Strategically Inviting B-List Wedding Guests: A Tactful Guide

Creating a guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task, especially if you're working with a tight budget or limited venue space. This is where a B-list comes in handy. A B-list is a great way to ensure that your wedding is filled with family and friends, but it can be a little tricky if your B-list guests realise they weren't first picks. So, how do you navigate this situation gracefully? Firstly, it's important to make decisions about your B-list early on and organise it in order of priority. You should also send out invitations to your A-list guests early, giving you enough time to send out invitations to your B-list guests if needed. It's best to keep your B-list on a need-to-know basis and ensure that groups of friends and family are kept together to avoid any hurt feelings. Finally, make sure that your B-list is made up of understanding people who won't put pressure on you.

Make B-List decisions early

Creating a B-list for your wedding guests is a great way to ensure that your big day is filled with family and friends. However, it can be a little tricky if your B-list guests realize that they were not on the original list of invitees. Here are some tips to help you make early decisions about your B-list:

Make the B-List Decision Early

The first step is to decide if you need a B-list at all. If you think you might need one, make that decision as soon as possible. This will give you ample time to create both the A-list and the B-list, and figure out the logistics of invitations and RSVP deadlines. Starting early will ensure that you are well-prepared and can navigate the guest list process smoothly without any faux pas.

Organize Your B-List Intentionally

When creating your B-list, it is important to organize it in order of priority. Place the people who are important to you but did not quite make the A-list at the top, and those who would be nice to include but are not essential toward the bottom. This way, if you receive declines from your A-list, you know exactly who to invite next from your B-list. This will help you stay organized and ensure that your desired guests have a higher chance of being invited.

Make a Separate List for Family and Close Friends

To avoid any potential awkwardness, it is advisable to create a separate list for family and close friends. This way, you can avoid a situation where friends or family members compare their invites and realize they may have been on the B-list. While it may not always be possible to avoid this completely, creating separate lists can decrease the chances of this happening and keep things consistent.

Send Invitations Early

It is generally recommended to send invitations to your A-list guests around 10-12 weeks before the wedding. However, if you have a B-list, sending invitations to the A-list at this time may result in B-list guests receiving their invitations after the RSVP deadline. To avoid this, consider sending your A-list invitations out earlier, around 12 weeks in advance. This will give you more time to assess declines and send out B-list invitations in a timely manner.

Have Two Sets of RSVP Cards

To maintain consistency and avoid confusion, it is advisable to have two sets of RSVP cards with different reply-by dates. The first set, included with the A-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of approximately eight weeks before the wedding. This gives guests ample time to respond. The second set, included with the B-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of around three to four weeks before the wedding. This aligns with traditional etiquette and gives you enough time to provide final numbers to your venue and caterer.

Organise intentionally

When it comes to organising your B-list, it's important to be intentional and thoughtful. Here are some tips to help you navigate this process:

Prioritise your B-list:

It's not enough to just have a B-list; you should organise it in order of priority. Place those who are important to you but didn't quite make the A-list cut at the top. These are the people you will invite first if you receive any declines from your A-list. Towards the bottom of the B-list, include those who would be nice to include but are not absolutely necessary. This way, you have a clear plan for who to invite and when, depending on the number of declines you receive.

Keep a separate list for family and close friends:

To avoid any potential hurt feelings, consider keeping a separate list for family and close friends. This way, you can ensure that those closest to you are invited first, and it reduces the chances of them comparing invitations and feeling like they are on a B-list. Decide on clear criteria for what qualifies someone for the A-list versus the B-list, and apply these criteria consistently across the board.

Send B-list invitations early:

While it's important to send your A-list invitations first, don't delay sending your B-list invitations too long. Etiquette suggests sending invitations six to eight weeks before the wedding. However, if you're working with a B-list, send your A-list invitations around 12 weeks in advance. This gives you a buffer to receive declines and send out B-list invitations without rushing.

Have two sets of RSVP cards:

To maintain the illusion that there is only one guest list, have two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, going out with the A-list invitations, should have an RSVP deadline of about eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, included with the B-list invitations, should have a deadline of around three weeks before the wedding, aligning with traditional etiquette.

