Planning A Wedding: Inviting Relatives With Warmth

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding who to invite. When it comes to relatives, there are a few things to consider. Firstly, it's important to remember that you are not obligated to invite anyone out of obligation. Your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who are close to you and bring you joy. This means that if you have relatives who do not support your relationship or who you are not close to, you are not required to invite them. If you are concerned about causing drama or hurting feelings, it may be a good idea to invite in circles, such as inviting all aunts and uncles or none at all. You can also consider having a no-children wedding or only inviting certain generations of relatives. Another option is to blame the venue, by saying that you are limited by the venue's capacity or your budget. Ultimately, the decision of who to invite is a personal one, and you should do what feels right for you and your partner.

Who to invite

When it comes to your wedding, you want to be surrounded by the people who bring you joy and make you happy. This is your special day, so you get to decide who to invite. Here are some tips on who to include on your guest list:

Invite the people you love

At the top of your guest list, you should have the people who bring you joy and make you happy. These are the people you love and who will be excited to celebrate with you. Write down the names of these people, and don't overthink it. Once you have your list, compare notes with your partner and talk about it together.

Don't invite people you've lost touch with

You might have fond memories of certain people, but if you've lost touch, they don't need to be invited. If you wouldn't take that person out for a $300-plus meal, then they don't need a wedding invitation. Friendships change, and that's okay. If you haven't spoken to someone in years, you don't have to invite them.

Consider your budget and venue

Your budget and venue will play a significant role in determining your guest list. Consider the cost per person and whether you're paying for the wedding yourselves. Create a guest list that works within your budget and venue constraints.

Don't let your parents add guests you don't know

Stand your ground if your parents want to add distant relatives or acquaintances to the guest list. You shouldn't feel obligated to invite people you don't know or don't want at your wedding. All guests should be people you and your family want to spend time with and enjoy having around.

Account for plus-ones

Guests in serious relationships or living with a partner should be invited with a plus-one. However, for guests without long-term partners, you can be more discretionary. If your guest list is large, trimming the plus-ones you don't know is a good option.

Don't feel obligated to invite children

Decide if you want children at your wedding and communicate this clearly. If you don't want children, mention this on your wedding website and inform the parents directly to avoid any confusion.

Cut anyone who doesn't support you and your partner

If you have relatives or friends who don't support your relationship, you can choose not to invite them. Your wedding day should be filled with people who love and support you. If someone might cause drama or spread negative vibes, it's best to exclude them.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love with the people who matter to you. So, create a guest list that reflects that and don't be afraid to set boundaries.

Who not to invite

It's your wedding, so it's your choice who you invite. However, if you're looking for some guidance on who not to invite, here are some suggestions:

People Who Don't Support Your Relationship

Family members or friends who don't support your relationship needn't be invited. This could be parents, cousins, or extended family members who speak badly about your relationship. Your wedding day should be shared with people who love and support you.

People You've Had a Falling Out With

If you haven't spoken to a family member in a year or longer, you may not want to invite them to your wedding. You don't want tension and negative energy floating around on your special day.

Controlling People

Family members who try to take over and be the centre of attention could add unnecessary stress to your day.

People You've Lost Touch With

If you haven't spoken to or been in touch with someone for five years, you don't have to invite them, even if you were invited to their wedding.

People Who Cause Drama or Seek Attention

Your wedding day should be enjoyable and stress-free. Avoid inviting anyone who might cause family drama, or seek to make situations about themselves.

People You Don't Want There

You shouldn't invite anyone you don't want to be around on your wedding day. It's your special day, so fill it with your favourite people.

People Prone to Starting Fights

Similar to the above, if you have relatives or friends who are quick-tempered, especially when drinking, it might be best to leave them off the guest list.

Ex-Partners

Your wedding day is about your new love, so it's best not to invite ex-partners, especially if your new spouse is uncomfortable with it.

Co-workers You're Not Friends With

You don't want to feel like you have to put on a show or act a certain way at your wedding. So, avoid inviting co-workers or clients you're not actually friends with.

People Who Aren't Supportive of Your Marriage

If you have acquaintances who don't approve of your union, perhaps because it's gay, interfaith, or interracial, they don't need to be invited. Don't allow negative energy to permeate your special day.

