Rsvp Etiquette: Requesting Guest Attendance For Your Wedding

Wedding RSVPs are an important part of wedding planning. They help the happy couple finalise their guest list and ensure a smooth planning process. When creating your wedding invitation suite, you can include a separate RSVP card with its own matching envelope, or you can include the RSVP information on the invitation itself. If you want to cut down on the amount of mail you receive, you can ask your guests to RSVP online via your wedding website. It is also common to include a details card with the wedding website, or to provide a phone number for guests who are not tech-savvy.

How to word the RSVP request

The first thing to do when requesting RSVPs is to set a deadline. It is recommended to give guests a deadline of around four weeks before the wedding date. This will give you and your vendors enough time to finalise any last-minute details that depend on the number of guests, such as food quantities and seating charts.

The deadline should be featured prominently on the card and it is often the largest text. A typical example is: "Kindly reply by [insert date]" or "Please respond by [insert date]".

Next, you should include a blank line for guests to write their names. On a formal RSVP card, you can write an "M" at the start of the line to indicate that guests should include their proper honorific (Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss) before their name. This guarantees that you know who is attending and how to correctly spell their name on the seating chart.

Then, you need to include an attendance line for guests to accept or decline the invitation. This could be in the form of checkboxes, circling or fill-in-the-blank lines. An example of the wording here could be: "___ Accepts with pleasure ___ Declines with regret".

If you are serving dinner at the wedding reception, you may want to collect your guests' food preferences and any dietary requirements or allergies. You can mention the meal type (buffet or plated dinner) and use checkboxes to indicate entree options. Leave a fill-in-the-blank line for guests to detail any dietary restrictions.

Finally, you can include a special request line on the RSVP cards. This could be song requests, drink preferences to help stock the bar, or a favourite memory of the couple.

If you are not providing RSVP cards, you should still include RSVP information on your formal wedding invitation or another enclosure card. This could include a wedding website link or a phone number for guests to confirm their attendance.

RSVP deadline

When it comes to wedding invitations, it's important to set an RSVP deadline to ensure you can finalise the details with your vendors, such as the amount of food and drinks needed, and create a seating chart. The deadline should be clearly featured on the invitation, often in a prominent position, and in a legible font. It's common courtesy to also include a pre-addressed and pre-stamped envelope to make it as easy as possible for your guests to respond.

The ideal deadline for RSVPs is around three to four weeks before the wedding. This gives you enough time to chase any missing responses and finalise your plans with vendors. It also means your guests won't have time to make other plans. If you're having a destination wedding, it's a good idea to give guests a little more time, with RSVPs due around two months before the wedding.

If you're ordering place cards with printed names, you'll need to factor this into your timeline. It's recommended to give yourself at least four weeks to call anyone who hasn't responded and order the place cards.

It's a good idea to send out a friendly reminder to your guests about one week before the RSVP deadline. This can be done via phone, text, or by adding a note to your wedding website.

What to include on the RSVP card

The RSVP card is a critical part of your wedding stationery suite. It is the first taste of your wedding theme that your guests will get, so it is important to perfect the RSVP card wording. Here is what to include:

• A blank line for guests to write their names. On a formal RSVP card, you should write "M" at the start of the line to indicate that guests should include their proper honorific (Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss) before their name. This guarantees that you know who is attending and how to correctly spell everyone's name on the seating chart.
• The RSVP deadline. Set a date for three to four weeks before the wedding date when you’d like invitees to reply by. This will allow you and your vendors to finalise any last-minute details.
• The "will attend" line. This can be formatted as checkboxes, circling or fill-in-the-blank lines.
• The "unable to attend" line.
• Choice of entrées, if you are offering meal choices at the reception.
• Any dietary requirements or food allergies.
• A special request line. This could be for song requests, drink preferences, a favourite memory of the couple, or relationship advice.

How to address the RSVP envelopes

When addressing RSVP envelopes, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, it is important to include the name and address of the recipient on the response card envelope. This could be the couple getting married, their parents, or a wedding planner, for example. Secondly, it is traditional to use the correct courtesy title (Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss) when addressing guests, including on the RSVP envelopes. When addressing the couple, only their first names are typically used. Thirdly, it is considered good etiquette to include postage on the RSVP envelopes to make it convenient for your guests to respond. Finally, the return address is usually written on the back flap of the invitation envelope and the front of the response envelope. This lets guests know where to send their responses and any gifts if they are unable to attend the wedding.

• For a formal wedding, use titles and full names: "Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Johnson, 12 Park Lane, Mobile, Alabama, 36695"
• For a less formal wedding, just use first names: "Kari and Bradley, 23848 Dunmore Loop, Mobile, Alabama, 36695"
• If you are inviting a married couple with the same last name: "Mr. and Mrs. Jackson Clarke, 16 Faux Road, Fremont, California, 94539"
• If you are inviting a married couple with different last names: "Mrs. Gwyneth Brookes and Mr. Cyan Matthews, 123 Main Street, Anytown, USA, 12345"
• If you are inviting a single person with a plus one: "Mr. Tyler Morris & Guest, 456 Oak Drive, Anytown, USA, 67890"

Remember to include the RSVP deadline on the card, usually about one month before the wedding date, and to choose the appropriate envelope size for your response cards.

What to do when guests don't RSVP

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the most frustrating things is when your guests don't RSVP. Here is a guide on what to do in this situation:

Give Them Time

It is important to remember that people lead busy lives. They may have simply forgotten to respond or misplaced the invitation. Give your guests a few extra days to respond before taking further steps.

Send a Reminder

If you haven't heard back from your guests after a few days, send them a polite reminder via email or text message. This is a quick and easy way to nudge late responders into action. Send out the reminder about a week before the RSVP deadline. In your message, include the date by which you need their response and mention that they can contact you directly if they have misplaced their RSVP card.

Make a Phone Call

If you still haven't received a response after sending a reminder, it's time to pick up the phone. Calling your guests will let them know that you are serious about needing their response. If they answer, remain calm and polite. Many people feel embarrassed if they can't attend or are unsure, so they may have put off responding. Let them know that you need their response by a certain date and that if you don't hear from them, you will assume they are unable to attend.

Meet in Person

If you are unable to reach your guests by phone or email, you may consider meeting them in person. This is especially relevant if the guest is a close family member or friend. Let them know that you need to finalise numbers and ask if they are planning to attend.

Assume a "No"

If you have tried all of the above methods and still haven't received a response, it is safe to assume that the guest is not attending. If it has been more than a week after the RSVP deadline, you can remove them from your guest list. You may send them a final text or email to let them know that you are assuming they are unable to attend, but it is not necessary.

Remember to stay polite and calm throughout this process, and don't take it personally if your guests don't respond. Wedding planning can be stressful, but your guests' responses will help you finalise your table plan and catering numbers, so it is important to get those RSVPs in!

Frequently asked questions