Creating A Wedding Guest List: Where To Begin

Creating a wedding guest list can be a daunting task, but it's one of the first jobs on your wedding checklist. The number of guests you invite will affect your budget and venue, so it's important to start with a realistic budget and venue capacity in mind. Begin by listing everyone you'd consider inviting, then separate out your top-tier guests – the people you simply wouldn't get married without. From there, you can work out how many more guests you can afford to invite, and start refining your list. It's also important to consider any input from your parents, especially if they're contributing to the wedding fund. Throughout the process, be mindful of treating different groups of people fairly and consistently, and remember that it's your day, so ultimately, the decision is up to you and your partner.

Create a master list of everyone you'd consider inviting

Creating a master list of everyone you'd consider inviting to your wedding is a fun but challenging task. It's important to remember that this is your wedding, and you and your partner should ultimately do what you think is best. To get started, sit down with your partner and compile a list of every single person you would invite if money and space were no issue. This includes immediate family, close friends, colleagues, schoolmates, distant relatives, acquaintances, and their partners and children (if you're planning a child-friendly wedding).

• Start with a realistic budget and venue capacity in mind: Your budget and chosen venue will heavily impact how many guests you can invite. It's important to have a rough idea of these first so you can create a list of guests that aligns with your plans.
• Prioritize close loved ones and immediate family: Focus on the people you absolutely want to be there, such as parents, siblings, close friends, and grandparents. These are your VIPs and must-haves.
• Consider different categories of guests: Think about the different areas of your life and the people within them. This could include professional friends (coworkers, clients, mentors), significant relationships (childhood friends, college friends), and extended family.
• Give each guest a priority ranking: Assign a priority ranking to each guest on your list, such as A, B, or C. "A" guests are those who are closest to you and must be at the ceremony. "B" guests are additional friends and family you are planning to invite. "C" guests are those you'd love to have at your wedding if your budget allows.
• Create separate lists first: You and your partner can each create your own lists, and then combine them at the end. This ensures that you both have an opportunity to include the people most important to you.
• Prepare for last-minute requests: If appropriate, ask your parents or future in-laws to prepare their own lists to avoid any last-minute invitation requests. This also helps to manage expectations and ensures that everyone feels included in the process.
• Don't feel obligated to invite everyone: Remember, you are not obliged to invite everyone you know or everyone who invited you to their wedding. It's your special day, and you can decide who to invite without feeling guilty.
• Use tools to stay organized: Stay organized by using spreadsheets or online managing tools to create and manage your guest list. This makes it easier to track guest information, such as addresses, RSVPs, and dietary preferences.

Creating a master list is the first step in planning your wedding guest list. From here, you can start refining and trimming your list to fit within your budget and venue capacity. Remember to keep communication open with your partner, families, and wedding contributors to ensure that everyone's needs are considered.

Prioritise your top-tier guests

Creating a wedding guest list can be a daunting task, but it's important to remember that this is your wedding, and you and your partner should ultimately do what you think is best. It's helpful to start by figuring out who your VIPs are before expanding your guest list to include other people. These are the people you simply wouldn't get married without – your closest loved ones and immediate family members. Think about who absolutely must be there and go from there.

Give each guest on the list a priority of A, B, or C.

A – Close family and friends that must be at the ceremony. These are your non-negotiables, the people you can't imagine getting married without. They are your top-tier guests and stay very firmly on the list, no exceptions.

B – Additional friends, extended family, and professional friends that you are planning to invite. These are the people you would like to be there if your budget and space allow.

C – Guests that would be nice to have at your wedding if your budget permits. These are the people you would invite if you had unlimited resources, but their absence won't take away from your day.

• Start with a realistic budget: The number of guests you invite will heavily impact your wedding budget. It's important to be realistic about how many people you can afford to host.
• Consider your venue: The size of your venue will dictate how many people you can invite. If you have your heart set on an intimate ceremony or a destination wedding, your guest list may be limited to your A-list only.
• Be mindful of family dynamics: If you invite four cousins, the fifth may be upset if they're left out. Similarly, if your partner's great-grandmother is given a front-row seat, yours might be miffed if they don't make the cut. It's not always possible, but try to treat members of different families in the same way to avoid hurt feelings.
• Don't feel obliged: You don't have to invite someone just because you were invited to their wedding or because they are a distant relative. This is your day, and you should only invite people you truly want to celebrate with.
• Be mindful of plus-ones: Decide early on how you'll handle plus-ones. You might allow them for your wedding party, engaged couples, or those who live together. Alternatively, you may choose not to offer any plus-ones at all.
• Start with separate lists: You and your partner should create your own lists, which can then be combined. This ensures that you don't miss anyone important and that you're both happy with the final list.

