Incorporate Plus Ones: Wedding Invitation Etiquette

Planning a wedding is a daunting task, and one of the most common questions couples ask is who they should invite to their big day. While there are no set rules, there are best practices to help make the process easier. One of the first steps is figuring out who gets a plus one, and how to address this on the invitations. A plus one allows an invited guest to bring someone with them, usually a date or romantic interest, but it could also be a family member or close friend. The number of guests a couple can invite will depend on their budget and the venue capacity.

Addressing the envelope

When addressing the envelope of a wedding invitation, there are a few options to indicate that the guest is invited to bring a plus one. One option is to write the guest's name followed by "and guest", for example, "Mr. James R. Smith and guest". This option can be used whether the guest is married, engaged, or cohabiting with their partner, or if they are single and you are giving them the option to bring a date.

Another option is to write the guest's name and include a note inside the invitation or on the RSVP card indicating that they are invited to bring a plus one. For example, the RSVP card could say "You are invited to bring one guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one". This approach can be useful if you want to give the guest the option to bring a plus one without advertising it on the front of the envelope.

If you are sending an online invitation, be sure to address all invitees clearly and upfront. If the couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If you are allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend's name and then "and guest".

It is important to note that the outer envelope should only include the name of the guest or guests you have personally invited. The inner envelope can then include the names of any additional guests who are invited, such as children or plus ones.

Finally, don't feel obligated to offer plus ones to every guest. It is perfectly acceptable to be selective, especially if you are trying to keep your wedding small and intimate.

Wording the invitation

There are a few ways to go about wording your wedding invitations to indicate that a plus one is invited. Here are some options:

Option 1: "Mr./Ms. [Guest Name] and Guest"

This is the most traditional and common way to indicate that a plus one is invited. It is simple and direct, and it leaves the choice of whom to bring up to the guest.

Option 2: "Mr./Ms. [Guest Name] and Invited Guest"

This option is similar to the first, but it adds a bit more formality by using the term "invited guest" instead of just "guest." This option is also a good choice if you want to avoid any confusion about whether the invitation includes a plus one.

Option 3: Address the invitation to the primary guest only and include a plus-one note inside

Another approach is to address the invitation to the primary guest and then include a note inside, such as on the RSVP card, indicating that they are invited to bring a plus one. For example, you could include a line that says, "You are invited to bring one guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one." This option can be a good choice if you want to give the guest a more personalised invitation, or if you are concerned about the envelope looking too crowded with both the guest's name and "and guest."

Option 4: Address the invitation to the couple if they are living together

If the guest is in a serious relationship or lives with their partner, you can address the invitation to both parties on the outside and inside of the envelope. For example, "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Mrs. Hannah Woods." This option recognises their commitment to each other and may be appreciated by the couple.

Option 5: Use your wedding website to indicate plus-one availability

You can also use your wedding website to indicate whether guests are allowed to bring plus ones. For example, you could include a FAQ section on your website and add a question like, "Can I bring a plus one to the wedding?" Then, provide a clear and polite answer, such as, "Yes, you are welcome to bring a plus one. We can't wait to celebrate with both of you!" or "Due to limited space, we unfortunately cannot accommodate plus ones. We hope you understand." This option can be especially useful if you want to provide more information or context about your decision.

Remember, it is ultimately your decision whether to offer plus ones, and not all guests need to be given the option. Consider your budget, venue capacity, and the dynamic you want to create for your wedding day when making your decision.

Who gets a plus one?

Deciding who gets a plus one at your wedding can be a tricky task. It is important to remember that there are no set rules, and ultimately, the day is about you and your partner. However, there are some general guidelines and tips to help you navigate this process.

Firstly, it is essential to consider your budget and the capacity of your venue. If you have an unlimited budget and ample space, you could offer every guest a plus one. However, this is not feasible for most couples, so you may have to be more selective.

A good rule of thumb is to offer plus ones to guests who are married, engaged, or cohabiting. Even if you haven't met their spouse or partner, it is respectful to invite them as a package deal. This rule also applies to the spouse or partner of your officiant and the parents of any ring bearers or flower girls.

