Asking For Monetary Gifts: Wedding Invitation Etiquette

Asking for money as a wedding gift can be tricky, but there are polite ways to do it. It's important to remember that wedding gifts are traditionally chosen by the giver, so you don't want to appear rude or presumptuous. While it's best not to ask for money on your wedding invitations, there are other ways to let your guests know that you'd prefer cash gifts. Here are some options:

- Include a line on your wedding website about gifting preferences, explaining that you'd welcome monetary contributions.

- Set up a honeymoon/house deposit/home improvement fund with a gift registry service, signalling that you'd prefer cash.

- Ask close friends and family to spread the word about your preference for cash gifts.

- Weave your story into the request by explaining how you plan to use the money, such as saving for a house or your dream honeymoon.

- Provide other alternatives, such as gift cards or vouchers, for guests who prefer giving physical gifts.

Include a line about gifts or a 'wishing well' on your invitation

Including a line about gifts or a wishing well on your invitation is probably the most direct option, but it's not for the faint of heart. It's essential to phrase it carefully so that it doesn't come across as presumptuous or greedy. Here are some tips and examples to help you word your invitation politely and effectively:

Tips:

• Emphasise that their presence is the most important gift: Start by expressing that their attendance at your wedding is the greatest gift you could receive. This sets a considerate and grateful tone.
• Express your preference for monetary gifts: Clearly state that you would prefer monetary gifts over physical presents. You can mention that you already have everything you need for your home or that you'd like to save for a specific goal, such as a honeymoon or a new home.
• Provide a specific purpose for the money: Let your guests know how you intend to use their monetary gifts. For example, mention that you're saving for a honeymoon, a new home, home improvements, or even a charity donation. This helps guests understand that their contributions will be put to good use and are meaningful to you.

Examples:

• "Your presence at our wedding is the greatest gift of all. However, if you wish to honour us with a gift, a contribution to our honeymoon would help to create memories that will last a lifetime. A wishing well will be available on the day."
• "We look forward to your presence on our special day. We do nonetheless realise that some of you may wish to give us a wedding gift to commemorate our union. After having lived on our own, we have all the household items we need. However, for those who would like to give us a gift, we will have a wishing well at our reception that will go towards our future together."
• "Your presence at our wedding is a gift in itself. However, if you would like to contribute to our future together as a couple, a wishing well will be available at our reception."
• "Your presence on our wedding day is the most special gift we could possibly ask for. However, if you do wish to bless us and contribute to our future together, we are saving for our new home. A wishing well will be present at our reception."
• "We're thrilled that you're able to make it to our wedding—that's more than enough for us. However, if you would like to bring us something, spending money for our honeymoon would be most appreciated."

Address it on your wedding website

Asking for money as a wedding gift can be a tricky task, but it is becoming more common and acceptable. Here are some ideas for addressing this on your wedding website:

Be Transparent and Direct

It is important to be transparent and direct when addressing your preference for monetary gifts on your wedding website. You can include a section on your website dedicated to addressing this. Start by explaining that your guests' presence at your wedding is more than enough of a gift. However, if they wish to give something, you would greatly appreciate a monetary contribution. For example, "Your presence at our wedding is a gift in itself. However, if you wish to give something, we would graciously accept a monetary contribution towards our honeymoon."

Explain Your Reasons

It can be helpful to explain to your guests why you are requesting monetary gifts. Be specific about how you plan to use the money. For example, are you saving for a down payment on a new home, planning a honeymoon, or funding home improvements? Adding this personal touch can help your guests feel more connected to your plans and more inclined to contribute.

Use a Poem or Creative Wording

If you want to add a creative or playful touch, consider including a poem or creative wording on your website. For example: "We know it's not traditional, it's not the way it's done, but instead of a gift, we'd like a bit of sun! If you wish to contribute, we have a honeymoon fund at [link]." This approach can take some of the sting out of asking for money and make the request more lighthearted and fun.

Provide a Link to Your Registry

If you have set up a cash or honeymoon registry, be sure to include a link to it on your wedding website. This makes it easy for guests to contribute and eliminates the potential awkwardness of asking how they can give you the money.

FAQ Section

Consider setting up an FAQ page on your wedding website, where you can address questions about gifts. This can be a subtle way to bring up the topic of monetary gifts without being too direct. For example, you can include questions like "What about gifts?" or "Are you signed up with a wedding registry service?" and then provide answers that direct guests to your preference for monetary contributions.

Remember, it is essential to be considerate and respectful when addressing this topic on your wedding website. Be mindful that not all guests will be comfortable giving monetary gifts, so it is important to emphasize that their presence at your wedding is the most important gift of all.

