Who's Invited To The Wedding? Deciding On Guest Lists

Deciding who to invite to your wedding is one of the first big tasks you'll encounter when planning your big day. It can be a stressful process, as you balance your own wishes with those of your family, as well as venue restrictions and budget considerations. To help you navigate this complex issue, here is some advice on how to specify who is invited to your wedding.

Inviting family members

When it comes to inviting family members to your wedding, it's important to consider your relationships with them and how many people you want at your wedding. Here are some tips and guidelines to help you navigate this process:

Immediate Family Members

Your immediate family members, such as parents, siblings, and grandparents, are typically considered a must-invite to your wedding. This group also includes your own children, step-parents, step-siblings, and half-siblings. If you have a large extended family, you may need to make some difficult choices about who to invite.

Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins

Including aunts, uncles, and cousins in your guest list can be tricky, especially if you have a large number of them. It is generally considered good etiquette to invite all aunts and uncles or none at all, rather than choosing between them. The same goes for cousins—either invite all first cousins or none at all. This approach can help minimise hurt feelings and family drama.

Family Dynamics and Feuds

If you have a strained relationship with certain family members due to a family feud or a falling out, you may choose not to invite them to your wedding. This is especially true if you haven't spoken to them in a long time or if they don't support your relationship. Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and surrounding yourself with people who bring you joy.

Budget and Venue Constraints

When deciding who to invite, consider your budget and venue constraints. Weddings can be expensive, and the cost often depends on the number of guests. If you're on a tight budget or have a small venue, you may need to limit the number of family members you invite. Be honest and transparent about these constraints if anyone questions your decision.

Communication is Key

If you're worried about how certain family members will react to not being invited, consider having an open and honest conversation with them. Explain your reasons and set clear boundaries. It's also a good idea to give them a heads-up before they receive a formal invitation or hear about the wedding from someone else.

Remember, your wedding day is about you and your partner. While family dynamics can be complex, it's important to invite the people who will support and celebrate your love. Don't feel obligated to invite everyone—choose the family members who are closest to you and will add to your special day.

Inviting friends

Creating your wedding guest list can be one of the most difficult aspects of planning your big day. When it comes to inviting friends, there are a few things to keep in mind.

First, consider the nature of your friendship. If you have friends who are like family, they should definitely be at the top of your list. Think about how well they know your partner. While this doesn't have to be a deal-breaker, it is definitely a factor to consider. If your friend lives far away and hasn't had the chance to meet your future spouse, it's understandable if you haven't stayed in close contact. In this case, it may be appropriate to only invite them to the reception or to a post-wedding celebration.

Next, evaluate the strength of your friendship. If you've drifted apart or haven't spoken in a while, you may not want to include them on your guest list, especially if you're keeping it tight. On the other hand, if you're still close and they've supported you throughout your relationship, they should definitely be invited.

Additionally, consider the dynamics of your friend group. If you're inviting multiple people from the same friend group, it's best to invite everyone to avoid any hurt feelings. However, if you're only close to one or two people in the group, you can limit the invitation to them.

Finally, be mindful of your budget and venue capacity. If you have a large venue and a generous budget, you may be able to invite all your friends. However, if you're working with a smaller space and a limited budget, you may need to prioritize and only invite your closest friends.

Remember, it's your special day, and you should be surrounded by people who love and support you. Don't feel obligated to invite anyone out of guilt or pressure. Create a list that works for you and your partner, and don't be afraid to set boundaries.

Inviting colleagues

When it comes to inviting colleagues to your wedding, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, you are not obligated to invite any colleagues if you don't want to. If you prefer to keep your work and personal life separate, that is entirely your choice. However, if you do want to invite some of your colleagues, there are a few guidelines you can follow to make the process easier.

Firstly, consider your relationship with your colleagues outside of work. Do you socialise with them regularly? Are they close friends who you can envision being friends with for a long time? If so, then they might be good candidates for an invitation. Another factor to consider is the size and intimacy of your wedding. If you're having a small, intimate wedding, it might be best to reserve invitations for those who are closest to you. Budget and headcount are also important considerations.

