Convincing Guests To Attend Your Wedding

Explaining to someone that they cannot come to your wedding can be a tricky conversation to navigate. It's important to be honest, straightforward, and mindful of their feelings. There are a few common reasons why someone might not be able to attend a wedding, such as budget and space constraints, or not feeling close enough to the couple. When explaining that someone is not invited, it's best to be polite and firm, and to avoid putting the blame on the person getting married. It's also a good idea to suggest alternative ways to celebrate with the person, such as going for coffee or dinner after the wedding.

Explain budget constraints

Planning a wedding can be challenging, especially when it comes to creating your guest list. Budget restrictions are a common reason why someone might not receive an invitation. Here are some tips and examples of what to say to politely explain that someone is not invited due to budget constraints:

• It is advisable to inform the person directly, either in person or over the phone. Avoid sending a text message or a letter, as it may come across as impersonal or rude.
• Be honest and direct, but also compassionate in your communication. Explain that due to budget limitations, you are keeping the guest list small and intimate. For example, you could say, "We're so sorry, but due to budget constraints, we're keeping our guest list really small."
• If the person is a close friend or family member, consider expressing your regret and offering an alternative way to celebrate with them. For instance, "We'd love to celebrate with you at a later date. We plan to have drinks and cake at [location] to mark the occasion, and we would be delighted if you could join us."
• If the person is a colleague or distant relative, you can politely decline by saying, "We're limiting our guest list to immediate family and close friends. We hope you understand."
• Avoid posting about your guest list or wedding details on social media. This can lead to unnecessary conversations and explanations.
• If the person still insists on bringing a plus one or their children, be firm but polite in your response. For example, "I'm sorry, but due to budget limitations, we can't justify plus ones or additional guests."

Discuss venue capacity

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the most important decisions you'll make is choosing a venue that fits your budget. In the US, couples spend an average of $5,400 on their venue, with most spending between $2,700 and $10,500. This cost is further influenced by location, with venues in major cities costing more than those in rural areas.

Every wedding venue has a capacity—a firm number of guests it can comfortably hold. This number is usually not flexible, so while you don’t need to settle on an exact number of guests before selecting a venue, you’ll need a pretty good estimate. There’s a big difference between a venue that can accommodate 75 guests, and one that can hold 500.

The right-sized venue for your wedding ultimately depends on your preferences for your special day. As a general rule of thumb, a venue with at least 1,000 square feet of space can accommodate about 80 guests for a sit-down dinner. A 2,000-square-foot venue can fit around 160 guests, while a 3,000-square-foot venue can host roughly 250 people. A larger 3,700-square-foot venue can accommodate approximately 300 guests.

In addition to the number of guests, you'll also need to consider the following when determining the required venue size:

• Space for the head table, which typically requires an additional 400 square feet if elevated.
• Space for the dance floor, band or DJ, and buffet and/or food stations.
• Space for the cake table, gift table, bars, and other extras.

Emphasise it's an intimate wedding

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding on the guest list. If you're planning an intimate wedding, it's important to be prepared for the possibility that some people may assume they're invited when they're not. Here are some ways to politely explain to someone that they're not invited because you're keeping the wedding intimate:

"We've chosen to have a very intimate wedding celebration with just close family/friends. We'd love to celebrate with you at a later date, though!"

"We've decided to keep our wedding celebration really small, but we'd love to invite you to our anni-ception next year."

"Thank you for asking about our wedding! We're keeping the numbers really small, as we'd like to have an intimate wedding, but I do appreciate you asking about it."

"We're limiting our guest list to immediate family members and close friends, but we'd love to catch up with you after the wedding."

"It's great to be in touch again! Due to our venue capacity and our desire for an intimate wedding, we have a small guest list, but we really appreciate your well wishes."

"Our venue has a strict capacity limit, so our wedding guest list will only include immediate family and close friends. But I would love to celebrate with you sometime!"

It's also a good idea to be honest and have a conversation with people who might feel hurt that they're not invited. Let them know that you're keeping the wedding small and intimate, and that it's not personal. Emphasize that you still value your relationship with them and would love to celebrate with them at a later date or in a different way.

Remember, it's your wedding, and it's important to create a guest list that feels right for you and your partner. Don't feel pressured to invite more people than you're comfortable with, and try to address any assumptions about invitations as early as possible to avoid hurt feelings.

