Rsvp Etiquette: Responding To Wedding Invites Gracefully

Replying to a wedding invitation can be tricky, especially if you're unsure about what information to include in your response. The most important thing is to respond promptly and confirm your attendance as soon as possible. This is a courtesy to the couple, who will have a lot of planning and organisation riding on your response. It's also important to include the number of people in your party, so the couple can make seating arrangements. You should also mention any dietary requirements or allergies if you are invited to the wedding meal.

RSVP cards

The “M” on RSVP cards stands for the first letter of the titles Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss. Guests are expected to write their full names, along with the names of anyone else invited, on the line following the "M". For example, "Ms. Jane Smith" or "Mr. and Mrs. Adam Smith".

No, you can choose to exclude the "M" on your RSVP cards to avoid confusion and be more inclusive of your guests, especially those who do not identify with a specific title. Instead, you can simply put "Name:" followed by a line for guests to fill in their first and last names.

• For a single woman: "Ms. Zoe Garrey"
• For a married couple with the same last name: "Mr. and Mrs. Nick Harris"
• For a married couple with different last names: "Mr. Adam Smith and Mrs. Sarah William"
• For unmarried couples of the opposite sex: "Miss Sarah William and Mr. Adam Smith"
• For unmarried couples of the same sex: "Mr. Joe Johnson and Mr. Tom Jackson"

In addition to the "M" line, here are some other essential elements to include on your RSVP cards:

• A clear RSVP deadline for guests to respond by
• A way for guests to indicate whether they will be attending or not
• Sufficient space for guests to write their names and the names of any plus-ones
• Any dietary requirements or entrée options
• Contact details, dress code, or other relevant information
• Space for guests to write special accommodations or notes

Handwritten replies

Replying to a wedding invitation requires grace and etiquette. It is important to respond promptly, ideally within two to three weeks of receiving the invitation, or by the specified deadline. Your response should match the style of the invitation, whether it is formal or informal.

• Format: If the invitation is formal, your response should also be formal. Write in the third person, mirroring the structure of the invitation. For example: "Dear Mr and Mrs Thomas, John Doe accepts with pleasure [or, regret that he is unable to accept] their kind invitation to the wedding of their daughter Jane Thomas and John Smith on Saturday, 18th August 2023." If the invitation is informal, your response can be more casual. Write in the first person and keep the tone warm and friendly. For example: "Dear Thomas and Patricia, I am delighted to accept your invitation to your wedding on Saturday, 18th August 2023. I look forward to sharing in your special day."
• Details: Be sure to include all the necessary details in your response, such as the names of those attending, the date and venue, and any other requested information such as meal choices or the number of guests. Double-check all the details to avoid any confusion.
• Timeliness: Responding promptly is crucial as it helps the couple plan ahead and finalise details with their venue and caterer. It is considered impolite to make them wait or guess your intentions. Send your response by the requested due date, or as soon as possible after receiving the invitation.
• Gratitude: Whether you are accepting or declining the invitation, express your gratitude for being included. Thank the couple for inviting you and mention how much it means to you. For example: "Thank you for including me in your special day. I am honoured to be a part of it."
• Declining: If you are unable to attend, it is important to decline the invitation graciously. Briefly explain your reason for not being able to attend, express your regrets, and send your well wishes. For example: "I regret that I am unable to attend due to a prior commitment. Please know that I will be thinking of you on your special day and wishing you all the best."
• Enthusiasm: If you are able to attend, accept with enthusiasm and gratitude. Use positive language to convey your happiness at being included in the celebration. For example: "I am thrilled to be a part of your big day! I can't wait to celebrate with you both."
• Plus-ones: If you have been given a plus-one, include their name on the response. If you don't know who your plus-one will be yet, simply write "and guest." Do not use the response as an opportunity to invite someone who was not included on the invitation.
• Handwriting: Write neatly so that your response is easy to read. The couple will need clear information for their planning, such as the full names of guests for seating cards and head counts.