Your wedding party should also receive a plus one as a token of appreciation for their time, love, and energy. They have likely spent a lot of money on attire, lodging, and transportation, so offering them a plus one is only fair.

For other guests, it is essential to have clear criteria. If you allow one single guest outside the wedding party to bring a casual date or friend, you should offer the same to all single guests to avoid hurt feelings. However, if budget constraints don't allow this, you can set criteria such as only allowing single attendants to bring a guest.

Another factor to consider is how well your guests know other people at the wedding. If a guest is part of your larger friend group and will know many people, they may not need a plus one. On the other hand, if they have fewer connections, offering them a plus one can make them feel more comfortable.

When it comes to family members, opinions vary. Some sources suggest that family members will likely know other guests, so they may not need a plus one. Others argue that it is good form to offer a plus one to close family members, especially if they are important guests.

Finally, when it comes to coworkers and old friends, it is not necessary to offer a plus one, but it is a nice gesture if your budget allows.

Remember, it is your wedding, and you can decide who gets a plus one based on your unique circumstances and preferences. Be consistent with your criteria, and don't be afraid to set boundaries.

Who doesn't get a plus one?

When it comes to wedding planning, there are no one-size-fits-all solutions, and what works for one couple may not work for another. That being said, here are some guidelines on who doesn't get a plus-one:

Guests Who Are Casually Dating or in a New Relationship

If a guest has a new partner or tends to date different people, they don't necessarily need a plus-one. It's up to the couple getting married, but bringing a Tinder date to a wedding might be a bit much. If the relationship is serious, long-term, or the couple lives together, it's a different story.

Single Guests Who Know Everyone

If your single guests will know most people at the wedding, there's no need to give them a plus-one. They will likely have a great time surrounded by familiar faces, even without bringing a date.

Coworkers

Coworkers can be a tricky category, even without the issue of plus-ones. If you're inviting your work besties, it's only fair that everyone gets a plus-one to avoid any office politics. On the other hand, if you feel obligated to invite your entire team, you might want to limit plus-ones to avoid blowing your budget.

Guests Who Are Not in a Serious Relationship

If a guest is not in a serious or committed relationship, there's no obligation to offer a plus-one. This is especially true if the guest is not married, engaged, or living with their partner.

Guests Who Don't Require a Caregiver

If a guest requires a medical caregiver, the couple should be happy to accommodate that person. However, if a guest doesn't need a caregiver, they don't get an automatic plus-one.

Remember, it's essential to be consistent with your plus-one invitations to avoid any hurt feelings or favouritism. Be mindful of your budget and venue capacity, and don't be afraid to set clear criteria for who gets a plus-one.

What to do if you can't accommodate a plus one

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to plus-ones. If you are unable to accommodate plus-ones for all your guests, there are several things you can do to ensure you still have a wonderful day surrounded by loved ones.

Firstly, it is important to be honest and make it clear from the start that only named guests are invited. You could do this by addressing the invitations to the individual guest, without adding "and guest". This is a polite way of indicating that they are not invited to bring a plus-one. It is also a good idea to include a note on the invitation, such as "one seat is reserved for the invited guest".

If you have a wedding website, this can be a useful tool for communicating the plus-one policy. You could add an FAQ section, with a question such as "Can I bring a date (plus one) to the wedding?" and then a polite response, explaining that due to budget and space limitations, you are unable to accommodate plus-ones.

Another strategy is to have a blanket rule for plus-ones, such as only allowing guests who are married or cohabiting to bring a partner. This avoids any potential drama or hurt feelings between guests.

If you are inviting evening-only wedding guests, you could allow them to bring a plus-one. This means that your closest friends and family members can attend the ceremony and wedding breakfast, and then you can invite more people to the evening celebration.

Finally, it is a good idea to be prepared for people to ask if they can bring a plus-one. You could respond by explaining that you are keeping the wedding intimate, or that your venue has limited space. It is best to do this over the phone or in person, rather than by email.

Frequently asked questions