Adult-Only Weddings: Etiquette For Inviting Guests Over Age 18

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding on the guest list. One of the toughest decisions is whether to invite children or make it an adults-only event. If you're leaning towards the latter, it's important to communicate this to your guests clearly and tactfully. Here are some tips and suggestions to help you navigate this potentially tricky conversation and ensure your special day is child-free.

Addressing the invitations

Be Clear and Direct:

Address the invitations only to the adult guests you are inviting. On the envelope, use the names of the adult guests only, such as "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez," instead of "The Chavez Family." This clarity ensures that your guests understand that only the named individuals are invited.

Specify the Parameters:

Decide on and communicate the age limit for your adult-only event. You might use phrases like "18+," "18 and older," or "21+." This information can be included on the invitation or response card. For example, you could write, "Adult (18 and older) reception to follow."

Include a Note or Card:

Consider including a short note or an additional card with your invitations to explicitly state your request for an adult-only celebration. Here are some concise examples:

• "Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration."
• "We respectfully request no children under 16 at the reception."
• "Please celebrate with us at an adults-only reception immediately following the ceremony."

Provide an Explanation:

If you wish, you can offer a brief explanation for your adult-only decision. This could be related to budget, space limitations, or simply wanting a child-free event. Some examples include:

• "Due to budget/space limitations, we are unable to extend the invitation to children."
• "Although we love your children, we regretfully cannot accommodate them due to venue restrictions."
• "To allow all guests to relax and enjoy themselves, we have chosen to make our special day adults-only."

Offer Assistance:

If you want to go the extra mile, offer assistance with childcare arrangements or provide information about local babysitting services. This gesture demonstrates your understanding of the potential challenges and your willingness to support your guests. For instance, you could write, "If anyone needs help with childcare arrangements, please let us know, and we will do our best to assist."

Remember, the key to successfully conveying your adult-only wedding intentions is clarity, consistency, and sensitivity. Be mindful that some guests may have concerns or feel offended, so providing explanations and offering assistance can help smooth out any potential misunderstandings.

Wording suggestions

The wording for adults-only weddings should be concise, specific, celebratory, and courteous. Here are some suggestions for different scenarios:

When you want to keep it short and sweet:

• "Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration."
• "Adult (18 and older) reception to follow."
• "We respectfully request no children under 16 at the reception."
• "Please celebrate with us at an adults-only reception immediately following the ceremony."
• "Although we love your little ones, this is an adult-only affair."
• "The bride and groom request that this be an adults-only reception."

When budget or space is limited:

• "Due to limited venue space, adults only please."
• "We have reserved [X] seats in your honour. Please let us know if you will be joining us!"
• "Due to budget/space limitations, we are unable to extend the invitation to children."
• "Although we love your children, we regretfully cannot accommodate them at the venue due to restricted numbers."
• "Although we adore your children, due to budget/space constraints, we ask that only adults attend."
• "Regrettably, our chosen venue is unable to accommodate children. Professional babysitting will be provided at the hotel."
• "It is a pleasure to have your children celebrate with us. Yet we regret that we can't host them because of the venue cap on guest numbers."

When you want to kick curfews to the curb:

• "To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation and uninhibited revelry, we respectfully ask that no children attend the reception."
• "We love your kids but thought you might like a night off. Adults only please!"
• "To give all our guests the opportunity to celebrate without having to worry about little eyes and ears, we politely request no children."
• "We hope you will understand our decision to make the wedding children-free, and take the opportunity to let your hair down and celebrate in style!"
• "To allow all guests to relax and enjoy themselves, we have chosen to make our special day adults only. We thank you for your understanding."

When you're including newborns, nieces and nephews:

• "Children of immediate family only please."
• "Respectfully, an adult occasion (18+). Infants under 12 months are welcome."
• "Due to limited numbers, we hope you appreciate that children are only invited if named."
• "Unfortunately, we are only able to accommodate children in the wedding party at our reception."
• "We wish we could include all children, but are unfortunately only able to invite immediate family."
• "Due to necessity rather than choice, it is children of immediate family only. We hope you understand and enjoy your night off!"
• "Unfortunately due to space limitations, we are having an adults-only reception. The only children attending are those who are part of our wedding party. If anyone needs help with making arrangements for childcare, please let us know and we will do our best to assist."

When you want to allow children at the ceremony only:

• "Due to limited space, we cannot accommodate children at the reception. But we'd be glad to have them at the ceremony."
• "Children are welcome to the ceremony, but our 8 pm reception is for adults only."
• "Just because we want you to loosen up, have fun, and unwind at the reception, it's adults only. Children are, however, welcome to the ceremony."
• "All are invited to the ceremony, followed by an adult-only night reception. We'd be glad to lend a hand in helping secure care for your babies; if you need help."
• "While everyone is invited to the ceremony, we respectfully inform you that we can only accommodate children in the bridal party at the adults-only reception."

When it's due to budget constraints

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a stressful and challenging task, especially when it comes to whether or not to invite children. If you're facing budget constraints, one option to consider is making your wedding adults-only. This can be a great way to shorten your guest list and stick to your budget. Here are some tips and suggestions for navigating this situation gracefully:

Be Clear and Consistent:

It's important to be clear and consistent in communicating that your wedding will be adults-only. Address your save-the-dates and invitations specifically to the invited guests. For example, use "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez" instead of "The Chavez Family." You can also include "adults-only" on the wedding invitations or add a count on the RSVP cards to specify the number of invited guests.

