Inviting Your Mentor To Your Wedding: Good Idea?

Wedding planning can be a stressful process, and deciding on a guest list is often one of the most challenging parts. While some couples may feel obligated to invite their mentors or bosses, it is ultimately a personal decision that depends on the nature of the relationship.

Some people choose to invite their mentors or bosses if they have a close and friendly relationship outside of work. In these cases, the mentor or boss may be considered a friend or even family and can add to the joy of the wedding celebration.

However, others prefer to keep their professional and personal lives separate, especially if the relationship is strictly formal or if there is no desire to have them attend. It is essential to remember that you are not obliged to invite anyone out of courtesy, and your wedding day should be about celebrating with those who are dear to you.

If you are unsure about whether to invite your mentor, consider the nature of your relationship, the size of your wedding, and whether you would feel comfortable with them being part of such an intimate occasion. Ultimately, the decision should be based on what feels right for you and your partner.

We get along, but not outside of work

If you get along with your mentor, but only in a work context, you may be wondering whether to invite them to your wedding. It's your special day, and you want to be surrounded by people you love and who bring you joy. So, what should you do?

Well, it's worth considering how close you feel to your mentor. If you only get along in a work setting, it might be that you don't feel comfortable having them at your wedding. That's okay! You're not obliged to invite them, and if you feel it would be awkward, it's best to trust your instincts.

On the other hand, if you feel your mentor has supported you and you have a good relationship, you might decide to extend an invitation. It's a nice way to show your appreciation and include them in a significant event in your life.

Ultimately, the decision is yours and your partner's. If you're unsure, you could discuss it with your mentor. Be honest and explain that you're only inviting close friends and family, or that you're keeping the guest list small. Most people will understand and not be offended if they don't receive an invite. Remember, it's your day, so invite the people who will make it special and who you want to celebrate with!

They might feel awkward

Your mentor might feel awkward if you invite them to your wedding, especially if you don't have a close relationship. Even if you get along well, they may not be comfortable attending such a personal event. It could create an uncomfortable dynamic in your professional relationship, and they may feel obliged to attend out of a sense of duty.

Additionally, your mentor might feel out of place at your wedding if they don't know many people there. They may worry about not having anyone to talk to or feeling like an outsider. This could be exacerbated if other guests are also your mentees or colleagues, as your mentor might feel like they are intruding on a more exclusive event.

Furthermore, your mentor's presence at the wedding could impact your behaviour and enjoyment of the day. You might feel the need to act more restrained or worry about what your mentor thinks of your friends and family. You might also feel pressure to introduce them to your parents or other guests, which could be awkward if you have previously kept these parts of your life separate.

Finally, your mentor's attendance could create additional stress and complications in the lead-up to and during the wedding. They may require a plus-one, adding to the guest list and budget constraints. There is also the risk that they could cancel at the last minute, or their RSVP could affect the attendance of other guests. Ultimately, it is your wedding, and you should invite people you want to share the day with and who will bring you joy.

I don't want them to meet my parents

There are many reasons why someone might not want their parents to meet their mentor. One reason could be that the mentor and parents have differing views and values, which could lead to an uncomfortable situation for all involved. For example, if a mentor holds progressive political views, and an individual's parents are more conservative, there could be conflict and tension during the wedding.

Another reason could be that the individual has a difficult or strained relationship with their parents. If there has been abuse, manipulation, or neglect, it is understandable that someone would not want their mentor, who is likely a source of support and positivity, to be exposed to their parents' negative behaviour or comments.

Additionally, some people may have parents who are emotionally distant or absent. In such cases, individuals might not feel the need to introduce their parents to their mentor, especially if the mentor has already filled the role of a supportive and caring figure in their life.

Furthermore, it is possible that an individual's parents are not supportive of their career or educational choices. In this case, they might not want their mentor, who has likely been a source of encouragement and guidance, to be subjected to their parents' criticism or disapproval.

Finally, it is worth noting that weddings are intimate and personal events. Someone might simply want to keep the guest list small and limited to close friends and family, without the added pressure of introducing their parents to their mentor on such an important day.

I don't want to feel nervous or restrained

It's completely understandable that you wouldn't want to feel nervous or restrained at your wedding. It's your special day, and you should be able to relax and be yourself.

If you feel that your mentor's presence would make you feel this way, then it's probably best not to invite them. While it may be a tricky conversation, especially if you're close, it's important to remember that it's your wedding, and you should be surrounded by people who make you feel comfortable and happy.

You could explain to your mentor that you're having an intimate wedding with only a small number of guests, or that you're not inviting any colleagues or people from your industry. If you don't want to go into specifics, you can simply say that you're keeping the guest list small and are only inviting close friends and family. Most people will understand and respect your decision.

If you're worried about how your mentor might react, you could test the waters by asking other graduate students or colleagues if they're inviting their mentors to their weddings. If it's common in your field not to invite mentors, that could make it easier to explain your decision.

Ultimately, it's your wedding, and you should do what feels right for you. Don't feel pressured to invite anyone out of obligation, especially if it's going to impact your enjoyment of your special day.

Remember, as wedding planner Jove Meyer says, "Weddings are not a show, they are not a performance... only those you love and are close to should be included."

I don't want to offend them

It's completely normal to worry about offending people when it comes to wedding invites, but it's important to remember that it's your day and you shouldn't feel pressured to invite anyone you don't want to. If you're worried about offending your mentor by not inviting them to your wedding, there are a few things to consider.

Firstly, it's worth evaluating the nature of your relationship with your mentor. If you have a close, friendly relationship outside of work, then it might be nice to invite them. However, if your relationship is purely professional, then you're under no obligation to invite them. One way to decide is to ask yourself if you would spend time with your mentor outside of work, or if you'd be happy for them to meet your parents. If the answer is no, then it's probably best not to invite them.

Another thing to consider is whether you're inviting other people from your professional network. If your partner is inviting their mentor or boss, or if you're inviting other colleagues, then it might be worth inviting your mentor too, to avoid any potential awkwardness. However, if you're not close to your mentor and you're not inviting anyone else from your professional life, then you can probably skip inviting them without causing offence.

If you're still unsure, it might be helpful to talk to your mentor about your wedding plans. You could mention that you're only having a small wedding, or that you're not inviting many people from work, and see how they react. If they seem understanding, then it's likely they won't be offended by not receiving an invite.

Finally, remember that it's your wedding and you should invite the people who are most important to you and who will make your day special. If you don't feel comfortable inviting your mentor, then that's completely valid, and you shouldn't feel guilty about it.

Frequently asked questions