If you do decide to invite some colleagues, it's important to be mindful of those who are not invited. It's a good idea to chat with your colleagues beforehand and explain that you can't invite everyone. This way, you won't appear to be inviting people behind others' backs. Most people will be understanding, but it's still a sensitive topic, and it's important to consider their feelings.

When it comes to inviting your boss, the decision depends on your relationship with them and the dynamics of your workplace. In formal office settings, like law firms, inviting your boss is usually expected. However, in less formal offices, you may have more freedom to choose. If you have a good relationship with your boss and respect their leadership, you may want to consider inviting them. On the other hand, if you don't feel comfortable having your boss at your wedding, it's perfectly acceptable to leave them off the guest list.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you should invite people because you want them there, not because you feel pressured or obligated. It's okay to set boundaries and decide what works best for you and your partner.

Inviting children

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding can be a tricky issue to navigate. There are a few factors to consider when making your decision.

Firstly, it is worth noting that some parents may not want to travel without their children, while others may relish the opportunity to have some time away from them. If you are close to the parents of the children in question, it may be worth asking them what they would prefer.

Secondly, the venue you have chosen may not be child-friendly. For example, art museums, sculpture gardens, and cliffside chapels can pose safety risks for young children. In this case, it may be best to not invite children to your wedding.

If you do decide to invite children, there are a few ways to make them feel included. Consider providing kid-friendly food, activities, and mocktails. You could also include them in the ceremony as bridesmaids, pageboys, or flower girls.

If you only want to invite certain children, you can specify this on the invitation by writing the names of those invited on the envelope. This way, parents will know exactly who is welcome.

Finally, it is important to be respectful of parents' decisions if they choose not to attend your wedding because they cannot bring their children. Similarly, if parents choose to bring their children, you should respect their decision and not make them feel guilty for doing so.

Inviting plus ones

The term "plus-one" grants an invited guest permission to bring someone with them to your wedding. It is usually extended to unmarried guests, allowing them to bring a date. However, it can also be offered to guests in serious or long-term relationships, especially if you don't know their partner well.

Who Gets a Plus-One?

When deciding who gets a plus-one, consider your budget, the venue capacity, and the number of people you want present on your wedding day. It is generally recommended that members of the couple's immediate family, wedding party members, and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees receive a plus-one.

If you are working with a tight budget or have limited space, you may need to be more selective. In this case, it is suggested to create an "A" list of guests who should absolutely receive a plus-one, and a "B" list of guests who you would like to include if possible.

Who Doesn't Need a Plus-One?

The following guests typically do not require a plus-one:

• New couples or those casually dating: There is no pressure to invite Cousin Tim's Tinder date to your wedding.
• Single guests who know everyone: If your single guests will have friends or family at the wedding, they will likely be comfortable without a plus-one.

How to Address Plus-Ones on Invitations:

When addressing invitations, write the guest's name and add "and Guest" if you are offering a plus-one. For example, "Mr. James R. Smith and Guest". Alternatively, you can address the invitation to the guest and add a note at the bottom or on the back, such as "You are invited to bring a plus one".

If you know the name of the plus-one, it is best to include it on the invitation. This ensures you have their name for the seating chart, escort cards, etc. However, if you are unsure of the relationship status of your guest, it is best to use "invited guest" instead of their name.

Tips for Managing Plus-Ones:

• Get the name of every guest: Include a space on your RSVPs for the primary guest to write the name of their plus-one.
• Be prepared to respond to requests: Have a kind but firm explanation ready for guests who ask for a plus-one.
• Consider seating arrangements: Create a mock seating chart to ensure you can accommodate plus-ones without unwanted drama.
• Use proper invitation etiquette: Swap out "plus-one" for "invited guest" to add formality.
• Keep track of RSVPs: Set up an invitation organization system and double-check RSVPs for completion.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-one etiquette. The most important thing is to prepare ahead of time and make decisions that align with your budget and vision for your wedding day.

Frequently asked questions