How to decline an invite

How to Decline a Wedding Invitation

It is completely okay to decline a wedding invitation. You might not be able to attend due to scheduling conflicts, financial constraints, or you simply may not want to go. Whatever the reason, it is essential to do so politely and with compassion. Here are some guidelines to follow when declining a wedding invitation:

If You Aren't Close to the Couple:

Check the "no" box on the RSVP card and include a short, thoughtful note. You don't need a lengthy explanation, just a sincere expression of regret and well wishes for the couple. For example, "Regretfully, we are unable to attend. Best wishes on your special day!"

If You Are Close to the Couple:

Consider calling the couple ahead of your written decline to express your disappointment and assure them of your support and happiness for them. You might also send a small gift, such as flowers, along with your RSVP card. After the wedding, reach out to the couple to look at photos and hear about their day. This shows that you care about their lives and wanted to be there, even if you couldn't make it.

General Etiquette Tips:

• Don't delay in declining the invitation. Respond promptly, as the couple needs to plan their event based on the number of guests.
• Sending a gift is always appropriate, even if you are declining the invitation. It shows your support for the couple and gratitude for being invited.
• If you can, get involved in other pre-wedding festivities like the bachelorette party or bridal shower. Offer to contribute in some way, such as planning, DIY projects, or sharing costs.
• Be thoughtful and sincere in your response, reflecting your relationship with the couple.
• If possible, include a brief explanation for your decline, especially if it is due to a scheduling conflict or other commitment.

What to include in your reply

When replying to a wedding invitation, it's important to be honest, courteous, and timely in your response. Here's what to include in your reply:

Names of the Attendees

Include the names of everyone who is attending. If you're bringing a plus one, make sure to include their full name. This is important for the couple to know, as they will need this information for seating arrangements and place cards.

Contact Information

Provide your phone number or email address so that the couple can easily reach you if they have any questions.

Dietary Requirements or Allergies

If you're invited to the wedding meal, be sure to mention any dietary restrictions or allergies. This will help the couple when they are communicating with their caterer.

A Personal Note

Depending on your relationship with the couple, you can include a personal note. For close friends or family, a handwritten note or a congratulatory card is a nice touch. For colleagues or casual acquaintances, a more formal note is appropriate.

Response Card

If the invitation includes an RSVP card, fill it out completely, including all the requested information. If there is no response card, you can reply in writing or by email.

Timely Response

Respond as promptly as possible. This will show the couple that you are respectful of their time and appreciative of their invitation. It also allows them to make other arrangements if needed.

Honesty

If you are unable to attend, it's important to be honest and polite in your response. There's no need to make up an excuse; a simple "Thank you for inviting us, but we will unfortunately be unable to attend" is sufficient.

Informal replies

• Get Creative: Ditch the standard response card and send a personalised note, a fun postcard, or even a creative photo or video message expressing your enthusiasm for the wedding. It will surely bring a smile to the couple's faces!
• Share a Memory: Recall a special memory or anecdote with the couple and let them know how much it means to you to be part of their big day. It adds a heartfelt touch to your reply and shows your appreciation for the invitation.
• Offer Help: Instead of a generic response, offer a helping hand with the wedding preparations. It could be anything from "Happy to help with the decorations!" to "Count me in for the cake tasting!" This type of reply shows your willingness to be involved and make their day extra special.
• Include a Gift Note: If you plan on giving a gift, you can add a playful note about it in your reply. For example, "Can't wait to celebrate with you both! Also, keep a corner free for my awesome wedding gift ;)" This adds a touch of humour and lets them know you're thinking of ways to make their day memorable.
• Use Informal Language: While maintaining respect for the occasion, you can use more casual language in your reply. For example, "Thrilled to be there! Can't wait for the big day and all the fun!" Using exclamations and a cheerful tone can convey your excitement and make your reply stand out.
• Reference Inside Jokes: If you share a close relationship with the couple, reference an inside joke or a shared experience in your reply. It will instantly bring a sense of warmth and familiarity to your response, making it more informal and lighthearted.

Remember, when replying informally, it's essential to maintain a respectful tone while adding your unique twist. Feel free to be creative, playful, or heartfelt in your response, as it will surely be appreciated by the happy couple!

Frequently asked questions