Writing Your Wedding Vows: A Guide To Crafting Meaningful, Concise Promises

Writing your own wedding vows is a tough task. You might feel the pressure to capture your love, hopes, and promises—a feat that may seem impossible. Here are some tips to help you write your wedding vows:

- Start well in advance

- Discuss your expectations

- Jot your thoughts down

- Write no more than three drafts

- Add only the important details

- Avoid absolute words

- Embrace sentimentality

- Seek inspiration from pop culture

- Make a fresh copy for the ceremony

- Stash them in a safe place

How to start your vows

Writing your wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it's important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to do it. Here are some tips to help you get started on how to begin your vows:

Start with a Statement About Your Partner

Begin your vows by expressing who your partner is to you. Are they your best friend, your lover, your partner in crime, or your everything? For example, you could say, "You are my best friend, my soulmate, my everything. When I first saw you, I knew you would play a crucial role in my life." This sets the tone for the rest of your vows and helps your guests understand the depth of your relationship.

Share What You Love About Your Partner

The next step is to talk about what you love about your partner and why you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Be specific and share the unique qualities that make them special to you. For instance, you could say, "Your unfaltering energy, ambition, and generosity are admirable and contagious. You inspire me, challenge me, and remind me to always find the fun in life." This will help your guests understand why you and your partner are perfect for each other.

Use a Story or Anecdote

Bringing your love to life with a story or anecdote will make your vows more engaging and memorable. Share a funny or touching moment that represents your relationship. For example, you could say, "I realised my parents were right about us when I was a teenager. At that moment, I knew they were correct." Adding a personal touch will make your vows more meaningful and intimate.

Make Promises

Wedding vows are composed of promises, both big and small. Think about the specific ways in which you will be there for your partner and how you will support them throughout your life together. For instance, you could say, "I promise to always be there for you, to comfort you when you're sad, and to celebrate your successes." Making promises shows your commitment and dedication to your partner.

Look to the Future

Talk about your future together and how you envision your lives as a married couple. Share your goals, dreams, and adventures you want to experience together. For example, you could say, "I look forward to building a home together, raising a family, and creating a life filled with love and laughter." This will help your guests understand your shared vision for the future.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to writing wedding vows. Be yourself, speak from the heart, and don't be afraid to inject humour or personal touches. Your vows should reflect your unique relationship and the love you share.

How to keep them concise

Writing your own wedding vows is undeniably touching, but it can also be a challenging task. Here are some tips to help you keep your vows concise:

Start Well in Advance

Give yourself ample time to write your vows. While you can write them at any time, aim to have a final draft at least three weeks before your wedding day. This will help you avoid feeling rushed or overwhelmed.

Discuss Your Expectations

Before you begin writing, talk to your partner about your expectations. Agree on the length, tone, format, and level of personalisation you want your vows to have. This will ensure you are both on the same page and create a cohesive ceremony.

Jot Down Your Thoughts

Start by writing down all your thoughts, feelings, and ideas about your partner and your relationship. Don't worry about perfecting the wording at this stage. Just let your feelings flow freely. Then, go back and highlight the most important and meaningful parts to include in your final draft.

Write Only a Few Drafts

It's important not to get too caught up in editing. Writing a few drafts is helpful, but continuously revising your vows can lead to overthinking and losing sight of the bigger picture. Give yourself a few days or even a week between edits to gain clarity and perspective.

Focus on the Important Details

Resist the temptation to include every detail of your relationship. Instead, select the most significant moments or experiences that truly capture the essence of your love story. This will make your vows more impactful and engaging for your guests.

Avoid Absolute Words

When making promises, steer clear of absolute words like "always" and "never." Such commitments are challenging to keep and can set unrealistic expectations. Instead, opt for more realistic and achievable promises.

Embrace Sentimentality

Don't be afraid to express your emotions sincerely. If the words come from the heart, they will resonate with your partner and guests. Remember, it's okay to be cheesy!

Seek Inspiration

If you need a little extra help, look to pop culture for inspiration. Movies, TV shows, books, and songs can provide beautiful quotes or passages that capture the essence of love. You can use these as a starting point or incorporate them into your vows.

Make a Fresh Copy for the Ceremony

When you recite your vows, your guests will be able to see what you're reading from. Create a neat and aesthetically pleasing copy or print your vows in a vow booklet. Avoid using a scratched-out notepad or messy notes.

Practice Delivery

Once you've finalised your vows, rehearse them aloud. This will help you feel more confident and comfortable on your big day. Practising will also allow you to refine your delivery, including pace, intonation, and pauses.

How to add humour

Your wedding vows are a chance to showcase your personality and the nature of your relationship. Adding a touch of humour to your wedding vows is a great way to dial down the seriousness of the moment and can help you wrangle your emotions. Here are some tips to help you strike the right balance between humour and sincerity.

Avoid Gimmicky One-Liners

Avoid gimmicky one-liners that might come across as awkward and out of place. Instead, opt for meaningful promises with a touch of humour. For example, you could say something like: ""I am so grateful for your never-ending support. Whether it was cheering me on as I worked tirelessly to earn my doctorate or showing up to my graduation ceremony dressed as an actual cheerleader—your support has meant the world to me."

