Planning Your Wedding Guest List: A Practical Guide

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be a tricky and political task, especially when you're trying to please multiple family members. It's one of the first big tasks you'll encounter when planning your wedding and it's not a decision to be taken lightly. The number of people you invite will impact your venue selection, wedding style and, most importantly, your budget. The more guests you invite, the more you'll likely spend, so it's crucial to get a handle on this early on.

Immediate family members

If you have a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins, deciding whom to invite can be tricky. It is important to be as fair and equitable as possible. If you want to invite one of your first cousins, you should probably invite them all. Your partner should also be able to invite their first cousins if they wish.

If you have stepparents, stepsiblings, or half-siblings, they are also considered immediate family and should be at the top of your guest list.

When it comes to deciding whether to invite children to your wedding, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. If you have children in your life who are particularly important to you, such as nieces and nephews, you may choose to include them in the wedding and restrict the guest list to only kids in the wedding party. Alternatively, you may decide to have a child-free wedding or only invite immediate family children.

Remember, it is your wedding, and you should be comfortable with the guest list. If you are restricted by budget or venue size, you may need to make difficult decisions about whom to invite.

Close friends

Communication

A true friend knows how to be there for you and listen attentively. They make eye contact when talking, remember what you've told them, and ask thoughtful questions. Open and honest communication is a cornerstone of a true friendship. If you can share your deepest thoughts and secrets with a friend, and they do the same with you, then they are likely a close friend worth inviting to your wedding.

Support and Encouragement

A close friend should make you feel needed, confident, and happy. They help you get through tough times and provide a positive influence in your life. If your friend is your cheerleader and always roots for your success, they are likely a true friend.

Time and Effort

True friends make time for each other, even when it's not convenient. They are there for you during life's challenges and celebrations. If a friend always makes an effort to spend time with you and maintains regular contact, they value your friendship.

Mutual Respect and Value

Honesty and Trustworthiness

Honesty is crucial in any friendship. If your friend is open and honest with you, it's a good sign of a solid friendship. Gossip, on the other hand, can be a red flag. If your friend talks negatively about others behind their backs, they may do the same about you.

Shared Interests and Joy

When deciding which close friends to invite to your wedding, trust your instincts and don't feel obligated to invite anyone out of guilt or pressure. Your wedding day is about celebrating your love and surrounding yourself with people who truly care about you and your partner.

Plus ones

Deciding on plus-ones for your wedding can be a tricky task, but there are some general guidelines that can help you navigate this process.

Firstly, it is important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to plus-ones, and the decision ultimately lies with you and your partner. However, standard wedding etiquette suggests that certain guests should be offered a plus-one, including members of the couple's immediate family, wedding party members, and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees.

If budget and space allow, it is also considerate to offer a plus-one to guests who are married, engaged, or in a serious or long-term relationship, especially if you don't know their partner well. This is also a nice gesture for out-of-town guests who may not know many people at the wedding.

On the other hand, it is perfectly acceptable to leave new couples or those casually dating off the plus-one list. If your single guests will know other people at the wedding, there is no pressure to extend a plus-one to them.

When it comes to wording your invitations, be clear about who is invited. If using a traditional double-envelope system, the outer envelope should include the name of the person you know, and the inner envelope should list all invited guests, including plus-ones. For modern invitations with a single envelope, address all invitees clearly, listing both guests by their full names if they are a couple, or using "and guest" if they are bringing a casual date.

Remember, it is important to be consistent with your plus-one decisions to avoid any potential hurt feelings. Be mindful of your guests' comfort, and consider seating arrangements to ensure that solo guests feel included.

Lastly, be prepared to respond to requests from guests who do not receive a plus-one. Have a kind and firm explanation ready, such as, "We'd love to include everyone, but our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family. We appreciate your understanding, and we hope to see you there!"

Children

Deciding whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tricky question for couples to answer. While you don't want to offend your guests, having infants, toddlers, or older children in attendance can present challenges.

Make Your Decision Early On

The first thing to do is to decide whether you want your wedding to be "family-friendly" or "adults-only". This is a topic that tends to divide people, so it's best to sort it out well before you start writing your wedding invitations.

There are a few factors to consider: children can be unpredictable, and their parents will need to take control. You'll also need to think about how having kids in attendance will affect your budget. Will you need to arrange dedicated childcare services, for example?

On the other hand, banning kids from your wedding might upset close family members with little ones, and other guests may struggle with childcare arrangements, especially for a destination wedding.

You could consider a compromise: perhaps you could make a few exceptions for close family members or members of the wedding party.

Be Clear About Your Expectations

Once you've made your decision, you need to let your guests know. Be 100% clear about your policy on kids, either within your wedding invitations or on your wedding website.

If you're not inviting children, be honest but avoid over-explaining. If you are inviting children, specify which children are invited, and explain that you have a guest limit. Also, let parents know that they will need to take responsibility for their children during the event.

Considerations for a Kid-Friendly Wedding

If you do decide to invite children, you'll need to take their needs into consideration. Here are some things to think about:

• Entertainment: You could hire a children's entertainer, or provide tabletop activities such as puzzles or colouring sheets.
• Menu: Work with your catering team to create a simple, kid-friendly menu.
• Childcare: Hiring childcare to watch over the children collectively is the best way to ensure your wedding is stress-free.
• Seating: Children aged 7-14 could be seated at a separate table, while younger children might be seated in another room with childcare provided.

Other Considerations

• Envelopes: If you are inviting children, include their names on the invitation envelopes. If a child is over 18, they should receive a separate invitation, even if they're still living at home.
• Phone calls: After sending your invitations, consider calling guests with children to explain whether or not your wedding is child-friendly.
• Flower girls and ring bearers: There's no rule that says you must invite them to the reception, but it's a thoughtful thing to do. If you're set on an adult-only reception, at least allow them to attend the cocktail hour.

Budget and venue

Budgeting for your wedding

The first step in deciding your budget is figuring out who will be contributing financially and how much they are offering. Be sure to get clear on whether financial contributors have any opinions on how the money is spent. For example, they may want to cover specific costs, like flowers or the bridal gown.

Next, you'll need to understand what you can actually afford to spend. Consider your daily expenses, such as rent or mortgage payments, as well as any upcoming costs, such as a down payment on a home. It's also important to be realistic about what a wedding includes and how much these things cost. Research average costs for things like venues, catering, and entertainment.

Once you have a clear picture of how much money you have to work with, you can start allocating funds to different areas. The reception venue, catering, and rentals will typically make up the largest portion of the budget (around 45%). Other significant expenses include photography and/or videography (10-12%), wedding attire and beauty (7-9%), flowers and decor (8-10%), and music/entertainment (10%).

It's a good idea to leave some wiggle room in your budget for unexpected expenses, such as vendor tips, hidden costs, and rehearsal dinners or other wedding events.

Choosing your venue

The size of your guest list will impact the type of venue you choose. If you're planning an intimate ceremony or a destination wedding, you may only need to accommodate your A-list guests.

When deciding on a venue, consider the type of day you want to have. Are you envisioning a formal wedding or something more casual? Grand ballrooms and city parks will have very different price tags.

The location of your venue will also affect the cost. Big cities like New York and Los Angeles tend to be more expensive, while small towns and remote destinations can also entail greater costs if things like flowers and talent have to be brought in from afar.

If you fall in love with a venue that's outside your budget, consider opting for an off-season wedding, as prices may be lower during certain times of the year.

Frequently asked questions