Rsvp To A Wedding: A Guide For Guests

RSVPs, derived from the French phrase répondez, s'il vous plaît, are an important part of wedding planning. They help couples finalise their guest list, catering requirements, and seating arrangements. When responding to a wedding invitation, it is essential to follow the specified instructions and provide all the necessary information. This includes your full name, the number of guests attending, meal preferences, and any additional notes or well-wishes for the couple. It is also important to respond promptly and not to add extra guests or swap out plus ones. If you are unable to attend, it is polite to decline the invitation formally and send a gift from the couple's registry.

RSVPs can take the form of printed cards, online websites or emails

RSVPs can take the form of printed cards, online websites, or emails. Here's a breakdown of each format:

Printed Cards

If you've received a traditional wedding invitation in the mail, it may come with a separate "RSVP card" and a pre-addressed envelope. The RSVP card might either have a pre-printed template with specific questions or be blank for you to write your own response message.

If the RSVP card has a pre-printed template, fill in the blank areas and/or tick the relevant boxes as requested by the couple. This may include details like your RSVP response (attending or not), the number of guests, dietary requirements, and any "just for fun" questions the couple has included.

If the RSVP card is blank, write a brief personal response confirming your name(s), attendance/non-attendance, and any other details requested in the RSVP instructions. Match the tone of your response to the tone of the invitation (formal or informal) and consider your relationship with the couple.

Online Websites

If no RSVP card is provided or you've received a digital invitation, the couple may have included instructions for how to RSVP online, typically via a wedding website. Simply type in the URL from the invitation and follow the prompts. This usually involves filling in the requested areas before clicking "send" or "confirm." While on the wedding website, you can also explore information about the venue, transportation options, and the schedule for the day.

Emails

If the couple has requested an RSVP via email, it's important to respond using the email address provided on the invitation, even if you have a different email address for the couple. Many couples create a separate email address specifically for wedding-related correspondence to keep all their responses in one place.

When responding via email, be sure to include your name, the number of people attending or declining, and any other information requested, such as entrée choice or song requests. It's also courteous to write a gracious note, whether you're accepting or declining the invitation.

If declining an invitation, respond with a definitive No, an explanation and a gift

When declining a wedding invitation, it's important to respond as soon as you know you can't attend. This is because the couple cannot finalise arrangements with the caterer or other details until they have their guest list.

If you are not close to the couple, a simple, polite and prompt RSVP card with a "No" and a short note wishing them well will suffice. You don't need to provide a long, detailed explanation as to why you are not attending. Something like, "Sorry we won't be able to celebrate with you. Have a wonderful day!" or "Thank you for thinking of us. We wish we could be there to celebrate with you. We're sending all our love and hopes for a very happy wedding day and a lifetime of happiness together" is appropriate.

If you are close to the couple, you may want to make a phone call or send an email in addition to your written decline. Express your disappointment and let them know you care and wish them happiness. You could say something like:

> "I was so excited to see your wedding invitation arrive in the mail, and am so happy for you both to begin this special chapter in life together. I am, unfortunately, in the wedding party for another wedding that same weekend, so I sadly won't be able to come. Even though I can't be there in person on the day, I will be there in spirit and sending you my love. I can't wait to celebrate with you at your bachelor/bachelorette party and shower and to toast to you when you're back from your amazing honeymoon."

If feasible, sending a small gift (flowers are perfect!) with your RSVP card is a lovely gesture. After the wedding, reach out to the couple and ask to see photos or hear about their day. This conveys the message that you couldn't be there in person but are interested in their lives.

It is also good etiquette to still send a wedding gift even if you are declining the invitation. This is not mandatory but is a nice gesture, especially if you are close to the couple.

Include your full name, your response, the total number of guests attending and entree selection

When responding to a wedding invitation, it is important to follow the couple's instructions and respond as soon as possible. The RSVP should include your full name, your response (whether you are attending or not), the total number of guests attending, and the entree selection.