Mail B-list invites all at once:

Choose a deadline for adding B-list guests to your "invited" list and mail all the B-list invitations on the same day. This helps you stay organised and ensures that invitations arrive in a timely manner. Even if you receive additional declines after this deadline, resist the temptation to send more invitations. Sending straggling invites close to the RSVP deadline may tip off your guests to the multiple guest lists.

Send invitations early

Sending out your wedding invitations early is a good idea for several reasons. Firstly, it gives your guests plenty of time to clear their schedules and make any necessary travel arrangements, especially if your wedding is during a busy holiday period or if many of your guests are travelling from out of town.

Secondly, sending invites early means you can request RSVPs sooner and stay in line with wedding invitation etiquette. This will allow you to get a final headcount, invite guests on your B list, and complete your seating plan before the week of the wedding.

The general rule of wedding invitation etiquette states that invitations should be sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding. However, if your wedding is during a holiday period, it is advisable to send them out earlier—around three months in advance. This will give your guests ample time to plan and avoid clashing with other holiday commitments.

If you have a large number of international guests, it is also a good idea to send their invitations earlier—around nine to ten weeks in advance. This will allow for the extended shipping and delivery time needed to get those invites into your loved ones' hands.

While it is important to send your invitations early, you don't want to send them too early. This may result in your wedding not being at the top of your guests' minds as the day draws closer, and you risk them forgetting to RSVP or making other plans.

To ensure you give your guests enough time to respond and to allow for any unexpected delays, it is best to send your invitations around two to three months in advance. This will give you a more accurate guest count and help you stay organised in the lead-up to your big day.

Have two sets of RSVP cards

Having two sets of RSVP cards is a great way to manage your A-list and B-list wedding guests while keeping to your timeline. Here are some tips on how to do this:

Two Sets of RSVP Cards

First, print two sets of RSVP cards with different deadlines. The first set, intended for your A-list guests, should have an RSVP deadline of about eight weeks before the wedding. This gives your guests four weeks to receive and respond to your invitation. The second set, for your B-list guests, should have an RSVP deadline of about three weeks before the wedding, which aligns with traditional etiquette and still gives you ample time to finalise numbers with your venue and/or caterer.

Mailing the Invites

Mail your A-list invitations around 12 weeks in advance. This extended timeline gives you a buffer to receive some "no's" and send out your B-list invites. Choose a deadline date for adding B-list guests to your "invited" list and mail all those invitations on the same day. This helps you keep track of who you've added and ensures invitations arrive in a timely manner.

Organise Your Lists

It's important to organise your B-list in order of priority. At the top, place those who feel important but didn't quite make the A-list cut. At the bottom, list those who would be nice to include but are not essential. This way, if you have 10 "no's" from your A-list, you know exactly who to invite next from your B-list.

RSVP Card Content

The content of your RSVP cards should include a blank line for guests to write their names, the RSVP deadline date, a "will attend" line, and an "unable to attend" line. You can also include entrée selections if you're offering meal choices. It's best not to include registry information on the RSVP cards.

A Note on Etiquette

While managing A and B lists can be tricky, it's a common practice due to budget and capacity constraints. It's essential to be organised and discrete to avoid any potential misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Mail B-List invites at once

It's important to be organised when sending out B-list invites. Choose a deadline for adding B-list guests to your "invited" list and mail all of those invitations on the same day. This will help you keep track of who you've added and ensure that invitations are sent promptly. Even if you find out later that more spaces have become available, it's best to leave it. Sending out straggling invites close to the RSVP deadline may tip off your guests that they were on the B-list.

If you're worried about guests figuring out they were on the B-list, consider sending your B-list invites out a little earlier than usual. This will give your B-list guests enough time to plan and respond, especially if they need to book travel. It's also a good idea to have two sets of RSVP cards with different reply-by dates. The first set, going out with the A-list invites, should have an RSVP deadline of around eight weeks before the wedding. The second set, sent with the B-list invites, should have an RSVP deadline of around three to four weeks before the wedding. This will give you plenty of time to get a final headcount for your venue and caterer.

It's also worth noting that it's perfectly normal to have invites broken down into groups. Weddings are expensive and most people understand that there are budget and capacity limitations. If you're concerned about guests' feelings, try to place groups of friends and family on the same list. This will avoid any hurt feelings when guests realise they were on the B-list while others in their social circle were on the A-list.

Frequently asked questions