Embrace Humour as a Theme

If your partner's sense of humour is one of the main things you want to convey in your vows, embrace it as a theme. Talk about how their sense of humour has impacted your relationship and share a funny anecdote to illustrate this. For example: "Your sense of humour has been my saving grace. Whether it’s helping us pass the time during our long road trips by doing your best Barbra Streisand impression or making our dinner rolls do stand-up comedy—you always put a smile on my face. I vow to always find the humour in your jokes and to find the humour in the more challenging moments of our marriage."

Include Cute Nicknames

Using cute nicknames in your vows is a light-hearted way to add meaning to your wedding vows. Just make sure to stick with names that you wouldn't be embarrassed to say in front of your guests and remember that your future grandchildren might watch the wedding video one day!

Be True to Your Personality

If you're usually the entertainer in your family or the one who's always making people laugh, it's important to feel true to yourself when reciting your wedding vows. Consider recording yourself talking about your relationship, fiancé, and future marriage. You can then transcribe the recording and use it as material for your vows to ensure they sound authentic and capture your tone and personality.

Include Family Jokes

While inside jokes between you and your partner might fall flat with your guests, family jokes can be a great way to get your guests involved and bring some humour to your vows. Just make sure to stick to light-hearted, playful points and avoid anything that might cause tension or discomfort.

Seek Expert Help

If you're struggling to find the right balance between humour and sincerity, consider seeking help from a professional vow writer. They can help you capture what's in your heart and articulate your feelings into wedding vows that you'll be excited to recite on your big day.

How to make meaningful promises

Writing your own wedding vows is a tough task. You might feel the pressure to perfectly and authentically capture your love, hopes, and promises. Here are some tips to help you make meaningful promises:

Start Well in Advance

Although you can write your vows at any moment, make sure you have a final copy at least three weeks before your big day.

Discuss Your Expectations

Before jotting down your wedding vows, make sure to consult your partner about your expectations, so you are on the same page. Plan to come to a consensus about the length of your vows, when you'll recite them, who will say them first, the tone, and how personal you intend to make them.

Jot Your Thoughts Down

To jumpstart the writing process, start by jotting down all of the thoughts that come to mind about your partner and relationship. Beginning with a brain dump will allow your feelings to flow freely, while alleviating any pressure to nail the wording right away. After you get everything on paper, highlight your favorite items and use them in the final copy.

Write No More Than Three Drafts

Writing a few drafts is an important part of the writing process, but continuously workshopping your wedding vows will only backfire. Take a few days—even a week—in between edits, so you can revisit your words with more clarity.

Add Only the Important Details

Pick the most important details, such as the first time you met or when you said "I love you."

Embrace Sentimentality

There's no better time to be sentimental than your vow exchange. If the message feels true to you, don't worry about coming across as corny.

Seek Inspiration from Pop Culture

Movies, TV shows, books, and songs are filled with eloquent words and messages that capture the experience of being in love. To express your feelings, consider quoting a passage from your favorite book or a line from your favorite film in your personalized wedding vows.

Make a Fresh Copy for the Ceremony

When you vocalize your vows at the altar, your guests will be able to see the medium that you're reading from. A scratched-out notepad might not be the best choice for your service. Instead, print a fresh copy or write them in a vow booklet.

Stash Them in a Safe Place

In the months and weeks leading up to your ceremony, store the physical copy of your handwritten wedding vows in a secret spot—far away from your future spouse's field of view.

Practice Makes Perfect

To give you the confidence to deliver your vows on the big day, practice reading your heartfelt promises aloud. This practice will also help you gauge whether your promises are clear and complete.

Indicate Pauses and Intonation

Since your vows are filled with meaning, speaking quickly and mumbling will detract from the moment and prevent your audience from engaging with the content.

Ask a Trusted Friend to Listen

To prepare for the actual vow exchange, ask a close friend who is a great sounding board (and a pro at keeping secrets) to listen as you rehearse.

How to end your vows

The ending of your wedding vows is arguably the most important part, as it is the last thing your guests will hear and the aspect they are most likely to remember. Here are some tips on how to end your vows:

Make a Grand Romantic Gesture

End your vows with a sweeping statement of your love and commitment. For example, you could say: "I give myself completely to you. I offer my love for your own happiness. I surrender all that is within me so we may grow old together." Or, "I will always be your protector and confidante, responsible for making sure your every need is met, every want is reached, and every dream realised."

Reference the Future

Look to your future together and speak of the adventures you will have as a married couple. For example: "I promise to be your navigator and sidekick in all of life's adventures. I'll always keep you by my side so that we can experience this wonderful journey of life together." Or, "I promise to be there for you. Whether we're exploring a new country or Netflix and chilling, I am excited about our journey."

Make a Funny Promise

End on a lighthearted note with a funny promise. For example: "I vow to never make you read books. I vow to attend any doctor's appointment if it will make you feel better." Or, "I promise to never leave your side, kind of like when we were stuck together during a pandemic."

Be Simple and Heartfelt

Sometimes less is more. A simple, heartfelt ending can be the most romantic of all. For example: "I, Daniela, take you, Megan, to be my wife, my best friend, and partner. I will work to create a bond of honesty, respect, acceptance, and gratitude; one that withstands the tides of time and changes and grows along with us." Or, "I, Anne, take you to be my partner for life. I promise, above all else, to live in truth with you and to communicate fully and fearlessly."

Frequently asked questions