"Mr. and Mrs. John Smith accept with pleasure."

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Maggie, and Drew will attend. We wish you both the best and look forward to joining you."

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith regret that they are unable to accept your kind invitation."

"Thank you for your invitation. I will be attending alone and would prefer the vegetarian option."

"Ms. Jane Pearson and Mr. Jason Brown will be there with bells on! Can't wait to celebrate with you!"

It is important to write legibly and provide all the requested information to help the couple with their planning. Remember to respond by the deadline, usually about two to four weeks before the wedding date.

Respond as soon as possible and follow the couple's instructions

Responding to a wedding invitation as soon as possible is a crucial step in the wedding planning process for both the couple and the guests. Here are some tips to ensure your timely response and adherence to the couple's instructions:

• Prompt Response: It is essential to respond to the wedding invitation promptly, preferably as soon as you receive it. This helps the couple finalise their numbers, create a seating plan, and manage their budget. A timely response also ensures that you don't become "that" guest who needs constant reminders!
• Follow Instructions: Pay close attention to the couple's instructions provided with the invitation. They may request that you RSVP through their wedding website, by email, or via a response card. Respect their preferred method of communication and follow any specific guidelines they have outlined.
• Provide Guest Information: When responding, include the full names of all invited guests, including yourself, your partner (if applicable), and any children. This information is crucial for the couple to create a precise headcount and seating arrangements.
• Indicate Attendance: Clearly indicate whether you will be attending or not. This is the primary purpose of the RSVP and helps the couple finalise their guest list. Be definitive in your response to avoid any confusion.
• Meal Selections: If the couple has requested meal selections, be sure to initial your choice. This information is essential for the couple when finalising catering details. If you have any dietary restrictions or allergies that may result in a medical issue, it is considerate to contact the couple or the planner directly to discuss options.
• Additional Information: The couple may include "just for fun" questions or special requests on the RSVP, such as dance floor requests, marriage advice, or song requests. Take the time to answer these questions to show your enthusiasm for their celebration.
• Respect Plus-One Guidelines: If you have been offered a plus-one, your invitation will typically include "and Guest" or "+1" after your name. If your invitation doesn't include this, it's polite to assume that a plus-one is not offered. If your partner's name is specified on the invitation but they are unable to attend, it is generally not acceptable to substitute them with another guest.
• Be Mindful of Children: If the couple has specified that the wedding is a child-free event, it is important to respect their decision. Unless you have special circumstances, such as a newborn, it is considerate to adhere to their request.
• Written Responses: In the case of physical response cards, use a pen (preferably blue or black ink) and write legibly. Your response will be used to create a master guest list, so ensure your writing is clear and easy to read.
• Respect Deadlines: While responding promptly is ideal, it is absolutely crucial to meet the RSVP deadline specified by the couple. This deadline is usually set two to four weeks before the wedding to allow for final arrangements. Respecting this deadline ensures that your attendance can be accommodated and helps the couple avoid last-minute disruptions in their planning.

Remember, responding to a wedding invitation is not just a formality; it is an important step in supporting the couple's planning process and ensuring a smooth and enjoyable celebration for all.

If there's no RSVP card, look closely at the invitation for details on how to RSVP

If there's no RSVP card included with the wedding invitation, the couple may have chosen to take RSVPs online. In this case, there may be a “details” card included with the invitation that provides the wedding website URL. Alternatively, the couple may have included other instructions, such as a phone number or email address, for how you can communicate your acceptance or regrets.

If there is no separate card or instructions included with the invitation, the couple may be expecting you to respond using your own stationery. In this case, you should respond in the same manner as you would with a pre-printed response card, but add another line and make it more personal. This approach was once considered the proper way to respond to a wedding invitation, assuming that sophisticated guests would know how to RSVP without being prompted.

If you're still unsure how to RSVP, you can always contact the couple directly.

Frequently asked questions