Rsvp Etiquette: Wedding Invitation Response Card Basics

Wedding planning is an exciting time, but it can also be stressful. One of the most important parts of the process is sending out invitations and receiving RSVPs, as this will determine the number of guests, the seating plan, and the budget. Traditionally, wedding invitations are sent out eight to twelve weeks before the wedding, and include a separate RSVP card with a stamped, addressed envelope for guests to fill out and return. However, some couples choose to include the RSVP information on the invitation itself, or on a separate card inside the envelope, to reduce the amount of incoming mail. This can include a request to RSVP by a certain date on the couple's wedding website or via email or phone.

RSVP deadline and how to respond

The RSVP deadline is an important aspect of wedding planning, as it allows couples to finalise their guest list, create a seating plan, and confirm their budget. It is recommended to set a deadline that is a few weeks before the wedding date, usually three to four weeks in advance. This gives the couple enough time to make the necessary arrangements and finalise details such as catering and furniture hire.

When creating your invitations, it is essential to include clear instructions on how guests should respond. Here are some key points to consider:

• Provide multiple response options: Offer your guests more than one way to RSVP. For example, you can include a wedding website link, email address, phone number, or a physical RSVP card with a pre-addressed and stamped envelope.
• Specify a deadline: Clearly state the RSVP deadline on the invitation or RSVP card. This could be worded as "Your reply is requested by [date]", "Kindly RSVP by [date]", or "Please reply on or before [date]".
• Online RSVPs: If you prefer online RSVPs, include the website URL or email address on the invitation or a separate card. You can also create a dedicated email address specifically for wedding responses to stay organised.
• Physical RSVPs: If you opt for physical RSVPs, include a pre-printed template or blank RSVP cards with your invitations. The template can include sections for guests to fill in their names, response (attending or not), dietary requirements, and any other fun questions you wish to include.
• Be mindful of the tone: When wording your RSVP instructions, consider the tone of the invitation (formal/informal) and your relationship with the guests. A formal response may include phrases like "accept with pleasure" or "regretfully decline", while an informal response could be more casual and personalised.
• Follow-up: After the RSVP deadline, there may be guests who haven't responded. It is recommended to give them a one-week grace period and then reach out with a friendly reminder.

Remember, the RSVP process is crucial for both the couple and the guests. It ensures the couple can plan accordingly, and it gives guests a chance to confirm their attendance and provide any necessary information.

Number of guests attending

Deciding on the number of guests to invite to a wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some tips to help you communicate the number of guests attending and manage your guest list:

Be Clear About the Number of Guests

It is important to clearly indicate the number of guests invited on the wedding invitation and RSVP card. You can address the invitation specifically to those invited, such as "Mr and Mrs John Smith" or "Mr John Smith and Miss Jane Doe". On the RSVP card, you can add a line such as "We have reserved ___ seats in your honour" and fill in the number of seats. This way, your guests will know exactly how many people are invited and can plan accordingly.

Manage Plus Ones

When it comes to plus ones, it is essential to set clear criteria and communicate them to your guests. You can offer plus ones to guests who are in long-term relationships or married, or to those who are travelling from out of town and may not know many people at the wedding. However, if you are working with a small guest list or a limited budget, you may need to limit the number of plus ones. Be considerate of your guests' comfort and try to seat them with a friendly and welcoming group.

Address Invitations to Specific Guests

To avoid any confusion, it is a good idea to address the wedding invitations to specific guests. For example, if you are inviting a family, you can address the envelope as "The Smith Family" and indicate the number of seats reserved for them on the RSVP card. This way, they will know how many family members are invited. If a family member has a partner you are also inviting, you can include their name on the inner envelope to specify that they have a plus one.

Consider the Venue and Budget

The size of your venue and your budget will play a crucial role in determining the number of guests you can invite. Start by creating a master list of everyone you would ideally like to invite, then trim it down based on the venue's capacity and your financial constraints. Be realistic about your budget, as each additional guest will increase the cost of catering, invitations, and event rentals. If you have a large family or friend group, consider limiting the number of plus ones or children to manage your guest count effectively.

