uncomfortable situations. Stand firm on your decision and politely decline any requests for exceptions.

Be Understanding and Empathetic:

Remember to approach this topic with empathy, especially when dealing with upset parents. Explain your reasons for a child-free wedding kindly and respectfully. Let them know that you love their children, but due to budget constraints or venue limitations, you had to make some tough choices. Offer suggestions for trusted babysitters or childcare services in the area to help ease their concerns.

Sample Wording:

When communicating your wishes, it's important to strike a balance between being clear and being considerate. Here are some examples of what you could say:

• "We love your children, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under the age of [insert number] on our wedding day."
• "The couple requests this to be an adults-only event."
• "Unfortunately, we cannot host any children at our wedding. We appreciate your understanding."
• "Take the night off and leave the little ones at home! Get ready for the best adults-only wedding you'll ever go to."
• "We politely request no children attend the ceremony and reception. Thank you in advance for your understanding."

Remember, it's your special day, and you have the right to decide who is invited. By being clear, direct, and empathetic in your communication, you can ensure your guests understand your wishes without causing any unnecessary offence.

What to do if guests bring their kids anyway

If you have clearly communicated that your wedding is adults-only and guests bring their children anyway, there are several options for how to handle the situation.

Firstly, you could do nothing and ignore the situation. This may be the best course of action if you don't want to cause a scene or upset anyone, and if you have enough space and food to accommodate the children.

However, if you don't want children at your wedding, you are well within your rights to ask the guests to leave. This may be easier if you hire a Day-Of Coordinator (DOC) to do it for you. You could also ask a family member or friend to break the news to the guests, or do it yourself. It may be a good idea to have a babysitter on hand to watch the children while their parents stay at your wedding.

To avoid this situation, make sure that your no-kids request is clearly stated on your wedding website and that your invitations are addressed to the specific guests who are invited, without the phrase "and family". You could also include a note on your invitations that says something like:

> "We politely request no children attend the ceremony and reception. Thank you in advance for understanding."

Frequently asked questions