Be honest about not wanting them there

Being honest about not wanting someone at your wedding can be tricky, but it's important to remember that it's your special day and you should feel comfortable with your guest list. Here are some ways to approach this situation:

Be Direct and Honest

Explain to the person that you are not comfortable with them being at your wedding and why. It's important to be honest and direct while also being kind and respectful. You could say something like, "I'm sorry, but we've decided to keep the wedding guest list limited to our closest family and friends."

Emphasize the Intimacy of the Event

If you're having an intimate wedding with only a small group of people, you can frame your decision in that context. For example, you could say, "We're keeping the wedding very small and intimate, with just immediate family and a few close friends. We hope you understand."

Be Firm but Kind

It's natural to want to avoid hurting the person's feelings, but it's important to be firm in your decision. You can soften the blow by expressing your well-wishes and offering to celebrate with them in a different way. For example, "I know you may be disappointed, and we'd love to catch up with you after the wedding for dinner to celebrate."

Cite Budget or Venue Constraints

If you don't want to directly say that you don't want someone at your wedding, you can always fall back on budget or venue constraints as a reason. For instance, "Unfortunately, our budget and venue capacity are limited, so we've had to make some tough choices with our guest list."

Remember, it's your wedding, and you should feel empowered to make decisions that align with your vision for the day. Be empathetic and respectful in your communication, but also stand your ground if you feel strongly about not wanting someone in attendance.

Suggest alternative ways to celebrate

There are many alternative ways to celebrate your wedding day. Here are some ideas to consider:

Adventure Elopement

Choose an adventure elopement and curate a day just for the two of you, celebrating your marriage by doing things you love together. For example, you could go paddle boarding, snowshoeing, take a hot air balloon ride, or go off-roading.

Destination Honeymoon and Elopement

If you're planning to honeymoon somewhere exotic, why not get married there too? You can always legalize your marriage when you get back home.

Small Backyard Wedding

Set up a small, intimate wedding in your backyard. Hire an all-inclusive planning company to take care of the details.

City Hall Elopement

Elope at a City Hall in a different city. Choose a place with great food and drinks so you can celebrate afterward!

Micro Wedding at a Private Home Rental

Rent out a unique private home for a mini wedding celebration.

Surprise Wedding

Plan your wedding in secret and then surprise your guests with the celebration.

Wedding Weekend

Turn your wedding into a fun-filled three-day weekend.

Wedding Brunch

Host a wedding brunch with free-flowing mimosas and, perhaps, a waffle wedding cake.

Adventure Wedding

Say your vows in a heart-pumping location like a mountain summit, a cave, or suspended between 500-year-old cypress trees.

Weekday Wedding

Get married on a weekday. This often means lower costs, more availability, and a cozier group of guests.

Drag Queen Entertainment

Book a drag queen to officiate, emcee, or entertain at your wedding.

Wear Whatever You Want

Brides don't have to wear white, and grooms don't have to wear tuxedos. Switch it up with rompers, kilts, sequin jumpsuits—anything goes!

Gender-Blind Wedding Party

Include your ride-or-die BFFs in your wedding party regardless of gender identity or expression.

Rethink Traditional Children's Roles

Instead of a flower girl, how about confetti men, ring-bearer pets, or flower grandmas?

Creatively Customize Your Ceremony

Sing your vows, let guests sit wherever they want, walk down the aisle together, or hire a celebrity impersonator as your officiant.

Find Alternatives to Flowers

Flowers are expected at weddings, so it's fun to find an unexpected alternative. Opt for colorful ribbons or loops of pampas grass.

Host a Cocktail Party Reception

Instead of a formal dinner, host a cocktail-style reception with hors d'oeuvres and drinks.

Feed Guests with Food Trucks

Spread out some cozy blankets and floor pillows and let your guests enjoy food from food trucks.

Play Arcade Games at Your Reception

If the idea of a dance floor doesn't thrill you, rent some old-school games and turn your reception into an arcade!

Festival-Style Wedding

If your idea of a good time is a music festival under the stars, throw a festival-inspired reception with flower crowns, yurts, lawn games, and a live band.

Offer a New Take on Wedding Cake

Instead of a traditional tiered cake, how about a cotton candy machine or a big piece of fluff that you feed to each other?

Make a Time Capsule "Guest Book"

Have your wedding guests put notes, predictions, and polaroid pictures into a lockbox that you and your spouse will open on your first anniversary.

Throw a Welcome Pool Party

Host a pre-wedding pool party with beer and barbecue!

Frequently asked questions