Remember, this is your wedding, and you can choose who to invite. By following these steps, you'll be able to prioritise your top-tier guests and create a guest list that works for you.

Work out your budget and how many guests you can afford

The number of guests you invite to your wedding will depend on your budget. The more people you invite, the more you will have to spend on food, drink, seating, and other such expenses. So, before you start on your guest list, it's important to work out your budget and how many guests you can afford.

First, you need to know how much money you have to spend. If you have family or friends who want to contribute, find out how much they are offering and whether they have any expectations about how the money should be spent. Next, be realistic about what you can afford. Consider your daily expenses, such as rent or mortgage payments, as well as any larger costs on the horizon, such as medical expenses.

Once you have a clear idea of your total budget, you can start allocating funds to different areas. The venue and catering will likely take up the biggest chunk, followed by entertainment, photography, attire, flowers, and decor. Don't forget to include smaller expenses, such as stationery, favours, and gifts, and always build in a buffer for unexpected costs.

Now that you know your overall budget, you can decide how many guests you can afford to invite. The average cost of food and liquor per guest is $100, so reducing your guest list by 15 people would save you approximately $1,300.

Remember, your wedding is just one day of your life, and it's important not to go into debt over it. Be realistic about what you can afford and be prepared to make cuts if necessary.

Consider your parents' input

When it comes to wedding planning, creating a guest list can be one of the most challenging aspects of the process. It is essential to consider your parents' input, especially if they are contributing financially to the wedding. Here are some tips to help you navigate this delicate situation:

Be Open to Their Input

Traditionally, both sets of parents have a say in deciding the guest list, especially if they are helping to pay for the wedding. While the final decision rests with you and your partner, it is a good idea to involve your parents early on and seek their input. Ask them to create a list of guests they would like to invite. This will make them feel valued and respected.

Set Clear Boundaries

It is important to establish clear boundaries and communicate your expectations to your parents. Let them know the number of guests you can accommodate and be transparent about your budget constraints. Explain that you are aiming for an intimate celebration with close friends and family. This will help manage their expectations and avoid any misunderstandings.

Allocate a Specific Number of Invites

One way to involve your parents is to allocate a specific number of invites for them. For example, you can reserve a portion of the guest list for your parents to fill. This gives them the freedom to invite their friends and extended family while ensuring that the total number of guests remains within your desired limit.

Be Consistent with Rules

If you have decided on rules such as not inviting children or allowing plus-ones, make sure these rules apply to your parents' guests as well. Communicate these rules clearly to your parents and explain the reasons behind your decisions. Be consistent in applying these rules to avoid any confusion or hurt feelings.

Consider Cultural Dynamics

It is worth noting that cultural dynamics may play a role in your parents' expectations. For example, in Asian cultures, weddings tend to be larger, and there may be a strong desire to invite distant relatives and friends who were important to your parents. In such cases, you can categorise the guest list into three groups: those who are essential, those you would love to have, and those who are nice to have. This approach allows you to include your parents' guests while effectively managing the guest list.

Keep Communication Open

Throughout the process, maintain open and honest communication with your parents. Be respectful of their concerns and try to find compromises where possible. Remember that they are excited about your wedding and want to share this special day with their loved ones. By involving them in a considerate and thoughtful manner, you can create a guest list that accommodates their wishes while staying true to your vision for the wedding.

Be fair with family

It's not obligatory, but if you want to avoid hurt feelings, it's a good idea to treat members of different families in the same way. Even if they're disappointed, they're more likely to understand an all-or-nothing approach. For example, if you don't have space to invite all aunts and uncles, it's easier to explain that you haven't had space to invite any, rather than saying you're closer to one side of the family.

If your parents and/or in-laws are contributing money to your wedding, they will have a say in who's invited. If you and your partner are paying for the whole wedding, you have full veto power. If not, you'll have to tread more carefully.

One way to divide the guest list is to split it into three: one-third for the couple's friends and loved ones, one-third for one set of parents to invite whoever they want, and one-third for the other set of parents. If one partner has a bigger family, they may need to shoulder the cost of additional people.

Another option is to divide the list in half: one half for the couple, and the other half split equally between each set of parents.

If you're having a small wedding, you might only invite immediate family and best friends. If you want to invite more people, you could expand the list to include close family and friends.

If you want to keep things small, but have a lot of people you feel you "must" invite, you could have only immediate family and closest friends at the ceremony, and then expand the guest list for the reception.

Frequently asked questions