How to invite

When it comes to inviting relatives to your wedding, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it's important to create a guest list that considers your budget and venue constraints. This may mean that you can't invite all of your extended family members, and that's okay. To avoid causing hurt feelings, it's generally better to invite in circles, such as inviting all aunts and uncles or none at all, rather than choosing to invite only some.

If you're inviting families with children, it's customary to include the names of children under 18 on the inner envelope of the invitation. If children are not invited, simply omit their names. It's also a good idea to mention on your wedding website that children aren't invited and provide a reason if you think it will help parents understand, such as venue constraints.

When addressing invitations to married couples, use their full names and titles on the outer envelope, such as "Mr. and Mrs. John and Emily Perkins." For the inner envelope, you can use their first names only, such as "John and Emily." If the couple has different last names, list the person you feel closest to first, followed by their partner. For unmarried couples living together, use separate lines, with the person you know best on the first line.

Remember to give yourself plenty of time to assemble and mail your invitations, and consider using only one return and RSVP address to avoid confusion for your guests.

How to address invites

There are a few things to consider when addressing wedding invites to relatives. Firstly, it is important to note that there are different rules for the inner and outer envelopes. The outer envelope is generally considered more formal than the inner one. For that reason, you’ll want to use the full names of your invitees, not their initials. The inner envelope can be addressed more casually, often incorporating first names and without titles.

If you are inviting a married couple with the same last name, you can list them together using "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Warren". If you would like to address both partners equally, you can use both the husband's and the wife's first and last names: "Mr. Thomas Warren and Mrs. Michelle Warren".

If the married couple has different last names, you can list either name first based on your preference or who you feel closest to. For example, "Mrs. Leslie Knope and Mr. Ben Wyatt".

If you are inviting an unmarried couple, you have two options. You can either list their names alphabetically by the last name on separate lines or on the same line, with the person you are closest with coming first. For example, "Ms. Rachel Green and Mr. Ross Geller".

If you are inviting a family, you can address the outer envelope to the entire family, for example, "The Thompson Family". If you want to specify which family members are invited, write the names of each family member, starting with the parents' names, and list the invited children's names in order of age below. For example, "Mr. and Mrs. Alan Thompson, Roger Thompson, Chance Thompson, Miss Jennifer Thompson, and Miss Lily Thompson".

It is important to note that children's names are not required on the outer envelope, and if you do not list them on the inner envelope, your guests should understand that they are not invited.

When addressing a widow, it is best to ask if she prefers to use her first name with her married last name or her husband's full name. For example, "Mrs. Nancy Stevens" or "Mrs. Charles Stevens".

Remember to use the correct titles or prefixes, avoid nicknames or abbreviations, and always double-check the mailing address.

What to do if you don't invite certain relatives

Deciding not to invite certain relatives to your wedding can be a nerve-wracking experience. Here are some tips on how to approach this situation:

Reasons for Not Inviting Certain Relatives

There are many valid reasons for not wanting to invite certain relatives to your wedding. Some relatives may not support your relationship, have had a falling out with you, or exhibit controlling behaviour. It's important to remember that your wedding day is one of the biggest days of your life, and you should be surrounded by people who love and support you.

Be Compassionate but Stand Your Ground

When deciding not to invite certain relatives, it's essential to be compassionate and considerate of their feelings. At the same time, stand your ground and don't cave to emotional blackmail. It's your wedding, and you can invite whoever you want.

Lean on Venue or Budget Constraints

If you don't want to directly tell relatives that they aren't invited, you can give reasons such as venue constraints, budget constraints, or limited space on your guest list. For example, you can explain that you're on a strict budget and keeping the guest list small, or that your venue has a limited capacity.

Prepare for the Conversation

Before having a conversation with uninvited relatives, think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Practise the conversation with a loved one if you're feeling nervous. Be honest and let them know your concerns, but also be prepared for negative reactions and set clear boundaries to protect your peace.

Include Them in Other Ways

If you feel bad about not inviting certain relatives, consider including them in other ways. You can set up a webcam or stream the wedding online so they can still participate virtually. Alternatively, you can host a separate celebration for them, such as a backyard cookout or a cocktail party.

Thank Them for Gifts

If an uninvited relative sends you a gift, be sure to thank them. If the topic of the non-invite comes up, you can explain that you had tough decisions to make, but you still love them. Remember, it's your wedding day, and you don't have to explain yourself if you don't want to.

Frequently asked questions