Send Invitations in Batches

It is common to receive some "no" RSVPs, so you may not need to cut your guest list down as much as you think. Consider sending your invitations in batches, with the first batch going out earlier than usual (e.g., 10 weeks before the wedding). This way, if you receive more declines than expected, you can send out a second batch of invitations to your B-list guests without making them feel like an afterthought. Just ensure you give them enough time to respond, ideally within a reasonable timeframe of six weeks or more.

Meal preferences

Collecting your guests' meal preferences in advance is not only appreciated by your caterer but also makes wedding planning easier and makes your guests feel considered. It is also helpful to know how many portions of each dish to prepare, especially if you are having a seated dinner.

If you are creating printed wedding invitations, you can add a food choice section to the response card or on a separate enclosure card included in your invitation suite. You should also create a system to know which guest wants each dish. For example, you could ask guests to initial their choice of meal or create a separate line for each invited guest, so the entrée choice is clear.

> Please initial a meal choice for each guest: Chicken __ Fish __ Beef __ Vegetarian __

If you have already finalised the wedding menu, you could include a little more detail on each menu choice. For example, instead of just writing 'beef', you could say 'filet mignon'. This will help your guests choose their meal more easily.

If you are using online RSVPs as part of your wedding website, you can create additional fields to request each guest's meal choice. This saves paper and makes it easier to collect everyone's food order.

It is also important to ask about any dietary requirements or allergies. You can include this on the reply card or, if you are not including reply cards, add a line with the RSVP details, such as:

> RSVP by 18th August to 'your wedding email' (please include dietary requirements)

If children are attending the wedding, you can include their meal choices on the RSVP form, too.

Dietary requirements

There are a few ways to go about this. You could include a line that says "Please inform us of any dietary restrictions" or "Dietary restrictions?". You could also have tick boxes for vegan/vegetarian, lactose-free, gluten-free, nut allergies, and "other" with a line below for them to explain. If you are offering a choice of menu for the wedding breakfast, you could include a full, detailed menu within the invitation and then ask for their choices on the reply card.

If you are doing your RSVPs online, you could include a section that asks if the guest has any food allergies or dietary restrictions, or have people contact you directly. You could also include your email address and ask guests to email you with specific dietary restrictions.

It's extremely important to give your wedding venue or caterer ample notice of any and all dietary requirements. Otherwise, they may not be able to provide the required meals, or they might end up throwing something together at the last minute. As a rough guide, you should aim to have all this information ready about a month before the wedding.

Space for a fun question

Song Requests

Asking your guests to request a song is a fun way to get them involved in planning the reception. You can use their answers to build a playlist or DJ request list. This question will get your guests excited about the reception and almost certainly have them listening out for their song choice! You could say something like "I promise to dance if you play... and leave a blank line for guests to fill in their request.

Marriage Advice

Asking your guests for marriage advice is a fun way to get their input and advice on your upcoming nuptials. You could ask for the "best" or "most bizarre" marriage advice, or even spin it as "what's the worst marriage advice you've ever received?". This question might spark some funny and insightful responses from your guests.

Dance Floor Antics

If you want to guarantee a packed dance floor at your reception, ask your guests to fill in the blank: "I'll be there with bells on if you play ___________". This will give your guests a chance to request their favourite dance tunes and get them excited to show off their moves.

Signature Cocktail

If you're planning on serving signature cocktails at your wedding, why not ask your guests to help you choose? Provide a few options and ask them to cast their vote for their favourite. This will not only get them excited about the bar but also ensure that you're serving drinks your guests will enjoy.

Recipe Cards

If you and your partner love to cook, why not include a recipe card with your RSVP? You could ask your guests to share their favourite recipe or even a family recipe that's been passed down through generations. This will not only give you some new dishes to try but also create a special keepsake from your wedding.

Remember, while it's fun to include a creative question on your RSVP, you don't want to make it too complicated or time-consuming for your guests to fill out. Keep it light and simple, and always give them a clear deadline to respond by.

Frequently asked questions