Ask friends or family to spread the word

Asking friends or family to spread the word about your preference for monetary gifts is a popular option, but it's a risky one, as it doesn't give the couple much control. It's important to choose the right people for this task—those who are good at subtly dropping things into conversation. If not handled delicately, you could end up inadvertently offending your guests.

• Choose the right people: Select friends or family members who are close to you and are good communicators. They should be people who are likely to be asked by other guests about gift ideas and who you trust to convey your message politely and subtly.
• Provide clear guidance: Make sure they understand your preferences and the reason behind them. For example, explain that you already have a lot of physical gifts or that you are saving up for a specific goal, such as a honeymoon or a new home.
• Emphasize tact and subtlety: Ask them to be discreet and tactful when spreading the word. They should avoid being too pushy or direct and instead find natural opportunities to mention your preference, such as when they are asked for gift suggestions by other guests.
• Provide sample phrases: To ensure consistency and clarity, consider providing your messengers with sample phrases they can use when talking to other guests. For example, "The couple has mentioned they would appreciate contributions towards their honeymoon fund" or "They already have a lot of physical gifts and would prefer money to put towards their future plans."
• Monitor and adjust: Keep an open line of communication with the friends or family members you've chosen. Check in with them periodically to see how things are going and if there are any concerns or challenges they are facing. This will allow you to adjust your approach if needed and ensure your wishes are being conveyed respectfully and effectively.

Remember, this option may not give you as much control over the message as other methods, such as addressing it directly on your wedding website or invitations. However, with the right people and guidance, it can be a successful way to politely convey your preferences to your guests.

Set up a honeymoon/house deposit/home improvement fund

Setting up a honeymoon, house deposit, or home improvement fund is a great way to politely ask for money as a wedding gift. This option has become increasingly popular, especially for couples who already live together or have established homes. Here are some tips to set up such a fund:

Choose a Platform

Select a user-friendly platform that allows you to set up a cash fund. Some popular options include The Knot, Honeyfund, and Hitchd. These platforms enable you to create a personalised fund linked to your bank account, making it easy for guests to contribute.

Provide Clear Information

Ensure you provide clear and concise information about your fund on your wedding website. Explain why you have chosen this option over a traditional gift registry and how you plan to use the money. For example, specify if the funds will go towards a honeymoon, a house deposit, or home improvements. This helps guests understand how their contributions will make a positive impact on your new life together.

Break it Down

If you're setting up a honeymoon fund, consider breaking it down into specific items and experiences. For instance, include costs for tours, meals, or room service. This makes the gifting experience more personal and exciting for your guests.

Include a Traditional Registry

While you may prefer cash gifts, it's a good idea to include a small traditional registry as well. Some guests may prefer to give a tangible gift, especially those who are less comfortable with online transactions or unfamiliar with the platform. You can register for physical gifts like homeware or experiences to complement your honeymoon or home improvement fund.

Spread the Word

While you shouldn't include registry information on your wedding invitations, you can use other methods to inform your guests. Include a printed insert card with your invitation suite, directing guests to your wedding website for more details. You can also ask your close family and friends to spread the word. This way, if guests have questions about gift options, they can turn to your loved ones for guidance.

Thank Your Guests

Remember to express your gratitude to your guests for their contributions. Send out personalised thank-you cards, and if possible, include a photo or update on how their gift was used. For example, if they contributed to your honeymoon fund, share a picture from your trip, or if they helped with your house deposit, send a photo of your new home. This adds a thoughtful touch and shows the impact of their generosity.

Don't ask for money on your wedding invites

While it is considered acceptable to ask for cash as a wedding gift, it is not okay to do so on your formal wedding invitations. Asking for gifts of any kind on your invitations is frowned upon. Wedding gifts are not obligatory, so putting your gift preferences directly on your invites can come across as greedy.

If you are hoping to receive monetary gifts, there are other ways to let your guests know without mentioning it on your invitations. One option is to include a link to your wedding website on the invite or include an insert card with the website address. You can then explain your preference for cash gifts on the website. You could also ask family and friends to spread the word, although this method gives you less control over the message.

If you do decide to mention gifts on your wedding website, it is important to word it thoughtfully. Explain why you have registered for cash and how you plan to use the funds. For example, you could say: "Your presence at our wedding is enough of a gift, but should you wish to buy us something, we'd greatly appreciate a contribution towards our honeymoon fund."

Another option is to set up a gift registry service that allows guests to contribute money towards a specific purchase, such as a honeymoon or a house deposit. This approach ensures guests still feel like they are contributing to something meaningful, even if it is not a physical gift.

Remember, it's all in the wording. Asking for money on your wedding invitations is a big no-no, but there are other polite and subtle ways to let your guests know that cash gifts are preferred.

Frequently asked questions