Best Man: An Optional Wedding Tradition

The role of the best man is an important one, and it is usually given to the groom's brother, close relative, or best friend. The best man is the groom's right-hand man, supporting him throughout the planning process and on the day of the wedding. While there are no set rules on who can be the best man, this person is often tasked with planning the bachelor party, helping the groom and groomsmen choose their wedding attire, holding the rings during the ceremony, and giving a speech.

However, the role of the best man is not mandatory, and some couples may choose to have no best man at their wedding. This could be because they want to streamline the wedding day and getting-ready processes or because they don't want to deal with the hassle that comes with having a best man. Ultimately, the decision to have a best man or not is a personal one, and couples should do what feels authentic to them.

Bachelor Party Planning

Planning a bachelor party, also known as a stag party or bucks party, is a fun but important role for the best man. Here is a detailed and direct guide to planning a bachelor party:

Understanding the Basics

The bachelor party is a pre-wedding celebration honouring the groom and his transition from bachelorhood to marriage. It is traditionally planned by the best man, but the responsibility is often shared with the groomsmen and other close friends of the groom. The guest list should include the groomsmen, close friends, and family members who share a bond with the groom. It is important to consider the groom's comfort level and preferences when finalising the guest list and planning activities.

Timing and Location

The bachelor party is usually held one to three months before the wedding, allowing time for recovery before the big day. When choosing a date, avoid scheduling conflicts with the groom's pre-wedding appointments and engagements. Consider the groom's availability, travel restrictions, and weather conditions when selecting the date and location. The party can be a local night out or a destination getaway, but ensure it aligns with the groom's interests.

Budget and Expenses

Traditionally, the groomsmen contribute equally to cover the groom's expenses for the bachelor party. However, it is not uncommon for the groom to offer to cover a portion of the costs or chip in for specific expenses. Discuss financial responsibilities with all attendees upfront to prevent surprises.

Invitations and Communication

While formal invitations are not required, they can be a nice touch, especially for formal events or out-of-town guests. Electronic invitations through email or messaging apps are also common. Keep the groom in the loop during the planning process and provide regular updates. Share important details such as the itinerary, dress code, and costs with all attendees in advance.

Activities and Entertainment

Plan a variety of activities that cater to the groom's interests. This could include outdoor adventures, sporting events, poker night, brewery tours, distillery visits, winery tours, bar crawls, concerts, music festivals, or camping trips. Remember, the focus should be on fun and bonding with the groom.

Gifts

Gift-giving is not customary at bachelor parties, as the focus is on celebrating the groom. However, if attendees wish, they can bring small, thoughtful gifts such as alcohol, cigars, sports equipment, or party games.

Etiquette and Safety

Respect the groom's boundaries and preferences throughout the celebration. Encourage responsible behaviour, especially when alcohol is involved. Arrange for transportation to and from venues to prevent drunk driving. Capture memories by taking photos, but respect the groom's privacy and rules regarding social media sharing.

Post-Party Responsibilities

After the bachelor party, there may be tasks such as returning rented attire, checking in with vendors, and coordinating and decorating the getaway car for the newlyweds.

Final Thoughts

Planning a bachelor party can be a fun and memorable experience for the best man and the entire wedding party. By following these guidelines and respecting the groom's wishes, you can create a special celebration that the groom and guests will cherish.

Groomsmen Attire

Another factor to consider is the groom's outfit. The groomsmen attire should complement the groom's outfit in terms of formality and style. If the groom is wearing a tuxedo, for example, the groomsmen should also wear a similar level of formality. The wedding's theme or style can also provide guidance on the groomsmen attire.

In terms of specific outfit choices, groomsmen can wear suits, tuxedos, or even mix and match blazers with chinos or dress pants. Accessories like ties, bow ties, pocket squares, and boutonnieres can add a pop of colour and personality to the groomsmen's outfits. For a unique touch, the groomsmen could wear matching accessories that coordinate with the wedding's colour palette.

Ultimately, the best man's role in choosing the groomsmen attire is to ensure that the outfits are well-coordinated and appropriate for the wedding's style and theme. It is also important to consider the comfort of the groomsmen, especially in warmer weather, and to allow for individual style to shine through within a general guideline.

Emotional Support

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and is asked to stand by the groom's side to support and assist in any way possible before and during the wedding. The best man is also in charge of the groomsmen, meaning he leads all communication and spearheads most of their activities and duties.