Define the Parameters:

Decide on the criteria for who qualifies as an "adult." Will it be those over 21, out of college, or financially independent? Stick to your definition and be firm. You may choose to make exceptions for infants or children in the wedding party, but be sure to communicate this clearly to avoid confusion or hurt feelings.

Use Polite and Tactful Wording:

When informing your guests about the adults-only nature of your wedding, choose your words carefully. Here are some examples of polite and tactful wording you can use:

• "Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration."
• "Adult (18 and older) reception to follow."
• "Although we love your little ones, this is an adult-only affair."
• "Due to budget/space limitations, we are unable to extend the invitation to children."
• "Although we adore your children, due to budget/space constraints, we ask that only adults attend."

Spread the Word:

Enlist your bridal party, family, and close friends to help spread the word about your adults-only wedding. They can answer questions from other guests and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations:

If you receive RSVPs for the entire family, don't hesitate to reach out and clarify that the invitation is for the parents only. You can cite "budget constraints" as the reason, which is often more understandable than stating that children will be noisy or distracting. Remember to respect your guests' decisions if they choose not to attend due to your adults-only policy.

Offer Childcare Options:

If you want to go the extra mile, consider providing childcare options for your guests with children. You can book a childcare provider and set aside a room for the kids, especially if your reception is at a hotel. This will show your guests that you're considering their needs while still maintaining your adults-only wedding.

When you want to allow children at the ceremony only

If you want to allow children at the ceremony but not the reception, it's important to communicate this clearly to your guests. Here are some suggestions on how to do this:

Invitations and Save-the-Dates

Make your adults-only policy clear from the start by addressing your wedding stationery only to the parents, not naming the children. You can also include a note on your invitations, response cards, or information cards. Here are some wording suggestions:

• "We are delighted to welcome children to the ceremony and early reception. However, from [time] onwards, the wedding will be adults-only."
• "We respectfully request that under-18s do not attend the reception."
• "Children outside the wedding party are not invited for the ceremony, but are welcome for the reception from [time]."
• "We would like our special day to be an adult-only occasion, however, we would like to open the invite up to your children at the evening reception at [time]."

Wedding Website

If you have a wedding website, you can also include this information on the FAQ page. Here is some wording you could use:

• "We are delighted to welcome children to the ceremony. However, please note that the reception will be an adults-only event."
• "Children are welcome to join us for the ceremony, but we kindly request that they do not attend the reception."

Word-of-mouth

You can also ask your bridal party, family members, and close friends to help spread the word about your adults-only reception. This way, they can answer any questions from other guests and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Remember, it's important to be consistent with your policy and make clear exceptions for any children you do choose to invite. Be prepared for some guests to be unable to attend if they can't bring their children, and don't let anyone guilt-trip you about your decision.

How to be tactful

Deciding on an adults-only wedding can be a tricky conversation to have with family and friends, but there are ways to break the news nicely and tactfully. Here are some tips on how to be tactful when planning an adults-only wedding:

• Be Clear and Consistent: It is important to be clear and consistent in your communication about the adults-only aspect of your wedding. This starts with how you address your save-the-dates and invitations. Only include the names of the invited guests on the envelopes, and consider adding "adults-only" or "18+" to the wedding invitations or response cards. This ensures that your guests understand your parameters from the beginning.
• Define "Adult": Decide on the criteria that qualify someone as an "adult." Will you set the age limit at 18 or 21? Are you making exceptions for infants or children in the wedding party? Communicate these exceptions clearly to avoid confusion and upset.
• Offer Childcare Alternatives: If you want to go the extra mile, consider providing childcare options for your guests with children. You can book a childcare provider and set aside a room for the kids, especially if the reception is at a hotel. This will show that you are considerate of your guests' needs and may make it easier for more of your loved ones to attend.
• Spread the Word: Inform your bridal party, family, and close friends about your decision to have an adults-only wedding. They can help spread the word and answer any questions from other guests. This way, you don't have to rely solely on the invitations to convey the message.
• Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations: Despite your best efforts, you may still receive RSVPs for the entire family. In these cases, a phone call is appropriate to clarify that the invitation is only for the parents. Be prepared to explain your reasons, whether it's the venue, budget constraints, or the style of the event. Remember to respect your guests' decisions if they choose not to attend due to your adults-only policy.
• Choose Tactful Wording: The way you word your adults-only request can make a difference in how it is received. Here are some examples of tactful wording suggestions:

• "Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration."
• "Although we love your little ones, this is an adult-only affair."
• "Due to limited venue space, adults only please."
• "We respectfully request no children under 16 at the reception."
• "We love your kids, but thought you might like a night off. Adults only, please!"
• "While we delight in surrounding ourselves with the beauty and laughter of children, this wedding is for adults only. Please bear with us."

Provide Additional Information: If you have a wedding website, use it to your advantage. Include an FAQ page and address the question, "Can we bring kids?" Clearly state your preference for an adults-only event while also offering suggestions for local babysitting services or childcare options.

Frequently asked questions