The best man is the groom's go-to and confidant throughout the whole engagement and wedding planning process. They are the groom's equivalent of the bride's maid of honour. The best man can be anyone the couple feels comfortable with – a grandparent, son, or even two special people sharing the title.

The best man will essentially act as the groom's right-hand man, coordinating the groomsmen and ensuring everyone is well-informed. This might also involve providing emotional support when needed.

The amount of responsibility and duties the best man takes on can vary depending on two factors: the number of best men chosen by the couple and the overall size of the wedding party.

The best man is in charge of planning and organizing the bachelor party and serving as a point of contact for everyone on the groom's side, including groomsmen and family members. They may also be asked to hold things like the groom's cell phone, wallet, vows, and any miscellaneous accessories.

The best man is often in charge of helping the groom choose their attire, throwing a bachelor's party, and helping to ensure the wedding day goes smoothly.

Ring Bearer

The ring bearer is a role traditionally given to a young child, usually a boy, aged between three and eight years old. However, the role can be performed by anyone, including girls, adults, or even pets! The ring bearer is usually a close relative or friend of the couple.

The ring bearer has one of the most important jobs in the wedding ceremony. They are responsible for presenting the wedding rings to the bride and groom. The rings are usually tied to a small pillow, although there are many creative alternatives to this tradition. The ring bearer walks down the aisle with the rings and gives them to the best man or wedding officiant.

If the ring bearer is a young child, it is common for them to carry fake rings, while the real rings are kept in the care of the best man. This is because it can be risky to entrust something so valuable and important to a young child. The ring bearer may also carry a symbolic box or pillow instead of the real rings.

The ring bearer usually walks down the aisle after the last bridesmaid and before the flower girl, if there is one. It is not essential to have a ring bearer, but it is a good way to involve a special someone in the wedding, such as a young family member or friend.

Best Man Speech

Being a best man is an honour that comes with great responsibility. One of the biggest tasks is delivering a memorable speech. It's a chance to celebrate the groom, entertain the guests, and show your support for the happy couple.

• Start with a free write: Write down all your thoughts, feelings, and memories about the groom. This will help you gather your ideas and ensure you don't forget anything important.
• Use a template as a guide: Most people have never written a best man speech before, so it's normal to feel lost about where to start. Using a template can give you an idea of what to include.
• Craft unique opening and closing lines: The opening and closing lines of your speech will leave a lasting impression, so make them compelling and memorable. Find an engaging way to grab the audience's attention at the beginning and end with a memorable closing that ties back to the theme of your speech.
• Share stories about the groom: People are wired for stories, so share funny, heartwarming, or embarrassing experiences that showcase the groom's personality and your relationship with him. Ask mutual friends if there are any stories you may have forgotten.
• Share what the groom means to you: Express why you value your relationship with the groom and why you were chosen to be the best man.
• Practice as much as possible: Rehearse your speech multiple times to familiarise yourself with the content, timing, and flow. Practising in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can help refine your delivery.
• Calm yourself before and during the speech: Some people find that having a drink or two before the speech helps calm their nerves. Taking deep breaths and slowing down can also help. Visualise yourself as a great speaker to boost your confidence.
• Connect with the audience: Make eye contact, speak clearly, use hand gestures, and express your emotions genuinely. Even the best speech will lose its power if you're looking at the ground and mumbling. Aim for a length of 4-7 minutes.
• Address the happy couple and wish them well: Make sure to talk directly to the couple and wish them a happy future together.
• Keep it short and sweet: Aim for sincerity over length. A meaningful, concise speech will be more impactful than a long, rambling one.
• Introduce yourself and how you know the groom.
• Mention the groom's good qualities, such as his kindness or adventurous spirit. You can tell the new spouse what great things they have to look forward to in their life together.
• Talk about how the new spouse has affected the groom: Has the groom become more responsible or outgoing because of their partner? Do they always sound excited when talking about them?
• Share a short, positive anecdote about the groom.
• Compliment the couple and say something nice about their relationship.
• Conclude with well-wishes for their future together.

Remember, the best man speech is a chance to celebrate the groom and show your support for the happy couple. With careful planning, personal touches, and confident delivery, your speech can be a standout moment at the wedding.

Frequently asked questions